internet relationship content is so devoid of substance. we’re (talking about the butchfemme community specifically just cause that’s the one i’m in) so obsessed with looks and taking care of our partner and sex and fulfilling these roles we’ve created and staying with our partners for life and taking them on cute dates. while this is all important and very much real, there is so much more. there is so much effort that has to be put into loving someone. there are times where things actually get hard, and trust, they can get even harder. there are times when you don’t know what to do, but no matter what, you choose to stay. not only do my feelings lead me to my girlfriend, but i also choose them. every. single. day. furthermore, people are so unique and relationships differ so much from person to person, yet, the internet acts like there’s one way to do things yk?
and on the topic of sex, it has been so watered down online. yes fantasies about a big dominant beautiful big boobied butch that’s great but there’s more to it. and of course it goes the other way around for femmes as well. there is so much to sex and feeling close and being connected. having someone see things no one else has. THE AFTERCARE!!!! the feeling you both get just looking at each other. the effort that has to be put in to create a mood or make your partner comfortable or learning how to please your partner. working with the difference in sex drives or the difference in sexual desires. im sure theres people who deal with sexual addiction and are learning to navigate their relationship. there are people who are learning about different types of consent. theres so many people overcoming trauma from sexual abuse. people are learning to navigate sexual uniqueness in their relationship and that includes kinks and fetish and everything else under that umbrella. i see way less of that part of sex. that’s the stuff that really matters yall. the stuff you don’t find out without experiencing it first.
and also look at how sexualized and watered down butchfemme has become. is a femme supposed to just take care of things emotionally, put on some makeup, and be an accessory for a big strong butch who’s the provider? like seriously that is not what butchfemme is about. butchfemme is not these roles we stick ourselves into to fulfill. butchfemme is about partnership. it’s about supporting each other in the community. it’s a bond that not many will understand. it’s about the HISTORY!!! it’s about love, community, and expression.
and of course, i am not against expressing how you feel about butches or femmes or butches who do certain things or femmes who do certain things. the biggest thing that a lot of people don’t realize is that the internet is just the surface and often a warped view of what truly is.
i also want to touch on another point that has not really anything to do with butchfemme, but holy shit i can not stand people on the internet who give relationship advice the majority of the time. now, theres been some that i truly needed to hear and understand (mostly from older lesbian creators), but videos like “what is healthy in a ldr” or “what are red flags in wlw” or “how to fix ____”. now just hearing those examples it doesn’t seem bad, but i feel like, especially in a younger audience, it’s not really able to effectively fix or help anything that the person watching wants it to because it’s too vague and dramatized. for example, someone may watch a video on being healthy in a relationship, and ofc one of the main factors is communication, but how are they going to know how to communicate. i’ve even made that mistake before, just hearing it and running with it. communication is so much more than a word. theres a way to approach it, theres times where you need to be gentle and times where you need to be direct, theres times where you don’t know what to say, theres even times where a miscommunication will make you NOT want to ever try to communicate again. there might even be times where words won’t do any good and you just have to sit with your partner and feel things. you might have to just hold them and think. of course, relationships are trial and error, if both are willing to go through it.
i also feel like a looooot of people that i’ve seen stress over being PERFECT (including me) thus making them want to learn how to be perfect and watching relationship videos CONSTANTLY. now i know this isn’t just a me thing because i’ve seen so many young people in relationships who are stressing in comment sections about what to do if their partner did this or that. these videos personally make me feel like i need to follow them exactly or im not doing good for my girlfriend. they are so easy to get caught up in. especially those checklist videos, ones that are like “red flags in wlw” or “cheating in wlw” or “things NOT to do in ____” . it makes me overanalyze EVERYTHING that me and my femme do, just in the name of being healthy. it stresses me out so much more than it helps, and i wonder if there are many others who feel the same way and don’t realize its hurting more than it’s helping. (also ik i said wlw a lot, but im referencing tiktok rn). i also see a lot of (mostly teen) couples that are soooo obsessed with how long their partner left them on delivered or worried about their partner ghosting them or “getting back” at their partner. it’s so normalized for people to be dry and nonchalant. WHY IS THAT POPULAR???? who, seriously, WHO wants their partner to be nonchalant and “mysterious” (theres a way to be mysterious without being closed off) its so boring and superficial and can even be hurtful over time.
anyway let me know your thoughts pls no hate just friendly opinions i get social anxiety online bye
