Bicidiot

If you’ve ever watched a cycling race* from the outside it can look like extraordinary mechanical behemoth dredging its path across a nation; each tiny cog working in perfect harmony cutting through a diverse range of landscapes and vistas (or maybe even just a cycling race, I don’t know...) And that is, for the most part, true- cycling races deliver spectacular shots from helicopters up high over mountains, valleys, lakes, rivers...and are viewed from all around the world. It’s an impressive feat with a large amount of complex processes contributing to the pictures on your television. This year, I’m at the Vuelta a España...working what is known as the zona técnica helping transport live video and internet via satellite at the finish line of every stage. And then driving a big old van off to the next finish line etc. etc. Although the work can be quite technically challenging (as I write this we are on Stage 2 and there have already been more than a few hiccups and clenches) the non-working hours can be even more challenging than the work itself.

For some reason, activities that would otherwise be easy - booking a hotel, finding a restaurant, going food shopping- your everyday activities, become excruciatingly difficult. What might start off as a small complication or annoyance is usually followed by a handful of other tiny things that, when added together are enough to make your blood boil.

This phenomenon, my French colleague Jean-Claude, a seasoned Tour de France and cycling tour veteran explained to me, is called les petites galères. In French, une galère is an annoyance, something you might call a ‘pain’ to do or have happen to you. It is also used figuratively to describe hell...it’s an exaggeration.

Here’s a few examples...

I left Calais at around 2pm on Tuesday afternoon to make the 1000 mile trip down to Ourense in northwest Spain. As soon as I left the house, I was met by both a diversion and a height limit. A diversion is a very regular thing to have to deal with but nothing that will upset anyone- when taking the diversion and being directed down a one-way street when you’re driving a tall van with a stream of traffic behind you is another story...petite galères.

You arrive at the hotel after a full day of driving a large left-hand drive van on the wrong side of the road - some mental gymnastics but nothing unusual. The ramp to the parking is too low and scrapes the undercarriage of the van...and you cannot advance. At reception, you find an incorrect booking has been made. Your French colleague who doesn’t speak Spanish tries to explain to the hotelier who does not speak French- you can’t speak enough Spanish to explain but you know that he is explaining incorrectly-you have to explain in French that it isn’t right while attempting to use your broken Spanish and broken brain...petite galères

Paying motorways in France - often difficult fo English citizens with right hand drive cars - a big stretch across. With a van you are too low for the lorry height console and too high for the car console...reach up and you risk dropping your card (it’s easily done)...reach downwards and your window cuts into your arm cutting off the circulation. Once is an annoyance...there are a lot of peaje in Spain...petite galères.

Elsewhere...press accreditation games, hotel check-in times, impossible parking, wifi not working, antenna not working, no time for dinner, it’s a long list.

So far though it has been worth it, i’ll get back to you in 3 week’s time.

This is almost entirely unedited - will probably come back to it but have genuinely had no time since arriving.

I am not a cycling journalist. I’m not sure I even know how to string words together in a coherent fashion.

This blog is where I will try to do both. With a bit of video too.

About 6 months ago I decided to move to Italy to finish learning Italian, or rather learn it to a fluent conversational level. Since then I managed to wangle a job at BBC Sport as a Broadcast Assistant for the Olympics. I learned a lot and it was great fun, if wholly unforeseen.

The plan was to finish the contract and then get ready for Italy...but by some act of god or similar cosmic force I’ve found myself with a job helping out Eurosport to cover the Vuelta a España.

Covering a cycling race has been *the goal* or at least a dream of mine for a long time. Following (some of) the world’s best athletes as they push themselves to their physical and mental limits against a backdrop of beautiful continental European vistas transforms my voice from it’s usual monotone to the most melodic of arias (those of you who know me will understand that this is an infrequent, if non-existent occurrence).

So, with that in mind, you may notice, if you choose to read this blog, or watch the clips that I intend to post, you witness a version of me that seems unusual or unfamiliar- that’s the version of me that has been lying in the shadows for the past 2 to... 6 years?

Oh yeah. Why Bicidiot? Well, that is currently what I am. Bicycle nut without the knowledge. Mad about cycling but not in the traditional. This bicidiot is going to do some stuff about bicycling in a way that might not always be fully informed or logical or with much sense to it but it will happen. Hopefully both myself and any reader/viewer/other will learn something about the sport along the way.

I’m scared. This is me ‘laying myself before the internet’...there be trolls here...and people who might laugh or tell me I’m shit or similar...but that’s kind of exciting, no?