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My Nonsensical Nightmare

One recurring nightmare that I had was a child was something that really terrified me. It was very nonsensical but I always thought that there was a possibility it could happen. I would be forced to drive one of those old school cars (thunderbirds maybe?) from the 90’s, even though I didn’t know how to drive. I would be holding on for my life to the steering wheel and I would have to drive through a nonsensical world that was similar to Dr. Seuss’s world. There were scary clowns randomly and I would almost kill one of my family members because I didn’t how to drive. I would always wake up in a panic with a really fast heartbeat. I hated that dream. I have no idea how they came about – if it was through a movie or a book or any other experience I had. The reason why it was so terrifying was because I was utterly helpless in the dream. It was also very confusing to understand my surroundings so I felt a little like Alice in Wonderland. Just being unsure of everything was scary. I would always say some prayers when I woke up and then go back to sleep. That was the only way I would get over my bad dreams.

Come to the Dark 

It’s Not My Fault

Child isolation is one of the main concepts that many children’s novels explore. The reason behind it is because children relate to it within their own lives and I also believe that that was the reason I loved losing myself in a book. Even if it was fake, it had an aspect of real-ness that I was able to connect with. (Sorry if this post is too deep.) I remember a time when I distinctively felt that an adult was unfair to me. After my father had abandoned my family in ninth grade, one specific family member (she was a jerk) called me and discussed all of the ways I could have kept my father from leaving us. I obviously felt terrible and I felt that my father leaving was partially my fault. I had a lot of personal issues like low self-esteem and a distrust in people because of that event. Now, as a 22 year old adult, I look back to that moment and I am surprised with her actions. I would never have done that to a child and placed such hurtful blame one them. More than anything, it just makes me think that she was stupid and irresponsible. So when I’m re-reading these children’s books for class, I still understand what feelings the audience gets because I remember them quite vividly.

Oh Where Oh Where Did You Go?

My Very First Horror Movies

My “Halloween”

When I was a child, I desperately wanted to be a part of the Halloween spirit. However my father was very religiously strict and I wasn’t able to partake in all of the Halloween wonder. We would have to turn off our lights and post a sign that said “No Candy” on our door so no one would knock. It was really kind of sad. My family has now progressed (of course they would when I get old enough not to go trick-or-treating *roll eyes*). Thinking back, I still would have really enjoyed Halloween because it looked like so much fun. As I got older and gained more freedom in college, I did partake in MegaCon in Orlando, which was sort of like Halloween, just without the candy. The first one that I dressed up for was in 2013 I believe and I dressed up as Princess Serenity from Sailor Moon. The second one I attended was in 2014 and I went as the Ariel that winds up on land. I couldn’t find a wig in time, so I substituted with a scarf. I was pretty proud of my last minute sewing skills. :) For the coming Halloweens, I think I might actually dress up. We’ll see. :)

My Love of Monsters and Villains

My childhood was filled with Disney, anime, and books – books upon books upon books. Hades, Yzma, Dustfinger, and all of the good dragons from Dragon Rider were probably my favorite monsters/villians. Now, I know that everything other than the dragon is not technically a monster and that they have more human like characteristics but I feel like any character with internal struggles can be sympathized with. I also fell in love with Jacob from Twilight (now, looking back, I’m ashamed of my reading choices).

I had previous experience with Hades from the actual mythology and I felt bad for him because even though he was characterized as a villain at many times, he honestly just wanted love. His kidnapping or Persephone closely resembled rape and forced marriage, but he did it because he really needed some love (this does not justify this behavior in real life though). The Disney version of Hades was obviously more kid-appropriate and his snarkiness was just as entertaining to watch as Yzma’s. With Yzma, I honestly felt for her. She was this skeleton-looking thing who just wanted to get rid of the egotistical monarchy. Dustfinger from Inkheart and all of the dragons from Dragon Rider just wanted to be safe. Others took advantage of them and their hope to go home and that was horrible! And last but not least, Jacob. Oh Jacob, my pubescent crush. There’s no reason behind it; I loved him. I think I still kind of do. Please don’t judge me.

Is Beauty Everything? 

I was and forever will be a Sailor Moon junkie. Naturally my favorite villain was one of Sailor Moon’s enemies.  Her name was Queen Nehellenia and she was absolutely beautiful. She wanted to remain beautiful in her youth forever and in order to do so, she needed to steal children’s dreams. Her and her Dead Moon Circus minions went around stealing innocent dreams so that she could steal the youth of the children. Even though most of the minions that show up in Sailor Moon have small roles they all were scary. By having minor enemies every episode, it just intensified the gravity and the wickedness that Queen Nehellenia had. How much worse was she to be have been able to create these evil creatures? At the end of the season when she gets killed off, her story is told and somehow, even though you have been hating her for a good couple of months, you start feeling bad for her. She just wanted Prince Endymion to love her back and make her the Queen of Earth. She loved him so much that when he fell in love with Princess Serenity of the moon an evil took over her. She lost all of her self-confidence and that is why she wanted to stay beautiful and youthful – it was her only happiness (which is a very human thought). I found her scary because I didn’t understand how something so beautiful could become so ugly on the inside. Sailor moon actually taught me a lot about human flaws and morality.

Do you REALLY know what I did last summer?

Due to the fact that my parents were not entangled in American society, there was not much that they knew about the media in the 90’s. However, I know that there were many shows, books, and movies I was not allowed to watch simply because of the cover. They obviously did not follow the “don’t judge a book by its cover” rule. They got wind of one movie in particular however, I Know What You Did Last Summer and I was for sure not allowed to watch that. It was R-Rated and it just looked like it was something that I should not have been watching in elementary school. Everyone had watched it so I watched it secretly and boy, did I regret it. My parents thought that the promiscuity was what was bad but I was terrified by the psychological thriller aspect. It was then that I realized that I was not a fan of the horror genre. I was a little put off by the cleavage and the making out (only because I was never exposed to that stuff with my religious father). Then when it came to the chasing, killing, and the dramatic music I really couldn’t handle it. I am surprised that I actually finished that movie.  I only watched it so that I could talk to my classmates about it; the things we do because of peer pressure, am I right?

Clowns are Creepy

Diary of a Floridian Who Doesn’t Know How to Swim

Turn on the Lights PLEASE!

Lost and Found

One of the scariest things as a child is getting separated from your parents; whether it’s getting lost at a department store or something more serious, like through a divorce. I remember an instance when I was in elementary school and I was getting ready to go home for the day. My family friends usually picked me up and brought me home with their son who attended the same school as I. For this particular day, there was some miscommunication and I got into their car and they proceeded to drop me off. I stood in front of my door and knocked my special knock, only to have no one answer the door. I wait, I wait a little longer and now I started to freak out. Like any child, I start crying hot streams of tears calling for my mother. A neighbor notices me and tries to take me into their house but having learned STRANGER DANGER, I refuse. Alone, I walk to the apartment complex’s office and they call my mother. Sobbing and panicking and unable to find me, my mother comes home two hours later and TA-DA, there I am; waiting for her.