Beyadenu

Ok here we go.

I’m actually doing this. I’m saying the words.

This is already good right? Because yesterday I didn’t even do this...

I should probably focus.

What does that word mean?

Never mind, I get the jist.

I kind of wish I could put a tune to this...it would make it go by faster. But there are so many people around.

Ugh, that’s the wrong thought.

Doctor’s appointment...call parents...awkward dinner conversation last week...remember yesterday how they liked my joke? I didn’t think people would get it, but they were cracking up. I guess so often I’m afraid to even say something, but I shouldn’t worry so much. It usually goes over ok. And honestly who cares if it doesn’t? No but sometimes I do actually say the wrong thing...word vomit, you know? What a gross phrase...

Wait I’m already so many pages in? I don’t remember reading any of this!

Why can’t I focus at all?

Although isn’t it kind of interesting how I can be saying one thing while my mind is thinking something totally different...

OMG, wth?? Just pay attention!

Ok, here we go.

Halleluyah ki tov zamrah Elokeinu, ki na’im nava tehillah...

That’s nice.

Although didn’t I already say that, like, 6 different ways?

I guess it’s supposed to drill it into my head...but I’m pretty sure I already believe Hashem is good.

Do I?

Wow, Shema already. At least for this, I should focus.

That didn’t really work.

Who said “until you first say Ata (with kavana), you haven’t begun to daven”?

Because I definitely haven’t even started davening.

It’s so painful when someone you love seems to care so much more about their own feelings than they do about yours.