A Few Thoughts

I know fear. I fight fear on a daily basis. My fear started when I was a child. I don’t even remember what happened to make it enter my life or if it was just something that attached to me at a very young age, too early to remember. But I know for a fact that nothing bad happened to me, yet there it was. The fear of talking to someone. The fear of looking people in the eyes. The fear of spiders. The fear of getting lost. The fear of calling the wrong number and I would have to talk to someone I didn’t know. The fear of heights. The fear of falling, even on a flat surface. The fear. I am no stranger to fear. It can be crippling. It can make you feel like you can’t breathe, oh, that’s another fear I had. Wind going up my nose was enough to put me into not wanting to feel the air going through my hair in the car with the windows down. It was enough that I didn’t want to explore caverns. I didn’t want to be tickled because I couldn’t breathe. I have fear so strong, I can see everything going wrong in any given moment.

All of that being said, I decided I would not let fear control me. Yes, I may have these fears with me forever, but they will not control me. You see, I started off small. In high school, I would challenge myself. I would look up an inch higher than my high school teachers’ shoulders. And then I would challenge myself to look at their chins. Then their lips. Then their nose until I could finally look them in the eyes. It is a scary thing to look a strict teacher in the eyes, but that is what I did. I worked one day at a time until I could control the fear. It was, and is, still there, but I am in control. NOT FEAR. I did this with most of my fears. There are some that are not irrational and I should remember that. Again, not giving into the fear, but knowing physical limitations is a good thing.

One day, as I was driving to work for a large hotel near downtown Dallas, I was quaking. We had a group in town and this group was composed of very strong-willed women. I can tell you, based on principle, I will never buy any products from the business they represent. If you are going to be that mean to customer service of an establishment you are staying at, I will not spend my money to support you or the business that allowed you to treat the staff that way. I digress. Well, these women terrified me. I already have seen all levels of upper management get reamed out by these ladies and I was terrified. The Lord dropped this nugget into my spirit, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or dismayed for I am with you.” That gave me strength. Can I tell you I quoted that about 100 times on my way to work that day. It was a fantastic day. Nothing scared me. Then the next week (you see, there were 4-6 different regions that came at different days for a month), the Lord dropped this into my spirit, “I will be strong. I will be courageous. I will not be afraid or dismayed for my Jesus is with me.” Then the following week. He dropped this, “I AM STRONG. I AM COURAGEOUS. I AM NOT AFRAID OR DISMAYED. MY JESUS IS RIGHT NEXT TO ME, SO WHO DARE STAND AGAINST ME.” You see, at the time, I felt that it was talking against the scary women that were staying at my hotel. What I didn’t know until much later was that He was teaching me how to fight this fear. I got that so far down into my spirit that even as I see what terrifies me happening all around me, I can push past that fear. A man starts yelling at me because he didn’t get his way, “I AM strong. I AM courageous. I AM NOT afraid or dismayed because my Jesus is with me, so who dares go against me?” “The church has a need. Can you be on the first response team and call 1st and 2nd time visitors?” Who me? The one who has a hard time calling anyone? Ok. Let’s go because, “I AM strong. I AM courageous. I AM NOT afraid or dismayed because my Jesus is with me, so who dares go against me?” I want you to repeat that as often as you possibly can if you battle fear of any kind. “I AM STRONG. I AM COURAGEOUS. I AM NOT AFRAID OR DISMAYED. MY JESUS IS RIGHT NEXT TO ME, SO WHO DARE STAND AGAINST ME.

All the prophets have been telling us from the throne room of God of everything about to come. And they all say, “DO NOT FEAR.” As someone who battles fear, this makes me angry. Not because it is wrong, but because they are not saying how to not fear and how to have faith. So I am going to. To have faith and be courageous does not mean to be without fear. It means, while your flesh is fearful, learn to have your spirit man yelling out, “I AM STRONG. I AM COURAGEOUS. I AM NOT AFRAID OR DISMAYED. MY JESUS IS RIGHT NEXT TO ME, SO WHO DARE STAND AGAINST ME.” You see, I am still fearful to look certain people in the eyes. But my spirit man’s faith kicks in and wins the battle. I am not saying I do not bow down to fear at times, because I do. Sometimes I don’t go up to that person the Holy Spirit asked me to tell how much He loves them. Sometimes I have to call my dad to kill the big, monster wolf spider in my garage. Sometimes I wallow in the fear that God doesn’t have a husband for me and I will be alone forever. But here is the thing… That is my flesh. NOT my spirit man. So you see, my flesh can be afraid of everything I see around me, but I have faith that my God will show up as He promised. He is a good, good Father. He is the promise maker and the promise keeper. He holds the whole world in His hands. I trust that He will win because He is God. My Spirit man doesn’t care if my flesh is fearful. My spirit man knows my heavenly Father. My Spirit Man knows that He can be trusted. My spirit man knows that He will protect m