You’ll always be a little more afraid

he slides the food over to her, and she just stares at it blearily for a moment. she wonders if she'll fall asleep while eating and faceplant into it. likely not, but she somehow feels tired enough that it might be a possibility. still, cam worked hard to make this for her, and food is important to staying energized. god knows she'll need a lot of energy.

she takes a bite, and gives a small nod of approval. it's good. "thank you," she says, because it feels only right. cam is here to help her, expecting absolutely nothing from her in return. weird.

a little bit longer at her place wouldn't hurt, he decides. an hour or two less spent watching a drama and avoiding his own laundry would hardly be the end of the world so he nods and turns back to her with a thumbs up. "it's a good thing i have housewife duties on my daily schedule at the company."

cam's not sure just how much she'll finish, but he feels relief seeing her eat before what is probably going to be a long day ahead of her tomorrow. she'll finish off and go get ready to sleep, he'll do her laundry, and then he'll quietly sneak out and do the equivalent of a walk of shame. the only shame being that he's so down bad for a woman far out of his league.

where their banter energizes him, the way her lips meet his drains and has him melting for the split moment it happens. he doesn't keep his lips pursed out to tease for more, not with the tone he's inevitably set for the night. it's difficult though, to keep the endearment off of his face with his head still in his hand and a counter separating them.

"woah, that seems big." it's interesting hearing about the show from a spectator and 'alumni's view. if she has her own team to coach, it means things slightly differ from the previous season. seeing her on screen and how she'll handle these new trainee wannabes will be interesting knowing how she is in settings like this, where it's quiet and dim and warm.

"i promise," he lifts his left pinky and wiggles it. "besides; who am i going to tell? auntie euisoo?" he thinks of the old lady that comes in on sundays that always forgets her hearing aids and buys up all of a certain brand of sweets for her grandson when he visits.

"yeah, it's kinda big," she agrees. it's the first real test of her leadership since last season of next gen, when she was called a bad leader for giving herself too many parts in her team's performance of the boys. in some ways, she feels like she has something to prove, but she always feels like that. she's spent her entire life with something to prove, if only to prove that she's the best at what she does. she intends to do the same on next gen, even if it'll be a new experience, shining a light on others instead of herself.

she lets out a snort at the mention of auntie euisoo, and looks at cam's extended pinky with a somewhat judgmental expression - a silent i'm not pinky promising with you. "you have lots of trainee friends." she doesn't really know that, actually. she has a bunch of friends in his little band that he was in before sr media, right? "or lots of people you can tell." still, she doubts he will, at least before the information is public anyway.

she observes him sleepily. his concern is cute. a little annoying, maybe, but cute, mostly. "i'll be fine," she assures him flatly. she's worked harder before. the competition will be over eventually, too, so it's not like she has to maintain this level of effort long-term. sure, she's tired now, but she's not eager for next gen to end. she supposes it's still early, though.

it takes just a minute to put everything together and slide the bowl over, utensils laid over the top of the bowl. cam stops just when it's under nayoung's chin. maybe the smell will keep her awake for the time it takes to eat. "order up!"

there's no way the cam of a few years would've expected the outcome of taking on that convenience store job. he'd been in desperate need of money and sleep, only one of those obtainable with multiple jobs. it wasn't the direct reason he was a trainee again but it had led to whatever he currently had going with nayoung. despite their back and forth, it was a soothing balm to his soul when he didn't have many other close connections with people.

nayoung may be a spitfire, but a fire nonetheless; raging and bright but warming in its own innate way.

cam's sure he isn't being too subtle despite his best efforts. how can he be when nayoung's sitting there with lidded eyes, a slight shimmer that must have been missed by a makeup wipe. she's tired, she's beautiful, and she's not really his in any sense but he can't help but feeling like he's anchored in still waters.

she blows a puff of air through her nose in mild amusement at the top chef comment, because yes - putting rice in the microwave mirrors a cooking show so accurately (it does not).

"about like...a three, which i think is generous," she replies, lips quirking up in the smallest playful smile. she figures he can't really ruin that much, though, at least with her meal of choice at this unbelievable hour.

she watches as cam mirrors her stance, frowning subconsciously at him. then he speaks softly, with concern so sincere and endearing that she can't help but reach across the counter and pull him into a kiss. it's nothing monumental, and ultimately brief, with nayoung pulling away and sinking back into her seat before long.

she props her chin back up on her hand again, blinking at him not so unlike a sleepy cat. she should answer his question, though. "it's always a lot," she chuckles. not in a bad way, though. she loves coaching next gen, really. she loves her job. she's just...very tired. "i think it's going to get worse. not that it's bad now, just...busier. i was just recently assigned my own team to coach. we'll be competing against another team performing the same song."

where their banter energizes him, the way her lips meet his drains and has him melting for the split moment it happens. he doesn't keep his lips pursed out to tease for more, not with the tone he's inevitably set for the night. it's difficult though, to keep the endearment off of his face with his head still in his hand and a counter separating them.

"woah, that seems big." it's interesting hearing about the show from a spectator and 'alumni's view. if she has her own team to coach, it means things slightly differ from the previous season. seeing her on screen and how she'll handle these new trainee wannabes will be interesting knowing how she is in settings like this, where it's quiet and dim and warm.

"i promise," he lifts his left pinky and wiggles it. "besides; who am i going to tell? auntie euisoo?" he thinks of the old lady that comes in on sundays that always forgets her hearing aids and buys up all of a certain brand of sweets for her grandson when he visits.

he doesn't hesitate at the door like he might usually, not wanting to waste her time with something like that, instead slipping off his shoes and switching to the slippers he brought. he sets the bag on her kitchen counter and pulls the side down for her to see at the query.

"sustenance. well, ingredients to make something edible at least."

he starts taking out the stuff that can spoil so he can put it in the fridge first. "there's a few choices, the other stuff can be for a different time- uh... there's beef or I can make us a tuna and salmon bowl, up to you!" he points out the options from the spread on the counter before shaking jazz hands as if presenting it all.

"i know the show's probably taking a lot out of you right now- i didn't come here with any expectations so you can nap or something until i'm done or whatever, just wanted to make sure you were eating something healthy." he feels a bit like an idiot rambling like that, but he's already there and he's been infinitely more embarrassing in nayoung's presence before. even if she tells him to get out and leave, he'll recover. he's used to her jabs and directness.

still, she doesn't say anything at first, thinking, watching as cam starts putting things away like he lives in her apartment. has he really been over so many times now that he's that comfortable? maybe that's a good thing. nayoung doesn't know.

"i already ate," she says finally. the ingredients are already here, though, and it's not like cam can return them. considering she shares two jobs with him, she knows he's not making much money at all. she's taken to just eating cup noodles if she gets hungry late at night, even if it's not the healthiest option. at least it's not expensive.

he wants to make sure she's eating something healthy, though, and she's definitely not doing that when it's this late. she is a little hungry, too. maybe not for a whole meal, but for something, and it's not like she'll never eat again while she's at home.

She confirms just a little bit after, his intuition coming in clutch. He nods and sorts out the different things he’d brought to prepare bowls first, the beef can sit til she needs it or he can prepare it later. “Yes, chef!” It’s easy to stick his tongue out and poke fun, if she’s not gonna go nap he might as well keep her entertained- either by humour or annoyance.

“I feel like I’m on Top Chef or something..” he throws the store container of pre-cooked rice in the microwave wave and hits the quick start button turning around and stances himself with his hands on the counter.

she doesn't mind it. she certainly won't complain. this is exactly what she signed up for, and exactly what she wanted. she doesn't regret it for a second. but she can't deny that it's tiring.

so when cam contacts her, not long after she's finally gotten home, she doesn't have the energy to do much of anything – let alone what cam is contacting her for. or what she thinks he's contacting her for, anyway.

✉ –> cam – yeah but i'm tired so – u can still come over if you want though i guess

as much as she hates to admit it, she does actually kind of enjoy cam's company these days, outside of her bed, too. she just hopes he's not too energetic. she takes comfort in the fact that even if he is, he doesn't seem to mind her being completely exasperated by him.

she's laying face down on her sofa when she hears a series of weird knocks that could only belong to cam, far earlier than anticipated. she unceremoniously rolls off the couch and heads toward the door.

she opens it and doesn't say anything, just motions for him to head inside and closes the door behind him. she notices the bag he has then. "what's that?" she asks in her typical unenthused deadpan tone she doesn't bother to hide around the people closest to her.

he doesn't hesitate at the door like he might usually, not wanting to waste her time with something like that, instead slipping off his shoes and switching to the slippers he brought. he sets the bag on her kitchen counter and pulls the side down for her to see at the query.

"sustenance. well, ingredients to make something edible at least."

he starts taking out the stuff that can spoil so he can put it in the fridge first. "there's a few choices, the other stuff can be for a different time- uh... there's beef or I can make us a tuna and salmon bowl, up to you!" he points out the options from the spread on the counter before shaking jazz hands as if presenting it all.

"i know the show's probably taking a lot out of you right now- i didn't come here with any expectations so you can nap or something until i'm done or whatever, just wanted to make sure you were eating something healthy." he feels a bit like an idiot rambling like that, but he's already there and he's been infinitely more embarrassing in nayoung's presence before. even if she tells him to get out and leave, he'll recover. he's used to her jabs and directness.

“we could also order takeout,” yuwol suggests, not wanting to actually bother cam at the end of the day. he feels bad, his fridge is mostly empty and cam is the one dealing with it. yuwol can go without dinner, but something in his gut tells him that saying that won’t fly well with cam. “or we can go out to eat…” even though nothing beats homemade pancakes. he thinks it’s ridiculous how expensive pancakes can be in fancy restaurants when the portions aren’t filling in the slightest.

he doesn’t want cam to feel all alone in the kitchen regardless, so he hovers over, a respectable distance away so he can give cam enough space to work his cooking magic. “the week was… fine.” yuwol was absolutely terrible at small talk unless he’s in event mode, by this point cam should be aware of that. he still tries.

“classes, violin lessons, violin recitals… the usual. oh, i also ended up in a band somehow.” the last sentence felt like a realization more than an explanation. as if he still can’t believe that happened. which, to be fair—sometimes, he doesn’t believe it.

"nope," he offers in a second reply. there's no way he's giving up now after making it to this stage of cooking. he had decided, in some misguided, energy-drink induced confusion, that he was going to make dinner and there was no turning back now and conceding defeat. sure, yuwol could probably order something without an issue, but it was different to have something hot off the stove and fresh. delivery food always had condensation build up and it ruined the vibes.

"training, more training- I need to do a few more english cl-" he's a little preoccupied, pouring out the batter to the pan once he's done mixing; he almost misses what the other man had said- "you what?"

he doesn’t mind a distraction every once in a while though. so when he gets a text from cam, it doesn’t take long before jay turns his attention away from his laptop to his phone screen. jay snorts, thinks cam is doing a horrible job at being discreet. if cam was even trying.

regardless, jay is picking up his phone and pulling up his text messages so he could respond to the other.

“are you even allowed to go out at this time?” he types down, a genuine question. not that he cares whether cam was breaking any rules. that’s cam’s decision, jay is just along for the ride. an innocent bystander, if you will. “i thought you trainees have some sort of curfew. or a crazy schedule that stops you from living life.” then again, that may be the case for most jobs these days. curse you, capitalism.

says the rich kid. even though he hates his parents’ corrupt money, that doesn’t mean jay is exempt.

"pc bang? i wanna lose in lol and eat my fill. i'm allowed to be out i'll just suffer for it tomorrow when im tired (more)" as long as he gets to the company in time to have a decent breakfast to jumpstart his energy and a coffee- he'll be fine.

he doesn't wait for an answer to head out to the local place they've hit up before. luckily it's not to far so he doesn't have to hop on the subway.

"meet me there?? xx"

once he makes it to the place he pulls up the menu on his phone, leaning against the wall and marking down all the things he wants but probably won't end up getting all of. chicken though, was priority.

nayoung takes the plate with more enthusiasm than usual from her. she's just really hungry, apparently, and honestly, pretty happy that this shit is almost behind them. she knows this is supposed to be a christmas party, and nayoung likes christmas plenty, but it's more a celebration of freedom to her than anything else.

freedom to return back to the familiar, arguably monotonous training schedule. maybe it's ironic of her to think. she misses it, though.

she gives a quick look around, assessing their situations, then turns back toward the food table and stuffs an entire one of the radish wraps in her mouth in one go. it's just cam. maybe he'll laugh at her, but nayoung doesn't care about that. she'll just bring up the fact that she saw him asleep at his night shift in the convenience store, so knocked out he was drooling on the counter. it was sort of impressive, honestly.

he turns slightly to grab a little more food for himself. not wanting to be caught staring. he perks up and turns back quickly at her thanks. "wow.." he lets his mouth part slightly to ramp up his dramatics, "a thank you, you must be really in the christmas spirit."

he teases nayoung sparingly, he knows his limits and knows she could probably kick his ass- he would probably hate the idea of that if he was little more sane and normal.

"i have some water and snacks," he slid the open bag further down the table towards risa, a little out of breath from rushing back to their little work area.

cam had respected the other trainee from the first time they had met. it took confidence and an outgoing side to go around a new company like sr media and hand out goody bags like she had. they had gotten on pretty smoothly from there. cam didn't have much time as a trainee there over her but he had been there long enough to show her some helpful spots to get alone time, and what studios had the better mics for playback.

it was a nice little friendship they'd found in each other so it made sense to work together on something for the songwriting camp. cam had a little experience with writing, it was something that was essentially expected of him at the old company and then it was something he dabbled in lightly in between those periods of his life- mostly in the form of poetry in his journal, never really progressing into the stage of formal lyrics. he was getting a bit better with writing his own raps though, practise and dedication had gotten him somewhere at least.

cam was a good friend, offering pointers and advice on the best spots to decompress, and what days not to get a certain meal from the cafeteria- which kou certainly wouldn't know, or remember for that matter. so being paired with him wasn't nearly as much of a burden as it would be with a stranger.

"i'll take a look, don't worry." he hummed in response as he skimmed over the notebook's page and then went back in with the capped end of his pen to better comb through. "i can imagine, but it'll get better with time."

cam would consider himself pretty fluent in korean. it was something his family had kept up at home despite being in a foreign country where he had to predominately communicate in english, and he had improved even more during his years back in korea. he wasn't perfect, but it was good enough to not be caught at first contact and he was able to mostly articulate himself with little issues.

"i'm still learning new words, even now- like here, you could use a shorter word." he reached over for his led pencil and lightly wrote out the alternative word he was thinking of. "that might flow better."