bevvy talks

So, I've been gone for quite a long time. Over a year now I'm pretty sure. Life got in the way a lot, but I'd really love to start posting again. I miss the community and interactions I had with the people here.

I got a full-time job about a year ago, which kept me from pretty much having any time to draw. I put a little bit more focus on having a social life since I'd never really had much of one before, and that plus working 14 hour shifts quite frequently left me with little to no time for art.

There have been quite a few ups and downs for me. I met my boyfriend, genuinely the most amazing person I've ever met. I enjoyed my job immensely and got to meet so many other awesome people.

But there have been quite a few medical ups and downs for myself and my family. I got covid (twice), my aunt was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, I found out there's a high likelihood that I have endometriosis, and very recently we found out my mom has pancreatic cancer. We aren't even sure what stage that is in yet.

So, yeah, a lot has gone on. There's more, like hospital scares and family drama and whatnot. I also had to quit my job because they continuously lied to me about my pay, which works out since now I'll be helping monitor my mom and I can't really do that working all day lol.

But now I have more time for art! Which I've thoroughly enjoyed. I'm not sure if I'll be posting consistently, I hope I can. But I just thought I'd update you all on everything thats going on.

Anyways, I hope all of you have been doing well!!

Why is mental health so hard?

Why is putting myself first hard?

Why is asking for help hard?

I am struggling so badly. While re-learning how to love myself I am also putting myself through so much pain. I’m in such a bad home-situation. I’ve only ever relied on myself and have always lived my life taking care of everyone else. But now that I’m learning to ask for help and being vulnerable with people in my life I am met with criticism and being mocked.

- Wearing more clothing that makes me confident

- Being clearer about my boundaries

- Not forcing myself to be social when I just don’t have the mental energy to do it

- Accepting my body for all of its flaws and recognizing my worth is beyond my body.

- Accepting that my plans aren’t always feasible and it’s okay to take a step back and admit you’ve failed for now but that doesn’t mean you’ve failed forever

- Learning to cook a little bit at a time ( Growing up I was mocked for not being able to cook and shamed every time i tried to learn )

- Taking better care of myself because I deserve to thrive

- Deciding to learn to start saying no to people

- Speaking up against the other adults in my life who are used to controlling and gaslighting me and calling out their behavior.

- Deciding that as soon as I’m out of my house that I’m officially having as little contact with my ab*s*ve older brother as possible.

Okay so this shirt + this chain + the butterfly wing earrings my sister made me is the perfect combination of things to make me feel confident

AAGH WHAT THE HELL

WAIT WAIT I THINK ITS A NON-DESPAIR TYPE GAME

i’m crying

soft and red lipstick are my two makeup styles

i’m doing this to be an art teacher

i’m doing this to be an art teacher

i’m doing this to be an art teacher