FTM. 610.

we should be going to bars and drinking beers together like brothers do. we should be fishing like brothers do. we should be beating each other up and fighting and hugging and laughing and we're not. why didn't I ever get to have that with you? why couldn't you be here?

all it took was one song. just one stupid little fucking song and I'm in pieces. it's been 5 years. that hurt shouldn't hurt it should be bearable but tonight it's killing me. I haven't fallen apart in so long. I've been good I've been happy I still think of you every day bit tonight it's a mac truck running me over. it's a wretching feeling in my gut. I want to vomit I want to yell and I can't stop crying. I don't know why the god my family believes in would put me through this shit. my brother never did anything and I didn't deserve to loose him. I don't deserve to feel like this. I just want him fucking back man.