confidence ≠ cocky

              “ that’s where you’re wrong , dear logan ! i am  the very definition of careful . “  

     “well, sure, if you define careful as ‘constantly recklessly endangering the safety and integrity of my family and friends’, then, yes, you might just be the epitome of careful.”

     “I–”

YOU KNOW. I ASKED FOR THIS. I PREPARED FOR THIS. AND THEN. I WAS STILL NOT RE A DY

     anger courses through his veins, hurt making it’s way right alongside it, but most of all, guilt rises up through his chest and chokes the words right from his throat. ( he’s right, logan, isn’t he? you’ve never been able to communicate, you’ve always alienated yourself and HERE IT IS ! coming back to bite you, you idiot ). “mark, i never –” i never meant to be such an ass. i never wanted to hurt you guys. i never wanted to be like this. ( what do you wanna say, logan? spit it out before you make it worse. jesus christ, you can’t even do this right. )

     perhaps he’d be more equipped to handle this if he knew mark was wrong. if he could refute the points stated and move on ( you’re not helping the robot analogy, jackass ), but harsh words hit close to home ( quite literally ) and he can’t find a single accusation thrown at him that doesn’t have sufficient backing. he’s been terrible to his family – he’s cocky and condescending, he almost always pushes away their attempts to help ( you can do it better, logan, you don’t need assistance. you’re fine. you’re happy. ). 

     “i wasn’t aware all of you felt that way.”

     as much as he’s pushed away, he doesn’t wanna think about life without them. what if this was really the last straw? what if mark really hates him now? ( SO WHAT? you don’t need him. you don’t need anyone, you’re better than them. all they do is drag you down, logan. ) thoughts are racing through his head faster than he can process them, senses overwhelmed and breathes coming out in subtle, but uneven, huffs. you don’t need them. you don’t NEED them. they don’t need you.

     and that’s where the problem lays. perhaps he thinks himself the best of his surroundings ( smart, sensible, rational ), but underneath the projections of confidence, his true fear is losing them ( can’t lose them if they’ve already gone ! ). he wishes his brain wouldn’t lock onto the word ‘loved’ so much. mark had said his family loved him. past tense. maybe that’s what takes him so long to respond, panic settling on love that had already passed ( already been ruined by him ). 

“Should’ve thought about that before you challenged me big bro!” he giggled, he really did feel like a child. Humming a small tune, he casually walked over to his brothers bed and dropped him. “Go to bed big bro, you gotta sleep.”

  if he feels the slightest bit better when he’s dropped ( very unceremoniously, might he add ), he doesn’t show it. the last thing he’d want to admit is that his brother was right. however, with a small roll of his eyes, contrasted by a semi-sincere half-smile, he speaks up, “hey,” eye contact is averted, not wanting to show weakness, even in front of family. “thank you, mark.”

A smirk, oh boy. “Challenge accepted!” he felt like a child, before picking Logan up. Hey, he may not be healthy but he can pick up his siblings when needed. “C'mon Mr. Roboto, time to rest.”

     “oh, please, like you would even -- MARK!” childish rush of anger and annoyance ( he’s only being a jerk because he loves you, logan ) rushes to the top of his judgement, struggling in every way against the hold of his younger brother. ( note to self: younger does not mean weaker ! ) “mark vernon, if you don’t put me down!”

* STARTER // @bethatuncle

     “   aww, loogie, how’d you get your hair so silly ?? mom’s gonna get on your ass, you know that —   “   hand flies up to cover her mouth, head whipping back to scan the perimeter before she turns to logan again.   “   DO NOT tell them i said that to you, alright, kid ??   “   tone is stern, yet, signature smile still remains printed to glowing features. 

       lee - anne lived close enough for family visits to be near constant, especially noting how young the boys still were, it was NICE to be able to help around the house. unfortunately, it wasn’t UNCOMMON for her to be dragged to family outings — this being one such occasion. hand combs through his hair lightly, smoothing it back and making it presentable before she takes a step back.   “   see ?? that’s better.   “

     kid is unaffected by the unpleasant word ( he’s heard far worse from his dear old sis ), more worried about the unwelcome help coming his way. “lee, i’m thirteen, i can handle the word ass.” he’s certainly glad that he’s able to have a relationship with his sister ( so many age gaps leave relations in tatters and he’s more than grateful that, if anything, his siblings love him ), but days like this, where they’re both dragged out to family events, really take a toll on his ability to process. 

        “   log — loogie, LOOK at him. oof, and i thought i was the bad egg !!   “

“Uh, no. C'mon big bro, its three am, your dark circles almost match my fucking eye shadow, a very hard thing to do, and you’re yawning. If you don’t sleep now ill pick you up and throw you onto your bed.” his tone is strict, but it has a lot more caring and gentleness in it.

     the brotherly camaraderie tugs at his heart, an unwelcome reminder that, yes, emotions are necessary ( you’re not a robot, logan, despite the front you attempt to put up ). he still does not want to sleep, in the slightest, but the ( perhaps unconventional ) show of care might touch him a little more than he shows. “i’d like to see you try.” words come out softer than they’re meant to, a sure sign that maybe he really is exhausted.