Accept yourself or suffer the consequences.
That is my big takeaway from Jax's story in The Amazing Digital Circus, and I love it. I can accept that people will have varying opinions on Jax, on his actions and inner self, and how he changed the circus irrevocably thanks to his choices.
But despite that, I need people to get that this is a story that should be told.
Spoilers below, scroll away if you haven't watched the finale.
Jax is a tragedy. He is a queer person stuck in a body they never asked for, a world they cannot escape from, and with a mind that cannot relax enough in this situation to accept himself or his current life. He hides behind a mask of his own making, and when it slips it terrifies him to the point of hurting whoever saw his true self shine through. He is a failure to thrive, be it the cause of his environment or himself or a mix of the many hurdles we all face when trying to hide from our truth. He is a quintessential LGBTQ+ story personified, even if people don't like to acknowledge that some stories are not good, are not kind. He couldn't accept himself, and it tore him and the people he cared about apart until there was nothing left.
Jax is also a happy ending, not in the circus, but outside of it. The real Jax, the person his circus copy came from, did not get his counterpart's tragic ending. He had the opportunity to grow and learn and become the person he wanted to be, or at least he's begun on that path. He's found friends with whom he can be honest, and he's found his place in the world. He accepted himself, proven through the confirmation that he frequents the real-life Zooble's bar, which is confirmed to be a queer social spot, the sort of place Jax from the circus wouldn't be caught dead in. The Jax outside is a version of him the circus version could never fathom becoming.
And ultimately, Jax is a warning. A cautionary tale. He is a bright purple neon sign telling us all to acknowledge those parts of us that scare us the most before they destroy us. He is both a reminder than things can get worse, but they can also get better. It all depends on the choices you make, the forgiveness you allow yourself to make them with, and the space you get to grow in. Not all of this is easily changed, but you don't need to start with all three. Give yourself the chance, though, and your happy ending could be right around the corner. And if you deny your truth? If you wield it like a weapon against people who try to help? Well, it just might hurt you next.
