christina ꨄ

"And someone initiated the hate sex." Emily jumps into the conversation, taking the seat next to JJ.

His eyes widen at that in shock. "Who told you?"

It's a dumb question, and Emily makes that known. "The only other person in the room when it happened, or so I'm guessing."

He doesn't say anything about how you were begging for it that night, and every night after because he's not a total dick, especially if it's not directly to you.

"She's still being weird." He repeats. "Not that I care. It's offputting weird, not quirky weird." He quickly clarifies.

JJ and Emily share a look, making sure he catches it so he knows how absurd his lie sounds.

"Talk to her then," JJ suggests.

Her words replay in his head the whole way back to Quantico, as he tries to profile you while pretending to be reading.

He can't help but corner you back at the BAU floor, dragging you to the supply closet you've fucked in numerous times.

You don't want to be there, so close to him. "We're not doing this now." You tell him. "I don't want to do this ever again actually."

"That's why you're being weird?" He asks, frowning as he, again, tries to profile you. He has no luck. Damn you for hiding your emotions so well.

You scoff, rolling your eyes. "Yes, Spencer. Sleeping with you has been so amazing that I'm acting weird because I can't do it again." You answer sarcastically.

It presses his buttons. "Tell me." He demands.

You shake your head, tilting your chin up to try and stop the tears spilling out of your eyes. "No." With that, you push past him, walking out of the closet and leaving him to his confusion and spiraling thoughts.

What he doesn't expect is Penelope pulling him into her Batcave on his walk back to the bullpen. "What's wrong?" He asks, even more alarmed, and hoping she doesn't know as well.

"What do you mean what's wrong?" She asks. It's a tone that wouldn't sound mad to most people, but it's the most frantic Spencer has heard her voice, aside from on the phone during takedowns. "What Y/n just told you is big news. You don't leave someone alone after they tell you they're pregnant unless you're a terrible person. And I don't want to believe that about you."

"She's what?" The sentence is so lightly spoken Penelope wouldn't have caught it has she not needed to stop to take a breath during her ramble.

His whole world stops, and hers does when she realizes the look painted on Spencer's face is pure shock. He doesn't know. And she told him. And he can't keep a single thought in his head for long enough to develop it into words.

"I'll go get her." Penelope decides, feeling awkward and terrible all at once. "Sit down, you look like you're going to faint."

He does what she wants, sitting there in silence until you walk in, cheeks redder than before with clear signs you've been crying.

"Hey." You say, sitting down on the other chair in Penelope's office.

"Is it true?" He asks, needing confirmation, even though he's already convinced.

You sigh. "I mean, you said I was being weird."

He doesn't know what to say, but all he can think about is you. "I didn't-"

"It's fine." You assure him. "I don't expect you to be nice to me."

"I should be." He confesses before he can stop it. "I should have been because you're...great." Just a tiny half-compliment knocks you off guard. "And I wish you didn't look so shocked when I say something nice."

"Sorry." You apologize, biting your bottom lip.

He shakes his head. "I don't want that."

"What do you want?" You ask, seriously confused about what he's wanting. It feels like a mind game, but you're too emotional to be competing with him.

"You." He blurts out. "Not sexually. I- I think you're wonderful, and I've been the absolute worst person so I understand if you don't want anything to do with me."

Despite your state of shock, which might now be permanent, you shake your head. "I do. That wasn't who I was, you have to know that." He nods in assurance. "And this is so unconventional, but there's something between us, right?"

"Absolutely." He agrees, reaching out to touch your hand. "And I think maybe this could work."

Next to you, your husband cannot even form words because he is crying so much. Your daughter had always been a daddy's girl, but she had to be the strong one. Spencer swiped a thumb under his bagged eyes and smiled at your daughter, his crying subsiding.

"Leah," you smile, tears flowing down your face like a river as you outstretch your arms. She runs to you like she never has before and she almost knocks you over with the hug that she gives you. You stroke her hair as she cries into your shoulder and you cry into hers. Leah doesn't let go until you suggest that she get going. Her arms loosen around your neck as she grips your shoulders, "I love you, momma."

"I love you. For forever and a day." You tell her, and she immediately runs over to Spencer and hugs him. He picks up her up and spins, and her choked sobs come out as laughs when he puts her down, but he doesn't dare to let go. He's crying again, hard.

He whispers something in her ear and she laughs, and you assume it's an inside joke. He lets go of her and gives her a soft look, "Don't forget about us."

"I won't," Leah smiles, "I could never."

The next moments that follow are the hardest. She waves gently at you and your husband before unlocking the car door, slipping inside. You both wave as you hear the engine start, and as much as you want to yell at her to stop that car, to stay behind, to spend just a few more moments with you, you cannot. She is an adult now, she is no longer under your roof- she is a woman, a strong one at that, and she's going off to make something of herself. To succeed.

And that's all you would want for your daughter.

It hurts when you see the wheels turn and the car slowly leaves the driveway. It hurts when your eyes chase it until it is gone, out of sight, out of reach. It hurts when you hug your husband and cry into his chest in the front of your home.

But what hurts the most, is going back inside.

It is quiet.

There is no one to show you how to make Tik Toks or bake cookies with you, because it has always been your thing. There is no one to go on Target runs with or paint awful paintings with you. There is Spencer, but it will never be the same. You have your own things that married couples have, but nothing in the world could replace what you had with Leah.

It is somber.

When you pass your daughters room, it is dark. It's midday, and the sunlight is shining in on it, but it is dark. There's no her. Her bed is made and it hasn't been made that neat since she was twelve. Her desk is clean and it is always messy with makeup and school papers and food that shouldn't be in her room at all. Her closet is stripped of all her favorite clothes and left with the sweatshirts and pillows that she never really used.

You pick up a picture that sits on her nightstand. It's a picture of you, smiling in a white sundress with your arm wrapped lovingly around your husband. There is Spencer, who's clad in a blue top and tan shorts, his toes buried in the sand. And there is Leah, who's popping her hip out in her bright pink bikini, two thumbs pointing at each side of her head. Her mouth is open but she is smiling.

You laugh at her usual bold personality, your index finger coming up to swipe another loose tear from your eye. You feel Spencer's hands on your waist and he rests his chin atop your head, "I already miss her."

"Me too." You murmur, placing the picture back in its spot.

Slipping through my fingers.

This one scared you the most, your mom was afraid of “not being able to protect you.” She doesn’t know you heard it but until he was caught your anxiety had gotten worse.

School was becoming increasingly stressful being around everyone. Your anxiety increased even more when you thought about your dad. His job was no better than your moms. He was just closer to home and it still scared you. You were pulled out of your thoughts when your mom called you downstairs.

“Yeah mom?” You asked walking down the stairs with her standing next to her go bag, you knew what it meant, that she either had a case or was heading to the office and would eventually be called on a case.

“I got called into a case” of course “I’m not sure how bad it is but I’ll be back as soon as I can.” She said with the same sympathy that she always had. As if she knew how much her leaving effected you.

“It’s fine mom, I’ll see you after” you walked down giving her a hug almost tearing up. The rest of the day was spent lazily around the house. You did some homework, watched tv, even started a new tv show.

None of it could distract your mind from Franky Brown, the rapist, serial killer that was very angry at the BAU. They are getting closer to cracking the case and he knows. Thanks to one of the late nights when she came home and sat on the phone with Auntie Emily you knew more about the case.

JJ was constantly a target not just cause of the BAU but because she was also a woman. Growing up you remember hearing how she was kidnapped and tortured. You visited her in the hospital not knowing the reason just that she was hurt. Life would be pointless without your mom. She was your best friend and you had to protect her.

“Time for bed baby, your mom will be here later” Will said he planting a kiss on your forehead and heading to the kitchen.

“Goodnight dad” you gathered your homework and headed to your room shutting the door behind you. You got ready for bed, checked all your windows, including the one in your bathroom before heading to your bedroom. After that you quickly grabbed your backpack, grabbing the knife that Amya’s brother gave you last week. He has an entire collection of knives all different sizes and colors, so you may have sweet talked your way into getting one for free.

It wasn’t entirely too big but it was big enough. It was sliver and black and you’ve slept with it every night since you’ve got it. You know it’s ridiculous to think but what if Franky does show up here? You allowed your mind to wonder as you slowly drifted to bed.

You were abruptly awaken by the pictures next to your window fallen. Your heart was pounding and you were so afraid you could barley move. You quickly slid your hand to the knife as the person touched your shoulder.

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME” you swung the knife quickly standing up on top of your bed. Pointing the knife toward the figure in the room, attempting to catch your breath.

“Y/N it’s me!” JJ yelled toward you quickly flicking the light on. You were hyperventilating in a corner as you brung your knees to your chest, knife still pointed at your mom.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorr—y” cut off by your sobs,

“I’m going to sit next to you” your mom said as you nodded your head prompting her to sit down. JJ slowly removed the knife but you gripped it tighter avoiding eye contact. Your dad had walked into the room when he heard the commotion. Both your parents had known you were worried more. The tighter hugs and begging them to come home didn’t go unnoticed and this put the cherry on top.

“Your safe baby, I promise, I’m going to take the knife now.” Will spoke up moving closer to you to take the knife away.

You sat in silence with your parents, somewhere in between your dad had taken the knife from you. The concern and worry on their faces didn’t go unnoticed which made you cry harder.

“Sweetie, why did you have a knife under your pillow?” Your mom asked moving a hair behind your ear.

“We’re not upset darling, we don’t don’t want you to hurt yourself in your sleep” Your dad said as he came to sit in front of you.

“Franky Brown” you looked at your mom and bursted into tears, “What if he hurts you or what if he comes here and hurts me—“ you choked on your own sobs.

“Come here” your mom pulled you into a long awaited hug. You squeezed just how you did when you were a little girl, wanting to melt into her. Your mom wasn’t doing so hot either. Her job was important to her but never more important than you.

“I’m sorry I brought this home to you and I’m more sorry we didn’t know.”

“I heard you on the phone with Aunt Emily and I just thought he’d come here next, they have before.” You said honestly, remembering the woman who came here with your dad. The horrible fight you heard your mom in, at the time you were still oblivious to what happened but it happened.

“That’s never going to happen again” will spoke,

“Not if we can help it, I’m sorry I can’t help you feel safe” your mom began to tear up only breaking you more. You hated seeing her sad, you had seen it enough after cases.

That night none of you could get much sleep. Your mom stayed in your room with you as you both were cuddled up together.

Jack's already tipped the groceries out on the table and opened the refrigerator to start putting things away. Your helper, your favourite boy. You pet the top of his head as you pass and slide your own bags onto the countertop. 

Aaron comes up behind you. "Was it," — he kisses your cheek — "okay?" 

"The store?" you ask softly, pleased when he presses another kiss on top of the first, his free arm wrapping around your waist. "It was perfect. We got everything, didn't we, Jack?" 

"Everything and extra." 

Your turn, you kiss the top of Dove's small head and beam when she gets shy. You kiss her a couple more times for good measure until her dad starts grumbling, and you have to give him one too. 

"Wait, for fairness," you say, wriggling out of his hold to track down your baby. You bend over Jack where he's putting veggies away in the veggie drawer and stroke the hair back from his forehead and kiss his temple. 

"This family is so kissy," he says, sounding neither mad nor happy about it. 

"This family is so kissable," you correct lightly. "If you don't want one, just tell me. I'll keep them all for you sister." 

He tips his head back. "I think dad has her covered." 

You turn to see what he's talking about. Dove and Aaron have fallen into their own world. He's pulled up high on his chest and she's giving it large, hands at his neck and little face wormed under his jaw. You think she's kissing him. 

"Oh, thank you," he coos, hand covering the entire breadth of her back, "thank you, sweetheart. I love you." 

So casually intimate. You find yourself hugging Jack with a terrible, goofy smile on your face as they cuddle. Dove lifts her head and touches Aaron's mouth, tiny fingers poking at his cupid's bow. He smiles at her. It's the softest smile you've ever seen.

"Wrapped around her finger," you whisper to Jack. 

Aaron hears you, meeting your eyes over Dove's head. "Isn't it like that with all of you?" 

He's right. There's never been a man more whipped for his love, or more dedicated to raising happy, healthy kids. 

You shrug at him and turn back to Jack, who probably doesn't want to be hugged anymore but hasn't said otherwise, the two of you chilled by the cold fridge. "I don't know what he's talking about." 

Jack giggles. "Me neither." 

"Don't team up on me." 

"You've already made your team," you say. 

You finish putting the groceries away and thank Jack for his helpfulness with a genuine proclamation and three cookies of his choosing from the cookie jar. 

"Three," Aaron says. 

"You gave Dove two pudding cups yesterday. Don't act like you didn't. If you can spoil her, I can spoil him." 

He beams at you and you beam at him. 

"The second was an accident," he admits, turning Dove to face you. "She was giving me that look-" 

"That look-" 

"With the teary eyes." 

"Yuh-huh," you say. 

One arm between her legs, the other over her chest like a seatbelt, he and Dove both look at you with fondness, blinking at the same time. 

She always looks so, so small in his arms. 

"We're really good at this," you say. 

He doesn't have to ask what you mean. "I know." 

Dove squirms in his arms and he tucks her up tight in the crook of his neck, anticipating a teething tantrum. He's done a lot of things with his hands, you know, not all of them gentle, but he holds Dove with unending love and care.

"Alright, honey," he murmurs into her crown. "You're alright."

“What? How?” He said in a blank tone. “I’m pregnant Spencer, one month exactly and you know how” rolling your eyes, He stared off, you were so nervous. It was silent for a few minutes before you spoke up.

“Spence say something.” You begged he turned towards you. “I’m sorry but .. I can’t have this baby with you, I just got into my dream job Y/N.” He said grabbing his keys and heading for the door.

You stood there completely in shock. You never thought he would react this way. You were willing to move with him. This was everything you wanted and he doesn’t want it. You started to quickly pack everything you could all the things that were important. You didn’t want to ruin his life and he made his choice.

Once you had a few bags packed you drove to a cousins house, somewhere Spencer couldn’t find you. Spencer broke your heart but you wanted this baby. You didn’t need him at all, you had your cousin. He didn’t deserve you and or your child.

He chose the job over your child. Spencer had been anything but a coward but he proved you wrong.

Spencer came home heartbroken and in tears. Noticing all your things were gone he couldn’t hold it together. All your books, the mug he gave you for your first anniversary, everything was gone. He blamed himself for you leaving.

He was ready to have the baby, he wanted to do everything with you. The job didn’t matter, he always wanted a family especially with you. He called you and your best friend and couldn’t get a hold of you. Spencer knew he fucked up big time.

Months later you were giving birth to your baby girl, Beatrix Marie. She was so healthy, she looked like a perfect mix of you and Spencer. You hated him even more now that she was here. Her perfect nose and eyes that are bound to be huge like Spencer’s. You can’t believe he didn’t want her, to raise her, and love her but he made his choice.

No matter how much you disliked Spencer Bea was every part of him. She was a curious baby and had such a goofy smile like him. Years later Bea was still such a sweetheart and it broke her heart when you moved her across the country.

“Mommy, why do we have to go to Virginia?” Bea said after as you both were watching Doctor Who, which was her favorite show even for a 6 year old.

You had to move to Virginia to finish school and your residency. The pay was decent so you worked at the bookstore which Bea loved. She would also get to see the Smithsonian which she ended up loving. The move was great, life was great, and Bea was amazing.

On her 7th birthday she asked to of course go to the Smithsonian Zoo and to her favorite book store to see her favorite Liberian. Bea was so smart, you didn’t want her to move up in school just yet, she enjoyed the grade she was in for right now. Spencer always lingered in the back of your head. You never knew if you were making the right decisions without him.

The Smithsonian was great, Bea squealed looking at the different animals. She had a love for books, sugar, and animals of course. The bookstore was your next stop, you didn’t even call to see if Ms. Willis, the old Liberian women that would read and watch Bea when you first got to Virginia was in today.

Bea ran off as soon as you hit the door. “Bea no running honey, and stop laughing so loud.” You said in a loud whisper. “Sorry mommy.” She giggled as she ran off. “Hey, Ty is Ms.Willis here? Bea wants her to read to her for her birthday.” Ty was the cashier and a sweetheart who would babysit Bea sometimes when you worked late.

“Yeah she’s in the back I’ll go get her!” Ty said walking to the back. You went to the section you knew Bea would be in. You faintly heard her laughing and smiled. That’s when you heard a man’s voice and your smile dropped. Thinking the worse you walked quickly to the voice and there he was.

Spencer Reid, with his legs folded reading to his daughter, your daughter. “Hey Bea, go up front with Ty and I’ll be right there.” You said looking at Bea and Spencer noticing how she looks more like him then ever before. “Butt mommy, he was just reading Charlotte’s Web from memory.” Bea whined, “Beatrix. Now” she quickly stood and walked off “Bye spencer” she said in a defeated tone.

“Bye Beatrix.” He smiled faintly, you knew how much this was hurting him. “Hey Y/N” he stood and was now standing in front of you. He was tall, he had a tab of weight on him but you liked it, with his perfect hair identical to Beatrixs.

“Hi Spencer. Don’t come anywhere near her again“ he cut you off “I’m so sorry I didn’t know what I was thinking. It was the biggest mistake of my life.… I’m sorry.” He said as you seen his eyes began to water.

“Spencer you downright told me you didn’t want her and now?” you had no words, you never thought you would see him again. You knew it was a possibility but you haven’t thought about it in so long.

“Beatrix Marie Reid, happy birthday to my favorite 7 year old!” Ms. Willis said loudly with a ballon and a book Bea been asking for. The look on Spencer’s face when he heard her full name. You still named her after him even after what he did.

“It’s her birthday today, Spencer I’m mad at you, I love you and you left me, you left us” You said quietly looking at him with tears forming in your eyes. Spencer wanted to be in Beas life, to read with her and take her to ice cream. He wanted you most of all, he was still madly in love with you.

“I’ll give you time to process but here’s my number and address so we can .. talk.” You passed him the note. You didn’t know why you gave it to him. Beatrix was a smart girl so she had questions about her dad.

“Why does Mariah have a dad but I don’t?” Bea asked while you both were eating breakfast. “You do have a dad baby .. you just don’t know him.” You wanted to be honest and open with Bea.

“Did he not want me?” She asked looking down with her hair falling in Her face. Spencer didn’t want Bea you knew that, you just hated seeing her like this.

“How about I’ll tell you the whole story when you’re a little older.” Pushing her brown curl behind her ear. She pushed her glasses off the bridge of her nose “I love you mommy.”

——-

Beatrix had an amazing birthday she enjoyed it so much. It was always time for her last birthday request which was any horror movie of her choosing. To no surprise she chose The nightmare before Christmas her absolute favorite movie.

Bea had just showered and but on her pjs waiting on the couch for the popcorn. As your putting the popcorn in the bowl the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it,” Bea hopped up fast knowing she wasn’t allowed to open the door. Making an exception this time cause her best friend was supposed to be coming over also.

She swung it open with you behind her quickly, “Spencer! How do you know where we live? Do you think you can read to me? After the movie please.” Bea rambled so fast you could barley understand.

“Of course only if it’s okay with your mom.” He smiled at her, even missing 7 years of her life he still looked at her with a love you never seen. “I’ll think about it B, go watch the movie.” Kissing her head and handing her the popcorn.

You and Spencer walked to the kitchen watching Bea from the island. The love was still there between you and Spencer.

“I won’t keep her away from you. She deserves to know you but you have to tell her why you left.” You said looking him dead in his eye.

“Okay. Let me explain to you wh—“ you interrupted “Spencer this is about you and Bea not you and me. You explain to her why you left. Now come on her favorite movie is on.” You said walking towards Bea as Spencer trailed behind.

They both talked through the entire movie. Bea asking every question and Spencer there with an answer. Bea laughed and laughed so much with him. 45 minutes later Beatrix was sleep. You quietly picked her up to walk her to her room with Spencer trailing behind.

You laid her down and tucked her in giving her one kiss on the forehead. Spencer watched the entire thing in awe of how amazing you were with her. He always knew you’d be the perfect mother.

As you walked out and turned out the light Bea whispered “Can spencer still read to me mommy?” In her sleepy voice. “Maybe next time B, Goodnight” you said walking out with Spencer in front of you.

Once you were in the living room the room fell silent. You both pick up the tv room and headed to the kitchen. “I want Beatrix to have the most normal upbringing I can give her.” You started catching his attention, “if you tell her there’s no backing down. You will not come in her life and leave her.” You said in a stern tone.

Another reason Carly was telling her mom because she and Jasper were ready to take it to the next level. They had been together for a while now with a few make out sessions but that’s it. It’s never gotten to spicy for them though until recently when they were making out and Jaspers hand touched her ass. It freaked him out more than her and it sparked the “are we ready?” conversation. Carly definitely needed her mom for this so she had to tell her.

After the case was over Olivia rushed home. Carly texted her that they needed to have an important conversation and Olivia should be “open minded” to what she had to say. Olivia was a bit worried at first of course.

Olivia opened the door to the apartment walking in to the kitchen where Carly was. She was in her moms NYPD hoodie and biker shorts with fuzzy socks.

“Hey mom” Carly said softly not hiding her nervousness at all,

“Don’t give me that sweetness, what was that text about.” Asking as the pair headed to the couch, Carly sitting across from her mom.

“I’ll just spit it out.. I have a boyfriend that I really like, like a lot and of course he likes me a lot too. His name is Jaspers and he’s super nice to me and also very sweet and I think I’m ready to have sex with him I actually know I am because we both talked and he’s ready but I want you to meet him and know him and also help me with the sex part —-“

Carly rambled on without taking a breath, Olivia putting a soft hand on her lnee.

“Breathe Carly” she laughed,

“First, I’m happy you found someone you like I can tell he makes you happy. Secondly, I would love to meet him.”

Olivia smiled at her daughter with Carly smiling back nervously with silence covering the room.

“And the other part?” Carly bit her lip with the anticipation of being yelled at.

“I’m glad you told me and I understand that you’re ready for that but are you sure you’re ready sweetie?” Olivia hadn’t met Jasper yet and the detective in her wanted to make sure it was fullyCarly’s decision.

“Yeah I’m sure, Jasper wouldn’t hurt me or do anything I don’t want to do. I’m just afraid that he won’t like it or that I won’t like it. Like what if it hurts?”She asked her mom curiously,

“That’s understandable, you both just have to find what works for you. It’s all trial and error. If it does hurt I’m sure he would stop if you’re uncomfortable and same for you.” Olivia smiled dearly at her daughter,

“It’s about what makes you both happy but I do think we need to get you on birth control.”

“Okay, thank you so much for not judging or being mad at me.” The girl was afraid that her mom would react in a completely different way. Afraid she would get in trouble for wanting and having a boyfriend.

“I’m not here to judge you, I’m here to be your mama.” She pulled Carly into a hug placing a long kiss on her cheek.

The birth control talk came when Carly first turned 16. At the time sex and love was not in Carlys vision at all. So her and Olivia both agreed that when she was ready she would.

Olivia always wondered how she managed to raise such a beautiful girl. She was always in awe of Carly and her beautiful nature.