Taking full responsibility for the experiences i am having instead of placing blame. Never been a blame person in general, but i was amazed at the levels and depths of victimhood i paraded and claimed to be simply me 'setting boundaries' or 'protecting myself' because of how another wrongfully treated me (perceptively speaking). Fear based thinking is extremely sinister and tricky and covert. It masquerades as self protection and self love really well.
Question 'I' had to ask myself is: if this person(s)/situation is still 'making me' feel this way am i simply making myself feel this way? AND! am i making them feel this way, thus keeping the cycle going for me? (that's the real work part i didnt begin or even realized was blocking my growth) the former gives me an excuse to put up a wall because i am mostly smart enough to know that when ppl 'make me' feel a certain way, i can choose to just not associate with them and keep my expectations. The latter however, realizes the wall is already up and i am simply banging my head on it over and over because of my own failed expectations of myself not the other person. The latter takes the other off the hook for my joy and makes me stop banging my head and get on with making my joy. Placing my energy in places where there are no walls and no blame.
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(Note: when i first typed this i wrote it with 'you, us, them, ourselves, yourself', which i am custom to doing, especially as an author and former coach. but that contradicted the entire point i was making in the beginning so i went back and put this in first person (swapped 'you' for 'I', etc). Yup! Totally different experience, totally deepened 'my' understanding of personal accountaility and control over our- i mean - my own experiences. 😊)
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