SMILE LIKE YOU MEAN IT

The phases of our moon will change And the tides will push me to pain. Of course, I still love you. Can you put my fingers to my temple, In the shape of a pistol? A symbol, I will find a way out. Beauty in the fire escape; The one where we’d wish Upon all the city lights and the Constant fog, while that Sigur Rós Record spun behind us; it’s a soundtrack For the nostalgic. The unwritten verses I will stumble through Chord after chord; playing along to a melody. Yet, your ego is fed from fears; A monster that won’t stop the screams. A broken mirror; a false reflection of spirit. My pulse is cracked and decrepit.  Beauty in the fire escape; The one where we’d wish Upon all the city lights and the Constant fog, while that Sigur Rós Record spun behind us; it’s a soundtrack For the nostalgic. Tell me what good a god damn year does? Release the air of doubt; No room for us to breathe, but light.

Carve me into your vision. Break my bones from longing.

Do you miss those Northern summers  That you spoke so fondly of?  Is that why you ran even though  You couldn’t feel your bones breaking Out west? I’d write the songs you’d want to hear. And if you’re smiling I hope you know, You made the corners of my mouth  Turn around from my sad fears. And I wish that you were here, So I could blame all my shortcomings on  My fucked up head and these marks across my arms. And you can hate me for all the letters I could never write. If you breathe into my lungs again, I will bloom in spring.  If you breathe into my lungs again, I will decay in spring.

What are we but broken sycophants, Just waiting at the lips for another proverbial?

All my cards are spent. The deck has run dry,  But I’m betting on being  The joker stuck in the box; Betting on an empty chamber This round of roulette.  Major. Minor.  Play these sounds together.  And your demons will keep screaming When I tell you I can’t bear these chains Alone. Lost in a sea of disarray, Will our paths cross again? Avoiding comes naturally when alone is All I can find comfort in anymore. That is where you left me. What are the chances that I fold one last time? Will my heart bare the words I could not say? I know these truths won’t come from your roots. You left me alone, and took everything I held dear. Break me down again, and tell me you can’t speak first. Lies for the liars; Love for the lovers.

I left a candle burning for you in the living room A sign I hadn’t forgotten the times We’d stay out till you’d fall asleep In the passenger seat on those rides home You still have my heart You still have my soul. And those green eyes could Stare at me for miles. Break down and hate me for never being there Who could blame you? But the words were never easier for you to find And I’d bet my heart on a lack of speech twice over You’d tell me that I’d changed, But I was just at peace. Come apart.

Forget the past,  One of the hardest parts is that everything is gone And it’s a fresh start.  What were you holding onto? How did we fall so low? We can’t forgive. We can’t forget. Not present in the moment. Forgive and move into the remanent.  Simplicity. 

I spilt my insides and cheap beer Outside of your car.  Today was supposed to be the first day of my life. A new breath for a new start.  A new beat in tune with your neuroses.  Today was the broken lament of a bloody knife. Slay your demons, and address it without remorse. We are the broken bones of never after.

Dust off the cobwebs and start the engines again. One last ride for old times sake. One last time before I come undone at the seams. In the moment before it all starts again, That’s when you’ll feel real. That’s when you’ll have this process figured out.

Kaido is the coolest dog I know. She was able to hangout with dinosaurs, and she didn't even freak out. WHAT A COOL PUP! (at Gila Bend, Arizona)

Yet here we are: two souls who found one another When we needed the other the most. A man broken inside with one Who helped him find his feet again. A woman lacking a voice With one who helped her find it. Growth until the tree fell from the poisoned root. A tragedy that played out for far too long in their eyes. No remorse. No malcontent. Just memories. Prolong the inevitable over and over. The reaper has chosen, And I guess neither one of us  Will see those pearly gates. On a mission to separate the the bleeding colors. I am broken but still the same. Kintsugi can make me whole again. How long will I mourn this time? How long? How long? Will I let myself fall through the cracks? Mourn the loss. Cherish the time. Burn down the emotions You carried in the back pocket. We can remain, But we can't stay the same.

Taking Back Sunday will always have the biggest spot in my heart. Thank you for years of amazing music and memories. Seeing you all for the sixth time last night was just as amazing as the first. What an awesome night of seeing y'all full band and acoustic while also bringing Modern Chemistry and Every Time I Die out for a great tour. (at The Observatory North Park)

Even if I'm over 5000 miles away from home, I'll still make a day trip to Disneyland; except this time it was in Paris. Thanks for always being the best, Disney! (at Disneyland Paris)

Happy fourth birthday you wild flower child. Thanks for being the best dog in the world, Kaido. Here's to six months of friendship and many more to come. (at Scripps Institution of Oceanography)