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You need something to wash that down. Milk? Naw, dude thatâs heavy cream. Tastes good, right? Rich and smooth? You have another glass while I get the next batch of cookies from the oven.
Cmon dude, you know you want it. What do you have to lose? After all, youâve already lost your starting spot on the team. Iâve got that. And youâve lost your girl. Iâve got her, too. And your self-respect ⌠well, donât make me laugh.
Thatâs it, Tastes good, doesnât it. Hereâs another. And another. You look cute with chocolate all over your lips. Yeah, sure, take them all.
âWhen did you first realize you were a gainer?â That questionâs likely to come up, sooner or later, whenever youâre talking about gaining. Itâs even on the profile section of Grommr.
But itâs an odd question, really. Compare: âWhen did you first realize you were male?â or âwhite?â or âAmerican?â I have no idea when I first ârealizedâ those things. I feel like I must have always known them, in some sense. On the other hand, truly understanding the full complexities of what it means to be male or white or American is something Iâm still struggling to make sense of. Same with gaining.
The closest analogue, of course is, âWhen did you first realize you were gay?â But there again, it wasnât a moment, exactly. It was a series of moments, little nuggets of experience, that in retrospect snap together like magnets into a full-blown realization. But while I was living through them, I didnât always understand what they meant. Same with gaining.
So there really is no secret origin story. I wasnât bitten by a fat, radioactive spider. My parents werenât murdered by a psychotic dieter, leading to my vow to avenge their deaths by becoming Fatman. Nothing so melodramatic, just a series of moments, slowly coalescing into understanding.
So I canât really answer the question. But I can tell you about one of the earliest of those moments.
When I was in grade school, almost all childrenâs shows and cartoons ran on Saturday morning TV. (This was long before Nickelodeon or the Disney Channel were running kid shows 24/7.)
Back then, CBS had a thing called In the News that ran between its Saturday morning shows, little 90 second spots that presented news stories in a kid-friendly format. I saw hundredsâprobably thousandsâof these, but there are only two that stuck in my memory. One was about the terrorist massacre at the â72 Olympics in Munich. (Yes, yes, Iâm really old. Hush now, the grown ups are speaking.)
The other was about fat kids being sent to a summer camp to lose weight. I havenât been able to find that segment on YouTube, but, really, I hardly need to. Those words and images are burned permanently into my brain.
Here were boys my age but of gloriously elephantine proportions. I was mesmerized. Iâd noticed the fat kid in my class at school, of course. But this wasnât just one fat kid. There were dozens of them, each one softer and chubbier than the last. You could see their bodies jiggle as they ran or (tried to) do sit ups.
They interviewed one boy about his eating habits. He said that in his family they just expected him to âstretch his stomachâ at every meal. Oh my God! This enormous kid was deliberately trying to eat as much as he possibly could every single time he ate. He even had a name for it!
I was a skinny kid, an epically picky eater. Iâd never stretched my stomach, no sir, not me. But what would it feel like, stretching my stomach? And what might happen to me if I did? Believe you me, I pondered those questions, daydreaming in school and drifting off to sleep at night for years.
Is this when I realized I was a gainer? Nope. I didnât really understand what it all meant, didnât even have a name for it yet. I only knew that it fascinated me. This wasnât the origin, my fascination was always already there, I think: lying dormant, waiting patiently to blossom into fullness.
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people gain for different reasons, find out which category of gainers you fall under. IMPORTANT: you'll probably find more than one answer to be somewhat right, please chose the one you identify with the most. quiz created by the fat zone http://thefatzone.tumblr.com/
My result is The Ultimate Gainer (The Fat Lover):
You are a gainer because you simply love fat, it is this deep inexplicable attachment to being fat that turns you on like nothing else does. You want to be as big as possible and probably have fantasies about being the fattest person on earth. You love how blubbery you get the more you grow fatter, you enjoy every little change you witness in your body from the way your belly jiggles when you get down the stairs, to how you get out of breath when you do anything to not being able to tie your shoes anymore. You are looking for someone to enjoy your growing journey with you and be as excited about your fat as you are.Â
Q: No? A few years back didnât you gain over 80 lbs. and put up videos on YouTube tracking your progress and gloating about it on your blog, where you went on and on and on about how much getting fat turned you on and how great it felt and all that?
A: Well, yes I did, but I just meant that Iâm really still a gainer.
Q: But youâve lost all that weight?
A: Yes.
Q: In fact, you lost nearly 100 lbs?
A: Yes.
Q: So youâre not a gainer anymore, youâre just a loser.
A: Well, thatâs a harsh way of putting it. I âŚ
Q: Youâre not gaining weight now?
A: No.
Q: So how exactly are you a gainer?
A: Well, what I mean is that the desire to be a gainer is still very much a part of who I am.
Q: So, you want to gain all that weight back, right?
A: No! No! No! I have absolutely no desire in any way, shape, or form whatsoever to get fat again, to get all big and round and soft and feel my belly bulging tight against my shirts and feel my nipples get super, super sensitive as my tits swell and expand and feel my plump, jiggling thighs rubbing together when I walk. No sir, not me. No way. No how.
Q: Riiiiiight, I see. So, how is it that youâre still a âgainerâ?
A: Well, you see, the idea of gaining still really turns me on. As a completely hypothetical, abstract, in-no-way-based-in-real-life kind of thing. You know?
Q: Okay, so for you gaining is just a fantasy now, a fantasy that you yearn for deeply but a fantasy you wonât allow yourself to make real, even though you know (know from your own experience) that you could easily make your dream come true. I take it the reality of gaining didnât live up to your expectations.
A: Oh no, it was great! It was ⌠Man it was so, so wonderful. You know, Iâd wanted to gain for years and years and when I finally did, it was like I wasâfor the first timeâbecoming who I truly am. It just felt so right, so satisfying. And I felt sexy and fabulous in a way I never had before. Or ⌠you know, since.
Q: Then why on earth did you lose all the weight?
A: Well, thatâs complicated, it was lots of things really. Thatâs not an easy question to just, you know, like, answer.
Q: Try.
A: Well, first: thereâs all the health concerns.
Q: Oh, you had health problems?
A: Well, I had heartburn, like, you know, a lot!
Q: Really, thatâs it?
A: Um, I got winded if I tried to run up the stairs. Occasionally.
Q: That does all sound very trying, sounds like something out of the Book of Job almost. But come on, did you have any serious health problems?
A: No, but Iâm certain I would eventually have had some, if Iâd kept gaining. Obesity is just not healthy. Everybody says so.
Q: Alright, so you developed this hysterical, baseless fear about your âhealthâ. Fine. You said there were lots of reasons?
A: Yes, well. Even though I met some great guys online, I never met any of them in person. So, though I really liked the gaining community, in some ways it never seemed fully real to me. To be honest, I was hoping to connect with real, live people who were also into gaining, but I never did really, so that seemed like one less reason to be a gainer.
Q: You wanted to go out on some dates?
A: I ⌠Yes, that would have been nice.
Q: But you didnât?
A: No.
Q: How hard did you try to make that happen?
A: Well, okay, honestly, not very hard. I wanted it, but I was scared by it at the same time, you know?
Q: I think I understand perfectly. Howâs your social life now?
A: What?
Q: I mean, now that youâve achieved this socially, medically, and morally proper weight, you must have guys just lining up to go out with you?
A: Um, well, itâs ⌠You see now, the thing about that is âŚ
Q: Tell me about the last guy you met who you really connected with.
A: Um ⌠How would you define âconnectedâ?
Q: Never mind, I think I get the picture.
A: I mean, itâs not exactly easy for a guy like me âŚ
Q: But youâre just as single now as you were 100 lbs. ago. I mean, strangely enough, being a big loser didnât magically change all that.
A: Well, no but itâs much easier now.
Q: How so?
A: Well, when I was gaining, my libido was just through the roof. I mean: wow! I havenât felt that horny since I was in High School.
Q: And now?
A: Oh, itâs calmed down considerably now.
Q: So itâs easier being alone now because you have such a diminished sex drive?
A: Well, yeah. That makes sense, doesnât it?
Q: Now, besides your nonexistent health problems and your nonexistent social life, was there some other reason you chose to starve away all the fat that was making you all horny and happy?
A: Yes, there was a lot of concern from friends and family. Concern about my weight, I mean. You know, Iâd been thin all my lifeâskinny evenâand they were worried about my getting so big so quickly.
Q: Because they didnât know you loved getting fat, that you loved every minute of it?
A: Yes, exactly.
Q: And you never told them?
A: Well, thatâs not something you can just tell someone! Theyâd think you were crazy.
Q: Oh, Iâm sure no one could ever think you were crazy. But how did they react to your sudden, catastrophic fat loss? If they were worried about the health effects of gaining so much weight so quickly, werenât they just as concerned that you lost the weight so fast?
A: Oh no, everyone was very supportive when I was losing weight. They all seemed very happy for me. You know, an old High School friend of mine asked me seriously if Iâd gotten a lap band or gastric bypass surgery or something. He was very impressed.
Q: It sounds like he was surprised by your weight loss?
A: Oh yes, definitely.
Q: Then you must not see him that often.
A: Oh, maybe two or three times a year.
Q: But you impressed the hell out of some knuckle head you used to know in High School who you rarely see. Well, I can see how that would make it all worthwhile.
A: Well he wasnât the only one. My Mom was delighted.
Q: Oh, Iâm sure she was. And just think: if sheâd known that your weight loss had torpedoed your sex drive, sheâd have been ecstatic!
A: Now thatâs uncalled for! You have this way of ⌠of twisting my words?
Q: Do I? I apologize.
A: Never mind. The point is that the people who are closet to me all wanted me to lose the weight and were all very happy when I did.
Q: And after all, what could be more important than sacrificing your own happiness for the approval of others? Tell me: did any of these âpeople who were closet to youâ have any idea what being fat really meant to you?
A: Well, Iâm a very private person, and I wouldnât want to burden them with my ⌠my ⌠issues.
Q: No, of course not. So, to sum up: for whatever dumbass reasons, you deliberately lost 100 lbs. of beautiful, soft, sexy fat? Was it difficult?
A: Actually, it was almost depressingly easy, once Iâd made the decision to do it. The hard part, really, was committing myself to it, but once I did that the actual weight loss was pretty easy. You see, I discovered that the real key to losing weight ⌠Do you know about ânet carbsâ?
Q: Let me stop you right there. Because the minute I hear someone start to talk about the details of their diet, I get so bored I can hardly breathe. Trust me, honey, no one gives two smelly farts about how you lost weight.
A: Sorry, I guess losing weight is pretty boring, isnât it?
Q: Boring. Pointless. And ultimately a complete waste of time. Thin is temporary, fat is forever.
A: No, Iâve kept the weight off for a good long while now, and I intend to keep if off, youâll see!
Q: Yes, of course. The fact that even people who donât love being fat canât keep the weight off for long shouldnât bother you in slightest.Â
A: But Iâm different because ⌠Well, I know youâre bored with all the details, so letâs just say I lost the weight through diet and exercise and thatâs how Iâll keep it off.
Q: And through internet abstinence.
A: What?
Q: Well, you more or less completely dropped out of sight from the online gaining scene around the time all this grand and glorious campaign of self denial started, didnât you?
A: Yes, well if Iâd kept going on Grommr and Tumblr and YouTube and looking at all those guys who were packing on the weight, reading gainer blogs, watching gainer videos, that would have totally undermined my whole weight loss program.
Q: Right, because if you saw how great and sexy all those guys looked as they got fatter and fatter and fatter, while you starved yourself in a desperate and pathetic attempt to fit into societyâs bullshit idea of how you should look and of what other people thought would make you happy, if you did that, well that would indeed make it a challenging to stick to some fucking âweight loss programâ, wouldnât it?
A: Yes! Exactly, Iâm so glad you understand.
Q: But youâre falling back into your old habits online, arenât you?
A: What do you mean?!
Q: Well, you started a Tumblr account, and just looking at who youâre following and what youâre favoriting there ⌠Oh! Oh my, youâre not exactly using Tumblr to look at pictures of kittens, now are you?
A: Well no, but thatâs just because, because ⌠You know, like I said before the idea of gaining still really turns me on.
Q: Mmm hmm. And I see youâre active on Grommr again? How nice.Â
A: Well, no, no, not really, not as such. I mean, sure, I check in on it occasionally, and Iâve chatted with a few guys, but itâs nothing serious. I donât even have a paid account anymore.
Q: So why âŚ
A: Itâs just a lark really.
Q: Alright, but why âŚ
A: I can quit anytime I want!
Q: Oh, honey, of course you can.
A: Anytime!
Q: But why did you come back, after such a very long absence?
A: Oh, no reason, really. Just one of those things.
Q: Was it because gaining fills a need deep, deep down inside of you, a need that nothing else can ever satisfy, a need you may try to repress or ignore or struggle against, but a need you can never truly escape or ever completely deny?
A: Well, I donât think thatâs âŚ
Q: You know what I think? I think all this recent internet lurking has relit the pilot light on you libido. Youâre completely captivated by the very thought of gaining, entranced by it. Anyone could see that. And, like you said before, youâre still really a gainer at heart. Arenât you?
A: Well, what I said is that the idea of gaining âŚ
Q: Youâve just been in hibernation or in denial or some such, and now youâre waking up again, and you canât resist it and you donât really want to, do you?
A: No, thatâs not ⌠But, donât you see? I ⌠Itâs the idea of gaining that âŚ
Q: Think of it this way: how many people can say that they can literally make their dreams come true? That they can make themselves feel happy and horny and deeply fulfilled by simply eating whatever they want whenever they want to, which everybody wants to do anyway? Youâve dreamed about gaining all your life, havenât you?
A: Well, yes, I have but that doesnât mean âŚ
Q: And, more than that, youâve already made the dream come true once before. And you know what: if youâve been starving yourself all this time, your body is just totally primed to get nice and fat now. Once your bodyâs been fat, it always longs to be fat again. And, after all, deep down: you long to be fat again too! Getting big and fat is what you really want, isnât it? Itâs what youâve always really wanted. So why not just do it?
A: I just donât think it would be, you know, practical right now for me to start gaining again.
Q: âPracticalâ?
A: Yes, I donât see gaining fitting into my current lifestyle.
Q: Well then, what are you doing here?
A: What am I doing here? What does that mean? Iâm confused.
Q: Yes, yes I think you are.
âââ
Not long after this interview (to absolutely no oneâs surprise) bellyenvy regained all his lost weight. Then, gorging himself with abandon, he started packing on even more fat.
He is currently over 300 lbs. and wants to get âmuch, much bigger.â
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