Don't Let Me Fall Asleep

 || Open Starter

Eden could see him, lurking by the window. He looked angry, angry enough to kill and she was sure the first person he’d go for was her. No, no they’d promised he couldn’t come here, it wasn’t real. “You’re not real, you’re not real, go away.” she muttered, closing her eyes. “Go away, go away, go away…”

Bella was trying to find the nice nurses that could give her some more of the really pretty paper and the good crayons, but they didn’t seem to be around and it was bugging her a little bit. But it wasn’t going to ruin her day. As she continued to search, she noticed someone hallucinating. That was an all too familiar moment and she felt bad for, really bad. Walking toward her, Bella leaned over, looking at her and asked, gently and slowly. “Hey, the best advice I can give you is to ground yourself. Feel every inch of your feet, your ankles and move up through your body. If you don’t give into the hallucination, they usually go away.”

“In another life, I’d be a nurse, probably. Got all the fuckin’ trainin’ for it, anyway.” Ronnie spoke around the thread in his mouth, quickly stitching up the wound on the flesh in front of him so everyone involved could avoid a trip down to the real nurse’s station, where there would be paperwork done and questions asked.

“Dad would kick my ass, though. No son’a his doing a girl’s job, y’know?” Leaning back, the guard inspected his handiwork. 

“See? Beautiful!” He smacked the stitches lightly, thoroughly impressed by himself. “Now get the fuck outta here before anyone sees us.”

Bella may have recruited someone to play sock skating in the hallway. The brunette knew the staff member that yelled at her the last time wasn’t around, so thankfully, maybe, if she was lucky, she wouldn’t get into trouble. But her fun and games didn’t exactly last very long. The person she’d recruited to play slipped and cut their arm on the side of a wall. It wasn’t that the cut was bad, but she knew if they bled all over the floor everyone would get in trouble. She was thankful for the guard that actually knew what he was doing.

“I appreciate it, ‘cause I can’t let them bleed all over the floor. They’d send me to a very bad place and I just can’t deal with that,” Bella explained, plopping down on the floor, watching as he stitched up her friend’s arm. She was always fascinated by how everyone knew how to do that. Her eyes stayed firmly on the needle, really curious. It was a small one and therefore, not so scary. “I think your dad is dumb for saying that. If you wanna help people, then you help them.” 

Crossing her arms over her chest as her friend ran off back to their room, Bella pouted. “I didn’t mean to hurt them! Well, now what am I gonna do?”

“I did a little. Mostly flowers and other plants. I had my own small green house. It was like my own little forest world.” Cassie said smiling as she remembered it. But now she wondered if they all had died. Or had someone continued to look after it? “It is. Plus you can get lost in your thoughts and not be interrupted by others. I am as well. It can be nice to stay in, but I always preferred to be around nature.”

Bella’s eyes lit up, her face practically glowing. Talking about the garden, plants and anything beautiful, she was happy. Knowing someone else felt the same way made her beyond happy, in fact, she was really very excited about it. Clapping excitedly, she couldn’t help but giggle. “Oh goodness, that sounds so wonderful. I want to live in a forest word of pretty plants. I can’t wait until we can go back outside,” she explained. Bella was really worried that the snow had ruined everything. She’d have to replant everything, but maybe this time, she’d have a friend to join her. “I prefer being out there anyway, besides, it helps the nightmares disappear and the doctors don’t worry about me so much.” Bella looked outside and sighed. “What kind of plants should we plant there? I think we should plan so we’re ready.”

Ari had been out of solitary for approximately three hours. She’d been to lunch in the dining hall, to a therapy session, and a sit-down meeting with her doctor. They had her placed with two staff members, heavily guarded, to make sure she was going to reenter the general population without any problems. It had been months since she’d been out of solitary, so she was happy to be out and about even if the guards were up her ass. She was tired, but she was on the hunt, now, to find Dexter. Upon crossing someone in the hallway, she halted and turned to catch them before they got too far. “Excuse me! Can you help me?” She asked, walking back down the hall to stand closer to them. “I’m looking for my boyfriend - blond, cute, different colored eyes?”

Skipping through the hallways, Bella swung the strings of her robe along with her. That morning, she’d been painting and drawing and had paint all over her hands. Sure, her drawings weren’t exactly cheerful, but she’d been told to get out all of her feelings. It was supposed to help her talk about it later. Bella spun around in circles, skipping down to her doctor’s office to show them to him. They’d been placed in a folder after they’d dried and were taken to him. She hadn’t expected anyone else to be in the hallway. But when the girl walked up to her, a bright grin formed across her face. “Yeah, I like helping people,” she stated. But when the girl spoke, Bella stopped. She had a feeling she knew who she was talking about. Swallowing, she bit her lip. “I don’t know where he is and I don’t want to know. I don’t like finding him.”

A wide grin spread across Chris’s lips as he listened to Bella speak. Even though his hand hurt, he was pretty excited to have something to show off. “I bet I could be Spider-Man now,” He said with a nod, turning his hand over and pretending to shoot a web from his wrist. “That’d be so fuckin’ cool. I love Spider-Man. Don’t you? Who’s your favorite?”

Giggling, Bella was glad that he was as excited about her superhero comment. She worried that he would think she was childish for suggestion a comment like that. But his response was a whole lot better than she could’ve imagined. “You definitely could be! And you’d look sooo stylish in that spandex suit!” Bella clapped excitedly, looking him up and down, knowing that spandex was incredibly awesome when it breathed properly. “He’s pretty awesome, but I like Superman, especially that one with the super blue eyes. I like blue eyes, a lot.”

“That would be really nice! And maybe we might see each other out there too! It would be fun to have someone else that likes gardening around to talk to.” Cassie was excited about the idea. “I don’t think spring could get here any sooner now.”

Nodding with a bright smile, Bella was really excited. She always loved being outside, tending to her garden, but now, knowing other people enjoyed being outside, maybe she could have people to help her with it. “I’d like that, a lot. Did you do gardening before you got here? I didn’t start until I was here... a calming thing, I guess,” she explained. Looking out at the cold air and the sky leaking snow, she sighed. Why couldn’t spring just get here early enough? She didn’t want to be stuck inside anymore. “I’m bored inside.”

Never in her life had she had a sister. Not until she came to Dymphna. Bella had fast become not only her first real female friend, but also the sister she’d never had. Including the fact that they looked so much a like, it was easy for the little brunette to convince herself that her matching friend was her sister. The patients here were family anyway. Cuddling in close on the still warm bed that Bella was snuggled wrapped up in, she nodded her and placed a barely there kiss on the apple of her cheek. She’d been missed as well, so badly. At least now she didn’t have to worry about getting her sick.

Holding her close to her, Bella was happy to just be laying there with her, to just know that both of them were safe, no matter what. She couldn’t imagine what she’d do if anything happened. When she’d first arrived, she’d never thought she’d find someone in the asylum that she cared so much about. There was no one that she’d ever felt close to like this before. Bella trusted Charlie. She trusted her more than anyone else there. It was much safer in this room than out there anyway. Turning to face her, Bella bit her lip. “You’re okay, right? Besides being sick? I feel like... I have to make sure everyone is okay now.”

Now that Dexter had broken his pinky and the corresponding fifth metacarpal, Chris was being a bit more of a crybaby than he usually was; he was going to milk this for all it was worth just to see what he could get others to do for him. After all, he had a good percentage of the green floor wrapped around his finger, and some of the staff as well. All he wanted right now was Arden, really, but he knew that he couldn’t keep having the nurses page him when he was busy with other things. Since he couldn’t cling on Arden, though,  after being released from the infirmary earlier in the day the blonde had been making his rounds through the asylum to make sure everything was the same as he’d left it the previous day. He was fine, even in a good mood as he walked the halls until he came across someone. “Look, isn’t it cool?” He held his hand out so that they could see the boxer splint the nurses had put on his hand. “It’s all velcro-y and stuff.”

Carrying around her pillow all day, Bella was using it in case she got tired and just wanted to take a quick nap. It helped to be incredibly comfortable before she took a nap anywhere. But she’d just woken up from one and was still a little bit groggy, not really paying attention to where she was going. Walking out of the room she’d napped in, she almost ran into the wall. Bouncing backwards, she stood there for a second, judging the wall and doorway for bumping into her, she hadn’t heard someone walking toward her. Recognizing the voice, Bella turned and grinned. “Oooh! You look like you’ve got a superhero hand! It looks like it could shoot powerful webs or lasers or something,” she stated. She’d had some fairly superhero dreams lately and that was definitely a good thing.

Anthony had gotten back from vacation last night, and was starting to settle back into working. He’d needed the time off, away from this hell of a place, but he was happy to be back to work now. Slightly sunburned and somewhat tanner than he was before, the guard entered through the front door of the institution, removing his sunglasses and tucking them into the pocket of his uniform. Turning to the person nearest him, Anthony decided to ask the question he’d been wanting to for about a week now.  “What’s happened since I’ve been gone, other than the kid gettin’ beat? I’ve heard enough about that already, I need some new news.” It was a bit insensitive, he knew that, but he was over that and wanted to hear about something else.

It was a surprisingly good day outside and Bella managed to make it through a couple hours or sleep, so of course she was in a good mood. There was a bright smile on her face as she skipped through the halls. A few of the nurses were trying to keep her awake and in a good mood, not thinking about any of her potential nightmares. They had her counting windows, just trying to keep her mind distracted until she got tired. As she found herself toward the nurses station and the main doors, she saw a familiar face, Anthony. He’d been missing and now, coming back, it made her far too happy. You see, Bella had a crush on him and she’d missed seeing him around. A bright smile formed upon her face as he walked back in. She bounced up and down and skipped over to him. At his question, she thought about it and tried to give him as much as she could. “Well, there’s lots of people mad at the food and almost got into a food fight at one point. I had a breakdown and broke some tables. That was fun. There’s a guard leaving, but he won’t tell me why. I hope he did something bad.”

@bellshoff

Hardly having knocked at all, Charlie pushed the door open in nearly the same action, strolling her way into the room of her friend with a soft smile. More than two weeks in the hospital ward had left her lonely and desperate for the closeness of those she cared most about. Flopping herself unceremoniously onto her bed, Charlie let herself roll over, throwing her arms around Bella in as tight a hug as her still weak arms could manage.

After a night of good sleep, her bed always felt so comfortable. It was really assuring to know that there were nights she could make it through without waking up in tears. A small smile on her face formed as she looked up at the ceiling, glad. Her door opened and lifting her head, she saw Charlie walk in. Bella missed Charlie, quite a lot. She knew the girl had been in the hospital ward. It felt weird without her around. As she rolled over and hugged her, Bella hugged her back. “Hi, I hope you’re feeling better. I missed you. It’s been kind of lonely around here.”

He hadn’t asked for her life story, but alright. Sometimes people liked to overshare, especially if they weren’t getting enough attention in other aspects of their lives. 

“Just don’t draw on the doors, or you’ll be spit-shinin’ all of them.” Saint Dymphna was a huge building, sprawling, with what seemed like thousands of doors. It would be a lofty punishment.

“And so help me God if you even try to crack the door open.” He was pretty content where he was, leaning against the nurse’s station, and didn’t want to move.

Watching him, she pouted slightly. Bella wouldn’t break the rules, but she understood that everyone had to watch every single patient. Shifting, she found a more comfortable position and looked down at the paper with all the snowflake frost drawings on them. Once she was done, she was going to try and find some colored pencils to make it prettier. “I won’t. Isn’t that... mean?” 

She wouldn’t go outside without permission. Bella followed the rules and she knew why they were in place, so why would she break them? “It’s cold outside, I’d freeze. No thank you. Aren’t there alarms on the doors too?” she asked, tilting her head to the side, really curious. One of the guards told her that and she wondered if it was actually true.

“You did? We’re allowed to do things like that?” Cassie looked at the girl with a light smile. “Any gardens? Roses maybe? I do love roses. Such a delicate flower and smell.” 

Nodding, Bella smiled happily. She loved talking about things like this. “Yeah! I would ask first, but I don’t see why not. Maybe you can put them by my vegetables. They’ll look so pretty! and there’s always someone watching when I’m out there, just in case.” Bella wasn’t exactly a threat to anyone, but she knew that if for some reason, her paranoia hit, she needed to have someone to keep her calm. But she always seemed to follow the rules, so why shouldn’t they let her? 

“Oh, bless you.” They seemed relieved to hear she’d help them, sagging and letting out a heavy breath. It took a moment for them to collect themselves before they launched into their spiel, clicking their pen nervously.

“Okay, so, I’m Kieran Mercer, I’m the new activities director here at Saint Dymphna, which means I’m responsible for the patients’ entertainment. Buying puzzles, books, arranging activities, new kinds of therapy, stocking the art room, stuff like that. So I’m asking as many patients as I can a couple of questions in order to gauge the needs and wants of people here.”

They glanced down at the clipboard in their hand. “You’re yellow level, right?” They ticked a box on the page before glancing up to her.

If she was going to be stuck here even longer, she knew she’d have to find other activities to do to keep herself busy. Her nightmares would come and go as they pleased, and while her new medication was working, she still tossed and turned like a mad woman. The only thing that seemed to be working was taking naps in the day, when the bright sunshine rolled it. It helped her stay calm, helped her feel like she had some kind of control.

Turning her attention up to them, she flashed them a bright smile. Nodding, she listened to their whole spiel, grinning at all of the suggestions said. A bunch of them actually sounded really good, so if she could, she’d want them all, but knew that wouldn’t necessarily work. But she was most definitely willing to help them out with all the questions they had. “Oh! Those sound so wonderful. What questions do you have? I’ll give you all the answers!”

Nodding, “Yeah, yellow. It’s safe down here and I’m glad that I’m still down here.” Shifting, Bella got more comfortable and hugged the nearest pillow to her chest, beaming. Things like this made her happy. She liked talking to people, especially when she wasn’t feeling paranoid. It helped, a lot.

It wasn’t often Cassie got to front and have time int he outside world. So when she did show it was always exciting to her. Luckily Emily had been nice enough to pack two of Cassie’s favorite outfits. Dressing herself Cassie popped on some pearl looking earrings, and took it upon herself to find the common room with a big window. Finding the room she stared out it admiring the surroundings of the building. Turning when she heard someone she gave a smile. “Are we allowed outside? It  would be lovely if we were.”

The weather had been better lately and that made Bella happy. She much preferred drawing outside and her doctors knew that it helped soothe her hallucinations and panic attacks. Fiddling with her sleeves, she walked through the hallways, glad that she could hear her markers in her cardigan pockets. If she didn’t have them, she tended to panic and think someone stole them. It was messy. Walking into the common room, she saw someone standing near the window, looking out at it. A soft smile formed across her face as she nodded. “Yeah! It depends on your level and if you get permission, they will let you! As long as you’re not doing anything wrong or anything. It’s really pretty out there. I started a vegetable garden!”

“Please, don’t try my patience. It’s just a little survey, and it will benefit you in the future, anyway.”

Getting patients to talk to them was like pulling teeth in this place. Kitty was undeterred, however, clipboard clutched against their chest and guard at their six. “Five minutes, that’s all I ask. It’s like, five questions, and your response could help shape the activities available to you in the future.”

The list of patients that had turned them down outright, or given sarcastic answers, disgusting answers, or worse, was longer than their arm, at this point, but surely someone, somewhere, had to be helpful.

Lifting her head, Bella looked up at him at he spoke. He was clearly trying to merely take a survey and she hoped he’d be glad that he caught her on a good day. For once in the last few weeks, Bella had slept. She figured it was because the guards let her watch a happy movie before she fell asleep, so she dreamed of happy princesses and castles. It was definitely something she needed. “I like things that benefit me, so I’ll help you!”

She placed her bookmark in her book and closed it. Bella gave him a bright smile and placed her book down next to her. “So what’s up?” There were more activities that she wanted to be able to do, and didn’t want to be bored anymore. She also wanted to find something that would continue to keep her brain distracted from the priest and hallucinations she had when she didn’t sleep.

“You uh, y’know you’re not supposed to be doing that, right?”

It’s not really his place to stop anyone. He’s a guard, so he guards, right? He doesn’t tell people what to do.

They wouldn’t dare give him that much power, Arden thinks.

“I don’t wanna have to report you or anything… or knock it off, or plead your case for me to turn and head back to the nurse’s station.”

Bella had managed to make it to one of the front doors and had a piece of paper up against the door, tracing the shapes appearing on it, either from frost or rain, she couldn’t really tell which. Either way, it was going to be beautiful. But from anyone else’s angle, it looked like she was drawing on the doors. She knew that if anyone found her and yelled at her, she could claim that her doctor told her it was alright and they’d believe her. After all, she was fairly convincing.

But she hadn’t actually expected someone to ask her. Lifting her head, she looked right at him, staring him directly in the eyes. “I’m not drawing on the doors, if that’s what you think. It’s an art assignment. I’m tracing the designs. It keeps me calm so I don’t have more hallucinations and violent panic attacks....” she started to explain. Sitting down on her feet, she continued to hold the paper up against the door. “My doctor says to draw whatever I want and today... well, today I wanted to draw pretty frost designs.”