she heard — # jude bellingham
synopsis — after reader overhears jude calling her constant presence “annoying,” she quietly distances herself from him and his family. but as the silence she leaves behind grows impossible to ignore, jude realizes the girl he’d taken for granted was the one he’d been falling in love with all along.
# warnings: very faint angst, fluff, hurt/comfort
# wc: 5.9k
# mia’s note: while i finish up the last chapters of amongst it all i wanted to leave one of the things i had written a long time ago but never actually took the time to post. it’s long but i love it so much. reqs are open now for anons to because apparently i had them off?? with sooo much love, mia
masterlist
the first time jude noticed her, she was ten years old and sitting cross legged on the kitchen floor because she insisted the tiles were colder than chairs.
jobe had dragged her inside after school with grass stains on both of their knees and a football tucked under one arm.
“mum!” jobe shouted. “we’re starving.”
his mother looked up from the stove before smiling. “and who have you kidnapped today?”
y/n answered before jobe could. broad smile on her face. “i came willingly.”
jude, thirteen then, barely spared her a glance as he walked through the kitchen toward the fridge.
she, however, watched him like he’d personally invented gravity. and that’s when it started.
it became something everyone noticed eventually. not in the exaggerated way children teased each other, but it was just there. you could notice it without much effort.
whenever jobe invited her over, she’d end up lingering wherever jude happened to be. if jude was practicing free kicks in the garden, she’d find an excuse to sit on the patio with homework she never actually touched. if jude was watching football in the living room, she’d suddenly be interested in whichever teams were playing. if he walked into the kitchen, she’d somehow already be there asking jobe if he wanted a snack.
she wasn’t subtle. never had been. never really tried to be either.
she would ask jude questions no one else did.
“did training go well?”
“what boots are those?”
“did your ankle ever stop hurting?”
she remembered things. too many things. things that the best friend of your younger brother shouldn’t really remember.
one afternoon she looked up from helping jobe with homework and casually said; “you have trials tomorrow, right?”
jude blinked. “yeah.”
“i’ll be rooting for you.”
it was simple and quick. she said it without even expecting a reply. as if just stating something that he shouldn’t need to overthink.
she smiled before looking back down at the maths sheet as though she’d simply commented on the weather.
he remembered thinking that she was weird. not in a mean way, just weird. odd.
because why did she know that?
years passed. jobe and y/n stayed inseparable. jude became a professional footballer. they were basically the same, only older.
the visits never stopped. if anything, they became more frequent.
whenever jude came home during breaks, y/n always happened to be there. helping his mum bake, watching a movie with jobe, sitting outside with headphones around her neck laughing so hard she nearly fell off the garden chair.
it didn’t necessarily mean she was there for him. she really wasn’t. she was there because it was her home now too. that’s how she felt about it.
she’d wave when he walked in anyways. always.
a soft greeting with that sweet smile that seemed to never fade. “hi, jude,” like she’d been waiting for him.
he’d nod, small smile that didn’t always reach his eyes, respond nonchalantly. “alright,” and keep walking.
she never seemed offended. never pushed. never expected conversations longer than a few minutes. but she existed around him close enough to notice, and far enough not to get in the way.
his teammates figured it out before he ever did.
one summer, several of them were staying over while training nearby. jobe had invited y/n around because they were planning to watch a match together.
she walked into the garden carrying chips and lemonade and greet everyone with that same enthusiasm she always carried herself with.
“hi!”
and then she’d look at jude.
“hi,” with a completely different voice. smaller and softer. almost shy.
she had never been particularly shy. kept to herself maybe a little, never nervous in normal settings though.
so it wasn’t a surprise when one of his teammates noticed instantly.
after she disappeared back inside, someone elbowed him. “dude.”
“what?”
“that girl.”
“what about her?”
“she’s in love with you.”
jude nearly choked on his drink, laughing uncontrollably. “no, she isn’t.”
“oh, come off it. you didn’t see the way she looked at you?”
another teammate laughed. “i’ve seen insurance sellers less committed than her.”
jude rolled his eyes, a bit more serious now. “she’s jobe’s friend.”
“exactly.”
“so?”
“so she’s been staring at you for ten minutes.”
“i wasn’t even talking.”
“that definitely didn’t stop her, mate.”
the conversation dissolved into laughter. jude tried laughing too, but it was a different mindset now.
he couldn’t stop noticing.
the way she’d unconsciously turn toward him whenever he spoke. how she’d laugh louder when he made jokes. how she’d immediately ask if he wanted another drink before anyone else. how she always chose the chair closest to him without seeming to realise she’d done it. how she remembered tiny details he’d forgotten he’d ever mentioned.
it was a lot. it wasn’t normal.
then came the teasing.
“oh look.”
“there she is.”
“your little shadow.”
“jude’s biggest fan.”
he denied it every single time. rolling his eyes and drifting the topic to anything else.
“she’s just friends with my brother.”
“mhm.”
“nothing else.”
yet the jokes kept coming. and eventually, they started irritating him.
not because of y/n. she hadn’t done anything wrong. but everyone kept making it into something.
every time she walked over; “there she comes.”
every time she smiled; “oh, she’s looking.”
every time she asked him something; “damn, she’s obsessed.”
he started becoming hyperaware of it. of her, of where she stood, of whether people were watching, whether they were going to make another joke.
instead of simply seeing y/n, he started seeing everyone else’s reactions to y/n.
and resentment quietly settled somewhere it never should have.
it happened during another barbecue.
the house was loud as it usually was. children running through sprinklers and music floating from the speakers with adults talking over one another.
y/n and jobe had gone inside to find ice cream while jude leaned against the fence with three friends.
one of them nodded toward the patio doors. “so, when are you going to tell your girlfriend?”
jude groaned. “for god’s sake.”
“what?”
“she’s not my girlfriend.”
“you sure?”
another snorted. “mate, she follows you everywhere.”
jude rubbed a hand over his face, irritation overflowing. “i know.”
“so?”
he laughed, but there wasn’t any humor behind it. nothing was funny, he just needed the conversation to end.
“it’s honestly…” he searched for a word. one that wasn’t mean but one that could explain the situation. “…annoying.”
possibly the worst choice of wording ever.
his friends were no longer laughing. smiles had dimmed a bit as well. he was being serious.
“i can’t go anywhere in this house without her appearing.”
one of his friends chuckled. “that’s harsh.”
“i’m serious. i walk into a room and she’s there. i go outside and she’s outside. it’s like having a second little sibling.”
another laugh, but jude only shook his head. “i just want one visit where she’s not attached to my side.”
one of them muttered. “damn,” not even being funny. but there was genuinely nothing else that they could’ve said. jude wasn’t being nice.
he shrugged. “i don’t mean to sound horrible, but it gets old,” he looked down at the grass. “i don’t even know why she likes me. i’ve never done anything.”
none of them noticed the kitchen door had opened. or that y/n had frozen halfway through stepping outside. a tub of vanilla ice cream in one hand, spoons in the other.
her smile disappeared so quietly no one saw it happen. not even jude, seemingly too busy speaking his mind.
she stood there for perhaps two minutes. long enough to hear every word and long enough to understand exactly what he meant.
then she turned around and walked back inside without making a sound.
jobe found her standing in the laundry room. she was staring at the washing machine doing absolutely nothing.
“you alright?”
she blinked, being pulled out of her thoughts. “oh. yeah.”
“you found the ice cream?”
“mhm.”
“then why’re you in here?”
she looked toward the hallway.
for a second, jobe thought she’d cry. her eyes did that little thing where they watered, but this time it wasn’t out of happiness like it usually was.
instead, she smiled. “i’m suddenly not very hungry.”
“you sick?”
“no,” she handed him the tub. “you take it.”
“what about you?”
“i think my mum wanted me home anyway.”
jobe frowned. “no she didn’t.”
y/n sighed. “i know,” her smile trembled. “but i’ll pretend she did.”
before he could ask another question, she was gone.
the first few days, jude didn’t notice. not really.
life had a way of swallowing small absences before anyone realized they were gone, and he was fairly busy. like any other footballer was.
training started before sunrise, recovery sessions blurred into media obligations, flights, matches, interviews. by the time he came home, he barely registered that the house was quieter or that there was an absence that was impossible to miss.
it wasn’t until the following saturday. he walked into the kitchen, already expecting to hear two voices arguing over something ridiculous. it was mostly the same thing: jobe insisting pineapple belonged on pizza, y/n insisting it absolutely didn’t. or y/n stealing chips from the cupboard only for jobe to yell; “mum! she took the last packet again!”
but instead there was only silence. just his mother humming while she stirred a pot on the stove.
jude opened the fridge. “where’s jobe?”
“training.”
“and…” he hesitated. “…y/n?”
denise looked up. “oh. she’s not coming over much lately.”
he nodded absentmindedly. “right.”
he grabbed a bottle of water and left. it didn’t really bother him. it didn’t feel strange.
not yet.
then another week passed. then another and another.
and he noticed she’d vanished.
there was no extra backpack by the front door, no shoes kicked off in the hallway, no voice calling “hello?” before she’d even stepped inside, letting herself in like it was her house. no asking his mother if she needed help cooking, and no laughter spilling upstairs because she and jobe had found another stupid video to laugh at.
nothing.
“is y/n busy?” the question slipped out before jude realized he’d spoken.
jobe didn’t even look up from his phone. “dunno.”
“you haven’t seen her?”
he nodded. “i have.”
“so why isn’t she here?”
jobe shrugged. “she doesn’t come over anymore.”
“why?”
another shrug. “says she’s busy.”
that should’ve been enough. people got busy. they grew up and had lives to live. only issue was that y/n had never been too busy. not for jobe, not for his family, and not for him.
his eyes drifted unconsciously toward the empty chair in the garden.
the one she always chose. every single time.
and wondered why he didn’t like that she wasn’t there.
a month. one whole month and he hadn’t even seen her once. not even by accident.
until family dinner. his mother had invited y/n’s parents over, something she’d done for years.
jude almost smiled to himself while walking downstairs. absentmindedly and without questioning why. he just expected things to feel normal again.
expected y/n to already be sitting beside jobe and expected her to grin awkwardly when he walked in.
jobe looked up. “oh, jude’s here.”
she turned and barely glanced at him. “hi.”
just one word. polite, no smile, no dirty look either. but it felt dull.
then she turned straight back to jobe. “did you finish that game?”
“yeah, but you would’ve hated the ending.”
“no spoilers.”
“i wasn’t gonna—”
she laughed. it didn’t look staged or fake. but how dare she? like jude wasn’t standing three feet away.
for the rest of dinner she never addressed him once. if she needed salt she asked jobe, if she wanted another drink she asked his mother, if someone asked the whole table a question she answered everyone except him.
she wasn’t being rude. y/n was never rude. that almost made it worse.
but she was being indifferent. like he’d become another chair in the room.
and he didn’t like that.
his mother noticed first. after dinner she quietly nudged him while washing dishes. “you two alright?”
he frowned. “who?”
“you and y/n.”
“what?”
“she hardly spoke to you.”
“oh,” he shrugged, looking back at the dishes. “didn’t notice.”
his mother gave him a look that clearly said she knew he was lying. but she didn’t push.
the dinners kept happening every few weeks. every single one looked exactly the same.
y/n arrived, hugged his mother, teased his dad, spent an hour laughing with jobe, helped clear plates, thanked everyone, and went home.
jude existed somewhere in the background.
she never sought him out anymore. never accidentally wandered into the same room or asked about training. never remembered his matches.
never looked at him. not really.
and that hurt him more than he’d ever imagined it could.
it became embarrassing how often he caught himself searching for her.
walking downstairs expecting to hear her. coming home wondering if her shoes were by the door.
listening for her laugh before remembering she didn’t come anymore.
then little things started surfacing. tiny things he’d never appreciated.
his mother sighed one afternoon while baking. “i miss her.”
jude looked up. “y/n?”
“mhm.”
“why?”
his mother smiled softly. “she always helped without asking,” denise looked at him. “made tea, set the table.”
“kept me company.”
the house suddenly felt empty. and it was weird because there was definitely people there.
jobe noticed too. though he’d never admit it directly.
one evening jude found him sitting alone in the garden. football balanced between his feet.
“no y/n?”
jobe kicked the ball lazily. “no.”
“you two argue?”
“nope.”
“so?”
“i don’t know,” jobe frowned. “she just stopped coming around, i guess.”
one afternoon jude was cleaning out an old cupboard looking for a charger.
instead he found a tiny notebook. blue cover with dog eared corners.
he flipped it open absentmindedly. he didn’t know who it belonged to, but he laughed at the thought of it being jobe’s.
then he froze.
every page was covered in football fixtures. england matches, champions league nights, training schedules.
written in tiny handwriting with stickers and words highlighted in so many colors.
he recognized it instantly. this was something that belonged to y/n.
there were notes beside certain dates. those were surrounded by extra stickers.
“wish jude luck.”
“ask how recovery went.”
“don’t forget his birthday.”
a folded receipt slipped from between the pages.
he unfolded it and found a photograph. years old with folded corners and faded color.
jobe was making a stupid face, y/n laughing so hard her eyes were closed, and jude. standing beside them looking mildly annoyed because someone had insisted he join.
he couldn’t even remember the picture being taken, but y/n had kept it. all these years.
his chest tightened and his hands trembled slightly.
he carefully slid everything back exactly as he’d found it and didn’t mention it.
that night, he couldn’t sleep.
his friends’ voices echoed through his head.
“she’s obsessed.”
“she’s always around.”
“your shadow.”
then his own.
“it’s honestly annoying.”
he squeezed his eyes shut. he hadn’t just rejected a confession or simply said he wasn’t interested.
he’d mocked y/n’s presence. someone who’d spent years making his family feel warmer. someone who’d celebrated every goal he ever scored. someone who’d never once asked him for anything.
and she’d heard him. he was sure of it.
she’d heard every word.
the realization settled slowly and painfully. it wasn’t just that y/n had stopped following him around or that she’d grown out of him. she’d stopped feeling safe around him.
and he was realizing just now.
a few days later, jobe wandered into jude’s room without knocking.
“you did something.”
jude looked up from his phone, frowning. “what?”
“to y/n.”
his stomach dropped as he put his phone away. “why do you think that?”
“because she won’t come over.”
“so?”
“so she loved this house,” jobe’s voice was unusually serious. “she practically lived here. i ask her every week and she always says no.”
jude swallowed.
“what reason? ‘busy.’ and she’s obviously lying,” jobe looked directly at him. “i’ve known her since we were ten. i know when she’s lying. you did something.”
jude stared at the floor. “i don’t know.”
“liar.”
the words lingered long after jobe left.
jude admitted it to himself. he knew exactly what he’d done.
he just hadn’t realized how much damage one conversation could do. because it wasn’t only her discomfort towards him, but he’d taken his mothers and his brother’s person and pushed them as far from them as he could without meaning to.
it got worse when he started noticing her everywhere.
a café she’d recommended. a song she’d once played in the car. a mug she’d accidentally left behind that his mother refused to throw away.
he’d hear someone laugh in public, turn his head, and feel disappointed when it wasn’t her.
he’d score during a match and look toward the family section without thinking. as if expecting to find one familiar face beaming brighter than the rest.
she wasn’t there. of course she wasn’t.
and every time something inside him sank a little further. so deep it became impossible to deny.
he hadn’t been annoyed by y/n, he’d been annoyed that everyone else noticed her feelings before he did. embarrassed by the teasing. too immature to separate her quiet affection from his friends’ jokes.
so he’d taken his frustration out on the easiest target. the person who deserved it least. the one with the sweetest smile.
and now the silence she’d left behind echoed louder than she’d ever spoken.
by the end of the second month, jude realized something that made him sit awake until nearly dawn.
the house hadn’t become quieter because y/n talked a lot; it had become quieter because she’d filled every room without trying. he just hadn’t understood it until she stopped.
and perhaps the cruelest part of all was that the only reason he finally understood how much she mattered was because he was living in the emptiness she’d left behind.
by the third month, guilt had stopped feeling sharp, but it was heavier. the kind that followed jude everywhere.
it waited beside him in the gym, sat beside him on team buses, appeared in hotel rooms when the television was on but he wasn’t watching.
it even found him during matches. after goals. after victories. during celebrations where everyone else was smiling.
he’d catch himself looking toward the stands.
it was ridiculous. she’d hardly ever come to his matches. she preferred watching from home because she claimed, very seriously, that she got less nervous through a screen.
still he looked. every time. and every time he was met by the same disappointment.
and he had no one other than himself to blame.
“you’ve been weird,” trent dropped onto the bench beside him after training.
jude didn’t bother looking up. “i’ve always been weird.”
“no. you’ve been…” he searched for the word. “…quiet.”
“i’m tired.”
“no, you’re something else.”
jude laughed once, but it lacked its usual warmth. “you sound like my therapist.”
“i’m serious,” trent nudged his shoulder. “did something happen?”
jude almost answered. almost said it aloud.
i broke someone’s heart without even realizing she’d handed it to me.
but he chose to shrug his shoulders. “nah.”
one rainy tuesday, he came home unexpectedly because training had been cancelled.
the house was empty except for his mother, who was sitting at the dining table with a cardboard box.
he walked to where she was and saw what the box had inside. old photographs, birthday cards, school drawings.
jude sat beside her. “what’re you doing?”
“sorting,” she smiled. “i’ve been meaning to for years.”
he reached into the box absentmindedly and pulled out a picture of jobe missing two front teeth. y/n beside him with scraped knees.
himself in the background looking deeply offended because someone had forced him into the frame like always.
his mother laughed. “you remember that?”
“no.”
“you complained for ten minutes. ‘why do i have to be in every picture?’,” she imitated his younger voice perfectly.
jude smiled despite himself.
then another picture. y/n sitting on the kitchen counter, decorating cupcakes. flour all over her nose and denise beside her laughing.
another.
christmas. y/n wearing the paper crown from a cracker while his dad pointed the camera at everyone.
another.
jobe’s birthday. y/n holding the cake looking grumpy because she insisted she’d drop it if she didn’t concentrate.
another.
summer barbecue. y/n asleep on the garden swing with a book resting on her chest.
his mother noticed where his eyes lingered. “she really grew up here.”
jude swallowed. “yeah.”
denise looked back into the box. “i miss having her around.”
he stared at the photograph. “so do i.”
the words came quietly because he hadn’t meant to say them aloud.
his mother looked at him and asked gently. “did something happen?”
the house was quiet for a minute. long enough for rain to become the loudest thing in the room.
“i think…” his voice cracked unexpectedly. “…i think i hurt her.”
his mother didn’t interrupt. she waited the way mothers somehow always knew when silence was more important than questions.
jude rubbed both hands over his face. “my friends kept… making jokes.”
“what jokes?”
he laughed bitterly. “that she followed me everywhere. that she had a crush on me.”
his mother raised one eyebrow. “she did.”
“i know. i know that now,” he shook his head before correcting himself. “i knew then. i just…” he sighed. “i got embarrassed. and one day they brought it up again,” his stomach twisted. “i called her annoying.”
his mother went completely still.
“i said i couldn’t go anywhere without her and that she was attached to my side. that i wanted one visit where she wasn’t around.”
his voice became quieter with every sentence. “i didn’t know she was behind me.”
the rain outside filled the silence as his mother looked down at the photographs scattered across the table.
“oh, jude.”
heartbroken. for both of them. because she knew who her son was, but she also knew who y/n was. sweet and patient y/n.
“she heard all of it?”
he nodded. “every word.”
his mother closed the photo album. “i wondered.”
“you wondered?”
“i couldn’t understand why she suddenly looked uncomfortable here,” she looked toward the window. “i thought maybe she’d simply outgrown us.”
jude felt sick. “no.”
his mother reached over and squeezed his hand. “you owe that girl an apology.”
“i know.”
“no,” she looked him directly in the eye. “you owe her one without expecting forgiveness.”
that’s what was jude was the most scared about. that maybe she wouldn’t forgive him because she really didn’t have to.
he wanted her to anyway.
he spent the next week trying.
twice he drove toward her house. twice he turned around.
every version of the conversation sounded selfish.
i’m sorry because i miss you.
i’m sorry because i realized i like you.
the apology couldn’t be about him. it had to be about what he’d done.
fate, however, had different plans.
it happened at jobe’s match, a local charity event. jude had agreed to come support his brother and he had arrived late.
he stopped abruptly when he saw y/n.
she was standing beside the refreshments table helping hand out drinks to children while laughing at something a little girl had said.
she looked exactly the same and completely different.
she hadn’t noticed him yet. she was smiling with that same charisma she had always had. the one he loved so much but realized too late.
his feet moved before he’d fully decided to.
“y/n.”
she turned and smile slipped gradually. like she’d folded it away.
“oh, hi.”
there it was again. that polite voice. the one she’d started using after that afternoon. the one that wasn’t rude but lacked sweetness.
he hated it.
“can we talk?”
she hesitated and looked toward the children waiting for juice. “i’m helping.”
“i’ll wait.”
she blinked as if she’d expected him to give up. but twenty minutes later she walked over to him.
“what did you need?”
jude suddenly forgot every sentence he’d rehearsed.
“i’m sorry.”
she looked at him. though there was no trace of surprise on her face, she did look as if that was the last thing she’d expected him to say.
“i’ve been trying to figure out how to say this for weeks—months. and every version sounded wrong,” he took a shaky breath.
“you heard what i said, and there isn’t a version of it that isn’t awful.”
y/n stared at the grass between them, unable to look at him just yet.
“i was embarrassed. i let people teasing me become more important than…” he looked at her. “…than your feelings. i spoke about you like you were something i had to put up with when really…” his laugh broke halfway through. “you were just… being kind to me.”
y/n stayed quiet.
“i made you feel unwelcome in a place that felt like home. i took something safe away from you.”
he closed his eyes for a second as he felt his chest tighten. “i’m so, so sorry.”
y/n finally looked up and her eyes were glassy.
“i kept wondering what i’d done.”
his heart stopped. she sounded small. so small. and it was him who had done that.
“i thought maybe i’d been too loud,” she laughed softly through her tears. “or talked too much,” she paused to regain her breath. “so i tried talking less. i thought maybe i bothered your parents. so i started leaving earlier,” her voice trembled. “and then i heard you.”
“i realized…” she shrugged. “…it was just me.”
jude closed his eyes. every word landed like another weight on his chest.
“it was never just you. it was me. i was immature and i was cruel and i hurt someone who had never done anything except care about me.”
she wiped quickly beneath one eye. “i stopped coming because i didn’t want to make you uncomfortable anymore.”
“i know,” his voice sounded barely above a whisper. “and i hate that that’s what you walked away believing.”
she studied him for a long moment. “so what changed?”
the question was fair. of course it was.
“what made you apologize now?”
he smiled sadly. “you disappeared.”
she frowned slightly.
“i don’t mean physically, i mean you disappeared from…” he gestured helplessly. “…everything. the house, my family… my life.”
“my mum misses you, jobe misses you.” he swallowed. “and…” he laughed once. “so do i.”
she didn’t answer. she had no idea what to say. she was hearing things she’d convinced herself would never hear because it wasn’t jude who she had blamed.
“i never found you annoying. i found it embarrassing that everyone noticed you because they noticed before i did.”
y/n frowned. “noticed what?”
he held her gaze. “i stopped looking for reasons you’d always be around and started hoping you would be. so when you left…” he smiled through wet eyes. “it felt like someone had taken all the light out of my childhood home.”
y/n stared at him. searching his face and making sure this wasn’t guilt speaking. making sure this wasn’t pity and he just didn’t want to make her feel more pathetic than she already was.
“you really hurt me.”
“i know.”
“i cried all the way home that day.”
his eyes closed.
“i thought i’d embarrassed myself.”
“you didn’t.”
“i thought…” her voice cracked. “…if the boy i’d liked for years couldn’t stand being around me then maybe i was just…”
she couldn’t finish what she had tried to say. it was too much and there were too many mosquitoes and she didn’t like crying in public.
jude stepped forward instinctively but then stopped himself.
“i’m not going to ask you to forgive me, okay? you don’t owe me that. i’m not even going to ask if you still feel the same. because after what i did, i haven’t earned the right to know.”
y/n looked at him for what felt like forever.
and then very quietly said. “i don’t think those feelings ever went away. i just buried them.”
she smiled softly. but jude felt satisfied when noticed this time it was real.
“for what it’s worth, you were never actually annoying either.”
he laughed. his shoulders finally dropping for what felt like the first time in months. “i can work with that.”
she shook her head, smiling despite herself.
“i didn’t say you were forgiven,” she hesitated. “but i think i’d like to come by your house again.”
jude’s smile softened. “i think mum might actually cry.”
y/n laughed. “i missed her.”
“i know.”
“and…” she glanced at him. shrugging her shoulders. “…i missed you too.”
he stared at her, almost afraid to believe he’d heard correctly.
“so…” he asked carefully. “can i walk you back to the pitch?”
she pretended to think about it. “hm. i suppose. but only because jobe’s probably wondering where i’ve gone.”
he smiled. “and because you don’t want him thinking i’m annoying?”
she groaned, laughing as she lightly nudged his arm. “oh, don’t ruin the moment.”
he caught himself smiling wider than he had in months.
three months later, the bellingham house sounded like itself again.
it happened so gradually that no one could pinpoint exactly when y/n had started letting herself stay until midnight again. or when she stopped asking, “is it alright if i come over?” and simply walked through the front door with the familiar “hello?” like she’d done since she was ten.
denise had cried one evening while y/n was helping wash dishes.
she wrapped her arms around her and whispered. “i’ve missed having you here.”
y/n had hugged her back just as tightly. “i’ve missed being here.”
neither of them mentioned why she’d ever stopped coming. some wounds didn’t need reopening once they’d finally begun to heal.
jobe, however…
jobe noticed everything.
he noticed that jude somehow always knew when y/n was arriving, that y/n unconsciously saved the seat beside her, that whenever jude came home from training, the first person he looked for wasn’t his parents anymore.
it was her.
one evening they were all watching a film, or at least attempting to.
jobe was invested. his father had fallen asleep twenty minutes earlier and his mother was pretending not to.
y/n sat tucked into one corner of the sofa, jude on the other.
that was how it started.
then halfway through the film, jobe reached for the popcorn and paused.
“hang on,” his eyes narrowed. “when did this happen?”
y/n blinked with a small frown. “what the hell are you talking about?”
“you two.”
both of them looked down simultaneously.
without either of them consciously remembering it, they’d ended up shoulder to shoulder. y/n’s legs tucked beneath her and jude’s arm resting lazily behind her on the sofa. their hands intertwined.
y/n immediately let go, but jude didn’t.
he simply looked at his brother. “what?”
jobe stared shaking his head unbelievably. “no. what? when?”
jude shrugged. “a while ago.”
“a while?”
“three months?”
“three months?!”
his voice cracked and his parents woke up.
denise yawned. “what happened?”
jobe pointed dramatically. “they’ve been dating for three months.”
“yes, jobe, i know.”
jobe whipped around. “you knew?!”
“i’ve known since the second week.”
his father stretched casually. “i thought everyone knew.”
jobe looked personally betrayed. “i didn’t know.”
dating jude turned out to be nothing like she’d imagined when she was younger. at ten she’d thought it’d be grand gestures like flowers, fireworks and movie-like moments.
instead it was ordinary. wonderfully ordinary.
it was jude waiting outside her university lecture with two coffees because he’d remembered she’d had an early class. it was y/n bringing dinner to his apartment after late training because she’d noticed he’d forgotten to eat properly.
it was grocery shopping together and somehow spending forty minutes arguing over pasta sauce. it was falling asleep halfway through documentaries neither of them had actually wanted to watch.
it was peace.
no guessing. no pretending she didn’t instinctively drift toward him or that he didn’t instinctively reach for her.
one rainy afternoon she wandered into the bellingham kitchen where denise was.
eventually she spoke. “you know…”
y/n looked over.
“i used to think you’d marry one of my boys.”
she nearly dropped the knife. “excuse me?”
she laughed. “not because you had a crush. i didn’t even know about that until much later.”
y/n hid her face. “oh my god.”
“i just couldn’t imagine you belonging anywhere else.”
that evening jude found y/n sitting on the back garden swing.
the same one she’d fallen asleep on years earlier.
rain had finally stopped and everything smelled like wet grass.
he walked over quietly. “you disappeared.”
she looked up. “i wanted five minutes.”
“without me?”
she smiled teasingly. “i know. terrible.”
he sat beside her and y/n rested her head against his shoulder.
“you know…”
“what?”
“i still catch myself wondering if i’m bothering you.”
his entire body softened. “you really believe that?”
“sometimes,” she paused. “it doesn’t last long but…” she shrugged. “that day stuck with me.”
jude nodded once. “i know, baby.” he reached for her hand. “i don’t expect it to disappear.”
“it shouldn’t,” she looked at him. “you hurt me.”
“i did.”
“and some days i remember it.”
he brushed his thumb across her knuckles. “when you do, you tell me. i don’t care if it’s ten years from now.” he kissed the back of her hand. “if i have to apologize for that day for the rest of my life i’ll do it.”
she laughed through watery eyes. “you’d get sick of saying sorry.”
“i don’t think so.” he leaned closer.
a breeze stirred the trees around them.
somewhere inside the house jobe shouted,
“mum, where’s the garlic bread?”
his mother shouted back, “ask y/n.”
y/n laughed instinctively. she looked toward the kitchen windows glowing warm against the evening sky and then she answered just as loudly.
“top oven!”
jobe yelled back. “thank you!”
jude smiled.
“what?” she looked at him.
“it feels like home again.” he kissed her forehead and then he intertwined their fingers. “you’ve always been home.”
this time, when she smiled there was no hesitation behind it. no fear that she’d overstayed her welcome. no instinct to make herself smaller.
because the girl who had once quietly slipped out the back door, convinced her presence was a burden, was gone.
and in her place was someone who knew, with complete certainty, that she was loved. not because she stayed out of the way but because she had always, without realizing it, become part of the family long before she ever became jude’s girlfriend.
the porch light flickered on as the sun disappeared.
inside, someone laughed. jobe yelled something incomprehensible about burnt garlic bread.
his father blamed the oven. his mother blamed jobe.
y/n squeezed jude’s hand. “c’mon. they’re probably setting the kitchen on fire.”
he stood with a grin. “probably.”
she started toward the house and he caught her hand before she could get very far.
y/n turned. “what?”
jude smiled in that quiet, unmistakably fond way that was reserved only for her now. “i’m really glad you came back.”
y/n’s expression softened. “i know.”
she stepped back toward him, rose onto her toes, and kissed him gently. “when you apologized,” she murmured against his lips, “i wasn’t sure if we could ever get back to what we had.”
he tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “we didn’t.”
she frowned slightly.
“we got something better.”
she believed him completely.
together, they walked back into the warm, noisy house. where someone was already shouting their names, where dinner was almost certainly burning, and where neither of them would ever again have to wonder whether they belonged.
@ moulinrougemo
Good God.... I was just gonna read one fanfiction before officially tackling my mountain of work and being glued to my desk. People are gonna wonder if somebody had died. This was a little triggering for me NGL, I am kinda going through the same thoughts.. wanting to stop existing around people's orbits, disappear... So my heart hurtttt when I read this, but what a great read it is.. my goodness.. loved every word of this P.S: I am very much team angst even if I get triggered, at least sometimes when I read angst here.. I at least get a happy ending
