Zanka hates to be dependable on anyone. All his life, he's always taught to stand on his own feet, to never show any weakness no matter how small and insignificant it seems. His family never knows warmth, not in the way that everyone knows. Affection is rarity, almost non-existent that Zanka grows up becoming unfamiliar with it.
That's why, the first time, Enjin hugs him, Zanka's reflex is to pull back.
Immediately. Like he's being ambushed, like he's being attacked, like he's expected to fight back and escape.
But Enjin is bigger than him, stronger than him—even Zanka can only wiggle in his confinement.
That time, Enjin jokes, "Never gets hugs, kid?"
And Zanka freezes because all his life, he has never been hugged before. The Nijiku doesn't hug. The Nijiku will give you acknowledging nod, or a pat on shoulder, if you are really, really lucky. Zanka has witnessed both Goka and Kyouka get them, but he has never once experienced such.
Being hugged is unimaginable.
"You're so stiff," Enjin observes, resting his chin on his head. "Like a cardboard."
Zanka doesn't know what to say, so he doesn't say anything.
"Relax, it's just a hug."
Except, it isn't that simple.
Enjin is bigger, stronger too, but Enjin also feels warm, safe, and comforting. Zanka has never felt this kind of touch before, and he craves for it more, already. He doesn't want to. Desire is a sigh of weakness and Zanka shall not succumb to it.
That's why, he never indulges himself in those, not if he can't help it. If there's a chance for him to get away from Enjin's arms, Zanka will be the first to do it. BecauseZanka hates to be dependable on anyone. All his life, he's always taught to stand on his own feet, to never show any weakness no matter how small and insignificant it seems.
And the undeniable desire to have more hugs from Enjin is surely a dangerous area he would much prefer to avoid.
It takes very long time, for Zanka to accept that it's okay to have such a want. That it's okay to have such a need. That it's okay to depend on someone, lean on them when it's needed.
It doesn't make you weak. If anything, it makes you strong because you're smart enough to know when you need helps and supports.
So, this time, he gives himself to the wants and needs, letting the warmth of Enjin's body, the broad figure enveloping him, arms wrap him tight, surrounding him with the familiar scent of tobacco and that faint trail of his cologne.
"What's the matter?" Enjin is the first to almost pull back. The genuine worry is crystal clear in his whisper. But Zanka doesn't allow him to go far, Zanka doesn't want to let go.
So, he anchors himself even tighter.
"Nothing," Zanka murmurs against the shirt. Enjin cradles the back of his head, gently combing through his hair. A silent encouragement so Zanka would tell him what's on his mind.
Enjin doesn't need to. Zanka will gladly bare himself for him.
"I just," he inhales deeply, before sinking even deeper into Enjin's embrace. "like your hugs."
Enjin momentarily freezes, Zanka can tell from the sudden stiffness of his muscles. He recovers immediately, though, guiding Zanka's head to rest on his collarbone.
"Lucky for you, then," there's an unmistakable mirth in his voice, laced with fondness. "Because I like hugging you, Zanzan."
****************************************************
On the other hand, Enjin hugs like it's the last hug he has ever had.
He hugs so fiercely, you can feel it in your bones; you can feel it in the warmth surrounding you; you can feel in the way he tries to make you remember his hug.
Enjin doesn't get to hug much, back then.
Hug is something that he discovers later, probably when Alto bids him goodbye after rescuing him, probably when Dr. Alice tries to catch him because he doesn't want to get a medical shots, probably when August and Eishia hug him after he tries to run away for the first time.
Enjin realizes that hugs are the cheapest drugs he can ever get. And it's something he'll never ever get enough.
So, he'll hug anyone. A stranger he helps during the cleaning job, a new recruit of cleaner in the HQ, Riyo who won't hesitate to kick his shin, Rudo who looks spooked, and... Zanka.
Zanka who doesn't know how to hug.
Zanka who never returns the hug.
Zanka who always tries to escape.
Enjin has so much hugs to give and Zanka never had any.
Enjin will hug Zanka anytime he can. After wrapping up a mission, after getting separated for different mission, after they're almost getting killed, after everything.
"Enjin, what are you doing?" Zanka tries to pull back, when Enjin goes to him without words, pulling the younger into his arms. The corridor is empty, the absence of sound is very deafening.
Enjin knows, he's not small by any means, but he can't help being selfish when he putting his weight on Zanka, completely leaning on him.
"Everything's okay?" Zanka reaches for his back, caressing him slowly.
Enjin turns his head, inhaling the faint trails of incense, and the familiar scent that is entirely Zanka.
Zanka tilts his head, giving him more space. Enjin hugs him even tighter.
"It's all good," Enjin whispers.
He hates to be clingy, he hates to be vulnerable, but he finds it easy when Zanka is around.
"It's just—can we stay like this for a while?"
It takes a moment, before Zanka's body shifts, the stiffness that usually shapes his body turn into something welcoming.
"Of course," Zanka hugs him back.
And honestly, there's nothing Enjin has ever wanted and needed more than this.
