#BehindTheFace

For example, I have a pretty serious memory disability. But I’m smart and talkative and 27, so when I tell people I’m disabled, they almost never take me really seriously. They tell me “haha, me too” or “oh, I forget my keys all the time.” No. That’s not how it works for me. I have memory loss to the extent that it seriously affects my relationships and functionality. I don’t even have the same sense of time as you.

My disability makes me different from most people in crucial ways and that’s why I tell people about it. I’m not looking for you to tell me how we’re similar because 1) I know those things already because I have to and 2) that’s the precise opposite of what I’m trying to tell you, for both of our benefits.

I have chronic fatigue. I have not been well rested since the mid 1990s, aka before most people on tumblr were born. This leads to EXTREME cognitive difficulty. I need a calculator for simple addition unless both numbers are under 4. (that’s right, I need a calculator for 4+3) I am so tired that I have black spots in my vision. I am prone to just straight up collapsing. And that’s not even touching on the pain that comes with it.

When people say “oh, I had to pull an all nighter once, I get it,” what I hear is “I think you’re exaggerating. It can’t possibly be any worse than pulling an all nighter.”

The appropriate response is simple - show me that you understand that what I’m describing is truly above and beyond what is normal. That can take several forms - “holy shit that’s fucked!” if swearing is your style. “My god, I can’t even imagine,” if it’s not.

“I had to pull an all nighter once, but I couldn’t imagine going without sleep for *that* long.” That’s good, you’re relating it to your own experience WITHOUT crossing the line into “it can’t be worse than my experience!”

However. (This is the important part.) Most of us don’t just announce this information randomly or for laughs. I noticed in your tags (if I read them correctly and can remember what I read correctly) that you said you’re neuroatypical. Why would you add that information? I’m guessing that it was to let people know before responding to you that you aren’t on the same page as a neurotypical. It was (I’m guessing) because you wanted people to modulate their response to you rather than holding you to the same standard as a neurotypical.

Because if you were neurotypical, I would not have interpreted your question as sincere. I would have read it as sarcastic, belittling, and patronising. But you’re not neurotypical, and so I believe you that it’s a sincere question, and so I’m giving you a sincere answer.

When I tell someone I’m disabled, I do it for the same reason.

“Please don’t be offended if I yawn while you’re talking to me, I mean you no disrespect but I have chronic fatigue.”

“I’m sorry I forgot your birthday, I have memory loss stemming from my chronic fatigue.”

“I’m sorry for asking you to do me a favour, but while it’s a simple thing for you, I’m unable to do it because of my disability.”

I tell people I’m disabled… Generally because I need something from them. Usually that thing is understanding. Sometimes it’s slightly more practical, but that’s more of an offline interaction thing.

Learn to kindly but firmly say “that’s personal”.

You owe no one information about your body, your opinions, your family, your health, not even your favorite food if u dont wanna share.

A kinda creepy guy at work asks what u did on the weekend? A well-meaning relative asks abt your health problems? A friend of a friend asks about your partner? Maybe smile for a second and then say “you know, that’s actually kinda personal” and change the subject or give a very general answer if u want.

Want to level it up a bit or make a point? Instead of making it sound like it’s a personal topic for you, try deploying a little condescension and careful wording to imply that that person is asking a universally inappropriate question. “That’s a little personal, don’t you think?” + the side eye can make a lot of people think twice.

Some professionals refuse to treat BPD patients simply on the basis of that diagnosis. Without even meeting us, we are judged to be not worth treating.

Many professionals see BPD patients as the “worst”, most “dreaded” type of patient. There are countless stories of mental health professionals speaking about the very idea of BPD patients in disdainful ways.

Unlike most other mental illnesses, patients with BPD are not viewed as “sick”, but as bratty, manipulative, and/or ungrateful. There is a pervasive idea that we don’t try hard enough, or that we don’t want to be helped. This is a view mostly held by our families, but is encouraged by some mental health professionals.

1. Write about the things that are getting you down.

2. Go for a walk, or exercise.

3. Do something creative.

4. Listen to your favourite music.

5. Make a list of the things you’re thankful for.

6. Take a break from your phone and social media.

7. Do something kind for yourself.

8. Do something kind for someone else.

9. Watch a funny movie.

I just finished seeing the movie, and while I do not have a history of epilepsy or light-induced seizures, the movie had quite a few scenes where super intense strobe lights covered at least half of the screen for minutes at a time (I even had to close my eyes for some of it).

These scenes occur with no warning at all, and I highly advise against going to see the film in theaters if you are sensitive to intense strobe lights and I advise those who aren’t to still be cautious when seeing the film.

I did thoroughly enjoy the film and have an amazing time when watching it, but I still have a headache from the really intense scenes.

Make a horror movie about actually BEING schizophrenic…

…and not about the schizophrenic person.

That way, people can see what we see.

Work with actual schizophrenics and get a real first-hand account of schizophrenia and make a movie about us and what we go through and why we are the way we are.

Stop making us look dangerous.

Humanize us.

Make people understand us a bit better.

I think a horror movie shown from a schizophrenic’s perspective would be perfect.

Show them all the terrifying shit that we see, but they can’t.

Show them how we survive.

Show them that we are strong and capable of surviving this horror story, because we ARE!

Stop stigma, rather than creating it…

As he says, Mental illness isn’t something to joke about. People with them aren’t toxic just because they are mentally ill. 

The important thing for someone with a mental illness is to accept it, admit it and receive treatment-usually ongoing treatment. And there is NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

“Although stigmatizing attitudes are not limited to mental illness, the public seems to disapprove persons with psychiatric disabilities significantly more than persons with related conditions such as physical illness. Severe mental illness has been likened to drug addiction, prostitution, and criminality m. Unlike physical disabilities, persons with mental illness are perceived by the public to be in control of their disabilities and responsible for causing them. Furthermore, research respondents are less likely to pity persons with mental illness, instead reacting to psychiatric disability with anger and believing that help is not deserved.”

I hate people that say they have OCD just because they like things neat. Like, are you serious? Do you even know what having OCD means?

 It means that you have to do things over and over until they feel right.

 It means that if you feel like you came into contact with something harmful you have to wash over and over again, even if your skin becomes raw.

It means that you realize all of your compulsions and rituals are dumb, but you have to do them anyways.

It means that you have thoughts you can’t control.

It means believing that you have to do something a certain amount of times or a certain way so nothing bad happens, even though you know nothing bad will happen either way.

It means taking sometimes hours to successfully complete a ritual just so you don’t have to worry for a little while.

I keep things clean/safe according to my (vague, constantly shifting) definition of what is dirty/contaminated/harmful, which, as I’m mentally ill, doesn’t exactly line up with reality. I feel much more vulnerable in other people’s showhomes than in my own “safe” pigsty.