(In)Correct Obey Me! Quotes

Mammon: You're gonna vote for me, right? Levi: Hell no Mammon: I hope you die

Asmo: Mammon, I can't believe you did this! Mammon: It's not my fault! Satan: Yes it is Mammon: You were the one driving, Satan! Satan: The roadtrip to the Greed Circle was your idea. Mammon: I didn't think you'd run over a rock and get a flat tire! Satan: That rock came out of nowhere. Asmo: We told you, "Look out for that rock, Satan". Satan: ...I listen to no one.

Satan: Asmo, are you crazy? We're not medically trained to help people! Belphie: I know DDR. Asmo: What. Belphie: It's what you do when people can't breathe. DDR. Asmo: It's not DDR. Belphie: Yes it is. Satan: You can't Dance Dance Revolution on people's lungs, Belphie! Belphie: You can try.

Mammon: Okay, we should be there soon. Asmo: Be where soon? Mammon: Um. ...land. Satan: Oh my god, you have no idea where we're going. Mammon: Yes I do! All rivers run west Asmo: Mammon, where did you learn that? Mammon: It's a known fact! Asmo: It's a fake fact! Satan, on the phone: Help. Mammon: What does fake fact even mean!? Satan, on the phone: Get me away from these dumb bitches Asmo: It means you're wrong, Mammon!

Diavolo: You've been here for five minutes and you've already destroyed property and sent Leviathan into a coma MC: He should've watched where he was going Diavolo: You drove a car into him.

[About MC] Barbatos: All of you should be expelled. Diavolo: But they won't be. Because they have a special gift Barbatos: What gift. Diavolo: I'm not sure. But if I keep saying that, maybe it'll mean something eventually.

Barbatos: The point of these experiments is that everyone here is extremely unwilling to be at R.A.D., so I'm trying to make your brain more docile Satan: Are you trying to do a lobotomy with an axe??? Barbatos: Uh. Asmo: That's not a confident answer, doctor Barbatos: I'm trying to invent the Lobotomy Two.

Beel: Do you know if mashed potatoes are in rotation for lunch? Lucifer: Just because you asked, no. Beel: Well that's stupid.

Asmo: Belphie!! Say somethin' cute! Belphie: I....like...cigarettes.

MC: I've survived an immense amount of pains in the last thirty seconds

Belphie: Hey I got a kill! Look at that! I finally accomplished something! Homicide!

Lucifer: JESUS CHRIST!!! YOU ARE WORTHLESS!!! Anyways, so yeah, I try to be as nice as I can in most situations. It really is important to me that I keep an inclusive, very kind, calm environment. Lucifer (to Mammon): I'M GONNA EAT YOU FOR BREAKFAST YOU PIECE OF SHIT!! GET UP THERE!!

Mammon: Life's about to get so good Satan: That's only if they say yes Mammon: They better! I spend my mornings looking at mansions on Zillow, and if this is my ticket into one, I won't take no for an answer. Do you know how many naysayers I need to make jealous? Satan: A lot? Mammon: No, actually. I just have really high standards for myself. Satan: That sounds unhealthy. Mammon: Oh, extremely.

Mammon: You didn't even kill him in a hot way!! Lucifer: Mammon. Mammon: Yes. Lucifer: Where's your PANTS. Mammon: Oh god, it's like that dream I keep having!! Satan: It's not a dream, moron, put your pants on!!

Asmo: Why don't you smile once in your life? Belphie: Nothin to smile about Mammon: Cuz you get no BITCHES!

Belphie: Hey, did you guys miss me? It's me MC: No, you killed me last time I saw you

Barbatos: PLEASE DRINK IT I'M BEING CONTROLLED BY A DEMON. PLEASE. I'VE BEEN IN THIS BAR FOR 56 YEARS. Simeon: Why have you been here for so long? Barbatos: THEY WONT LET ME GO. Simeon: Who's they? Barbatos: I DONT KNOW. Diavolo: Me. He's my funny little man and I won't let him go.