&& feeling super super super

FINN: feeling bad is a hobby of mine.

FINN: not really, I just know that wasn't ME bc I was drunk and sad

FINN: so not texting back after interrupting your night like that seemed rude since you put up with me.

KITTY: You realize how depressing that sounds, right?

KITTY: Oh.

KITTY: Well. What can I say? I'm a charitable woman.

[A BEAT]

[DAYS LATER, LIKE A JERK]

FINN: so when I actually got sober I realized how weird this whole thing was and then got scared to text back but then felt bad for not texting back

FINN: this is me texting back. hi, I'm Finn Hudson.

[AFTER IT WAS ON 'READ' FOR A WHILE. LIKE. A WHILE.]

KITTY: Oh. It's you.

FINN: i'll take probation

FINN: sorry I want to be sweet and appreciated?

FINN: ain't nothing wrong about that. I just didn't know you or the other chick so going for that seems pretty messed up.

FINN: see, now I think you're just curious since you pushed me into being confident and assertive. guess you're gonna have to figure out the whole truth.

KITTY: You should be. Sorry, that is.

KITTY: Fine. Store it away for future knowledge.

FINN: if that's how you wanna take it.

FINN: so what? cause we texted on weird terms I wasn't ever the kinda guy who knows what he wants?

FINN: cause I do. I just also wanna respect the girl, too. and I THOUGHT I mean a girl at a bar on terms where we don't know what the other wants. I wanted to be respectful.

[A SECOND LATER]

FINN: so why'd you mention me saying it was big?

KITTY: You're on probation for it.

KITTY: You sounded like the guy who didn't have a clue about anything, to be honest.

KITTY: Sometimes women like to be treated like the Little Whore Who Could. It's a nice, occasional fantasy.

FINN: you didn't really show me anything but side boob and a REALLY nice stomach

FINN: ...what was hard, though? I'm confused again.

FINN: is this the whole thinking I have a big dick thing?

KITTY: Is that you asking for more?

KITTY: Being...I don't know. Assertive, or whatever. That's what I've meant this entire time. Knowing who you are and what you want or what you do and crap. That's the hottest thing a guy can be. He doesn't have to be the Good Guy vs. Bad Guy -- he just has to know who he is.

FINN: why does a good guy have to seem like he can't give it good? cause I've never had complaints... I could give you the night of your life and you're writing me off cause I'm nice.

FINN: and yeah, I get what you mean, but you also had to tell me the girl I worked on all night for a number gave me a fake one. you can't think my confidence was at a high... since it wasnt

[EVEN LONGER]

FINN: maybe I didn't make it seem like getting my number meant anything. but I just met her. I wasn't gonna sit there and tell her I have a huge dick since I'm so tall or that in the bedroom I like being told what to do.

FINN: cause I was at a bar, alone, and I don't wanna be THAT guy that comes on strong. I just wanted to have a connection and maybe get a date. and if wanting to get a date and be a gentleman is a bad thing, guess I'm never gonna make it?

FINN: especially you, right? you're so goals for any dude... and if I just wanted sex, I woulda been gross since the pic you sent. but hate me for being the guy who wants something legit.

[A LONG PAUSE LATER]

KITTY: See? Was that so hard?

FINN: limp noodle? you don't even know me.

FINN: you know, I've told you my name and you haven't told me yours.

FINN: I don't think I'm not a guy people want. I just think I'm in between the between of boring and not boring and bad boy. if girl's don't want that, maybe being alone is for the best. girl's need to know their worth.

FINN: is it so bad to want to be able to make a girl feel good? cause, all I've ever had is a mom, and idk, if I can't support that cause she doesn't want it, that's okay.

FINN: chicks have it hard. the world makes being a girl the WORST. and I'm this white dude out here doing my thing... and I see women working SO hard... I gotta just use what my momma gave me and respect that.

KITTY: I don't know my worth if I want a guy to stick it to me like only he knows how? You do realize that that's a pretty harsh assumption, right? I mean...I can respect myself while I'm getting the good D.

KITTY: I'm sure as Hell that no mom wants her son to be willing to just roll over and say, "You should run away from me because I can already tell you're too good for me". I sure as Hell wouldn't want any child of mine spouting off that crap.

[A BEAT]

FINN: practice being confident?

FINN: you might be giving me too much credit.

[A FEW MINS LATER]

FINN: all I can do is say how nice your lips are and even if you've been kinda mean to me, kissing them would be the best thing to happen to me all year

FINN: if you're looking for me to be like a fuckdude or something, I should give you my roommates number instead. I told you, I don't wanna just be a different person to make a chick like me

FINN: and you're so gorgeous. I hope you know that. which makes me wanna pretend even less.

KITTY: I don't mean being that guy. There are levels, chode. You can be confident without being The Worst kind of guy. Do girls go for the bad boy who only wants a fling? Sure. But there's a middle man between him and the Limp Noodle thing you have going on.

[A BEAT]

KITTY: You're nice. But you should give yourself credit, too. Or whatever.

FINN: sorry?

[A BIT LATER]

FINN: see, I was right. blonde and gorgeous.

FINN: but we're both shirtless so that's a thing.

KITTY: Funny how that worked out.

KITTY: I think you should give confidence a try. I bet it would be a really good color on you.

[A BEAT]

FINN: I didn't take spanish

FINN: also I didn't take weird english either? what am I throwing at who??

FINN: like I said, I get the vibe you're stupidly pretty and outta me league and if you were smart you'd ghost me, too

FINN: that's the thing now, right?

FINN: ex-girlfriend gets mildly famous in new york: stops talking to me

FINN: cute girl in bar talks to me for like two hours: still wont give me her number

FINN: you should run. I don't even have to know what you look like to give you that advice

[A PAUSE]

KITTY: God. You're pathetic.

[ANOTHER PAUSE ~ 1 MINUTE]

KITTY: [https://tinyurl.com/ybke52ob]

FINN: guess not. maybe I just wanted to think she did.

FINN: what's with your weird nicknames? you can call me Finn. not toots or twat.

FINN: I won't eat Jesus, just the grilled cheeses he has blessed us with.

[a bit later]

FINN: I had a girl in school who only ever called me manboobs, so, I mean, if you're serious I probs should post on insta about my glowup.

KITTY: El Desperado, eh?

KITTY: Excuse you. People with no-number glass houses shouldn't throw stones at their hot neighbors.

KITTY: ... Gross.

FINN: you know.. not that you needed to be easy on me, but for just learning a girl I thought liked me didn't at all, you're not making me feel all too hot

FINN: I'm not religious or anything, Cheesus just makes me hungry.

FINN: really? I mean, I've been hitting the gym a LOT so if you're being serious that actually means a lot.

KITTY: Oh, please. Think back on the night. You said that she wouldn't even let you buy her a drink. Do you really think she liked you?

[A BEAT]

KITTY: No offense. I'm just trying to help you out for future signs, or whatever. There's plenty of women out there, toots.

KITTY: Don't eat Jesus.

FINN: a girl I used to know said I used too many emojis so I've stopped

FINN: NO. i've had sex.

FINN: I had a legit girlfriend and stuff, a few, so I'm not entirely useless... PLUS i don't say 'Cheesus'

FINN: hey, chins can be endearing. probably.

KITTY: Sounds like a B.

KITTY: Uh-huh.

KITTY: Excusez-moi, there's nothing wrong with not taking the Lord's name in vein, you twat.

KITTY: False.

FINN: my high school was #hard. too many girl who were scary and hot

FINN: SEE i tried counting but I didn't know what was considered one. like do you count across? are they individual? I DON'T KNOW?

FINN: if you like them then we can go with showing off :)))

KITTY: I bet it was. If I used emojis then the winking one would go right here.

KITTY: Oh, Cheesus. Are you a virgin?

FINN: if I was less drunk I'd make up how you look? but the slightly intimidating tone tells me you're a super HBIC.. and in my experience that means you;re blonde and gorgeous.

FINN: how many abs?

[A FEW MINS LATER]

FINN: [http://78.media.tumblr.com/227f933038ecdfec9eca59cb57998500/tumblr_inline_o7eq4cEiZP1t9old7_500.jpg]

FINN: that many?

KITTY: And something tells me that I'm not the first drop dead gorgeous, blonde HBIC that you've come across.

[AFTER THE PHOTO]

KITTY: I'm torn between being impressed and alarmed that you didn't just count them.

FINN: pretty much.

FINN: SEE I WAS RIGHT

FINN: I appreciate the tips but I kinda don't wanna change who I am just to turn someone on. I want people to like me for me? ya'know.

FINN: which isn't working, obviously... and here I thought getting abs after being called fat in high school would solve all my probs.

KITTY: Oh, please. You didn't know. Hell, I bet you can't even imagine what I look like.

KITTY: Ah. Retro. I see. Well, sorry to break it to you, Saved By the Bell, but people don't care about what's on the inside before they get that first impression.

KITTY: There are total creeps with abs.

[A BEAT]

FINN: I guess? I didn't pee while I was there.

FINN: well... I'm sure you're really pretty too and worth me wanting to text right away.

FINN: sorry for making your night totally weird, though, definitely not my intention

KITTY: Public bathrooms are gross.

KITTY: You don't know that. I could have buckteeth and a mole on my chin. I don't -- I'm a hottie with a body, but still.