I truly have to get this out somewhere, whether anyone sees it or cares.
I'm dealing with a really stressful family situation where I have to be the one to make things happen and handle all the hard choices. And because of the situation that happened I missed an important final for class and had to call out of work, so I got written up.
So now I'm grieving and my life plans have been up ended. And while the rest of my family are getting to just grieve, I'm grieving and also trying to figure out the next steps to fix the problems that happened because of me needing to take that time to handle this situation and make those big decisions.
And I am completely alone, my parents have each other, and my brother is off with his friends, and I am completely alone with all of this. And I am feeling so much but my feelings have to come secondary because big choices have to be made and sacrifices needed to happen and there was literally no one else to do any of that.
My plans went from being set and the end goal I was moving towards was in sight to now I have no idea what's going to happen and how I'm going to fix my life.
And while I'm having to think of every logistical thing for everyone else, there is not one person doing that for me. And I can't even be mad at them really because the grief is big and the feelings are big and this has always been my role so why would they even consider how it's affecting me.
Anyway, that was my rant. I'm so frustrated and exhausted and there is no end for that in sight, and I will make things work the way I always have and always will, but in this moment I can't see how.