Who I'm Supposed To Be

On December 11th I celebrated my 1 year top surgery anniversary. I’m proud how my body is coming along. It will probably always be a work in progress.

3/11/17- I hate the heat! I know it's only like 60 out but my MS is so bad. Can't see out my left eye and my plantar fasciitis is acting up.

2/21/17- went to PF for yesterday after a fun day with the bestie, her sister, aunt, and mom for her sis's bday. We went to Olive Garden and then to the casino. I didn't win but it was fun. Did my arms and 3 mi on the treadmill. Took me about 33mins on the treadmill. Had a craptacular day at work today. Ate like 6 slices of Red Baron pizza and still managed to get this run in. I gotta start turning things around. I also helped my son with his homework. Felt good to do something with him without criticizing him. Poor kid. Well hopefully tomorrow will be better. 2 trainings and a potluck.

2/18/17-Went to the gym this afternoon after mopping and sweeping the kitchen and bathroom. Did my arms and then 3 mi on the treadmill taking about 33 mins. Was really depressed and down this morning but feeling better now. Tonight is our Valentine's Dinner at Antiquity. I'm excited!

2/17/17- ugh worked hard today. It's so hot out. Like 60 degrees and my MS body does not like it. I was really fast though all things considered. I took an break yesterday and 2/15 I went to Planet Fitness. It was way busy so I only got cardio in. Did 3 mi in like 34 mins. It's so hard for me to run on treadmills since I keep an even pace. Today I've got therapy. It'll be the first time I see my therapist since my presentation. Tomorrow we are going to a fancy restaurant for our late V day date. Gotta work out in the morning so I can pig out!

2/11/17-skipped yesterday but went 2/9 to the gym and did arms and treadmill. Today it's 60 degrees out. Way too hot for my MS body. Tried to go slow and just enjoy the beautiful full moon out. Today was a shit day. When will I learn to stop comparing myself to everyone including myself lol. Life would be awesome if I just didn't give a shit but that's not me. Maybe it can be? If the prez is teaching us anything it's to be selfish. Probably gonna do some more jogging in the garage. We have 3 extra kids over. My lady's nieces and nephews are here. Chilis sucks I need to never go there. Apparently my therapist likes it too since she and the dude slipping it to my lady (waiter) before I was with her were all there. Fun times. K gotta get out of my head.

2/6/17-Already typed this out once so why not do it again. So I killed it on Saturday! I gave my speech in front of about 50 people. It's the first time I've ever spoken publicly about being trans let alone off the top of my head. I made sure to memorize my story but still. God truly blessed me. I'm energized and my spirit just feels alive and I want to be seen and heard. My run today was pretty good. Nothing too unusual. I've got this! NikeRunClub or Tumblr is being dumb so this is try 3 and I had to take a pic of my pic! Grr

2/2/17-I took a break yesterday. I've been stuck in a training all week for work and had no energy. Last night I restarted my T. I didn't feel like myself off of it. I was run by emotions again and my MS didn't improve or worsen so might as well. Today I had the same symptoms as Tuesday. It's hot out like 50 degrees so I'm thinking it's flaring up my symptoms. No clue what I will do when Spring really hits. I will be a member of a trans panel on religion this Saturday. I've been practicing my story like crazy. I did it while on this run so it was a nice distraction from my symptoms. I'm gonna rock this!

1/31/17-I was pretty good until mile after mile 1. My legs felt super light and hard to control. After mile 2 I became the dizziest that I've ever been. I still pushed through and didn't do all that bad. Hoping tomorrow I'll be easier!

1/30/17-The last few weeks I've been running in my garage on my treadmill at times. It seems to be less painful and my legs get less numb. Today I wanted to go outside and connect with nature. I felt like old me. There was only a brief second where my legs felt super light. I'm so happy right now. I missed old me!

1/18/17-Well I started really strong but sure enough my legs happened again. I'm realizing I'm learning more to the right everyday and relying on that leg to keep me up. It's so hard but I feel so good after.

1/17/17-I felt like I didn't have any energy today and really didn't want to go. I pushed myself. My left leg again went numb. It's just my new normal for running I guess. My right knee started bugging too. Today is my last day of eating bad. Hoping that will help my symptoms.

1/16/17-Did absolutely horrible today. Started going and my right and left calves were in a ton of pain. Left pain finally left but then my foot was so heavy and extremely numb. Was like wearing a medics boot on my foot and trying to move it. I also had bad right knee pain. On 1/13 I went to the gym and worked my arms and did 3 miles on the treadmill. I didn't have time to do anything on 1/14 as it was my wife's birthday and yesterday I had no energy and extreme pain on my right side from working out. My eating has been bad since Friday so maybe that's contributing to all this. I have to get back on track. Days like this are too hard and I was nearly in tears.

1/11/17-really didn't want to run tonight but the wifey bribed me by saying I could have some ice cream if I did. Didn't start too bad just had to tie my shoe 3x doh. Typical numb and heaviness at 2.5mi. I wore my iPhone band around my left arm and noticed it goes numb as well.

1/11/17- pretty good day at work and my run started great. Hit mile 2 and ran out of energy and was dizzy. At 2.5 I was dragging my legs. Feeling good now.