Ditch the Negative
Remember when we had a conversation that almost turned into an argument?
It was just our usual bonding that day, nothing special, we were talking about random things, him, him, our other friends, our hopes and dream cars, houses.. And then I heard something in your voice that I didn't expect. That intro...that tone...
We are that close, you know. Close enough for me to become familiar with that intro. Close enough to know what's next to that tone of your voice.
And close enough to guess it right.
There were a lot of times when your intro gives me a hint where the conversation is going. And usually after that, we just move on to other topics. We are like that, you and I, we are used to that and we don't mind.
You put you palm in your cheeks. And you breathed deeply. I looked at you. Totally different than the other times. It's something heavier and bigger this time, I thought. But still a part of me thought it's just the usual, or maybe you're tired, maybe it's another person.
I know the person you use that tone for, that tired, irritated way you deliver your stories. But I gave it a shot anyway. Maybe not her. No, not her. Maybe.
I listened, waited.
And I was right in the first guess. It's her, your sister.
The difference, though, was that time, you mentioned her name like you were so upset, like you were fed up of her and you just have to tell me to let it all out.
You told me she was not doing enough in school. That, yeah her grades went up but for you it wasn't enough.
You told me she'd dropped your mugs twice that week, unintentionally, by the way. It woke you. You were irritated.
You told me she sings songs with the lyrics so wrong and still feels confident about it. It infuriates you. The nerve of her.
I thought, how could that infuriate you.
I listened.
You told me she doesn't do immediately what she's told. She is slow in washing the dishes. She annoys you.
You told me she can't understand some quotes sometimes. She is not familiar with Tyra Banks, with Ariana Grande. Channing Tatum doesn't fascinate her.
I wondered what's wrong----what you see wrong in your sister.
You told me a lot more things.
I still listened. With nodding and frowning.
You began babbling things I already know. I already heard. It shocked me. I thought that I don't wanna know where you're going with this. Not that I didn't want to hear it, but oh please stop.
I wanted you to stop because you were bringing up your past arguments and disappointments with your sister, You brought things that happened one or two years ago. I thought my ears would explode. I wanted to shout at you.
You were getting intense.
You brought up some of our conversations about her. How she raises your temper without her even knowing. All the things she does that upset you.
I soooo wanted you to stop because it's not making sense anymore. This was not beneficial for us, for you, especially you. There's no good digging them all.
You did stop.
I inhaled that there-are-many-things-I-wanna-say-but-don't-know-how inhale.
I wanted to tell you to go easy on her but I've told you that already.
I wanted to tell you to understand her more so you'll know her more but you've heard that before.
So I told you she is your sister."You could live with her or live without her. She is living with you and all your hang-ups."
That got your attention. Your expression softened.
"You know what? Why don't you give her and yourself a break? Give her a chance. Don't you think that sometimes you are clouded by her mistakes and shortcomings that you forgot the little things she does for you? I mean, at least her grades are higher than the last quarter, right? is that too bad?"
You kept quiet..
"You were so focused on what she might do wrong that you disregard her efforts and the good things about her. Don't you notice something good about her? Why do you keep on noting her flaws and all negative about her instead of seeing the good things in her? Give yourself a chance, just one chance, to notice just one good thing about her despite her being her. I'm sure there's something good about her, right? She's not perfect, but hey, she's your sister."
You looked at me like you were looking for something.
"We all have negative traits, right? She lives with you and your failures, mistakes, shortcomings, tantrums, problems...."
You nodded. You stood.
For one second I thought you were gonna walk out on me, I felt nervous.
You didn't.
Do you remember this?
It has been six months, I think, since we had that.
And I noticed since then that every time you mentioned her, you looked happier and more attached to her. You tell me how she covered you when you got home late one day. And many other things, she still sings the wrong lyrics, though.
By the way, in the past year, you never asked how I was.
