Summer Sunny 🌻

A: Mi, kok sakitku ngga sembuh-sembuh ya?

M: Dek, inget! Allah itu ada

A: ...

M: Allah bisa ngasih yang ngga mungkin jadi mungkin. Allah bisa ngasih kesembuhan buat dek Afi. Ngga ada yang ngga mungkin buat Allah

A: ... *silently cried*

Even though I knew, I knew that this pain that I felt is a series of His test for me,  being reminded again of His Mercy was a great reliever for me. He can take this pain away from me instantly, but the reason why He had given me this pain must be something better for my sake. InsyaaAllah :)

_O my sons (said Prophet Jacob)! Go you and enquire about Yusuf (Joseph) and his brother, and never give up hope of Allah’s Mercy. Certainly no one despairs of Allah’s Mercy, except the people who disbelieve. The Holy Quran 12:87_

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Won’t be deleted soon

I start this morning with a usual routine, praying, cleaning, reading some news, planning on what I’ll study for today and preparing my application for hospital clerkship comprehensive test. As I open the file to my certificate photo for the application, I stumble into some old photos. Quickly, I uploaded the photo that I need and immediately send them so I could see the old photos that I found.

The photos were taken when I was in junior high, note that I’ve finished my undergraduate study recently, it was sure an old one. It happened 10 years ago, for God sake! Such a long time, I don’t realize. Let me tell you a secret that I haven’t told anyone until now, those time when I was in junior high was the best moment I’ve ever had! My image of contentment paused in that 3 years of time. And every time I saw the photos, I wish I had realized that sooner.

You might not believe me when I tell you this, but let’s go to the beginning... In my elementary school, I was that kind of kid who got bullied every day. I have no friend until 6th grade. My money was taken, some animal corpse was found in my back, my hair was pulled, and even the hijab that I wear was gone sometimes. Each day I felt like I was in the deep abyss, I feel the torturing won’t end if I’m not dying. I tried putting up a fight, but it’s useless, it’s a group vs. me and me alone. I told my teacher and my mother that I was scared, but it’s no use. I was so scared going into the school, I usually pretended to be sick so that my mom wouldn’t ask me to go. Until, I finally graduated from there.

I was accepted in SMPIT Nur Hidayah, a junior high school that was located in a city called Solo, in Central Java. It was a simple green school (the paint is green, not that it was full of greenish tree :p so it was scorching hot out of the building) in the middle of paddy rice field. You couldn’t find any building in the radius of 2 km, not even a proper pathway in my first year. Yet, it was at that time when my journey began... It’s the place where I could actually found myself, where I learn how to cope with my problem, where I find some building that I could practically called ‘home’ other than my real home, where my heart felt content. I can’t really recall where that feeling comes from, perhaps it is from the understanding friends, a religious routine, a caring and loving teacher (we used to call our teacher ustadz/ ustadzah), and a selfless friend who will love you for whoever you are. I thank Allah for giving me those moments that I could remember and cherished every time I felt apart. Thanks for Giving me my parents who’s not giving up on me and my best friends who love me for whoever I am and  whatever I become. Miss you girls :’)

I hope and pray that every moment will last like that. If I could meet elementary student self, I’ll tell her that you’ll be okay. You’ll work everything out, soon. And I know now, that everything will be okay as long as you believe in Him. Didn’t He already said in the Qur’an?

“So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief. Verily with every difficulty there is relief.”