Road To Recovery

I have somethin I guess? I’ve been the Support Friend for most of my life so I managed to get it down to a formula. TW: dog death

1. Ask Questions

This is mainly to keep them talking, that way a) they feel like they have a confidante in you, and b) the pressure is less on you to Say Things. In fact it shouldn’t be about you Saying Things at all, it should be you figuring out where they’re at and trying to understand.  E.g. “My dog died, I miss him.” Ask questions, and when they start talking, let them talk. “What was his name?” “How and when did he die?” “Tell me about him.” “What was he like?” “What’s your favourite memory of him?” “When did you first meet him?” “Did you teach him any tricks?” Again the point is to keep them talking, the questions are just to get them on a roll. If you’re worrying about what to say next, listen to what they’re saying and ask details of what they’re currently talking about, or mentally prepare your next question.

2. Listen

Let them talk. The more you listen to them talk, the more they feel like it’s okay to talk to you. If they dwindle off, ask them something else to get them talking again. Upset people usually have a lot to say.

Every now and again you can throw in little sentences like “Wow, what a bitch!” “Aw, so sad.” “What the fuck? Why?” just to prove you’re still listening and following, and haven’t wandered off into space.

3. When they’re done, give it back to them

It’s a technique called mirroring. Sum up whatever you heard in short form - if they’ve talked for half an hour about the little details of their deceased pet, say something like “It sounds like he was a very good boy/sounds like he meant a lot to you/sounds like you will miss him.” It’s been known to make people dissolve into a sobbing mess, because this is the part where you prove you’ve done your homework, you listened, you care, you get it.

4. If you really want to offer a solution, ask first. You can just skip this step altogether tbh.

Only when someone has finished talking about whatever is upsetting them, ask if you can help. “Can I offer some advice?”  Now is the time for SHORT anecdotes. Short. It’s not about you sharing your story, it’s about them getting advice. Remember they don’t have to take your advice, again it’s about them and their emotions, and they know themselves best. “When my dog died, I did this. Would that help?” “I read somewhere about doing this. Maybe try that and see how it goes?”

so no name is impossible to pronounce world-wide, but it is very easy to not have the linguistic archive necessary to pronounce a given name entirely correctly. it is a simple case of physically not knowing where to place your tongue, whether or not to vibrate your vocal chords, etc. the only one of the dictators of sound you could be shown is how to position your lips

When I was a child, from the time I was about four and could understand things, my mom told me and my brother that we should have a secret word. That way, if we were ever in trouble or felt unsafe and we didn’t want the people around us to know we needed her to come get us, we could let her know. So she let us pick the word and my brother and I chose the phrase “peanut butter cups.” (I’m happy to share the phrase now since both my brother and I are adults now). 

I used the phrase twice in my life. Once, I was at a friends house when I eight years old. Her dad got really drunk and was throwing things against the wall. I was really scared and I didn’t want to draw attention to myself on the phone when I called my mom to come get me because I didn’t know if he would get more violent if I asked her to come get me. So I called her and was calm and after a couple minutes I asked “Hey mommy, did you get me those peanut butter cups from the store?” And she said “I’ll be right there.” And she came and got me within minutes. 

Second, I was a teenager spending the night at a friends house. Her brother and dad were drinking and they started talking about things that made me uncomfortable - ie: what they liked to do to women. My friend didn’t seem perturbed and said that was normal for them and that I shouldn’t worry. But I was worried because they were really drunk and I was 15 and the only ‘woman’ around that wasn’t related to them. I went in my friends room, told her I needed to call my mom and say goodnight. Before I hung up with her I asked “Next time we go to the store, can we get some peanut butters cups? I’ve been craving them.” And she came and got me, just like that. 

Lyfe Illustration on Instagram

clean sheets

the sound of rain

really good coffee

nice smelling candles

clean hair

good books

wearing an outfit that makes u feel cute

talking with friends until 4 in the morning

a friend randomly pinching your cheek

complimenting people

seeing little kids play with their parents

nice, warm hugs

inside jokes

smiling at babies

good music

a new wallpaper for your phone

looking back at old pictures of people you love

the smell of outside after it rains

the smell of book shops

playing an instrument after you haven’t for a long time

moments where you realize you’re in love with the world

sunny, warm days

best friends laughing together in the mall

seeing amazing movies

reading a book you’ve wanted to read for a long time

really good food

doing something you were afraid of and having a really good time

getting ur eyeliner perfect

having a joke land just right

getting to know someone

a stranger reading your favorite book on the subway

ur package arriving in the mail

someone u rlly like texting u back

cute puppies and kittens

someone getting it

someone buying ur favorite thing/knowing ur order without thinking

“this made me think of you”

random good morning texts

telling ur friends how much u love them

finally getting ur braces off

really good writing

when ur house is clean and the sun is filtering in through the windows

the smell of ur favorite person

reading good poetry

getting to kno urself

when u get a good nights sleep

sleepovers with friends

little kids being funny with each other

new socks

coming home to ur dog/cat/pet

cookies

ferris wheels at night

going to a restaurant with friends and being too loud

being proud of something you made

people who light up rooms

understanding something after not getting it for the longest time

answering a question right

hot chocolate

good coffee

good smelling lotion

putting on perfume

taking a really long shower and feeling good after

moments where you feel whole and light

telling a joke that makes someone laugh

buying someone a gift

(Real pen the last picture)

It is important for EVERYONE to know how to help ANYONE. Not everyone can give them selves their medicine under every circumstance. Be educated, help out.

O

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@pippip-cheerio @smartest-of-them-all @collector-of-lost-souls @everyone else