ROOTLESS . (ap)

❝  That barely covered vagina of yours deserves better than that. ❞

❝  I appreciate your anger. ❞

❝  Your chief complaint is not that I screwed someone; it is who I screwed. That’s what it’s about, right? ❞

❝  Your issue with us is purely driven by a societal insecurity, not to mention a culturally infused female competition. My heart goes out to you ladies. ❞

❝  My therapist suggested I attend a twelve step program, for recovery from a love addiction and romantic obsession… ❞

❝  I cheated on you. ❞

❝  You’re not an addict. You’re just a whore. ❞

❝  I did let someone put a protein bar up my ass once. ❞

❝  I will straight up murder you if you do not sign this immediately. ❞

❝  I love kids. Kids love me. I basically am a kid. ❞

❝  But I would still choose you. Possibly because you’re uninterested. Most likely because you’re stunning and successful. ❞

❝  Sexual anorexia. It’s like depriving yourself of sex because of low self-esteem, or abuse or other gnarly shit. ❞

❝  I’m telling you, someone’s gonna murder us if you keep screaming. ❞

❝  Was this supposed to be a date? Oh shit, it was… Oh hell. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry, I’m a dick. ❞

❝  You’re a catch! It’s true. You know, I’m serious. You’ve got a strong vocabulary. You look dynamite in a tank top. ❞

❝  You know, little girls are told someday they’ll find The One. What they don’t tell you guys is that The One might be a complete fucking dickhead with a boring heroin penis that turns you all into a sex addict. ❞

❝  Some have suggested that I have a little bit of a problem staying faithful… for long periods of time… or possibly at all. ❞

❝  Look, once I come to the realization that I’m with- the wrong girl, I don’t know how to end it. ❞

❝  So you sabotage it by sleeping with other people. ❞

❝  Then comes the big old rigmarole of like ‘you’re afraid to commit’ and it’s like ‘no, I just don’t want to commit to you.’ But I can’t say that, because that’s like mean on top of mean… So instead I’d rather just say something like: ‘I fucked your sister.' ❞

❝  Whoa, since when are you a porn star with killer grammar? ❞

❝  Look, she’s my best friend and I would say by circumstance and certainly duration, you would be my next best friend. ❞

❝  It is a cascading shit storm that is your creation. ❞

❝  A tremendous amount of Malcolm Gladwellian logic jumps. ❞ 

❝  We’ll you’ve spent ten thousand hours fucking my life up. ❞

❝  Dude get the fuck out of here, I got it. ❞

❝  I appreciate your concern, Superman! Fly away. ❞

❝  Baby. Just breathe will you. Okay? Will you? Here, come on, sit down. You’re gonna be okay. It’s alright, you just got to breathe. Please. Okay? Yeah. There you go. ___ , this is just fear. ❞

❝  You take this risk when you start sleeping with people. You know, you risk losing them. So for me, I’ve never slept with someone I wasn’t willing to lose. Except one time. ❞

❝  And it kills me that you’re probably gonna go to ___. And it kills me that I can’t ask you to stay, because I have no right to, you know. ❞

❝  Welcome to the hell scape that is my son’s birthday party. ❞

❝  Dude… are you really using your kid to hit on my friend? ❞

❝  First part false. Second part true. ❞

❝  Do not gaslight me with SAT words and sliding scale morality. ❞

❝  You want to tell me about it? ❞

❝  You never told him to make a choice, you know. ❞

❝  Are we in love with each other? ❞

❝  I love you for free. ❞

❝  Unfortunately I don’t sleep with men in relationships anymore. ❞

❝  I stopped cheating anyway. ❞

❝  We’re getting a chance to start over. ❞

❝  Goodbye forever. ❞

❝  Hey, did you know they don’t have a separate jail for cool people who fucked up? There’s just one big old jail for everyone. ❞

❝  I sort of beat he shit out of him. Fucked up his life a little bit. ❞

❝  I just really miss you. ❞

❝  Yeah, I think about you like, all the time. Even the word “think” is wrong, because I don’t actively do anything. You’re just here. ❞

❝  I’d rather fail with you, than win with anyone else. ❞

❝  I love hearing you say my name. ❞