★·.·´¯The Lighthouse¯`·.·★

* OMFG OMFG OMFG

* Jacob you sure made a choice to not show any sex scenes this episode. I get it…it’s all about the emotions but Lord I wanted that before the game sex scenes.

* Rose is the best!!! Next season let her meet Svetlana. They deserve each other.

* That hotel scene….Ilya…the comforting hug….

* Ilya in Russia….his confession was so beautiful. The words we didn’t get in the book about his family were so beautifully crafted and delivered. I cried for Ilya.

* I am confused did Scott and Kip not break up in 2014? But the kiss was perfection.

* We are so getting the hottest sex scenes next episode at the cottage.

Follow me on Instagram: @dele.olanubi

Do not forget the families of Ahmaud, Breonna, George, and the countless others who have lost a loved one to police brutality, injustice, and systemic racism.

Remember their names. Remember their lives. Remember the injustice of their deaths. Remember the grief of their families.

Remember the beautiful black children, men, and women who are hurting across this broken nation.

Remember your privilege.

Remember your choices.

This is not the time to be numb or silent or prideful. This is not the time to get defensive.

Learn.

Give.

Pray.

Help.

Listen.

I have not slept well this week and it will probably be some time before I can find rest again. I know that the heaviness, the tears, the tiredness, the anxiety, the sadness, and the anger in my heart is the same pain that my black brothers and sisters carry in theirs.

We are not okay, and we will never be truly okay until real change eradicates the pervasive racism that erases anything good about America.

Don’t forget what has happened in America this week. Don’t go about your life like you did before. Don’t lie to yourself that these black deaths were isolated events. How many more must face this horrible injustice before our country does what is just and right?

If you see me as your friend, your sister, and your fellow American then fight for me, protect me, speak up for me and for ALL the black people across America.

Let us know you see us, you love us, you value us. Let your words, your choices, and your actions show us that we matter.

This is the time for positive change as a community and as a country. Educate yourself. Utilize your power and privilege to help us. We need you.

Racism, police brutality, hatred... we have to do better, be better, and live better.

Like MLK I have a dream that one day my black child will live in an America where they will not have to be afraid of being murdered when they go for a walk, sleep inside their bed, hang out with their friends, or be pulled over by a cop. I have a dream that my black child will live in an America where its leaders speak words of justice, peace, and accountability. I have a dream that my black child will grow up to be alive. The same dream that every black parent has.

I implore you, do not forget what you’ve seen. Do not be silent.

With hope and love,

All day I’ve been thinking about the latest victim of crimes against Black men and women in America. And all day I kept thinking “not again.” “I’m so tired of this!”

“What more do I need to do in my life to be safe?”

I do not care what the reason for his arrest was. There is no excuse or argument that justifies what happened. What those four men who are supposed to “protect and serve” did was wrong.

No human being should be subject to what went down. Any cop with sense and decency should have treated George Floyd as every human being deserves to be treated - period.

The problem is that they did not SEE him as a human being, therefore they did not treat him as a human being. Did the color of his skin factor into their behavior? Yes! Don’t even try to tell yourself or me that it did not.

Four cops were there. Not one of the three without their knee on his neck spoke up for George. Not one of the three told their fellow cop to “let him breathe.” They are all accountable for his death. And them being fired...not enough by a long shot. The man is dead. They are alive. They got to go home to their families. He will be buried by his.

“I can’t breathe”

That is how it feels for me. It is suffocating to have to spend so much of my energy making sure I am as safe as possible when I go out into the world. Now I have to even think about my safety when I am in my home. It is suffocating to make sure my attire, my facial expressions, and my very presence doesn’t cause someone to call the cops on me, shoot me, harass me, take advantage of me...

Lord, I cannot stand this. I get so sick and tired of article after article of Black Death after Black Death after Black Death after Black Death after...it is never ending.

I wonder like every Black person does if one day it will be my name in the news and my family crying over the injustice of my death. That is the reality of being Black.

When I walk into a space it doesn’t matter that I am kind or educated or employed or...all they see is I AM BLACK.

Nothing else matters to them. My worth is shrunk down to the amount of melanin in my skin. My humanity is only based on their perspective.

If you still don’t get it... well I am too exhausted to bother explaining it to you.

Wake up!!!

I’m not exhausted by the color of my skin. I am exhausted by how hyper vigilant I have to be every moment of every day to ensure my safety.

I’m exhausted because of the effort I have to make to appear nonthreatening AT ALL TIMES.

I’m exhausted because of the fear I feel when I leave my house and go for a walk, to the grocery store, to my workplace, to visit a friend...

AT ALL TIMES I have to be aware of the darkness of my skin and what some racist/ignorant/hate filled/ supposedly human being might do to me.

I am highly aware at all times of the day as to how light or dark it is outside because I know as a black person it is safer to go about my business during the day than at night. But now it doesn’t matter if it’s nighttime or daytime. The color of my skin means I am always a target for the twisted/disgusting/selfish/entitled racists that penetrate this world.

And one day I’m going to have black sons and daughters and my exhaustion will be their inheritance and that just really infuriates me to my soul.

To be black is to be traumatized every day of your life.

To be black is to be exhausted and I get so so so tired of it.

With love,

When pain, loneliness, shame, anxiety, fear... leave you feeling absolutely helpless please remember there will also be moments where joy embraces your fragile heart. There will be days when the right words or the right person repairs a hole in your heart.

May we be gentle with ourselves and those we cross paths with each day. Choose hope. Choose to give yourself, others, and life a little more time to find those answers.

It takes time to heal. I know you just want to stop hurting, crying, and feeling hopeless right now. I don't have a quick fix for you. It's a breath at a time. It's a choice to reach out and ask for help. It's a phone call to a trusted person. All these seemingly little acts of holding on for a moment more give you and us a chance to keep going.

You are worth it. I've been in that horrible darkness too. I've thought that there was no other way for my pain to end too. I've stood on the edge of that cliff too. Through my own brokenness I can relate to the brokenness in your story. It's not really about dying. Its about putting an end to the hurting.

I chose another answer. An answer that seemed so impossible in the fog of pain. I held on. I asked for help. I had people in my life hold me together. I let God redeem my wounded spirit. I chose myself day after day after day. And I'm still here. I'm alive. I am trying. I am figuring it out. That pain that seemed so overwhelming has subsided. When the ache comes back I am kind to myself. I let my tribe guide me back to the light. I remember I've left the darkness behind and I can surely do it again.

We should talk about what hurts as honestly as we talk about what heals. We should feel safe enough to be broken with each other. We should create those safe spaces for one another. We shouldn't wait until it's too late to be of help.

May we notice the cracks in one another and help each other repair ourselves.

With love,

You are more than your pain. You are more than your wounds. You are more than your aches. You are more than your shame. You are more than your past. You are more than your guilt. You are more that your insecurity. You are more than your fears. You are so much more than all that is weighing you down.

Breathe. Rest. Talk to someone who loves you. There is still time. There is still hope. There is still help. Be gentle with yourself and with others too. We are made to mend one another.