I just needed to get this out...
All day I’ve been thinking about the latest victim of crimes against Black men and women in America. And all day I kept thinking “not again.” “I’m so tired of this!”
“What more do I need to do in my life to be safe?”
I do not care what the reason for his arrest was. There is no excuse or argument that justifies what happened. What those four men who are supposed to “protect and serve” did was wrong.
No human being should be subject to what went down. Any cop with sense and decency should have treated George Floyd as every human being deserves to be treated - period.
The problem is that they did not SEE him as a human being, therefore they did not treat him as a human being. Did the color of his skin factor into their behavior? Yes! Don’t even try to tell yourself or me that it did not.
Four cops were there. Not one of the three without their knee on his neck spoke up for George. Not one of the three told their fellow cop to “let him breathe.” They are all accountable for his death. And them being fired...not enough by a long shot. The man is dead. They are alive. They got to go home to their families. He will be buried by his.
That is how it feels for me. It is suffocating to have to spend so much of my energy making sure I am as safe as possible when I go out into the world. Now I have to even think about my safety when I am in my home. It is suffocating to make sure my attire, my facial expressions, and my very presence doesn’t cause someone to call the cops on me, shoot me, harass me, take advantage of me...
Lord, I cannot stand this. I get so sick and tired of article after article of Black Death after Black Death after Black Death after Black Death after...it is never ending.
I wonder like every Black person does if one day it will be my name in the news and my family crying over the injustice of my death. That is the reality of being Black.
When I walk into a space it doesn’t matter that I am kind or educated or employed or...all they see is I AM BLACK.
Nothing else matters to them. My worth is shrunk down to the amount of melanin in my skin. My humanity is only based on their perspective.
If you still don’t get it... well I am too exhausted to bother explaining it to you.
I’m not exhausted by the color of my skin. I am exhausted by how hyper vigilant I have to be every moment of every day to ensure my safety.
I’m exhausted because of the effort I have to make to appear nonthreatening AT ALL TIMES.
I’m exhausted because of the fear I feel when I leave my house and go for a walk, to the grocery store, to my workplace, to visit a friend...
AT ALL TIMES I have to be aware of the darkness of my skin and what some racist/ignorant/hate filled/ supposedly human being might do to me.
I am highly aware at all times of the day as to how light or dark it is outside because I know as a black person it is safer to go about my business during the day than at night. But now it doesn’t matter if it’s nighttime or daytime. The color of my skin means I am always a target for the twisted/disgusting/selfish/entitled racists that penetrate this world.
And one day I’m going to have black sons and daughters and my exhaustion will be their inheritance and that just really infuriates me to my soul.
To be black is to be traumatized every day of your life.
To be black is to be exhausted and I get so so so tired of it.