maeve

It was movie night in the ATEEZ dorms, for those wanting to join. There were 6 people gathered around in the living room this particular movie night, missing only Hongjoong and Jongho, the two of whom were working in the studio on something bugging them in a song, but had promised to join the cosy evening later. Most of them had found their favourite spot; having had quite a few movie nights gets you used to things being a certain way, like everyone having a regular spot to watch the movie from. Wooyoung’s spot was in the middle of the couch, beside San, who was sitting all the way to the left on the comfortable sofa, snuggled up to the older.

Wooyoung loved their movie nights. He loved how warm and familiar it made everything seem, even when everything else in their lives was hectic, they always made time for the ATEEZ family. They took turns recommending movies to watch and then the group voted on the options. This time, the vote had landed on watching Mulan, something that had Wooyoung excited beyond belief, eyes wide and blinding with joy when the vote favoured the old childhood movie.

Sometimes, if Wooyoung weren’t as interested in the choice of movie, he would let his body do what it wanted to, mostly it ended with him falling asleep in San’s arms as the film ran in the background, something San found incredibly endearing and funny, but a few times he would stay awake watching the movie anyway. This time though, he was determined to stay awake throughout the movie. One of the reasons for the movie to have been selected was that they all had seen it a million times before. Hongjoong and Jongho could join in whenever and still know what had happened and if people dozed off, it wouldn’t be such a big deal.

As Yunho put the movie on, a job he took a little pride in as he did it for every movie night while everyone got comfortable, San plopped down on the couch, opening his arms to invite Wooyoung in as well, he joined as he usually does; quickly and with a happy sigh and a grin. San smiled down at him and began stroking his hair, feeling the younger relax into his embrace even further.

As soon as the movie started San paid attention to the screen, and so did Wooyoung, perking up at the music that he so easily recognised, ready to watch one of his favourite childhood movies with his second family. It didn’t take long though, only about 20 minutes or so, before San could feel Wooyoung slowly falling asleep and jerk himself awake again, desperately trying to stay awake for the duration of the movie, which San thought was going to be impossible, as the boy was already seeming so tired. So, the older of the two held him closer to himself, tucking Wooyoung further into the crook of his neck, and stroked his hair softly, slowly coaxing the younger into resting. If he woke up and whined about missing the movie, San was ready to promise to watch it with him another day.

When Wooyoung slowly woke up again he felt at ease. He noticed the slow but deep rise and fall of San’s chest. The heat radiating from his warm and soft skin, which he had seemed to have drooled on a bit. How the thumb of the hand on his back moved gently back and forth. How he could feel his hair moving on his head from San’s exhale. Then he looked around and saw the rest of the members around the living room, which caused him to hold his breath for a long second, realising that the combination of the childhood movie and being held so tightly by a person he loves and trusts had pushed him into his regressed headspace. He wasn’t fully in it, but he could feel it tugging at his groggy mind, luring it into the comfortable mindset. He couldn’t let the others see though, so plan A was first to push the tempting feeling of carefree childhood far enough away so that he at least could make it through the night, but that didn’t seem to happen, so plan B it was. Plan B was not the best and definitely not what Wooyoung had wanted to actually do, but it had to do, as the alternative was being regressed before all his close friends, which would, by Wooyoung’s standards, be the worst outcome. So, first, he tried to wiggle out of San’s grip without disturbing him, but he couldn’t do that, so he ran through the excuses he could use in his head.

“Young-ah, where are you off to? The movie isn’t even done.” San spoke in a soft and low voice, not wanting to disturb the peace among the others around the room, which now consisted of all of them, Hongjoong and Jongho having gotten home some time while Wooyoung had been asleep. “Um, I’m really tired so I was jus’ gonna go sleep in my bed.” Wooyoung hoped he could just escape without any more questions, but he wasn’t going to get away that easily. “Just lay down with me again and sleep. Weren't you comfortable?” San had grabbed a hold of his hand, holding him back from fleeing. Wooyoung wanted to pull his hand to himself and just run off, but he couldn’t do that when San looked at him like he did, all warm and welcoming. “I was bu-but...” Wooyoung’s head was void of anything to say. He wanted to lay down again and be doted upon by his friend, but he couldn’t because that would mean he would risk slipping up and revealing that he was feeling like the smallest kid ever at that moment, and he couldn’t tell him “hey, just fyi, I'm gonna be about 3 years old in a few minutes if nothing is stopping me” because he couldn’t bear to see San’s face when being told something so out-there and weird. “Baby, if you’re still asleep by the time the movie is over, I'll carry you to your bed myself, just please lay down again?” San pleaded with the younger, who almost crumbled by being called baby by his best friend in front of their group mates. “I-I... I can’t.” And with that, he ran to his room and closed the door behind him. San just watched as the other ran away from him, muttering ‘what just happened’ to himself.

Hongjoong, who had been watching all of it with mouth agape, got up from his little beanbag chair where he was watching the movie from and walked over to the younger, placing a firm hand on his shoulder, commanding San’s attention. “Is he alright? What did you say to him?” San sputtered a bit, not sure exactly what to tell their captain, as he had no clue what had happened himself. “I don’t know, hyung. One second he was sweet, cuddly Wooyoung, and the next he was running away from me. I tried asking him to stay, since he was so excited for the movie, and we’ve been so busy lately, but he seemed very anxious to get away.” San trailed off at the end of his explanation, thinking to himself, going over exactly what Wooyoung had said and how he had said it. He was worried about him. “Hyung, I would like to go and make sure he’s okay at least. Maybe he was just tired and wanted his own bed, but it didn’t seem like he was telling me the truth...” Hongjoong nodded. He knew the two of them had a bond like no one else and he didn’t want to assert himself in his leader role if that wasn’t what Wooyoung needed. San turned towards Yunho, who was looking at them quietly. Most of the members had forsaken watching the movie, listening along to the conversation, and were also concerned about their friend’s behaviour. “Yun, would you mind not sleeping in your bed tonight. I might bring Wooyoung to stay in our room.” Yunho nodded in agreement, softly saying that he could stay with Yeosang and Jongho, the two agreeing to that plan. As soon as Hongjoong turned back to lock eyes with San again, the younger stood up from the couch, briskly walking towards where Wooyoung had disappeared off to, leaving a lot of confused and anxious members behind him.

He knocked softly before opening the door to the bedroom, watching as Wooyoung hurriedly hid something underneath his duvet, obviously not wanting anyone to see it. “Young-ah, can we talk a bit?” San asked while moving forward towards where Wooyoung was sitting, back turned to the door, shrugging his shoulders to answer the question. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to talk to San, but he just didn’t want the other to think he was weird for the way he was acting. San moved over to sit on the bed behind Wooyoung. He didn’t want to force the younger to face him if he felt uncomfortable doing so, but he wanted to be close to him so as to read his body language a little better.

“So... You’re not under the covers and asleep, so I’m guessing being tired was an excuse to come here.” Wooyoung’s head hung in shame. He didn’t like lying but he felt like he had to so as to not hurt San’s feelings. “Is it something I did?” San continued; Wooyoung shook his head. “Is it something I didn’t do?” another headshake. Wooyoung took some deep breaths, gathering courage from seemingly nowhere, and San waited with bated breath. “I wanna tell you, but... I just- um, I’m not sure how- how to, um h-how you’re gonna react...” Wooyoung stumbled over the words, thoughts just as jumbled. San put his hand on the other’s back, as to provide a sort of anchor, some feeling to hold onto, “you can tell me anything you want to, Wooyoung.” The younger leaned into the touch, focusing on the warmth seeping from his friend’s palm and through his shirt. He turned around halfway, still not facing San, but the older could now see Wooyoung’s face, which was turned down, facing his lap and with eyebrows furrowed. He seemed to focus on his fingers, wringing his hands together to keep his anxiety at bay.

“I, um, feel small... sometimes...” he didn’t speak loudly but his words came out above a whisper, San picking up the words perfectly well. “Small? Small how, Young-ah?” San prodded a bit, obviously curious but mostly wanting to be there for his best friend. “Like-like I’ve shrunk, become tiny and vulnerable again. Like a-…" Wooyoung couldn’t get himself to say the words. It's easier to explain the feeling in broad terms because everyone has felt small and vulnerable, and he knew San could relate to that, but as soon as he would go into more depth, that’s when he’d start to sound crazy. “Like a... Like a kid?” San went ahead with what he was guessing Wooyoung was going to say, even though it didn’t exactly make sense in his head. It was a puzzle he had every piece to but the middle pieces. He could see some of it, get a sense of what it looked like, what it was supposed to be, but he was missing a whole lot that would tie it all together. Wooyoung’s eyes got wider, and he bit his lip, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up at his friend, instead he just nodded. “I’m not gonna lie, Wooyoung, I’m not completely sure what that entails but I'm sure that it’s completely alright and fine.” Wooyoung sat and considered the words and after a beat he grabbed San’s free hand, holding it in his own two hands, now playing with the small-ish fingers, adorned in pretty and dainty rings, one of which being one that Wooyoung had gifted him on his birthday. He knew that San loved and cherished him and something like the fact that he acted like a toddler sometimes wouldn’t come between them, but he was scared of being viewed differently, like he was mental for doing it or worse; that he would be able to see a hint of disgust in his friend’s face. “I’m scared,” Wooyoung whispered, shutting his eyes at the confession just made. He could feel himself get tense and start shaking with nerves. San could feel his heart jump at what his friend said and without thinking he pulled Wooyoung to him and wrapped his arms around him so tightly he could feel the tremors in the younger’s body. Wooyoung let his arms wrap around San’s torso and burrow his head in his chest, letting him be enveloped in San’s scent and warmth. His head was spinning. He, without realising it, had started to hyperventilate before being brought into San’s hug. San helped by squeezing him tightly and shushing him softly, bringing him back to that comfortable fuzzy feeling he had woken up to before, making him tense up as he realised yet again, though this time, San having him so close he could feel the little changes in his body language, held him impossibly tight, relaxing him.

They sat like that for a little while, San so focused on Wooyoung’s body’s reaction that he managed to get him calmed down again, bringing him onto his lap so that he could keep holding the younger close but still sitting comfortably while talking. “Why are you scared, Young-ah?” San hesitantly asked. He didn’t want to send the other spiralling again, but Wooyoung held it together, arms squeezing San closer to him. “I’m scared you’d think I’m gross,” Wooyoung spoke, not sure where the confidence came from but happy that it was there. He knew that it was for the best that he’d explain the situation to San, but his nerves had always gotten the better of him any other time he had tried to bring it up to his friend. San was taken aback; “gross? Why would I ever think you were gross?” Wooyoung shrugged. “Not just you, the others too.” Wooyoung looked carefully up at San before bringing his eyes back down. “It’s ‘cos of how you guys react when I do aegyo sometimes...” he shrunk himself in San’s lap, feeling absolutely ridiculous as the words left his mouth. He didn’t want to ruin their banter and fun atmosphere in interviews by expressing that that one running joke bothered him because of something none of them were even aware was going on. San, on the other hand, felt guilt well up inside of him. He knew exactly what Wooyoung was talking about. It was how they’d scoff and even “complain” when Wooyoung would do this very specific type of aegyo. He'd thought they’d all been in on it and having fun with it, but looking back he felt ashamed with how far they’d take it sometimes.

San’s brows furrowed, shame filling his chest. There was nothing worse to him than hurting the people closest to him and knowing that he hadn’t picked up on Wooyoung being hurt was not something he was ready to be confronted with. This time it was Wooyoung’s turn to lean back and see his friend being overwhelmed with shame. The mixture of already being on the edge of slipping completely, his friend being sad, and the familiar Disney music playing behind the door, something they could hear as both of them became absolutely quiet, all pushing Wooyoung further, slipping more into the headspace. “Oh, oh no, please don’t cry, Sannie!” Wooyoung started to pat his friend’s hair and caress it backwards, something his mom would do when he was feeling overwhelmed as a kid. “Here!” Wooyoung leaned to the side in a slightly exaggerated manner, not thinking about the possibility that he could fall, not exactly being the safest in San’s lap, but before anything could happen, San’s hands flew up and grabbed on either side of the bottom of the younger’s torso, right where his last couple of ribs were, making sure that if the other started to fall, he’d catch him. As Wooyoung leaned a little more, he dug out the thing he had hidden away under his duvet when San first came into his room to talk, which was a stuffed, sandy brown teddy bear with a little plaid bowtie. Wooyoung sat straight in San’s lap again, the older of the two still holding onto him even without the danger of falling, and held the bear before San’s eyes. “Her name is Sandy. She helps when you feel sad,” and with that Wooyoung put Sandy into the crook of San’s neck, nuzzling it into the crevice. San was flabbergasted. This was nothing like he had thought Wooyoung would act like. When he had told him that he hadn’t disclosed this part of himself because of the way he’d feel when they were dismissing his exaggerated cuteness, San had honestly thought that he would be exactly the way he was acting when he was asked to do aegyo, but this wasn’t like that.

“Thank... Thank you, Wooyoung. That's very sweet of you.” San’s eyes were following Wooyoung’s movements and picking up the way his facial expressions were less refined than they’d usually be. There wasn’t a lot of intention behind the way Wooyoung did things, which made them seem almost sloppy and careless and clumsy. The younger nodded, head flying around more than usual with the movement. “Youngie, are you doing the thing you were telling me about? Do you, eh... feel small?” San tried to use the words Wooyoung himself had used to explain his situation, hoping it would make sense if he phrased it in a similar way. What he hadn’t expected to happen was tears welling up in Wooyoung’s eyes. Biting his bottom lip, he nodded slightly at the question. San softened his facial expression, knowing that he had to be really careful of the way Wooyoung could perceive it and other things like body language as he was really sensitive about San thinking worse of him with this new information. “Oh, baby... Come here.” San pulled Wooyoung into his arms again, where he held his friend as he got his feelings in check, pushing every single grain of guilt that had filled him to the side and any feelings of doubt about how to act were pushed deep down. ‘You love kids. If Wooyoung is feeling like a kid, you just have to treat him as such. How hard can it be?’ San reasoned with himself, the logic seeming sound. He just had to get over the fact that there wasn’t an actual, physical kid before him, and then he’d be good. He let Wooyoung back out from his embrace and smiled at him as the younger had fisted his shirt tightly in his hands. “C’mon now, prince, no need to cry.” San wiped away Wooyoung’s fresh tears with gentle touches and leaned in to kiss where he’d wiped them away. “There. No tears allowed on my Wooyoung’s pretty face about this!” Wooyoung giggled as San nuzzled his nose into his cheek and it filled San’s heart to hear that carefree laugh he knew so well. Warmth rose in his chest as he leaned back and saw a huge smile on the younger’s face, eyes squinting with the smile, and he couldn’t help but hug Wooyoung again, this time placing a kiss on the top of his head. Wooyoung finally felt the love he had been missing from his regression, starting to cry again from sheer joy making San laugh and complain in a lighthearted way when he saw. “Good tears, Sannie. Woo promise!” raising his pinky to show that he meant it while his other hand was wiping the tears away. San smiled, eyes glimmering with fondness as he connected his pinky to Wooyoung’s. San, bursting with love for this new side of Wooyoung he had just met, picked his friend up and held him on his hip, letting Wooyoung wrap his legs around his frame after letting out a yelp at the unexpected action. “What do you say to having a sleepover in Sannie’s room tonight?” San asked, adjusting his grip on Wooyoung’s form. He got to see Wooyoung’s face lit up; his eyes opening wide, as did his mouth, and San could swear he saw light shine in the younger’s eyes. Wooyoung squealed; “yes! Yes please!” and San chuckled as he ran a hand over Wooyoung’s hair, “good boy! Remembering your manners,” to which Wooyoung beamed at him, proud at himself. “Now, help me gather what you need, honey.”

San did quick work of picking up Wooyoung’s pyjamas, his stuffed animal, Sandy, and a blanket that Wooyoung insisted on bringing; it wasn’t big enough to cover his entire body, so San had thought that it was probably a security blanket of some sort. He carried Wooyoung out of his room and into San’s own, relieved when he saw that Yunho had been in to collect what he needed for sleep already, knowing that no one should disturb them tonight. He helped Wooyoung make space on San’s bed for himself and then helped him change into his night clothes, though not too much as Wooyoung kept repeating “I’m a big boy! I can do it!” and only allowed San to help when he was stuck and couldn’t physically get out of a tangle of clothes. San let Wooyoung get under the covers first and then shuffled himself under them too. Wooyoung was quick to cuddle up to him the second he had gotten comfortable, making San chuckle under his breath and bringing an arm around Wooyoung’s frame, pulling him even closer, mimicking how they cuddled on the couch only a bit earlier that evening. Wooyoung melted into the touch of his best friend, letting himself relax, knowing that everything was okay, and he had nothing to worry about.

Wooyoung had always found himself feeling at home when tucked in the crook of San’s neck. It was warm, it was safe. Nothing could hurt him there. Not even his own doubting thoughts, because, just as he’s always known; San would be the one to stick by him till the end. His amicus ad aras.

a/n: this started bc i was sick and tired of hearing ppl hate on wooyoung's 'googoo gaga' aegyo, which i know is silly but it also brought me this idea so... also,, started writing before i knew they'd moved into shared apartments, so you'll have to deal with the old roommate situation for this one.

tag list:

@mylittlesafehaven99 @bearseulgs @ihugjakey @kiki-woo

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Having made a pillow fort many, many times before, Jungkook was quick to get one set up, having half a mind to keep watch on Yoongi. It wasn’t that Yoongi was that younger than him, Jungkook being around 8 and Yoongi being about 4, but he couldn’t help but feel nervous if the other wasn’t in his field of vision, being the one responsible for him. But Yoongi stayed put where Jungkook had left him, enamoured by how Jungkook was ensuring everything was up to standard for Yoongi. Back in his mind, the adult version of him found it amusing that his best friend was going through all that trouble to not have an overstimulating environment for the movie night just after yelling in his face, overstimulating him. That was of course not something regressed Jungkook had thought about, and not something Yoongi was hung up about, having slipped into somewhat of a trance, watching Jungkook roam around, getting all the necessary things. It helped with regulating the stimulus.

Jungkook, now very gentle, brought Yoongi over to the finished pillow fort and sat him down in the spot that would be most comfortable. “Okay, Yoonie, this is my faaaavourite movie and I really really think you’ll like it. Do you want some snacks for the movie?” he asked as Yoongi got situated. Yoongi, fumbling with his fingers, looked up a Jungkook, who was still standing, ready to fulfil every request that might be coming from the one sitting. Yoongi mumbled out; “fishies, hyungie?” not feeling particularly verbal that day but still above writing out what he wished to say. Jungkook nodded with a wide smile on his face, sprinting off to get the ‘fishies’ aka the goldfish crackers. He was just happy that Yoongi was in a salty mood instead of something sweet because that would have meant using like 15 minutes on washing and cutting up fruit for the smaller. 

Yoongi got himself situated; ears perked as heard the sound of the goldfish crackers being poured into a bowl. He looked around him, suddenly very aware that his stuffed teddy wasn’t in his line of sight. He whimpered, and as if Jungkook had super hearing, he sprinted into the living room and crouched down in front of Yoongi. “Why is Yoonie baby sad?” he pet his friend’s hair, trying his best to comfort him. “Bear!” Yoongi cried out, getting more distressed the longer he was without his stuffed teddy bear. Jungkook whipped his head around, scanning the room to find the plushie, finally spotting a little tuft of brown fur sticking out from underneath the couch. It seemed, that in his hurry to build the pillow fort, he might have pushed the bear out of the way and under the sofa. He quickly got it, dusted it off and handed it over to Yoongi, who immediately hugged it and nuzzled his face into its soft fur. Jungkook let out a sigh of relief. He could see that Yoongi was close to tears, and if Yoongi had cried, Jungkook would have cried, and he didn’t like crying when he was the bigger kid.

After getting everything set up and making sure Yoongi was feeling comfortable beside him, Jungkook finally put on the movie, jumping a little where he sat in excitement for his favourite movie. He had seen the movie a million times before, almost to the point where he could recite the entire script by heart along the movie, so while watching the movie, he was also watching Yoongi for reactions to the movie, excited to see if his baby brother also found it as good as he did.

Though, when Ron got introduced to the viewers as well as to Barney Yoongi didn’t like it one bit, hiding himself a bit behind Jungkook, away from the TV screen. Jungkook frowned and hesitated, reaching out for the remote to stop the movie, not liking Yoongi’s facial expressions one bit, but let a sigh out of relief when Yoongi lit up at Ron doing the ‘dikky dikky dakka’ dance not long after, and leaned back, bringing his arm around Yoongi to bring him closer into his body, knowing that it wouldn’t be the last time Yoongi would find the movie a bit scary. Actually, he tried his best to comfort Yoongi, but then came the scene with the bullies at the playground and he couldn’t help but get excited, though, he did his best to hide it as Yoongi definitely didn’t like the scene.

When they came to the scene of the B Bot being crushed, Yoongi whimpered and hid his face in Jungkook’s chest. Jungkook held him close and after the scene was over, he pressed pause, deciding to give Yoongi a little breather. He did not like the scene himself when he watched the movie for the first time, and that was even when he was feeling big, so he did his best to comfort Yoongi, holding him tight. “Do you wanna stop watching, Yoonie?” he almost whispered and, it took a beat, but Yoongi shook his head the best he could while being burrowed in Jungkook’s chest. Jungkook smiled and patted Yoongi’s head to let him know that he was heard, well, felt.

“Yoonie, can Jungkookie get up? I won’t be long, I promise.” Yoongi let go but not after holding onto the mentally older for a second. Jungkook made sure Yoongi had his teddy and then hurried off to the kitchen, struggling to get on the counter for a second to get to the top cabinets where older Jungkook and Yoongi had put the best snacks, to not make them as tempting for them when they were regressed, but younger Jungkook thought that it was time to bring some of them out. As he opened the cabinet, he was overwhelmed with the scent of all the goodies tucked away, but he reminded himself of having some self-control and not bringing all of them into the living room. His eyes landed on the Honey Butter Chips. He knew that big Jungkook would want to scold his regressed self for taking them, but he reminded himself that it was for Yoongi, even though, even in his younger headspace, he knew that they were expensive compared to other chips.

When he brought them into the living room, Yoongi caught a glimpse of the bag, eyes widening. He waited very patiently (not at all) for Jungkook to sit down and open the bag and immediately dug into the deliciousness that was the honey butter chips. Jungkook started the movie again, happy to see Yoongi content and munching away on the chips, almost not taking any himself, despite the love he had for the snack. Yoongi gave a few very cute reactions throughout the movie as they continued, such as patting Jungkook and saying “frien’ reqwest!” as he had seen Ron do in the movie, which got a giggle from Jungkook, not that Yoongi saw, as he was moving on, doing the same to his teddy, although patting softer than he had Jungkook. Jungkook couldn’t help but coo at Yoongi when he pouted at the scene where Ron uploaded himself. When they were done with the movie, Yoongi was having a hard time keeping his eyes open, bringing Jungkook to help him up and hold his hand as they walked to Yoongi’s bedroom to get him into bed. Jungkook tried his best to tuck Yoongi in but before he could turn to leave, thinking that Yoongi had fallen asleep, the mentally younger tugged on his shirt sleeve. “What is it, Yoonie?” Jungkook asked. “Dark,” was all that Yoongi muttered to him. Jungkook went over to the corner of the room to plug in the little warm light that Yoongi would use as a night light when he needed it, only to be met with a whine and Yoongi pointing his finger downwards. Jungkook happily took the plug to the light out of the socket as he understood what Yoongi was hinting at, plugging it back in, in the socket beside Yoongi’s bed, pushing the light underneath the bed, mimicking the movie they’d just seen. When he was sure everything was good with the light, he crawled back up, giving Yoongi a big, sloppy kiss on his forehead and took his leave. 

When he got outside the door, he looked around the living room at the mess they had made of it, deciding that he was definitely too small for that, and it was a problem for big Yoongi and Jungkook the next day when they woke up, and then promptly turned to his bedroom to call it a night also.