neptune

sukuna had endured it all from birth.

could such a child be born from such a devoted marriage? that's until it wasn't so devoted.

sukuna found the cracks before they did. the late nights his father would come home, the silent treatment his mother would give him and the arguing sukuna would listen to, pressing his ear against the door past his bedtime.

they had two more kids. surely having children would save their failing marriage.

the first time sukuna understood love was when choso was born. and, alongside it, its conditions and cruelty.

he was adored by his parents. he was a sensitive child, still sensitive, soft-hearted. however, the broken limbs in which sukuna's parents held him by were gone. he was left with the fragments of their bones while choso was coddled by new ones, better ones.

sukuna hated choso.

for changing his parents.

he remembers being six years old and secretly pinching his plump baby cheeks so hard that it drew tears. it sparked a tiny sense of pleasure in sukuna—that he was also able to cause harm to others.

choso bears the sukuna's fingernail scar to this day, having no idea that it was caused by him.

sukuna was nine years old when yuji was born. the household was teeming with delight. his mom was happy, his dad was proud, choso had a little brother and sukuna...well, he was stricken with a loneliness he never fully understood.

this must be it.

this must be how life is going to look for him.

that night changed his life.

not when his parents died from a car crash.

when he'd dropped out of school at fifteen and got into it really bad with his parents for it. his dad pushed him to the ground, grabbing his collar, his other hand raised to lend a strike on him. except when he was ready to land the momentum, he couldn't. his arm was stuck, lodged by his head.

sukuna looked beside his father slowly, breath hitching his throat when he found both yuji and choso holding his hand back, fear in their eyes. fear of their father. fear that he was going to hit their older brother. the older brother that hit them, mocked them and once locked them outside in their backyard naked and freezing to satiate his distorted sense of humour.

their father drove off, steaming with anger, mother following him.

that's when it started and ended, the year sukuna let his brothers into his dark, lonely life.

it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. they'd fight like normal siblings, sukuna would do something fucked up but then, this new feeling would emerge. this overstimulating sensation that he'd lose them for good, that they'd stop talking to him forever and he'd run as far away from them as possible to avoid the conflict from getting worse.

when he was sixteen, he'd made little yuji cry and his parents got involved. over something stupid.

sukuna was kicked out that night.

it was clear that his parents didn't want the likes of sukuna to be associated with his siblings. they didn't like how well they were getting along, the drives sukuna would take them out on, the lego they would build together and how they'd laugh at the stupidest things together.

his parents cursed him again.

that was sukuna's final straw.

he left. for good.

didn't reply to choso's messages and calls.

even when choso brought yuji to gojo's house (where he was staying), he made gojo lie about his whereabouts.

sukuna became lonely again.

he was surrounded by parties, girls and substance, attempting to evade the growing loneliness inside him. it only made the hole worse.

then, the news of his parents death when he was seventeen.

it's like the world had finally caved into him.

he cried once.

that was enough.

that was all they were worth anyways.

sukuna came back.

he worked like a dog for his brothers. he worked to put food on the table, pay for their schools and all he expected was for them to become someone who couldn't be brought down. he saw that the only thing that was able to provide that was education. a man could take anything from you, but he couldn't take what you learned, the knowledge you've studied. it's a value he'd underestimated growing up. with the regret of dropping out and having two young children depending on him, he did everything he could to make them someone. tutoring, extra classes, seminars—anything to get them there. even when yuji would slack or complain that he was tired, sukuna pushed him to no end, reminding him of the situation they were in.

now they were both in prestigious universities.

sukuna never said it. he'd never say it. but he was so fucking proud of them. he'd given them everything he could have in this life and they returned it in tenfold.

sukuna achieved everything in life except for one.

love.

he still has a complex relationship with it.

to let someone in, to let them see his scars and to see him for what he truly was? it was much easier to let them see him as a horrible man.

he is a horrible man.

sukuna couldn't keep a woman even if he wanted to.

he becomes the worst version of himself.

controlling, possessive, shitty.

when he met you, like, properly met you, spent time with you, this inexplicable paranoia swarmed him. that like all the other good things in his life, you would end too.

he never let you get too close, never let you see him.

when the two of you made love, it was like all the loose ends of his life tied together. he had never had love like that. divine and whole. he tied his soul with yours that night, promised himself to you. then, he became a coward in the face of love.

he had to run, had to ruin it for himself because why would he deserve you?

he's cursed, remember?

tonight, sukuna is racing against gojo and naoya.

he spots you in the crowd, clinging onto that fake boyfriend of yours.

of course you'd pull a stunt like this. bring your fake boyfriend to his race.

you think he doesn't know? your plan is just as flawed as him. there's no way you'd feel for geto the way you do with him. that pretend smile as you playfully hit geto, knowing sukuna's watching.

he scoffs, turning away.

this is ridiculous.

maybe he doesn't need you. if you're going to move on that easily, sukuna find someone else. he's built a name for himself, a reputation people fear.

he doesn't need you.

he repeats it to himself like a broken record.

in the race, when he loses so badly, people are frustrated, when he gets out of the car, when naoya comes up to him with his victor's pride. he says it one last time when naoya smiles cunningly as he glances over at you and geto.

"guess she realised you weren't the shit. that's what you get for hanging out with whores—"

sukuna punched him before he realised he's done it.

naoya's on the ground, a hand clutching his face as he peers up at sukuna with shock.

everyone goes quiet.

the quiet rage within sukuna explodes.

"say that shit again," sukuna spits.

"woah, woah, sukuna! let's calm down, okay?" gojo says, running over. he's about to lay a hand on sukuna's shoulder. it doesn't land. instead, gojo's butt lands on the ground, blood leaking from his nose.

naoya gets up, grabbing sukuna by the scruff of his neck. sukuna clutches him again.

"i'm gonna give them a reason to put you back in jail," naoya threatens, a slick smile on his face.

sukuna is seething. not at this blabbering idiot. no, none of this even matters.

how could you move on from him like that? were you not throwing yourself at him two minutes ago?

sukuna is pulled back.

he looks back to see geto holding him.

"get off me!" sukuna yells.

his brothers, utahime and shoko are running over to mitigate it. like that's going to stop him.

sukuna fights the grasp, he can't budge. geto hesitates for a second, giving sukuna the upper hand. he pushes geto back and punches him in the face too. he goes in for a second time, but geto's pulled to the side, turning it to an air punch.

sukuna furrows his brows, turning to see who did that.

you're standing there, holding geto's hand and standing in front of him. protecting him.

protecting him from sukuna.

the fear in everyone's eyes is incomparable to the stillness in yours. it's like you're telling him to try it. try punching you next.

"what the fuck is wrong with you?" you blurt out.

"y/n..." geto warns.

"shut up, geto!" you yell. "he needs to hear it."

sukuna runs a hand through his hair, "that's right, defend him."

he glares at geto who's looking away from the scene completely. he looks so out of place.

"don't even look at me defending you," sukuna tells you, his voice dangerously low. "from that asshole."

he points at naoya on the ground, lamenting about the damage done to his face.

you scoff, "don't stand there like some fucking hero after treating me like shit for weeks, okay? you wanna know why i'm not looking out for you? because you punish me when i care."

sukuna's taken aback.

in the fringes of his livid fury, a suffering breaks. a poison injected into his heart at the look on your face, the pain in your voice. the sorrow under the strong face you put on every day. the sorrow he caused. the feeling that it's really over for him now.

"you have to stop this," you state, tactlessly wiping the tears from your eyes. you're crying. you don't sound it. you still sound confident, voice full of vigour, but your eyes betray you. completely. "you make me feel stupid for wanting you."

he looks down at the cracked road, the hand drawn chalk.

he can't face you.

he can't see what he's done to you, how he's broken you to bits.

"i'm done, sukuna. i'm done acting like a fool, hoping that you'll come around."

you walk away first.

alone.

without geto.

without anyone.

your friends slowly follow, saying nothing to him.

utahime, geto and gojo follow.

and, one final word from shoko causes him to lean against the car for some sort of support, "seriously. you need to fix your shit, man."

PREV | MASTERLIST | NEXT

SUMMARY ★ he believes you don't matter to him. just one more annoying fangirl. showing up to his races, being obnoxiously chatty and your flirting—god, does it end? sukuna dreads you. however, he starts reciprocating, as a joke, of course! until it doesn't feel like a joke anymore and he wants nothing but you on his side.

PAIRING ★ streetracer!sukuna x fem!reader

CONTENT WARNINGS / GENRES / TAGS ★ smau w/ written chapters, smut, angst, sukuna is a lot older than reader, older brother to choso and yuji, he was in jail for getting caught racing LOL, nsfw/vulgar jokes like allll the time, inumaki talks (UNFORTUNATELY), sukuna playing w her feelings, he is toxic!

sukuna had endured it all from birth.

could such a child be born from such a devoted marriage? that's until it wasn't so devoted.

sukuna found the cracks before they did. the late nights his father would come home, the silent treatment his mother would give him and the arguing sukuna would listen to, pressing his ear against the door past his bedtime.

they had two more kids. surely having children would save their failing marriage.

the first time sukuna understood love was when choso was born. and, alongside it, its conditions and cruelty.

he was adored by his parents. he was a sensitive child, still sensitive, soft-hearted. however, the broken limbs in which sukuna's parents held him by were gone. he was left with the fragments of their bones while choso was coddled by new ones, better ones.

sukuna hated choso.

for changing his parents.

he remembers being six years old and secretly pinching his plump baby cheeks so hard that it drew tears. it sparked a tiny sense of pleasure in sukuna—that he was also able to cause harm to others.

choso bears the sukuna's fingernail scar to this day, having no idea that it was caused by him.

sukuna was nine years old when yuji was born. the household was teeming with delight. his mom was happy, his dad was proud, choso had a little brother and sukuna...well, he was stricken with a loneliness he never fully understood.

this must be it.

this must be how life is going to look for him.

that night changed his life.

not when his parents died from a car crash.

when he'd dropped out of school at fifteen and got into it really bad with his parents for it. his dad pushed him to the ground, grabbing his collar, his other hand raised to lend a strike on him. except when he was ready to land the momentum, he couldn't. his arm was stuck, lodged by his head.

sukuna looked beside his father slowly, breath hitching his throat when he found both yuji and choso holding his hand back, fear in their eyes. fear of their father. fear that he was going to hit their older brother. the older brother that hit them, mocked them and once locked them outside in their backyard naked and freezing to satiate his distorted sense of humour.

their father drove off, steaming with anger, mother following him.

that's when it started and ended, the year sukuna let his brothers into his dark, lonely life.

it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. they'd fight like normal siblings, sukuna would do something fucked up but then, this new feeling would emerge. this overstimulating sensation that he'd lose them for good, that they'd stop talking to him forever and he'd run as far away from them as possible to avoid the conflict from getting worse.

when he was sixteen, he'd made little yuji cry and his parents got involved. over something stupid.

sukuna was kicked out that night.

it was clear that his parents didn't want the likes of sukuna to be associated with his siblings. they didn't like how well they were getting along, the drives sukuna would take them out on, the lego they would build together and how they'd laugh at the stupidest things together.

his parents cursed him again.

that was sukuna's final straw.

he left. for good.

didn't reply to choso's messages and calls.

even when choso brought yuji to gojo's house (where he was staying), he made gojo lie about his whereabouts.

sukuna became lonely again.

he was surrounded by parties, girls and substance, attempting to evade the growing loneliness inside him. it only made the hole worse.

then, the news of his parents death when he was seventeen.

it's like the world had finally caved into him.

he cried once.

that was enough.

that was all they were worth anyways.

sukuna came back.

he worked like a dog for his brothers. he worked to put food on the table, pay for their schools and all he expected was for them to become someone who couldn't be brought down. he saw that the only thing that was able to provide that was education. a man could take anything from you, but he couldn't take what you learned, the knowledge you've studied. it's a value he'd underestimated growing up. with the regret of dropping out and having two young children depending on him, he did everything he could to make them someone. tutoring, extra classes, seminars—anything to get them there. even when yuji would slack or complain that he was tired, sukuna pushed him to no end, reminding him of the situation they were in.

now they were both in prestigious universities.

sukuna never said it. he'd never say it. but he was so fucking proud of them. he'd given them everything he could have in this life and they returned it in tenfold.

sukuna achieved everything in life except for one.

love.

he still has a complex relationship with it.

to let someone in, to let them see his scars and to see him for what he truly was? it was much easier to let them see him as a horrible man.

he is a horrible man.

sukuna couldn't keep a woman even if he wanted to.

he becomes the worst version of himself.

controlling, possessive, shitty.

when he met you, like, properly met you, spent time with you, this inexplicable paranoia swarmed him. that like all the other good things in his life, you would end too.

he never let you get too close, never let you see him.

when the two of you made love, it was like all the loose ends of his life tied together. he had never had love like that. divine and whole. he tied his soul with yours that night, promised himself to you. then, he became a coward in the face of love.

he had to run, had to ruin it for himself because why would he deserve you?

he's cursed, remember?

tonight, sukuna is racing against gojo and naoya.

he spots you in the crowd, clinging onto that fake boyfriend of yours.

of course you'd pull a stunt like this. bring your fake boyfriend to his race.

you think he doesn't know? your plan is just as flawed as him. there's no way you'd feel for geto the way you do with him. that pretend smile as you playfully hit geto, knowing sukuna's watching.

he scoffs, turning away.

this is ridiculous.

maybe he doesn't need you. if you're going to move on that easily, sukuna find someone else. he's built a name for himself, a reputation people fear.

he doesn't need you.

he repeats it to himself like a broken record.

in the race, when he loses so badly, people are frustrated, when he gets out of the car, when naoya comes up to him with his victor's pride. he says it one last time when naoya smiles cunningly as he glances over at you and geto.

"guess she realised you weren't the shit. that's what you get for hanging out with whores—"

sukuna punched him before he realised he's done it.

naoya's on the ground, a hand clutching his face as he peers up at sukuna with shock.

everyone goes quiet.

the quiet rage within sukuna explodes.

"say that shit again," sukuna spits.

"woah, woah, sukuna! let's calm down, okay?" gojo says, running over. he's about to lay a hand on sukuna's shoulder. it doesn't land. instead, gojo's butt lands on the ground, blood leaking from his nose.

naoya gets up, grabbing sukuna by the scruff of his neck. sukuna clutches him again.

"i'm gonna give them a reason to put you back in jail," naoya threatens, a slick smile on his face.

sukuna is seething. not at this blabbering idiot. no, none of this even matters.

how could you move on from him like that? were you not throwing yourself at him two minutes ago?

sukuna is pulled back.

he looks back to see geto holding him.

"get off me!" sukuna yells.

his brothers, utahime and shoko are running over to mitigate it. like that's going to stop him.

sukuna fights the grasp, he can't budge. geto hesitates for a second, giving sukuna the upper hand. he pushes geto back and punches him in the face too. he goes in for a second time, but geto's pulled to the side, turning it to an air punch.

sukuna furrows his brows, turning to see who did that.

you're standing there, holding geto's hand and standing in front of him. protecting him.

protecting him from sukuna.

the fear in everyone's eyes is incomparable to the stillness in yours. it's like you're telling him to try it. try punching you next.

"what the fuck is wrong with you?" you blurt out.

"y/n..." geto warns.

"shut up, geto!" you yell. "he needs to hear it."

sukuna runs a hand through his hair, "that's right, defend him."

he glares at geto who's looking away from the scene completely. he looks so out of place.

"don't even look at me defending you," sukuna tells you, his voice dangerously low. "from that asshole."

he points at naoya on the ground, lamenting about the damage done to his face.

you scoff, "don't stand there like some fucking hero after treating me like shit for weeks, okay? you wanna know why i'm not looking out for you? because you punish me when i care."

sukuna's taken aback.

in the fringes of his livid fury, a suffering breaks. a poison injected into his heart at the look on your face, the pain in your voice. the sorrow under the strong face you put on every day. the sorrow he caused. the feeling that it's really over for him now.

"you have to stop this," you state, tactlessly wiping the tears from your eyes. you're crying. you don't sound it. you still sound confident, voice full of vigour, but your eyes betray you. completely. "you make me feel stupid for wanting you."

he looks down at the cracked road, the hand drawn chalk.

he can't face you.

he can't see what he's done to you, how he's broken you to bits.

"i'm done, sukuna. i'm done acting like a fool, hoping that you'll come around."

you walk away first.

alone.

without geto.

without anyone.

your friends slowly follow, saying nothing to him.

utahime, geto and gojo follow.

and, one final word from shoko causes him to lean against the car for some sort of support, "seriously. you need to fix your shit, man."

PREV | MASTERLIST | NEXT

SUMMARY ★ he believes you don't matter to him. just one more annoying fangirl. showing up to his races, being obnoxiously chatty and your flirting—god, does it end? sukuna dreads you. however, he starts reciprocating, as a joke, of course! until it doesn't feel like a joke anymore and he wants nothing but you on his side.

PAIRING ★ streetracer!sukuna x fem!reader

CONTENT WARNINGS / GENRES / TAGS ★ smau w/ written chapters, smut, angst, sukuna is a lot older than reader, older brother to choso and yuji, he was in jail for getting caught racing LOL, nsfw/vulgar jokes like allll the time, inumaki talks (UNFORTUNATELY), sukuna playing w her feelings, he is toxic!

geto nods, "i thought so."

"what do you mean?"

"never seen him act like this with a woman like he does with you," geto explains. "i mean, not this extreme. what's your problem now?"

"i have two minds. one is telling me to talk to him and the other is telling me to wait for his move."

"and, you want me to...?"

"convince me on what you think is the best," you reply.

geto purses his lips for a second, "i can't do that."

"why not? you have to!" you plead urgently.

geto sighs, "i can't."

you lean your head back on the couch, a long exhale leaving you. the burden still stays strong on you. it's pointless. all of this is pointless. you've drawn a web so intricate around you that you can't escape. your mind is full of sukuna—what is he doing right now, how does he feel and how much you've hurt him.

"i will say," geto states. "don't forget the pain he caused you."

you lift your head, "true. but i can't help being drawn towards it."

"y/n, you said you wouldn't fold. you said you didn't want to back down. there's a reason you started this and you have to see it through," geto explains. "get played or be played."

"i'm so sick of it!" you exclaim. "why is it so hard just to be loved? why do i have to play all these games just for him to accept that he wants me?"

"should've thought of that before you got involved with him."

"i can't believe i called you for help."

a couple of moments of silence passes.

you can't sleep. even if you forced yourself, sleep didn't find you and wrap you with its sweet embrace, its temporary amnesia. you were forced to stay awake and think the situation over and over. what if you'd waken up before he left that morning? could you have convinced him?

yet, you're so angry at him for doing this to you. promising words as he was inside you, sweet kisses that came from a wrathful mouth and the way he held you—god, you miss that man so much.

even so, you're here, stung by him.

you know he cares. but what is taking him so fucking long?

"he needs to lose you before he realises," geto says.

"fuck, i can't do it anymore," you reply, shaking your head.

you reach for your phone.

geto extends his arm quickly and throws it behind him on the couch, "don't give in."

your mind's a flurry, an indignant hurricane pleasured by your confusion.

"i don't know what to do."

geto nods, reaching a hand out to hold your shoulder, "i know it's hard but if you give in, this is a cycle that's going to continue. you can't be chasing after him forever. it has to stop now."

geto's right.

as much as you liked chasing him, doing it again seemed too exhausting. it'll only cause more confusion and conflict between the two of you.

"listen," geto begins. "let's take it all the way. he's racing the day after, against gojo, and i guarantee if we show up together, you'll get what you've been wanting."

the idea does perk an interest in you. doubt overshadows, "will he?"

"you have my guarantee. i don't give those out to anybody, you know? if it doesn't work out, you can do whatever you want."

at this stage, you might as well give it your all.

the final try.

you nod at him.

"ready to go in all the way?" he asks.

"i'm ready."

PREV | MASTERLIST | NEXT

AUTHOR'S NOTE ★ early update because i have the biggest headache known to mankind and i have to SLEEP.

SUMMARY ★ he believes you don't matter to him. just one more annoying fangirl. showing up to his races, being obnoxiously chatty and your flirting—god, does it end? sukuna dreads you. however, he starts reciprocating, as a joke, of course! until it doesn't feel like a joke anymore and he wants nothing but you on his side.

PAIRING ★ streetracer!sukuna x fem!reader

CONTENT WARNINGS / GENRES / TAGS ★ smau w/ written chapters, smut, angst, sukuna is a lot older than reader, older brother to choso and yuji, he was in jail for getting caught racing LOL, nsfw/vulgar jokes like allll the time, inumaki talks (UNFORTUNATELY), sukuna playing w her feelings, he is toxic!

geto nods, "i thought so."

"what do you mean?"

"never seen him act like this with a woman like he does with you," geto explains. "i mean, not this extreme. what's your problem now?"

"i have two minds. one is telling me to talk to him and the other is telling me to wait for his move."

"and, you want me to...?"

"convince me on what you think is the best," you reply.

geto purses his lips for a second, "i can't do that."

"why not? you have to!" you plead urgently.

geto sighs, "i can't."

you lean your head back on the couch, a long exhale leaving you. the burden still stays strong on you. it's pointless. all of this is pointless. you've drawn a web so intricate around you that you can't escape. your mind is full of sukuna—what is he doing right now, how does he feel and how much you've hurt him.

"i will say," geto states. "don't forget the pain he caused you."

you lift your head, "true. but i can't help being drawn towards it."

"y/n, you said you wouldn't fold. you said you didn't want to back down. there's a reason you started this and you have to see it through," geto explains. "get played or be played."

"i'm so sick of it!" you exclaim. "why is it so hard just to be loved? why do i have to play all these games just for him to accept that he wants me?"

"should've thought of that before you got involved with him."

"i can't believe i called you for help."

a couple of moments of silence passes.

you can't sleep. even if you forced yourself, sleep didn't find you and wrap you with its sweet embrace, its temporary amnesia. you were forced to stay awake and think the situation over and over. what if you'd waken up before he left that morning? could you have convinced him?

yet, you're so angry at him for doing this to you. promising words as he was inside you, sweet kisses that came from a wrathful mouth and the way he held you—god, you miss that man so much.

even so, you're here, stung by him.

you know he cares. but what is taking him so fucking long?

"he needs to lose you before he realises," geto says.

"fuck, i can't do it anymore," you reply, shaking your head.

you reach for your phone.

geto extends his arm quickly and throws it behind him on the couch, "don't give in."

your mind's a flurry, an indignant hurricane pleasured by your confusion.

"i don't know what to do."

geto nods, reaching a hand out to hold your shoulder, "i know it's hard but if you give in, this is a cycle that's going to continue. you can't be chasing after him forever. it has to stop now."

geto's right.

as much as you liked chasing him, doing it again seemed too exhausting. it'll only cause more confusion and conflict between the two of you.

"listen," geto begins. "let's take it all the way. he's racing the day after, against gojo, and i guarantee if we show up together, you'll get what you've been wanting."

the idea does perk an interest in you. doubt overshadows, "will he?"

"you have my guarantee. i don't give those out to anybody, you know? if it doesn't work out, you can do whatever you want."

at this stage, you might as well give it your all.

the final try.

you nod at him.

"ready to go in all the way?" he asks.

"i'm ready."

PREV | MASTERLIST | NEXT

AUTHOR'S NOTE ★ early update because i have the biggest headache known to mankind and i have to SLEEP.

SUMMARY ★ he believes you don't matter to him. just one more annoying fangirl. showing up to his races, being obnoxiously chatty and your flirting—god, does it end? sukuna dreads you. however, he starts reciprocating, as a joke, of course! until it doesn't feel like a joke anymore and he wants nothing but you on his side.

PAIRING ★ streetracer!sukuna x fem!reader

CONTENT WARNINGS / GENRES / TAGS ★ smau w/ written chapters, smut, angst, sukuna is a lot older than reader, older brother to choso and yuji, he was in jail for getting caught racing LOL, nsfw/vulgar jokes like allll the time, inumaki talks (UNFORTUNATELY), sukuna playing w her feelings, he is toxic!