neptune

not only from his mind, but everything in his life revolves around you. seeing glimpses of his brother at home, the starry sky, in the coffee he drinks, the dew slung on the grass in the early rays of the morning when he goes to work.

when he drives home tonight, there's a tension in his head, pulsing. almost puke-inducing.

what's wrong with him?

he's never been like this before.

sukuna's home early tonight. he's avoided seeing his brother's the last week, coming home super late and staying in his room. that was his life. his friends? no one's reached out to him. he doesn't intend to reach out either.

this sole problem (you) in his life in unsolvable, yet linked to everything in his life. how did he get here?

with a hard sigh, he opens the front door. choso and yuji are sitting on the couch. they don't acknowledge him as they usually would. he stares at the back of their heads. they're too engaged in the movie playing on the tv. but he knows they can see him in the reflection of the tv and the shadow that crosses his face.

fucking rude.

like he doesn't pay for that tv.

he huffs and heads to the kitchen. this headache is absorbing him. he can't remember the last time he drank water or even ate properly.

sukuna opens the medicine drawer and pops a painkiller into his mouth. he grabs a cup from the cabinet, heads to the sink to catch water. however, when he catches the piled dishes in the sink, fury twists in his gut. he crushes the painkiller in his mouth, its bitter taste filling his mouth.

he grabs a one of the dirty baking trays, used for choso's famous tiramisu and throws it onto the tiled floor. the plastic tray resounds, wobbling from the fall.

"you guys are fucking useless!"

the silence that overcomes the household speaks words could never. he can almost hear his parents roll in their graves.

sukuna turns around slowly.

yuji and choso are frozen in place, fear embedded in their eyes.

the tray falls flat. quiet. crumbs and cream scour the floor.

"i pay for everything in this house and this is the thanks i get? you can't do one damn thing right?"

yuji and choso exchange glances. slowly, subtly, but sukuna catches it.

"think you're one team now? the two of you," sukuna asks. "defending your friend from me, huh? who was there for you when your fucking parents died?"

he doesn't know what he's talking about. he's a void, spilling incoherent words that don't matter to the conversation.

"you've actually lost it," yuji sounds, his voice high-pitched.

choso places a hand on yuji's shoulder, "ignore him."

"nah, fuck that. talk to me, or leave this house. right now," sukuna states.

choso glares right in sukuna's face. that's right. the sensitive, soft-hearted brother of his glared in his fucking face, "you don't want me to start."

sukuna folds his arms on his chest and leans on the benchtop, "go on."

he's almost hysterical, adrenaline pulsing through his veins.

"you think all of this is going to make you feel better about y/n," choso answers. "acting out, throwing tantrums—you're grown enough to know better. this is not how you behave."

sukuna scoffs, "you're telling me how to behave in my own house?"

choso stands up, walks right into the kitchen. yuji follows suit.

"do you want to fight?" choso asks. "like, do you actually want to?"

sukuna laughs, "you're going to lose."

"not with your fists, idiot," yuji says.

"watch it," sukuna and choso both tell him.

"he's still your older brother," choso says to yuji.

yuji shrugs, sliding on top of the benchtop, dangling his legs over the edge, "he's not acting like it."

sukuna takes a prideful stride towards him but choso presses a hand to his chest, "stop."

"my point still stands," sukuna states, matter-of-factly. "you guys don't do shit in my house. why the fuck are you still—"

"this is not about chores," choso intervenes. "you've never cared about chores."

"you just want to put out tough guy shit to hide the fact you're hurting on the inside," yuji nods along, grabbing a container of tiramisu behind him. he starts eating it.

"i'm not," sukuna disagrees.

"why do you have to let go when it matters the most?" choso asks.

the question causes a pang in his chest.

"why do you wanna run away?" yuji asks. "she's not going to bite, you know? she's a very nice girl. not right in the head, but nice."

"you have it wrong—"

"so, if she was to actually date geto, you wouldn't get mad?"

choso's eyes are flaring, watching sukuna's facial expression. the thought alone dulls his heart. he can't imagine it, he feels too much for you.

"but she's not. she can't," sukuna refuses with a small smile he doesn't realise on his face. your face flashes in his mind. your bluntness, your zero fear to his crash outs—the concept of you being a mirror to him, showing his best and worst.

this must be his very worst. he's hit absolutely rock bottom, lost it all. you're gone now. there's no point.

"none of it matters," sukuna huffs. "she's gone."

"she's not fuckin' dead, kuna," yuji rebuts. "she's still alive, breathing and i guarantee, she's thinking about you."

"she said she's done," sukuna says.

"do you believe that?" yuji asks. "if what you had was real, do you think she could throw you away just like that?"

"shut the fuck up," sukuna spits. "you're just trying to get my hopes up. it's done."

choso sighs aggressively, "fine. if that's how you feel. let's go, yuji."

yuji hops off the counter.

choso and him begin to walk away. a heaviness sinks in his chest. why are they walking away? his mind is tangled in questions. what is choso trying to say? he feels like there's a message, but he's not getting it.

"that's it?" sukuna scoffs.

"you gave up," yuji says.

"you didn't even try to convince me."

choso places his hands on his hips, "if you can't see the blessing right in front of you, a chance at love after everything you've been through, there's nothing to convince you of. she can get a boyfriend tomorrow, she can leave you behind, but you—you're just going to dig a grave for yourself and die from eternal loneliness."

"and," yuji begins. "why the fuck would she wait for you? you act like someone who doesn't care. i hope she moves on from you, actually. do you know how many times she tortured us about you? we told her not to go for you because we knew it'll end up like this. she didn't listen to us, and, uh, well, look at this. what a mess! and, she'll move on, so it doesn't matter at the end of the day."

"i raised two assholes," sukuna mumbles, rubbing his temples.

the headache is gonna kill him. you, even more.

everything they're saying would happen, happened.

it's the situation plainly put.

you're going to leave him.

you're done with him.

they're not trying to convince him of anything, just placing the pieces in his mind, painting the picture of what reality is.

"you know what they say, yuji, a man who doesn't want to be helped, can't be helped," choso says.

"right!" yuji exclaims, licking his spoon clean. "you're the real useless, big bro! congratulations!"

"yeah, now she's going to leave you."

are they trying to get on his nerves?

"no, the fuck she's not," sukuna seethes.

"do you think she's as miserable as you?" choso asks. "she'll probably move on soon. just needs a little time."

you can't move on.

no way.

after everything, move on?

be done with him?

"it's crazy," yuji comments. "she jumped through hurdles trying to land you. when she finally got you, you let go. interesting..."

"i didn't let go," sukuna argues.

he can't.

"you did."

"no, i didn't."

"so did."

"no—"

"nah, i think you did—"

"i think about her all the fucking time! do you think i could let her go?" sukuna shouts, gripping the benchtop. "i see her everywhere. i don't come home because i don't wanna see you bastards. i get reminded of how you're friends! seeing her cry the other day did it. i never want her to cry again because of me. i want to take her out on dates and be all corny and shit with her. she drives me fucking insane! and i don't show it cos she's going to get scared of who i really am and—" sukuna looks around desperately, his mind unfolding in a way he can't catch, fuck."

his heart drops to his ass.

your face flahses before his eyes.

"honestly, i feel like she's seen you for who you are. you're not very good at hiding it—"

"move."

his feet move before his brain does.

he walks through the two of them.

"where are you going?"

sukuna yanks the front door open, "to go fucking beg like the pathetic piece of shit i am."

PREV | MASTERLIST | NEXT

SUMMARY ★ he believes you don't matter to him. just one more annoying fangirl. showing up to his races, being obnoxiously chatty and your flirting—god, does it end? sukuna dreads you. however, he starts reciprocating, as a joke, of course! until it doesn't feel like a joke anymore and he wants nothing but you on his side.

PAIRING ★ streetracer!sukuna x fem!reader

CONTENT WARNINGS / GENRES / TAGS ★ smau w/ written chapters, smut, angst, sukuna is a lot older than reader, older brother to choso and yuji, he was in jail for getting caught racing LOL, nsfw/vulgar jokes like allll the time, inumaki talks (UNFORTUNATELY), sukuna playing w her feelings, he is toxic!

not only from his mind, but everything in his life revolves around you. seeing glimpses of his brother at home, the starry sky, in the coffee he drinks, the dew slung on the grass in the early rays of the morning when he goes to work.

when he drives home tonight, there's a tension in his head, pulsing. almost puke-inducing.

what's wrong with him?

he's never been like this before.

sukuna's home early tonight. he's avoided seeing his brother's the last week, coming home super late and staying in his room. that was his life. his friends? no one's reached out to him. he doesn't intend to reach out either.

this sole problem (you) in his life in unsolvable, yet linked to everything in his life. how did he get here?

with a hard sigh, he opens the front door. choso and yuji are sitting on the couch. they don't acknowledge him as they usually would. he stares at the back of their heads. they're too engaged in the movie playing on the tv. but he knows they can see him in the reflection of the tv and the shadow that crosses his face.

fucking rude.

like he doesn't pay for that tv.

he huffs and heads to the kitchen. this headache is absorbing him. he can't remember the last time he drank water or even ate properly.

sukuna opens the medicine drawer and pops a painkiller into his mouth. he grabs a cup from the cabinet, heads to the sink to catch water. however, when he catches the piled dishes in the sink, fury twists in his gut. he crushes the painkiller in his mouth, its bitter taste filling his mouth.

he grabs a one of the dirty baking trays, used for choso's famous tiramisu and throws it onto the tiled floor. the plastic tray resounds, wobbling from the fall.

"you guys are fucking useless!"

the silence that overcomes the household speaks words could never. he can almost hear his parents roll in their graves.

sukuna turns around slowly.

yuji and choso are frozen in place, fear embedded in their eyes.

the tray falls flat. quiet. crumbs and cream scour the floor.

"i pay for everything in this house and this is the thanks i get? you can't do one damn thing right?"

yuji and choso exchange glances. slowly, subtly, but sukuna catches it.

"think you're one team now? the two of you," sukuna asks. "defending your friend from me, huh? who was there for you when your fucking parents died?"

he doesn't know what he's talking about. he's a void, spilling incoherent words that don't matter to the conversation.

"you've actually lost it," yuji sounds, his voice high-pitched.

choso places a hand on yuji's shoulder, "ignore him."

"nah, fuck that. talk to me, or leave this house. right now," sukuna states.

choso glares right in sukuna's face. that's right. the sensitive, soft-hearted brother of his glared in his fucking face, "you don't want me to start."

sukuna folds his arms on his chest and leans on the benchtop, "go on."

he's almost hysterical, adrenaline pulsing through his veins.

"you think all of this is going to make you feel better about y/n," choso answers. "acting out, throwing tantrums—you're grown enough to know better. this is not how you behave."

sukuna scoffs, "you're telling me how to behave in my own house?"

choso stands up, walks right into the kitchen. yuji follows suit.

"do you want to fight?" choso asks. "like, do you actually want to?"

sukuna laughs, "you're going to lose."

"not with your fists, idiot," yuji says.

"watch it," sukuna and choso both tell him.

"he's still your older brother," choso says to yuji.

yuji shrugs, sliding on top of the benchtop, dangling his legs over the edge, "he's not acting like it."

sukuna takes a prideful stride towards him but choso presses a hand to his chest, "stop."

"my point still stands," sukuna states, matter-of-factly. "you guys don't do shit in my house. why the fuck are you still—"

"this is not about chores," choso intervenes. "you've never cared about chores."

"you just want to put out tough guy shit to hide the fact you're hurting on the inside," yuji nods along, grabbing a container of tiramisu behind him. he starts eating it.

"i'm not," sukuna disagrees.

"why do you have to let go when it matters the most?" choso asks.

the question causes a pang in his chest.

"why do you wanna run away?" yuji asks. "she's not going to bite, you know? she's a very nice girl. not right in the head, but nice."

"you have it wrong—"

"so, if she was to actually date geto, you wouldn't get mad?"

choso's eyes are flaring, watching sukuna's facial expression. the thought alone dulls his heart. he can't imagine it, he feels too much for you.

"but she's not. she can't," sukuna refuses with a small smile he doesn't realise on his face. your face flashes in his mind. your bluntness, your zero fear to his crash outs—the concept of you being a mirror to him, showing his best and worst.

this must be his very worst. he's hit absolutely rock bottom, lost it all. you're gone now. there's no point.

"none of it matters," sukuna huffs. "she's gone."

"she's not fuckin' dead, kuna," yuji rebuts. "she's still alive, breathing and i guarantee, she's thinking about you."

"she said she's done," sukuna says.

"do you believe that?" yuji asks. "if what you had was real, do you think she could throw you away just like that?"

"shut the fuck up," sukuna spits. "you're just trying to get my hopes up. it's done."

choso sighs aggressively, "fine. if that's how you feel. let's go, yuji."

yuji hops off the counter.

choso and him begin to walk away. a heaviness sinks in his chest. why are they walking away? his mind is tangled in questions. what is choso trying to say? he feels like there's a message, but he's not getting it.

"that's it?" sukuna scoffs.

"you gave up," yuji says.

"you didn't even try to convince me."

choso places his hands on his hips, "if you can't see the blessing right in front of you, a chance at love after everything you've been through, there's nothing to convince you of. she can get a boyfriend tomorrow, she can leave you behind, but you—you're just going to dig a grave for yourself and die from eternal loneliness."

"and," yuji begins. "why the fuck would she wait for you? you act like someone who doesn't care. i hope she moves on from you, actually. do you know how many times she tortured us about you? we told her not to go for you because we knew it'll end up like this. she didn't listen to us, and, uh, well, look at this. what a mess! and, she'll move on, so it doesn't matter at the end of the day."

"i raised two assholes," sukuna mumbles, rubbing his temples.

the headache is gonna kill him. you, even more.

everything they're saying would happen, happened.

it's the situation plainly put.

you're going to leave him.

you're done with him.

they're not trying to convince him of anything, just placing the pieces in his mind, painting the picture of what reality is.

"you know what they say, yuji, a man who doesn't want to be helped, can't be helped," choso says.

"right!" yuji exclaims, licking his spoon clean. "you're the real useless, big bro! congratulations!"

"yeah, now she's going to leave you."

are they trying to get on his nerves?

"no, the fuck she's not," sukuna seethes.

"do you think she's as miserable as you?" choso asks. "she'll probably move on soon. just needs a little time."

you can't move on.

no way.

after everything, move on?

be done with him?

"it's crazy," yuji comments. "she jumped through hurdles trying to land you. when she finally got you, you let go. interesting..."

"i didn't let go," sukuna argues.

he can't.

"you did."

"no, i didn't."

"so did."

"no—"

"nah, i think you did—"

"i think about her all the fucking time! do you think i could let her go?" sukuna shouts, gripping the benchtop. "i see her everywhere. i don't come home because i don't wanna see you bastards. i get reminded of how you're friends! seeing her cry the other day did it. i never want her to cry again because of me. i want to take her out on dates and be all corny and shit with her. she drives me fucking insane! and i don't show it cos she's going to get scared of who i really am and—" sukuna looks around desperately, his mind unfolding in a way he can't catch, fuck."

his heart drops to his ass.

your face flahses before his eyes.

"honestly, i feel like she's seen you for who you are. you're not very good at hiding it—"

"move."

his feet move before his brain does.

he walks through the two of them.

"where are you going?"

sukuna yanks the front door open, "to go fucking beg like the pathetic piece of shit i am."

PREV | MASTERLIST | NEXT

SUMMARY ★ he believes you don't matter to him. just one more annoying fangirl. showing up to his races, being obnoxiously chatty and your flirting—god, does it end? sukuna dreads you. however, he starts reciprocating, as a joke, of course! until it doesn't feel like a joke anymore and he wants nothing but you on his side.

PAIRING ★ streetracer!sukuna x fem!reader

CONTENT WARNINGS / GENRES / TAGS ★ smau w/ written chapters, smut, angst, sukuna is a lot older than reader, older brother to choso and yuji, he was in jail for getting caught racing LOL, nsfw/vulgar jokes like allll the time, inumaki talks (UNFORTUNATELY), sukuna playing w her feelings, he is toxic!