you and si-eun stare up at eujang high school. the only place that would accept you both, after what happened to kang woo-young, beom-seok, and jeon young-bin. si-eun had the usual stoic look on his face. you? you were about to shit your pants. there were students all around you - smoking, fighting, on their phones. they didnt look like normal students, though. there was a certain animalistic glint in their eyes. like they were waiting to pounce on their prey.

─  "si-eun..? homeschool is always an option.."

si-eun looks over at you for a minute, as if he was calculating something in his head. with ghostly cold hands, he gently nudges you along with him as he starts walking.

the teachers slammed the ledger a few times on the podium. the class quiets down, and eyes pierce into the both of you. standing side by side, you and si-un bow.

─  "my name is (last name) (name). i hope we can all get along"

─  "i'm yeon si-eun."

a few quiet snickers are let out by the class. si-eun didnt seem to care - he was in his own space again, staring out. you nudge him to sit. luckily, you were seatmates.

idle chatter is drowned out by your headphones. filling out your planner, you ignore the delinquency around you. si-eun is in a si ilar state of mind. headphones in, ocasional flick towards you, then back at his notebook.

si-eun appreciated the comfortable silence. no awkwardness, no need to be talk 24/7. it was like you two were separated in your own little bubble of tranquility.

during break, si-eun stands up to go the the restroom. you give him a curt nod. back to your notes. back to your bubble of peace.

and that bubble was violently popped as choi hyo-man drags out a chair across from you, a filthy smirk on his face, like he knew something you didnt. flicking your forehead, he slips off uour headphones.

─  "oops! didnt mean to, sweetheart"

your writing stops as hyo-man finish his scentance. sweetheart. a shiver runs down your spine, your blood runs cold. a strange, acidic feeling crawls up your throat. noboyd - not even si-eun, who you knew since the womb- called you sweetheart. hyo-man notices your discomfort and suprise. he smiles.

─  "ah, whats wront? yknow, that uniform looks hot on you, baby!"

you dont get a word out as heyo-man stands up, yanking on your arm. you get dragged along. it was so loud in the classroom that nobody heard your protests. hyo-man sees your mouth moving, and frowns.

─  "yah! what're you complaining about? be thankful i rescued you from that weird, si-eun or whatev-"

hyo-man was abruptly cut off by si-eun, who had just returned from the bathroom. his stoic look was now replaced by a unsettling from and eyes that looked like the void.

─  "shes not yours. let go of her."

the class quiets down. everyones eyes are on you, hyo-man, and si-eun. hyo-man frowns, saying,

─  "shes not yours either, fucker"

hyo-man's lackeys let out a snicker. hyo-man grins at their support, grip loosening on your wrist. si-eun grabs you back, turning to leave the classroom with you. just before the door closes, he says,

─  "shes not mine. but shes definatly not yours."

hyo-man's grip left a bruise on your wrist. sitting out side in the hall, si-eun still didnt look content. moving the hair from his eyes, you look at your reflection as you say,

─  "thanks, si-eun.. but, for the record, im more than okay with being yours."

sieun looks up from the floor. he hid it well, but you can see the slight embarrassment on his face. cheeks dusted slightly pink, he says,

─  "no problem."

author's note: IM DONE WITH EXAMSSS

the convinience store food wasn't gormet by any means, but it was comforting. did the buzzing from the light that didn't work all that well piss you off? yes. did the smell of eggs make you gag? definatly. would you give it up for anything else? no, never.

sitting at the counter, you slurp up dollar noodles. they were stale, and tasted like raw chicken. but they were home. looking at the seat next to you, you can still image seong-je, devouring all of his noodles and almost finishing your's. you'd groan, push him off the seat, and die of laughter when he banged his head on the floor. it was almost as if seong-je was really there - mostly because he was.

you had been starring into oblivion, until a stoic looking seong-je gazes down at you, holding some sort of drink and snack in his hand. once placed in front of you, he hesitates before running his hand through your hair - tossling it up, dried blood and split knucles. and just as soon as he appeared, he was gone again.

there was some sort of mutual, unsaid, comforting understanding between you two. even though neither of you had changed, you learned something.

geum seong-je couldn't be everything for you. he couldn't be the ride or die friend, emotionally intellegente, golden retriever friend all at once for him. you learned that space wasn't always a bad thing - it allowed you to grow. thankfully, this made hangouts a lot more comforting - maybe that heavy, grey blanket that was suffocating you before wasn't trying to kill you. maybe, it was trying to comfort you. warm you. once you stopped trying to force him to be everything, it was almost as if he gave you a little more.

tbc

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si-eun had no idea what to do when you just... appeared. at first, he tried to treat you like an equation. unfortunetly, you didn't have a set answer to you. planning out where you'd be during the day and replaying conversations in his head only got him so far, after all.

maybe, he thought, maybe it was just him. maybe he just wasn't cut out for romance. he just needed a tutor, a tutor to figure out what makes your gears turn. so, he began scouting. this is where the dumpster firestarted.

option one, was park hu-min (aka, baku). he was charismatic, bubbly, and energetic - everything si-eun wasn't. so, when park hu-min was getting a little too close to you for comfort, he was immediatly fired. he hated seeing baku make you laugh... he couldn't have you liking baku, the entire point was to make you fall for him!

since jun-tae was immediatly crossed off the list (the guy couldn't look anyone in the eye, heveans sake, si-eun thought), go-tak was the next option. somehow, it was even worse then baku's 'help..

he had invited you and si-eun to play basketball after school - the plan was to leave halfway through and place you and si-eun alone. the game ended in go-tak behind you, hands placed on yours, attempting to show you how to shoot. oops.

as si-eun walked home after whatever the hell that was, he sighs in defeat to himself. so far, all his efforts to take you out failed misrable. both go-tak and baku were getting too close for comfort. he needed someone to give him advice from afar. was there really only one option left? was he seriously going to have to take advice from a guy in a coma?

sitting next to su-ho's hospital bed. and iv pumped nutrience through his stiff body. beeping filled si-eun's ears. repetitive. running his hands over su-ho's palm, he lays his head on the edge of the bed.

─  "i should give up on this. it's a waste of time, anyway..." si-eun lets out idly, glossy eyes gazing up at his comatic friend.

and if the world was sending a message, su-ho's heart rate started to quicken. si-eun's head shoots up, eyes wide.

─  "su-ho?! was it something i said?"

the comatic's heart rate goes back to normal as si-eun questions him, slowly looking up. in silence, he waits for a few minutes, and questions again.

─  "should I... ask her out? for... tea?"

as if it was magic, su-ho's hand moves, ever so slightly.

"know you can't stop thinking about it"

a part of you knew that seong-je's presence was witht you everywhere. it was hard to explain - his voice was like a leech in your mind. he was always there, always listening even when we wasn't. he always knew.

you couldn't shake that feeling off of you. it consumed you, and you couldn't stop thinking about it. seong-je's imaginary presence was distracting. suprisingly, when seong-je wasn't around you, it was a lot more relieving then when he wasn't around.

seong-je couldn't stop thinking about you either - the pictures he'd take of you, all for him, failed to fill his desires. he wanted - no, he needed to see that helpeless look on your face. he needed to see you slowly realize there was no getting rid of him - he needed to see you as his deer in headlights.

"i know that you're shitty and you bad for me"

you knew that seong-je only meant trouble. he hurt people, psychologically and physically. you saw what he did to people, in the backs of alleyways, you saw his eyes. his eyes let on more then he wanted. it revealed his filthy obession he had with you. you knew about what he did with that na baek-jin guy. you didn't need a target on your back.

"but i can't stop thinking about it"

somehow, you a part of you still stuck around with him. he was like comfort - he was protection, ensuring nobody would try to hurt you. his comfort was the only thing that helped when, for some reason, you're friends avoided you at the start of your freshman year. he made sure you weren't alone. you just couldn't decide what to do with him. avoid him, and his obsession that felt like hands groping you everywhere. avoid his cigarette smoke that felt like a warm blanket. avoid his comfort, his care, his doting, his love.

"if you think i'm pretty, lay your hands on me"

geum seong-je adored you. geum seong-je never acted upon it. you were nothing more than his entertainment. you were never taken out on cute dates, you never wore his clothes, you never got handmade gifts, let alone expensive ones. you hated how people assumed that, too.

what people didn't understand was that to seong-je, you were only a pretty think to look at when fighting didn't entertain him enough.

"said you needed love, but you're only here for sex, and And I'm dyin' to be next"

author's note: i love seong-je, but he would never love you in the way many people think he would. geum seong-je obbsesses, he doesnt love. also i love this song.

so, when you were absolutly taken out by a basketball flying about 80 mph, you were far from happy. it went straight for your head, making you yelp in pain. were his arms a slingshot or something?

now, realistically, it didn't hurt that much. well, it did, but you definatly exaggerated the next part. you throw yourself off of the stairs you were sitting on, screaming out in pain - causing everyone to jump and stare at you - faking some tears. it was pretty believeable, you liked to think.

baku immediatly looks up, grimacing. as he sees you drop down the stairs, his jaw hangs open. go-tak - slightly more tolerable - burst out laughing at baku's expense. baku immediatly hides behind his friend, looking very afraid of your wrath.

─  "someone- someone help me i think i have a concussion!" you whine out, "..it.. hurts so much!"

baku looks towards his friend with a certain fear in his eyes as he hears the word 'concussion'. he slowly steps towards you with his eyes glued to his feet. making it in front of you, he bends down and nudges you sadly, like a kid who dropped their lolipop.

─  "please, don't be dead i promise it was an accident- wait, ill take you to the nurse!"

eyes shooting open, you freeze as he carries you, princess style. your head presses against his chest. and hell, he was jacked.. luckily, he didn't notice your flushed face. he's spiraling, something about how he couldn't control his strength and that he'd pay you back, make it up to you.. kind of hard to focus as you just stare at his adorable - sorry, you mean, repulsing face...

much to your dismay, the next few days, it was as if you had a puppy dog following you wherever you went - baku decided that he would be your 'pet'. in class, he'd tug on your hair, whispering your name over and over, scribbling apologies on peices of paper. during lunch, he'd ditch his friends and plop his tray down right next to you, starting conversations you weren't listening to.

halfway through one of his tangents, you groan and slap your hand over his mouth. his mouth was full of rice and chicken.. disgusting. he muffles a protest, easily prying your hand off of him... hot.

─  "why.. why're you just- following me around, huh?! your acting like a lost puppy, hu-min!"

─  "hey, didn't i tell you to call me baku?" completely ignoring your question, he pinches your cheeks a little to hard.

you groan, trying to get his hands off of you, no luck. seeing your futile attempts, he breaks into a wide grin.

─  "aw, thats cute. keep trying!"

─  "hey! don't call me tha- hmpff!"

in the span of a second, another student - unrelated - had tripped onto where the two of you were sitting - leaving you to be pressed against the cafeteria floor, baku, all his weight, ontop of you... this included his lips. your face looses all color, eyes zipping towards the student, who had run away already.

you sigh. why'd you have to fake that concussion?

tbc?

author's note: eekk thanks for all the support <3 should i make this a series? also not proofread lol

so, when he saw you standing outside eunjang's school doors after a long, long school day, he nearly died from embarrassment. not because of you, but because of how he acted with you.

go-tak is the first to notice si-eun's furious redness. he tilts his head, inturupting baku's tangent -

─ "si-eun? why're you so... red?"

the group turns to look at him. he was starring straight ahead, barely moving, red like he was holding his breath. the group follows his eyes to you, standing at the gates with what seemed to be fried chicken in your arms. baku lets out a sly grin,

─ "hey si-eun... you know're?"

snapping out of his daze, he stalks towards you. just before you can greet him, he yanks you onto the sidewalk by your school uniform. yelping, he holds you against him and covers your mouth with his hand just as you protest.

he had taken you to the side of the school, in an alleyway littered with trash and whatnot. he hisses in your ear,

─ "didn't i tell you to wait for me at my house?"

you roll your eyes as you pry his hand off you.

─ "hmpf! what, do i embarrass you or something?"

he shakes his head, sighing. sitting on a crate against the brick wall, he seems hesitant to explain.

─ "well? do i?"

─ "no... i don't want the others to think im soft, or something."

this makes you pause for a second, and you break into a grin. taking his head into your hands, his pouting eyes stare at you.

─ "aww.. the strong, brooding si-eun is embarrassed? this is new!" you laugh at him, close to wheezing.

he tries to shake himself out of your grip, failing. just as he wants to complain, he hears pairs of feet skid into the alleyway's enterance. it was baku, go-tak, and jun-tae.

you were just about to peck his forhead, until you follow his gaze and flush a tiny bit - nothing compared to si-eun's face, which was buried into your sweater.

the three at the entrance break into a ginormous laugh (minus jun-tae who looks embarrassed to walk in on the two of you). baku and go-tak running to pry him away from you.

─ "si-eun! you never told us you had a special someone!"

─ "hey, wheres that grumpy look now, huh?!"

─ "yeah! why're you hiding her away, you rascal?!"

author's note: this is so cute ehe

seong-je didn't do anything to repair your relationship. he didn't text you either you, let alone confront you. his ego would be the reason he'd die alone, you used to say. maybe you said it so many times it would come true.

and so, the follow days were like the bittersweet after a storm - relief that it was over, but a yearning for how things used to be. it was almost as if the world was testing your patients, with little encounters. it was small things; noticing him in the halls, seeing him outside with a cigarette.

other memories hit harder. in convineince stores it was almost as if he was still there - sitting outside on the side walk (rain soaked you both, but it didn't matter), slurping stale noodles. you'd let out a breath.. you didn't deserve to yearn for anything. metaphorically, you dumped noodles all over his head yesterday.

thankfully, seong-je didn't affect your new first, jun-tae. the boy was well meaning, and sweet. he looked out for your needs (exprieience from a former snack shuttle). you'd walk into cram school, chocolates and flavored milk sitting on your desk. a warm smile to greet you during mathematics.

the bell for cram school rang, signaling freedom. you stretch you arms over your head, sighing tiredly. as you finish packing your supplies, you see a bubbly jun-tae ready to greet you a the door. greeting him, you're greatful he didn't leave you in the dirt.

─  "school is killing me... i hate mathematics..." you frown, rubbing your temples

─  "yeah... three more years of it, too..." he adds on - there was a certain exhaustion to his voice.

you two walk home, not in silence, but in a comfortable amount of chatter. poking fun to him, seeing him a little flushed. you liked this - you didn't feel like you were suffocating in silence.

─  "hey, you should meet my other friends - from eunjang-" he pipes, looking at you hopefully. humming, you think. after seong-je's depart, you needed a change of pace.

─  "that'd be nice. what were their names again?"

─  "si-eun, baku, and go-tak! you'd get along good, they're super friendly!"

you nod, agreeing. jun-tae seems excited, telling you to visit him after school.

outside of eunjang, students in uniforms pour out. a pink hue fills the sky as you wait for jun-tae; who eventually shows up with a three other boys. one looked annoyed, one grumpy, and one hyper.

nodding to jun-tae, you ask,

─  "is this them, jun-tae?"

immidiatly, the hyper one - sporting red hair and slightly tanned skin - breaks in to a sly smile.

─  "hey.. didn't know you had a significant other, jun-tae..."

jun-tae flushes, shaking his head at his friend's comment, babbling about how he met you at cram school and you guys clicked. a slightly shorter boy with dark hair and a sky blue hoodie shakes his head,

─  "sorry about baku. he's and idiot around women. i'm go-tak by the way, and that's si-eun over there."

─  "its fine. nice to meet you three!" you say, waving off baku and a flushed jun-tae.

the five of you immediatly click. you poked fun at baku and go-tak, who returned the favor. even a very annoyed looking si-eun cracked a few sarcastic comments here and there. the spring air was fresh, new - maybe people were right when they said spring brought new beginnings. you could get used to these four.

you end the day with them, sitting next to the han river. as baku, go-tak, and jun-tae chase eachother around, you turn to si-eun. he seemed like the type to know what he was talking about. should you ask for advice with seong-je? maybe he wouldn't care. you decide against it. he didn't seem to be very awake, anyway, headphones in and droopy eyelids.

craning your neck up at the clouds, you realize you liked this, alot - you liked the stability of the group, a drastic change from seong-je's chaos. you liked not needing to hold your breath and hope for a normal day. as it turns out, not every guy made you feel like the weight of the world was on your shoulders.

something felt missing, though. you couldn't put your finger on it - it just felt a bit.. boring? no, that wasn't the right word. a piece of you wondered what seong-je would do if he was here - chase you into the river, or sit with you, smoking, a blanket of silence on you two?

the reconsiliation started with a short text.

─  "you're alive?" sent 2:03 am

a part of you is screaming to block him, delete the chat, anything that lets you keep the pridefullness inside of you. don't loose this battle, it whispers. well, its actually screaming. reacting to it with a thumbs up emoji, you lock your phone and toss back to sleep.

as you fell back asleep, your pride was screaming. yelling. pounding into your head - it begged you, to disengage. psycho, wannabe gangsters didn't deserve your time.

tbc

⟡ ﹒ taglist ⌇ @roseclues

when you were with seong-je, it could go one of two ways. the first route was magical. it was like a dream - not a scary one, but one that you wished you could relive over and over again.

when you were with him, there was an invisible spark that went off. seong-je would tell a bad joke, smoke a cigerette. you would let out an ugly laugh that was only reserved for him... and everything would be perfect - everything made sense. you'd go normal teenage things, like interet cafes, to bowling, to hanging around alleyways and poking fun and telling stories. you knew, during these moments, seong-je was a door you'd never close. if anyone would stay, it would be seongje.

other times, it was completely different. instead of a magical spark, there would be heavy air of silence.. not rude comments, no arguments, but just silence - you thought this was worse than an argument. you weren't sure if seong-je saw you durinng these times, you weren't sure if he was comfortable with the silence. but you knew there was a sharp, aching pain in you that wanted to walk away. but of course, something told you there would be something in seong-je you couldn't replace. maybe it was that mischevous, gummy smile. maybe it was his eyes that hunted his surroundings like a predetor. maybe it was his ride or die energy, maybe it was the thrill of being with a gangster.

you never confronted seong-je about this. it was probable he didn't even notice it himself. maybe you're childhood friendship was not as cherishable as you thought it was.

the halls of ganghak high were bustling with students. like a comic, or a webtoon, their faces seemed hazy - in a grey, blurry way. their eyes seemed to lock onto you, but the emotion wasn't quiet where it should've been. there was nothing magical about ganghak students.

you were looking for seong-je. a part of you prayed you'd get the seong-je you knew when you were a child - happy (or, as happy as seong-je could get). another part of you reminded yourself that acorrding to your observations, seong-je was strangly quiet these days - almost as if he was growing exhausted of your presence.

climbing the grimey stairs to the roof and pushing the door open, fresh spring air mixed with cologne and smoke filled the sky. you find seong-je on the ground, leaning against the chainlink fence, usual cigarette in his hands. immediatly, his eyes zip to you (nothing ever went unnoticed by seong-je). your gut feeling told you immediatly, something was... off.

you stand at the door way, hesitating for a few seconds, until you go over and plop down next to him. his eyes move back towards looking at the clouds, ocasionally blowing smoke in your direction.

─ "hey, seong-je?" you eventually ask.

─ "what?"

─ "have you.. noticed- noticed..." you hesitate for a minute. "feelings" never went well with geum seong-je. seong-je rolls his eyes, and tells you to spit it out.

─ "...i feel like we're growing apart.."

he pauses, looking at you for a few seconds. there was something in his eyes. it wasn't quiet anger, and definatly not sadness. it was some mix of ignorance and possibly offence?..

─ "i've noticed, sherlock.." he eventually says, pointedly.

you look towards him before you continue on. the blanket of awkward silence covers you too again. the blanket felt rought, and grey. had an uncomfortable weight to it.

─ "my brain can't decide if your bitch ass is deserving of me, in a way." he comments, looking at the smoke he ejected from his nostrils. meanwhile, this comment hits you like a truck. not a real one, but maybe a plastic one. from those kid playsets.

you knew he probably (?) wasn't trying to sound cocky - he just was. what did he even mean by that though? and seong-je, noticing your confusion, adds on,

─ "you're just fucking.. spending so much time with that fucker- those weird friends from your cram school- jan-hae? jun-yae?"

─ "i'm not trying to be replaced... don't become the na baek-jin of my friendships." he finished, snorting.

you pause. did you really spend so much time with jun-tae? most of your freetime was at cram school... so, it was resonable. right?

─ "not my fault. when i do spend time with you, you're always quiet as hell. not a peep, seong-je.. don't throw this on me.." for some reason, your voice was nearing a dangerous ledge. he notices this and snaps his head towards you.

─ "oh yeah? what about last week, we went to that internet cafe shit, and the entire time you were talking on the phone with your fucking cram school buddies? take some accountability, you fucker!"

the snappiness in his voice tells you he's about to escalate this. you release a breath you didn't know you were holding, annoyed. seong-je always did this. it was like a chaotic game of chess. one day he played fair and by the rules, other days he flipped the metaphorical chess board upside down and took all your peices. something in you told you to get the fuck out of there. maybe, just maybe, you should walk away from this psycho chess player.

as you stand and dust of your bottoms, his hand yanks you down, hissing in your ear -

─ "seriously? after all we've been through, you're going to leave me in the corner again? you're proving my point, asshole! you never try and cooperate!"

seong-je was getting worked up, as usual. you don't respond, sending a deadpanned look to him. the gaslighter in him was coming to say hi, apparently

his next comment catches you a bit off guard.

─ "i dare you. try and ignore me, ghost me, leave me, you're loosing something you can't get anywhere else fucker."

you yank his hand off of you, now annoyed. all you tried to do was fix the hairline crack in your relationship, but seong-je, being his true self, tries to make it bigger. every chat with him turned into an argument - his goal was to win.

─ "you're always starting something! i should ghost you, seong-je!" you hiss at him, irratated.

you were about to close the imaginary 'door' that you opened years ago - but who could blame you? for years, seong-je escalted things, made them a big deal, took them personally. you weren't trying to be with someone so tough yet so sensitive.

you stalk off, seong-je rage baiting you from afar. you couldn't hear it, though. maybe silence wasn't so bad.

tbc?

author's comment: should i continue? do you like it? it's my first time writing... sorry.