Another Bridgerton Blog

Turns out she doesn't know Benedict Bridgerton at all. 

She keeps to her windows in silence. Her married life is great. Colin was always good to her, always by her side but there wasn't much beyond that.

She's craved safety all along but now that she has it, it didn't seem so appealing.

What was safety next to glorious love?

Maybe she's grown to appreciate it after the union of Benedict and the maid girl, but only because of Benedict himself. 

He was always her first love.

The brother of her best friend.

Eloise was always close to him and they swapped secrets like thieves. 

You don't simply let go of your first love like that. 

It wasn't like she wasn't happy with her marriage. Colin was kind and forgiving. He was very thoughtful and wanted to be a good father to Elliott.

They had also tried for another child. They wanted to cement their love many times and her mother Portia received the news with joy each time. Her mother only cares for rank and titles but she made an exception this time.

Their love story was legendary.

Penelope believed it so. 

But Benedict and Sophie proved otherwise. They threatened her understanding of love.

What it means to fight society itself. To go against the Queen. It wasn't just defiance, it was strength. It wasn't just love, it was fated. 

"Benedict and Sophie are always meant for each other." The Bridgertons said long after they'd gotten married. Penelope had agreed with them but sadly. Knowing that she's lost her first love for good. 

Penelope didn't remember what she liked about him, just that he was better and kinder.

Anthony was thorny. Colin was too passive.

Benedict was just right. Right in the middle. Everyone loved him.

But he didn't love everyone back.

His heart went out to one woman and one woman alone. 

And it wasn't Penelope. 

It broke her heart. It still breaks her heart. 

She doesn't see him around anymore. He has retired to the countryside and only comes to visit his favourite family members. 

Apparently she isn't included in them. 

He wished her a very good morning once and she wanted to die. 

What did that woman of his have that she didn't?

No. She was happy. She is happy. She has another child now, and Colin is glad to hear it. He speaks of returning to Greece someday. But when she asks if she can go with him, he falls silent. He tells her he is only twenty-two. Perhaps he will take her once she is no longer carrying a child. By then, though, she will be older.

Always a mother.

Cherished, but never truly loved. Understood, yet never embraced. She spends her days in her mother's house, bored and confined, though with time she has learned not to resent it.

But the woman, Sophie, must have it all. She is everything Penelope wasn't.

Smarter.

Wiser.

She cared for people. 

Penelope didn't know Benedict valued kindness. If she did, she would've learned to hold her tongue. To pull her pen away instead. To not write about those people and their faces. But she didn't care. It was a part of her.

She will never forget it.

She will never let anyone else forget it. 

Penelope was only six years old when she fell in love with Benedict Bridgerton. 

He was artistic. 

He was handsome. 

He was everything Colin wanted to be. And at the age of twelve he was everything Colin is now. 

Colin was good. Colin is good. He is not hateful. That is enough for her. Debling was very judgemental about her. In the grand scheme of men, he is decent.

Acceptable.

Had some pursuits he cared about.

Colin says he wants to go to France with his Featherington brothers. He has things. He's always been friendly with everyone. But is that enough? Penelope has always written about whirlwind romances but she never got to experience one of her own. It was long and boring and typical.

She had a fancy on the neighbour boy.

That was it. 

But she didn't have the heart to tell Colin it was not him that she fancied. 

Benedict was about to board a ship to another continent because of Sophie. Leaving his family behind for her. He would have been successful if Sophie wasn't imprisoned. 

What did Colin do for her?

Penelope didn't want to answer that question. 

Love stories are all different. Each one of them blossom into different forms. Not all of them are comparable.

The love she feels for Eloise cannot be held against the love she feels for Colin. 

But she couldn't help but wonder if Benedict Bridgerton would've done the same for her. 

Would've fought society to let her be Whistledown. 

Would've been excited at the idea of her being Whistledown instead.

Colin accepted it but in vain. It had almost ruined their wedding.

And everytime Penelope thought about it, she knew the answer. 

It is hard and bitter to accept it. 

No. The answer was always no. 

Penelope fantasized about her life with Benedict. 

It would've been glorious. 

But it is not for her. 

She tried imagining herself in Sophie's place. It almost felt a little insulting. How was somehow she lesser than a maid?

How wasn't she chosen?

Maybe he hasn't noticed her all along. 

But she's been there! She was Colin's friend. Everyone knew her. 

Everyone wanted to escort her home. 

But not Benedict. He did so because he was polite. Not because he was interested. 

It crushed her. 

Colin is easy. She can say the right things and get him to love her. 

But not with Benedict. 

It was hard to get him to love anything. 

But he's found Sophie. He fought the world for her. 

What it must feel like to be loved by Benedict Bridgerton. To be appreciated for your life. 

Sophie was lucky. Extremely lucky. 

Maybe she deserved it. 

Penelope didn't want to think about who deserved what. 

But those questions only troubled her more. 

Penelope was always going to be a Bridgerton but not in the way she wants. 

So she hugged Sophie and Benedict. 

She gave them her congratulations.