so what does this have to do with being trans?  well i cant get top surgery.  ever.  

so when you reinforce the idea that passing = the ideal for trans people, that means that people like me, who cant have surgery for medical reasons, or who cant afford it, or even just dont want it, are told they cant ever be their true selves.

when i found out i couldnt get surgery, a thought that had been keeping me alive for years, i nearly ended my life that night, because society, indeed even others in the trans community, had taught me that passing was all that mattered.  a thousand little things said in good intention “you’ll make such a great guy” “she passes so well, wow!” “i never knew ___ was trans, he looks cis!” and they nearly killed me.

stop equating passing with being ones true authentic self.  stop saying “you pass so well” as an immediate compliment.  stop hurting the trans community, even unintentionally.