Out of context things I said while watching FailArmy! After taking an edible-
(Feel free to change pronouns, or whatever else!)
“EW, he’s wearing a speedo- WHY ARE THEY ALL WEARING SPEEDOS?!”
“SEVEN YEARS OF BAD LUCK”
“That’s like the McDonalds workers saying ‘you’re a disappointment’.”
“He’s gonna get hurt so bad.”
“OHHHhh my God, he snapped him in the balls.”
“Are you tryna kill your dad?”
“Ugh, an ad.” (Pronounced like UGG)
“He- he was DANCING across that road.”
“It’s- did you just do that on ice??”
“That’s that one neighbor’s stray cat that hates him.”
“(In a deep voice) Somebody’s going to die tonight~”
“Why were they dancing around the car? Were they having a party?”
“That’s such a nice house tho”
“‘Cause it’s oooooOOHHHH no-”
“That looks like a fancy Texas wedding.”
^ My friend: “I wanna have a fancy Texas wedding, but I’m too broke to :(“
“Oh, it’s overrrr- ya gotta turn on another one.”
“It’s a turkey! He has EVERYTHING wrong with him.”
“A ski lift? I remember falling off one of those!”
“Ohh my God he just lost his job”
“*dramatic gasp* That was MEAN!”
“I’m sorry-… wait, keep laying on my feet! That was cute.”
“*gasps loudly* His skateboard was the victim, and AND HE WASN’T!”
“Ohhh, that was ALMOST convincing.”
“That just got cringy-er.”
“IT’S A PIG!!! And it looks like a bison!”
“Oh shit… he was trying to be a hero…!”
“Oh no, people are gonna die!”
“They always say ‘no one was harmed’. I think everyone was harmed.”
“Oh, I love Jason Aldean.”
“…that sounds like… OUR logic right now.”
“He looks like a furry carrot!”
“*gasp* That’s MY DRESSER- they have the same dresser as me!!”
“Oh, that- that’s not red, that’s pink.”
“UM. WHY’S HE SMILING LIKE THAT?”
“Look at him! Look at his mustache!!”
“Sharp, murderous toe beans!”
“Woah… oh my God, a sinkhole!”
“That’s freakin’ me out!”
“That’s, like, the ‘alien’ ringtone on some phones. Loud and earsplitting.”
“He’s the king, of course not.”
“N- no, no- cats don’t NEED reasons to be angry! They just fight a lot!”
“THAT’S LIKE A DINOSAUR HISS!!!!!!”
“No, I don’t know where you are. *pauses* Oh, wait, yeah I know who you are.”
“My brain is a rebel, but I’M not. I’m a cowardly lion.”
“Oh my God! He looks feral.”
“Is that a laugh or a fake cry…?”
“What the fffffff-! What the-… what was THAT?!”
“That’s not what I thought it was…”
“Open-mouth shower-… [name], that’s scary!”
“Uh-oh! Ohhh, that’s not the ‘soft’ snow, either…”
“Ooh, am I having hypoxia…?”
“Bruh, that’s just how people are.”
“He’s talking excessively, like me.”
“Thought that was a Toyota commercial. Oops.”
“[Name/cat’s name] is, like, the definition of a lightweight cat.”
“Ohhh, the babies are snuggling, kind of-“
“You just spooked yourself awake!”
“Whoever’s radio someone’s talking in, I think he’s British.”
“It did, like, THREE 360s!”
“My therapist is gonna laugh when I read these to her…”
“Something’s already going on there… oh, not anymore.”
“Oh, what a time to pull back into traffic! …but they DID wait three hours to be rescued…”
“That looked vaguely like teleportation.”
“White Kia isn’t Wiz Kalifa. Misread it. Got it.”
“QC, Canada…? Oh. Quebec.”
“‘The driver is driving’…?!”
“Teslas are snow leopards now-? What?”
“That name looks familiar.”