in·fat·u·a·tion

I suppose I should have seen it coming; countless nights I spent providing her comfort as she cried about some guy, and then the next one and the one after that, and I vividly remember thinking to myself “well aren’t you happy you’ve got me?” but I never had the guts to say it out loud. She claimed we loved each other at different times, that timing is the reason we didn’t become a couple, but I think it’s because she didn’t truly love me the way I loved her. We were always best friends first and foremost, but it was obvious to everyone that we completed each other. Nobody spoke about one of us without mentioning the other. We were inseperable. The attraction was there and we acknowledged it, experimented together, became closer. Yet despite that she had boyfriends. I had boyfriends. It became complicated and confusing. I knew I wanted more from her, and she said the same, but neither of us were ready to step up. Best friends? Absolutely. Lesbians? It sounded weird. It scared her off. Of course I was intimidated too, but I would have given up anything for her, even my social status as a “straight” girl. All I cared about was making her happy. And the fact that we were such close friends made it all the more painful, because when she left me in the end it didnt just break my heart, I felt betrayed by the only friend I’d ever really trusted.

I suppose I should have seen it coming; countless nights I spent providing her comfort as she cried about some guy, and then the next one and the one after that, and I vividly remember thinking to myself “well aren’t you happy you’ve got me?” but I never had the guts to say it out loud. She claimed we loved each other at different times, that timing is the reason we didn’t become a couple, but I think it’s because she didn’t truly love me the way I loved her. We were always best friends first and foremost, but it was obvious to everyone that we completed each other. Nobody spoke about one of us without mentioning the other. We were inseperable. The attraction was there and we acknowledged it, experimented together, became closer. Yet despite that she had boyfriends. I had boyfriends. It became complicated and confusing. I knew I wanted more from her, and she said the same, but neither of us were ready to step up. Best friends? Absolutely. Lesbians? It sounded weird. It scared her off. Of course I was intimidated too, but I would have given up anything for her, even my social status as a “straight” girl. All I cared about was making her happy. And the fact that we were such close friends made it all the more painful, because when she left me in the end it didnt just break my heart, I felt betrayed by the only friend I’d ever really trusted.

I suppose I should have seen it coming; countless nights I spent providing her comfort as she cried about some guy, and then the next one and the one after that, and I vividly remember thinking to myself “well aren’t you happy you’ve got me?” but I never had the guts to say it out loud. She claimed we loved each other at different times, that timing is the reason we didn’t become a couple, but I think it’s because she didn’t truly love me the way I loved her. We were always best friends first and foremost, but it was obvious to everyone that we completed each other. Nobody spoke about one of us without mentioning the other. We were inseperable. The attraction was there and we acknowledged it, experimented together, became closer. Yet despite that she had boyfriends. I had boyfriends. It became complicated and confusing. I knew I wanted more from her, and she said the same, but neither of us were ready to step up. Best friends? Absolutely. Lesbians? It sounded weird. It scared her off. Of course I was intimidated too, but I would have given up anything for her, even my social status as a “straight” girl. All I cared about was making her happy. And the fact that we were such close friends made it all the more painful, because when she left me in the end it didnt just break my heart, I felt betrayed by the only friend I’d ever really trusted.

I suppose I should have seen it coming; countless nights I spent providing her comfort as she cried about some guy, and then the next one and the one after that, and I vividly remember thinking to myself “well aren’t you happy you’ve got me?” but I never had the guts to say it out loud. She claimed we loved each other at different times, that timing is the reason we didn’t become a couple, but I think it’s because she didn’t truly love me the way I loved her. We were always best friends first and foremost, but it was obvious to everyone that we completed each other. Nobody spoke about one of us without mentioning the other. We were inseperable. The attraction was there and we acknowledged it, experimented together, became closer. Yet despite that she had boyfriends. I had boyfriends. It became complicated and confusing. I knew I wanted more from her, and she said the same, but neither of us were ready to step up. Best friends? Absolutely. Lesbians? It sounded weird. It scared her off. Of course I was intimidated too, but I would have given up anything for her, even my social status as a “straight” girl. All I cared about was making her happy. And the fact that we were such close friends made it all the more painful, because when she left me in the end it didnt just break my heart, I felt betrayed by the only friend I’d ever really trusted.