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Where does love go when it ends? When does it really end? How do we know it's over? In life, everything becomes a work in progress; bricks, paint, endless decorating. If that's how it is at my grandmother's house, why should it be any different in my heart?

Abel was used to living each short passion fleetingly. Loving his chosen girl so, so much, until he couldn’t anymore. Until there wasn’t any more love left. 

And somehow, love also seemed to reach his finishing point at the end of summer. The man had already seen his favourite movie a half a dozen times; and he had been with his current lover for half a dozen months. And his love always ended after so many times of repeating the same actions, over and over again with different bodies - something that he just couldn’t shake. 

With an ironic smirk playing in the corner of his mouth, the man thinks about his romantic life, his eyes lost in the horizon as he sips on his cup of whiskey. “When I die, they will say: a man that never had just one woman” - he speaks to himself, unable to deny how bitter the current thought feels. Still, the singer hopes his close ones will write it down in stone, beautifully, once Abel turns into dust, leaving his fame and physical presence behind - accepting his faith and the reality that he chose daily. 

Used to mixing business with pleasure, accustomed to building empires from the wreckage, he would joke about his inability to settle down with someone serious. “If God told us to love our neighbour, why should I love just one person forever, if we all know it ends in boredom?” - he laughed, cigarette in between his lips, trying to lighten up the mood around him every time someone would tell him about his chaotic relationships. 

But that’s how he used to move on with life before he met you. 

It was just a random warm day in the middle of summer. Abel stopped by the nearest coffee place to his house to grab a drink, and once again, he noticed you were there - a familiar view every time he would stop by, that being your favourite place to take your laptop to, doing some work while having a coffee and facing the street outside, your headphones never leaving your ears, as if none of the people around you could bother you while you were having your moment. 

However, there was a time when he, indeed, decided to bother you. Feeling brave enough to buy you a drink, after noticing what you would have every time he saw you at the coffee shop, your body jumped slightly once his hand touched your shoulder gently, taking you out of your trance. 

And the rest is history. You two spent a half a dozen months together - like Abel does with every other girl. He wished he didn’t realize right away that you weren’t just another girl, but somehow he did. He knew you made him feel different, feeding himself off of things that no one else could ever give him. He knew he couldn’t treat you like he treated everyone else. And for all the months you dated, he made sure he treated you like you were the most special thing in the world, like you belonged to something sacred that he was terrified to ruin every time his hands touched your skin. 

But, the man grew more and more scared. Of committing; of becoming even more serious than you two already were. All of his friends knew he was completely down for you, even his mom knew - they never saw him so in love with someone, completely infatuated with the idea of you, the thought of being with you. Every second that he spent apart from you hurt him, and still, he decided to let you go. 

Unable to gather the courage in himself to fully commit to you, to take your relationship to the next level, to see you as his future - one that he secretly dreamed of, the man made one of the hardest decisions of his life, and he decided it was time for you to follow different paths. 

There aren’t enough words to describe that fatidic day. Abel is pretty sure a part of him died on that day, seeing the love of his life fall apart in front of him as he broke the news in your face, catching you completely off guard. He felt like a complete monster, and a coward at the same time, never forgiving himself for losing the thing he loved the most in this life. 

You too were never the same after that day. For a while, it seemed like life was completely blank, everything around you being black and white, without color, without a purpose. You stopped showing up to your favourite coffee shop, never even wanting to risk seeing him again, after the heartbreak that he made you go through - one that will forever hurt in your chest until the day you die. 

There is not a single day that Abel doesn’t think of you, that he doesn’t regret his choices. At first, he tried to forget you, partying with other girls, finding ways to numb his brain, but nothing seemed to work. Everything just made his remorse worse, making him feel more guilty, missing you more, failing at the way he wanted to live - but he needs to be honest with himself, and it’s not truly living if it’s not with you. 

But this was almost two years ago already. 22 months, around 660 days, to be more exact. And you still live in his head, you occupy every second of his thoughts. But now it’s too late. 

You bet Abel doesn’t even remember you anymore, due to the way he discarded you so easily; but he would never forget you. Everyone around him knows that your name is a sensitive topic, so it was definitely a big thing when the news broke to the man’s ears: you stayed friends with some people from Abel’s cycle, even after you two broke up. And it felt like everyone was touching glass when they said they were invited to your wedding. 

The man’s chest tightened. Something in him broke even harder than it already was. Wedding. Something that he caught himself thinking about doing with you, only you. Close to him, sharing your life with him by your side. Never letting you go.

But, you’re getting married to someone else. Someone who didn’t play you, who didn’t take you for granted, and definitely someone who didn’t chicken out when the time came to become serious with you. Someone who’s not him. 

He locks himself in his room, his brain creating a never ending train of thoughts, all of them surrounding you, your wedding, how his life would look so different now if he didn’t let the only girl he truly loved go. 

You have a ring on your finger now, he’s sure that you will probably have children anytime soon - and he is not a part of that. Who would’ve guessed - he thinks to himself, his eyes filled with tears that he tries to fight back, only to no avail.

Abel is sure you didn’t tell your fiancé about him. He is sure that, if you two ever crossed paths again, you would pretend the singer doesn’t even exist. Like it doesn’t hurt, like it doesn’t bother, it doesn’t make you uncomfortable to pretend like he is a stranger in your life. 

The man already used to beat himself up enough for letting you go. Everything he did, the way he decided to put an end to your relationship, was an involuntary reflection of his body, of his trauma and fears. It was just temporary insanity that flew through his mind, occupying all the space in his brain, not letting him choose any different. It was a mistake, and when we are young, we are supposed to make mistakes, things are supposed to be that way. 

But he is definitely not that person anymore. He stopped being that guy on the day you left. And still, you are everything he wants, you are his standard, and he admits it; you are everything he can’t resist, and the only thing that could bring Abel back to himself. 

But your fiancé doesn’t know, does he? That Abel knew you inside out. That it used to be just you and him against the world. That he didn’t get an invitation to your wedding, but you wondered for days whether to send him one or not. In the end, you invited everyone, except him. And somehow, that creates a void inside of you that you are not sure how to fill, but you know it’s better this way, being as distant from him as you can, even if you think about him every day as well.

It’s like you two communicate telepathically - dreaming of each other, sharing thoughts and moments in different scenarios, your relationship very much alive inside each other. But your fiancé doesn’t know, does he? He has no idea how your and Abel’s grand finale was your grand beginning to your married life beside someone else. 

Abel lays in bed, killing his own thinking by trying to decipher all this information harder, faster, trying to find solutions to a problem that can’t be solved. He should have stepped up when he had the time and the opportunity, and not now that you are about to marry another man.

The singer feels ridiculous, ridiculously small inside his large bedroom, feeling as empty as ever when your laugh is not echoing through the walls. Why did he love you in secret? Hiding all his feelings even from himself, even when everyone always knew. And why aren’t you two even friends anymore? Why did he have to fuck it up so badly that you never wanted to see him again? And even if he decided to show up, if you two saw each other, what would you even talk about? Would Abel go straight to the point or would you talk about the weather?

Taking a long drag of his blunt, he takes his phone from his pocket. Not even second guessing his actions, he dials your number - not wanting to waste any more time, every second feeling precious to hopefully have you back. 

The beeping on the other side of the line seems never ending, killing him a bit more inside as the time passes by and you don’t seem to pick up his calls. He knows you two silently set rules, that he is no longer part of your emergency contacts or your life at all. But it all ended so sadly, in a way that it should have never have ended, and the man just religiously asks for another opportunity to make things right, before you’re walking down the aisle to a man that isn’t him.

All the blame that he mindlessly put on you to make the break up easier, weighs on him like all the planets of this galaxy rest on his shoulders. And now, he just wanted you to pick up, to give him one last chance, so he could steal all Saturn rings to adorn your finger with them - promising you a forever and more. 

His hands shake, as he continuously calls, over and over again as his phone reaches your voicemail. His breathing is shallow, on the verge of panic as he allows all the fear to wash over him now, noticing how his future seems to close right in front of his eyes, feeling more and more rejected by you. 

On the other side of the line, your heart feels like it will run out of your chest, once you see his number on your phone. As much as you want to pick up his call, you feel like you need someone to save you from his name on the screen, imagining how his voice would sound like an alarm to you, denying you all the little things you were able to conquer for the past months, every day that you woke up and cried because he wasn’t beside you. 

A silent tear escapes your eye as you take a deep breath, realizing how bittersweet this moment actually feels: the man you loved the most is trying to come back, as you dreamed of so many times since you two broke up.

But unfortunately, now it’s too late. And if you had known that he would only love you once you said goodbye for good, you would have done just as he did: you would have slammed all the doors, not caring about anyone who would try to stop you. However, everything that you two were, what you had, the feelings you shared, now it’s only a memory. 

That realization destroys you, but you can’t do this to yourself again, and with a heavy heart, you press ‘decline’ - deleting him from your life, forever.