i’m like if an autistic girl suffered for many years and became a bitter egocentric person then deflected for years but then grew up and accepted being autistic and late bloomer and childish in a good way
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@bandaidgf
i’m like if an autistic girl suffered for many years and became a bitter egocentric person then deflected for years but then grew up and accepted being autistic and late bloomer and childish in a good way

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something intriguing about the way your perspective of someone shifts in a certain way, mostly harmlessly, and you’re just staring and listening trying to adjust the perspective of them as you learn new things about them
i can't be the only one who's just straight-up ... bored with women hating themselves. my mom keeps lamenting to me how upset she is about her gray hair. my friend stares at her laugh lines every day in agony. my sister loses sleep over the horrible unbearable thought of looking fat. and every time these women i love open up to me, i can't help but think ... then stop staring at yourself? stop drowning yourself, narcissus, and just fucking live your life instead of sitting in front of a mirror obeying cosmetic corporations' lies. just stop it. this is getting ridiculous. you're too smart to be falling for this bullshit. "oh no but these men who hate women told me that if i'm ugly i'm worthless!" girl if you actually believe that then good luck. but i am getting worse at being supportive of people whose nonsense worldviews keep them trapped in pain. stop looking at yourself start fucking living i am pleading you deserve to be happy and it is stupid that you disagree
THINGS I DID TODAY WHILE DEPRESSED AND ANXIOUS
- WORKED A CLOSING SHIFT EVEN THO I DIDNT WANT TO BUT I HAD NOTHING ELSE GOOD TO DO
- JOINT
- TREATED MYSELF TO FAST FOOD DELIVERY
- ATE THE ENTIRE ORDER
- HEATED BLANKET
- ABBOTT ELEMENTARY NEW EPISODE
just shut up already i can’t relate to anything anyone says. it’s driving me crazy how millions of people have apparently led the same lives as each other, while i had no idea about or cared for whatever those trends were. it doesn’t make sense to me how most of the similarities i see even appeal enough to willingly experience, much less to the majority of the people spanning the earth.
i’m proud of who i’ve become and the ground i’ve stubbornly stayed on, but it baffles me how impossible it feels to find anyone who carved their own path too. i can’t help but be curious about how people even discovered these phases and trends in their lives and what drives them to participate.
how people all treat their peers so similarly to each other seemingly without studying. how they pick up on each other immediately and the next night are having sleepovers. the things they like to talk about that happen to be the exact same as each other.

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sometimes i miss sitting in your dorm room on your bed as a couch, while you and your friends smoked weed and i watched whatever was put on your pc used as a tv. i spent hours just hanging out every day yet our time spent together was only a few weeks really. and it’s not even that i miss you, i guess i just miss where i was.
i get so sad seeing girls relate and reminisce about having the same experiences despite being miles away, like inviting peers to hang out at all, doing each others hair and makeup out of desire, and i just remember how much i felt so weird for not wanting to do any of those things with anyone. and never knowing how to make friends at all. never understanding the secret code or rules. despite being purely myself, i was rarely successful and it only got harder as i got older and colder. just been sad thinking about it all lately.
gonna schedule my life in even/odd days like my high school schedule. except even days i take an adderall and do things with my life, learn, etc. then odd days can be eat shit smoke weed days
something I’m still learning is that things mended can be stronger. I spent so long being afraid of conflict because I thought it meant the end of things, and it wasn’t until I met people that understood both conflict and forgiveness that I learned how much you need mending in order to build. If you don’t know that mending is possible, you’ll spend all your time being afraid of every small slip-up until it feels like there’s no room to breathe. Meeting people that allow you to make mistakes and break things, and being someone who allows that in return, let’s you build a space where no one has to be afraid of being.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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lol i hate today’s era of absolutely zero nuance takes. a friend didn’t behave exactly as you’d wanted them to? cut them off. a guy didn’t text you back instantly bc he has his own life? he’s just giving you breadcrumbs. doing something makes you uncomfortable? don’t do it anymore. someone isn’t instantly available for you? disinterest. just absolutist statements that often don’t apply to the multilayer situations of everyday life. like. stop. literally just stop it
It's incredible how much pop psychology and therapyspeak boils down to treating individualism as the phenomenological norm for human beings and any form of human communication or relationship based on negotiation, compromise, self-sacrifice and trust as an act of violence against the individual
sorry for acting batshit crazy I was feeling a little unwanted
i'm sorry we've fallen out touch it's just that i've been in a very bad spot mentally (2011-present)
having to come to terms with the fact that love is not an everlasting performance in which you attempt to retain the attention of your significant other but rather a release of control and putting faith into them and trusting them to choose to stay with you no matter what you have to offer
to love and be loved is to rest

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there was a tiktok I made a while ago basically saying "your abusive ex boyfriend is more likely a misogynist than a narcissist" and while most people agreed some said I was victim blaming(?) and that I couldn't know what their ex is like, and while obviously I don't, every fucking person describing their narcissistic ex is describing a typical misogynist. ask yourself, is this behavior you associate with narcissism directed at women or does he treat his male friends the same way? is his general functioning in life impaired?
many people don't seem to know this, but a mental disorder is NOT based on symptoms alone, it's based on how much the symptoms actually impair you in daily life. most people could look at a list of mental disorder symptoms and identify either themselves or someone else with them. as far as a narcissistic personality, we all know people who appear more self absorbed than others, but this is typically subclinical narcissism (presence of narcissistic traits without significant impairment of functioning) which is not a disorder. there is also a misunderstanding of what npd is. a narcissist is not a supervillain invincible to emotion. npd is a defensive reaction to trauma that lead to deep insecurity and fear of being seen as weak or vulnerable. so narcissists aren't actually "in love with themselves" at all and often are diagnosed when seeking help for other issues such as substance abuse resulting from their struggles.
this focus a lot of abused women in online pop psychology have on narcissism is particularly concerning because it completely glosses over misogyny which is literally a huge factor in violence against women. people really only know misogyny as a surface level thing. they don't know it can lead to family annihilation, for example, and is one reason most family annihilations are committed by the husband. it's always "this man is a sociopath" "this man is a narcissist" when the man's behavior is driven by ideology. I am so fucking tired of everything being tied to mental illness and left at that. you know what this leads to? courts "fixing" abusive men by...giving them anger management therapy. guess what? it doesn't fucking do anything because the problem isn't mental instability leading to anger, it's targeted, purposeful abuse. we are getting nowhere