online diary

don’t take my defeatism too seriously I will always begin again and again no matter what

I might sound miserable most of the time but at my core I’m a very hopeful person

ok note to self i gotta leave the house regularly so that i dont feel like im slowly transforming into an evil fucking shadow clone of myself

So as it turns out your sense of self doesnt exist in a vacuum. You gotta actually use it and bounce it off of other people like echolocation to see where you are as a person and shit. So if you dont regularly interact with other people the echoes just get weaker and weaker and before you know it your personality is a blurry fucked up fog clone of its former self. which it sucks because this makes it really hard to interact with people again but yknow

NOVEMBER — raking leaves, Sundays in bed, reading nonstop, fresh hot coffee, comfy knits, fairy lights, crunching as you walk, long baths, laughter, warm hugs, scented candles, museum dates, journaling all your thoughts, baked goods, grocery shopping, thrift stores, cuddles with cats, golden accents, time with you

choices made in anger is such a crazy image. if you know what i'm talking about

sibling relationships are so strange... like i love you. you will never understand me in a way that matters. we are the same person in drastically different ways. we are sewn together. we don't talk. we are attached at the hip. you wish i was never born. can i call you. let's eat together. i forgive you. etc

i don't have enough photos of you on my phone to make one your contact picture. we got the same tattoo completely by coincidence. why do you always get to be mario. i love the meals you cook. we live in different universes. you can stay at my house if you need. we have never been friends. you are more important to me than anyone on this earth