Bambi

Batman: *alert, expression grave* We have an emergency.

Superman: *springing into action* Let’s go, you can tell me the details on the way –

Batman: It’s me. I’m the emergency.

Superman: *frowning, examining Batman with x-ray vision* No broken bones, no internal bleeding… what’s wrong?

Batman: I think I’m drunk.

Superman:

Superman: You don’t drink.

Batman: I had canned coffee. From the pantry. There’s crateloads of them.

Superman: *remembering Flash’s newest concoction* Oh

Batman: At first I thought I was just being affected by the sugar.

Superman: *remembering Flash mentioning that he had them specially made for his high metabolism* Oh no

Batman: You know I don’t consume much sugar, Clark. I’m not used to it. I thought it was The Sugar Rush™

Superman: How much did you drink?

Batman: I’d already drunk two cans when I read the fine print. I –

Batman: *clutching Superman’s shoulder, carefully enunciating* I imbibed two whole cans, Clark. Of metahuman-grade Irish Coffee.

Superman: *supporting Batman’s free arm, keeping him from acquainting his face with the floor* Oh no

Batman: I feel strange. I made small talk in the cafeteria. I might’ve cracked a joke at some point. I almost told Green Lantern he did a good job on the last mission.

Superman: Wow

Batman: But he didn’t do a good job, Clark.

Superman: *lips pursed, corners twitching* Mhm

Batman: My mental faculties have been compromised. I feel… bubbly.

Superman: *controlling his breathing*

Batman: I cannot be seen bubbly, Clark. I’m Batman.

Superman: *shoulders shaking, eyes glistening*

Batman: You need to get me out of here before I run around the cafeteria complimenting everyone.

Superman: Okay, just – give me a sec –

Superman: *sniffling* I’m memorizing every detail of this conversation so I can replay it forever

+

[Later, at the Batcave]

Superman: *flies in with Batman in a bridal lift*

Batkids: !!!!!!!!!

Nightwing: We received his emergency alert –

Red Hood: What the fuck happened –?

Nightwing: – he wasn’t responding –

Robin: Is Father conscious –?

Red Robin: I’m getting Alfred –

Superman: GUYS, guys, calm down

Superman: *puts Batman down on his feet* B’s just drunk.

Batman: *stands straight, dusts his shoulders, opens his arms*

Batman: Daddy’s home.

Nightwing:

Robin:

Red Robin: Okay, pause everything, I’m getting a camera *runs off*

Red Hood: *unblinking* Is this real

Batman: How are you boys this fine evenin’?

Robin: It’s 4 AM

Nightwing: Why is he speaking with a southern accent?

Superman: He’s been cycling through accents since liftoff. No idea why.

Red Robin: *returning with an 8K camera in hand* BEHOLD, the reclusive Gotham Bat in his natural habitat…

Batman: *staring at the lens, hands lifting his cape open at shoulder-height*

Batman: *fangs bared* I bid you velcome.

WHAT DO I WANT TO HAPPEN?

followed immediately by

WHAT DO I NOT WANT TO HAPPEN?

And these are both critically important questions.

Knowing what you don’t want is the most important part of a spell. That’s where you decide what’s “too far” for you. What are you not willing to give up? What are you not willing to do? You need to specify that before you accidentally off your cool boss because you were angling for a promotion, or shift a problem from one person to another.

WHAT DO I WANT TO HAPPEN? I want [target] to no longer be able to abuse his wife and children, or anyone else. I want his abuse to end, permanently. I want him to never contact his wife or children again. I want them to be free of him.

WHAT DO I NOT WANT TO HAPPEN? I don’t want the abuse to just stop temporarily. I don’t want the abuse to shift onto someone else. I don’t want any innocent parties to be hurt. I don’t want any accidents to be caused by what happens to [target]. I don’t want his wife and children to have to run and hide and live their lives in fear.

The next question is

WHAT WILL I SACRIFICE?

Once Upon A Time had it right: all magic comes at a price. One of the main reasons that spells, especially curses, fail is because the caster is unwilling to sacrifice enough. It isn’t enough for powerful magic to just say “I want this” and expect it to happen. The more powerful of a spell, the greater the sacrifice. The greatest sacrifices are things you can’t get back. The number one thing you can’t get back is time. Your sacrifice must be relevant to the spell. Magic is all about natural rules and causality.

Next we ask ourselves

WHAT WILL I GAIN?

This is is the space for you to clarify what you want. Boil your desires down to their essence. What will the success of this spell bring you?

And then we ask the question everyone thinks they already know the answer to

IS IT WORTH IT?

Obviously, you think it’s worth it. You wouldn’t be doing this if you didn’t think it was worth it. But are you offering enough, if the answer comes to you so easily? If you’re trying to cast a powerful spell by sacrificing ice cream for a week, obviously that may feel worth it. But worth it to you doesn’t mean worth it to magic. Magic follows the natural laws. Your sacrifice must have the same gravity as your desire.

I have decided on all of the above. I know what I do and do not want, what I will sacrifice, what I will gain, and that the sacrifice is worth it.

For a lot of magic, I no longer need aids or focuses. I still use them for curses because so much can go awry. For the mechanism of this curse, I have decided on a curse jar. They're very effective.

Some of the ingredients:

Rust dust - to lock the jaw

Cough syrup - just because that shit's nasty

Isopropyl alcohol -to blind the eyes

Battery acid - to burn the skin

Nails - to stay the hand

Pokeweed - to stop the heart

Bird shit - to inflame the mind

Blood - to free my line

And I'm not telling you the rest

It couldn't keep up with the headbanging.

I took it off. I went unveiled in public for the first time in four years. It was liberating. It also reinforced my choice to wear a veil.

There have been times when the veil has been annoying. I didn't think it was a good idea to go on a roller coaster because my veil might fly off. I ran late because I had to style my veil. I kept my camera off in Teams because I didn't have a veil on. While wearing the veil is my choice, I took the choice out of it for myself. I turned it into an obligation. I turned it into a chore.

I stopped being intentional about why I veil, and just slapped something over my hair because that's what I do.

Saturday reminded me that I am allowed to not have a veil on sometimes. If it feels right to me, I can take it off. What's the point in wearing one in my best friend's pool, surrounded by a 6 ft privacy fence, with only women around? Why do I have to wear one in my parents' house? Why do I have to wear one at a rock concert when all I want to do is throw my head around and feel my hair slap me in the face? What's the point in wearing one in my hammock, in my own yard, when no one can see me anyway?

The answer: I don't. There is no reason.

I'm rolling myself back. I love veiling. I love why I started veiling. I love the protection of veiling, the way veiling honors my Goddesses, the way I look while veiling, the way I feel while veiling, the expression of modesty in the face of my Gods, the symbolism of being married and a woman.

I'm taking all of that back from myself, for myself.

I am giving myself permission for veiling to be a choice again.

I'm giving myself permission to sometimes not wear a veil, if that feels right to me. I'm giving myself permission to wear a veil that doesn't fully cover my hair (which is how my Goddesses veil anyway) if I want to.

Every fucking thing is a spell if you put your mind to it

You can and should bless your medications

Pepper is the best for banishing, especially in the form of pepper spray

Don't trust any man who promotes sex magic...with himself

Powerful witches live and die by arch support

Conversely, plantar fasciitis is one hell of a curse and all it takes to cast it is gifting one pair of cute shoes

Sing while you cleanse - it doesn't have to make sense, it doesn't even have to be real words, but the noise helps drive out bad spirits

Fire IS the cleanser but firefighters uncleanse everything so be fucking careful

Early wiccans made up the bullshit of the Law of 3, the Rede, etc, because they were shitty people who were terrified of being rightfully cursed

Never do a knot spell you can't untie

You can untie any knot spell with scissors

Witchcraft isn't an aesthetic; the most powerful witches don't look like witches and the ones who look most like witches rarely know what the fuck they're doing

Never underestimate the power of a grid

Scrapbook paper will take your spell from 0 to 60

Concrete powder in a gas tank is much more effective than sugar in a gas tank

You can practice any religion, or no religion, and be a witch

Turtles are always a good sign

Crows will be your friend for peanuts, but they WILL eat hummingbirds

Witchcraft is science with some flair

damian: firstly, i have no desire for excess funds, and secondly, what is a mullet and how does it grow?

tim: oh my god

dick: please don't do this jay let it stay in the pa-

jason: BOY DO I HAVE SOME PICTURES FOR YOU

i have been waiting for a "mr hood was my father" joke for so fucking long oh my god 😂😂😂😂

literally just a rock. it can be a protective crystal if you want, but also if you pick up a rock from outside it can be a ward.

black salt (or any salt, if you wish) on windowsills. i also have black salt in jars in the 4 corners of my room.

sticks. dude trees are SO cool and protective, just don’t cut off a branch (unless you’ve been given permission, but i doubt a tree would like one of their limbs being cut off when you can easily find naturally dropped ones on the ground).

sigils! sigils are so versatile, make your own or find some online, draw it on a paper, and put it in your room. i have some thumbtacked to my wall as well as on my altar.

thread or ribbons around doorknobs. tbh, im not sure where this one comes from (maybe witch bells? which are also an idea) but you can tie black (or any color, but black is good for protection) ribbon around your doorknobs as a form of protection.

Bats: …

Tim, loving to see his boyfriend excited and loving to cause chaos: Okay, fair enough, but where does Superman fall into this?

jason: *sneaking in through the manor's window*

bruce: *turning in his chair and flicking the light on* you want to tell me where you've been all night?

jason: i was with dick?

Dick: I was a Talon, remember? I killed people

Cass: I was raised as an assassin

Damian: same with me

Jason: the current crime lord is here. Do y'all remember the bag with heads?

Duke: what the fuck is happening here?

Barbara: Bruce said he will take one kid to the gala tonight. Everyone is trying to convince others that they are a bad choice, because they are dangerous to society and it's better to send another one

Dick: Duke!

Duke: no, no, no, I was a gang member

*a few hours later, at the gala*

Duke: fuck my siblings