Hi. Spare a Spank?

You mention to your co-workers that you think the bronze statue that you pass by everyday on your way to work is such an eyesore. Their only response is “What statue?”

I'll block a bitch on coinstar for cheese

We all got that feeble & extremely unpleasant loser friend that wont let u touch their shit just because yo hands sticky as fuck

happy pride to losers who get no bitches and stack no paper

they hate me for my flat facial expressions and inability to contribute to conversations

i would fuck him [remembers im talking about a real person] um [remembers its normal to be attracted to people] i would fuck him

the vivid sensory-memory of sucking water out of a washcloth as a child

broooo last night was a cry for help

21 STRANGEST DINNER ANOMALIES

i took a drug test and tested positive for hummus #fuck