B A E K R O

I don’t want to share you with anyone. Anyone. You’re the only light of my life. My own. You’re only mine. I can be yours for the rest of my life if you ask me to. But I just can’t stand the fact that other people – people who are not ME – can touch you, be around you when I cannot. Don’t let those persons approach you. Be mine, forever. I only want you. I only need you. The jealousy that’s devouring me is only aroused by you. Don’t make me angry and stay away from the others. I only want you. You and nobody else. Do I have to repeat it? If it’s what’s going to make you understand how much I need you, then I’ll do it. I want you, my love. I only want you. The only thought of breathing hurts if you’re not with me. You’re the only reason why my heart is beating. Each beat moans your name. Each. Fucking. Beat. Is. Dedicated. To. You. Every time you’re leaving me is like a thousand of splinters that cut my heart a little deeper. 

Yours until the end,

Being laid beside you, looking at you directly in the eyes. That’s what I prefer the most. Your breath against my skin, your lips grazing against the crook of my neck. You’re here, and I’m with you. This is my only wish. I could spend all day long this way. Whispering to your ear how much I love you. How much I want you to hug me tight and never let go. I want this so bad that sometimes, when you’re not here, I’m looking at the stars, in the sky and all I can see is your bright smile. The brightest amongst all the stars that could exist. Am I too cheesy? Am I a fool to love you that much? I hope I’m too much. I’d rather be too much than not enough. Am I enough for you? Do I make you happy? You do. You make me more than happy. I’m not only lucky to be loved by such a wonderful woman like you, but blessed. And never in my life have I wanted to lose this feeling. Never on earth have I wanted to lose you. Damn, I think I’m in love.

 Yours until the end,

I waited all day long for your call. Do you remember? The day our eyes met? Do you remember the first time your eyes landed on me? I do remember the day my heart hitched when you told me you were in love with me. I thought I would die. I’ve never been that happy before. And still, here I am, waiting for your call. Are you gonna do it? Are you not? I know I’m not the best boyfriend on Earth, but I’m trying my best, and you know I would never forget you, you know that, don’t you? You’re first. First. First. FIIIIIRST. Jongin made fun of me today. He said I couldn’t stop glancing at my phone as if my life depended on it. It did. If I can’t hear your voice at least once in a day, I’m not gonna do things the right way. You’re the only one who makes me function normally. You’re the only one who makes me smile genuinely. You’re the only one. Just the only one. My only one. Am I your only one? I hope so…

Yours until the end,

I was at the toy’s store with the members today. And I noticed the green little plush you once showed me. I couldn’t buy it for you that day and I regretted it the day after. But today I bought it whilst thinking about you. I was wondering what would be your reaction if you were here, by my side.  Maybe you’d laugh at me for being that confusing. But now, I have that plush. I called by your name. (but you’re my favourite, remember, you’re my only one) And every night, when you’re not around, I hug it against my chest. Tightly. Until I can miss you less. Or at least pretend I don’t miss you that much. I wish this is not this plush I’m hugging, but you. Your head leant onto my torso, your hands around my waist, and your breath when you sleep. I want it so bad. I hope I can see you soon. I want to hug you until you ask me to stop because I’m too tacky. Chanyeol showed me the new T-shirt of Star-Wars, I bought us a couple of it. A black and a white. Which one do you want? Oh, I guess we can switch whenever we’re bored with the one we have.  

 Yours until the end,

I’m on the verge of crying. I can feel the tears streaming along my cheeks whilst I’m writing this. I love her. I love her so damn much. I know it, I’m sure of it now. Every time she’s not looking at me I feel empty. I feel bereft of a part of myself. No, I actually feel as if my whole heart had disappeared. This is too painful. I don’t want to live this. I don’t want to feel my heart being turned out by her rejection. Can’t she see? I’m in love with her. Maybe if I just let the words slip out of my mouth, she won’t turn away? Maybe she’d accept my feelings for her? Maybe… There’s too much of confusion. I can’t stay like this. I can’t accept the fact that she can’t love me back. Am I stupid to think that she’s feeling the same for me? Am I the stupid one in this story? I’m fucking doomed, then. Because I cannot turn back to the first step. I can’t swallow the feelings I have for her. Is this what we call first love? First heartbreak? Oh no, please… I don’t want to feel the pain. I only want the warmth of her smile. Please, please, please, love me back. 

Sometimes I’m imagining a new world in which you could be mine for the rest of my life. I’m scared you’ll forget about me. Scared you’ll stop loving me, you’ll find someone way better than me. ‘Cause I know how filled of flaws I am compared to you. You’re so perfect that it constricts my heart. How can you love me? How can you have those feelings for me? If this is not being the luckiest guy on earth, then I’m wondering what it is. I feel like being the stupidest person and the best. Like I can climb at all the mountains and yell how much I love you. How much you gave me. Only your love is what gives me strength. You’re the only reason why in the morning I open my eyes and do the job I have to do. Because I know that at the end of the day, you’ll smile because of me. You’ll be proud of me. You’ll be my best supporter. I’m sorry if I didn’t let you understand how much I needed you. You’re the most precious person in my life – in my heart.

 Yours until the end,

Sometimes we met the person we’re supposed to love for the rest of our lives. And I think I met that person. I met you. I know, people always keep on saying that I’m still young, that I know nothing of life, blabla… But that’s not true. Or not entirely. What if love was a matter of eye contact? Of a heart beat? Of consequences? Of interruptions? You’re my interruption.

You’re the best part in my life.

You’re the definition I give for love.

I feel like flying when I’m with you, I feel like the world could collapse I wouldn’t care less because you’re here, and I can watch you endlessly. Be mine, for the rest of the day, night, week, month, year, life.

You’re my love. My only one. Do you remember? My only one love.

 Yours until the end,

Your smile. Your eyes. Your lips. Your hair. Your hands. Your voice. Your  laugh. Your pout. Your anger. Your lust. Your happiness. Your tongue. Your arms. Your legs. Everything in you is beautiful. Attractive. Appealing. Don’t say you’re the luckiest girl on earth for being my girl, I’m the one who feel honoured to be yours. I’m yours, god damn it. Can you believe it? I can’t, to be honest. Sometimes I want to slap at my face and make myself wake up from the daydream. But I’m not dreaming, I’m really yours. And you’re really mine. I wish it lasts forever. I wish you’re mine since the first day. I wish I can spend all my life only with you.

You’re my breath.

The only person that can see through my smiles.

The only one. And it won’t change any day soon.

 Yours until the end,

They asked me what I wanted to do when I’m an adult and I answered: singer.

They asked me what part of myself I was the proudest of, and I answered: my hands.

They asked me what I preferred between beef and pork, and I answered: beef.

They asked me what I would like to be between a rebel and a model student, and I answered: a model student.

They asked me what was the best place on Earth for Holidays and I answered: Korea.

They asked me what was the worst thing that could happen to me, and I answered: lose another member of EXO.

They asked me what was my favourite Christmas song, and I answered: All I Want For Christmas Is You.

They asked me what was necessary in a complete life, and I answered: love and friendship.

They asked me what was the best gift I’ve received, and I answered: my fans’ love.

They asked me what love was, and my answer is you.

 Yours until the end,

I thought I was flying. I wasn’t.

I thought I could find you. I couldn’t.

I thought we could be together for the longest time on Earth, but I failed.

What’s going on with me? What’s wrong with my mind?

You’re everywhere. In each corner my eyes land on. I can’t suppress you.  

I don’t want to.

I feel like a piece of shit without you. I want you. And today they said to me something that hit me like a truck. They said I was in love.

In love? What, what, what. I just don’t understand.

Is this the reason why I can’t think straight when you’re around?

 Yours until the end,

I feel depressed.

I was looking at your pictures. The ones you sent me and I wanted to cry. ‘Cause when I looked up to find you, you were nowhere to be seen.

Why is this happening to me? Why can’t you be by my side already?

Come to me. Kiss me.

I want it so bad. This is too much painful. I want you to kiss me.

I want you to hug me.

This is the only reason I’m here. On earth. For you. Breathing for you.

You’re the name that escapes my mouth every time I breath.

I should sleep.

Yours until the end,

I’m smiling. But yours is brighter. 

I’m laughing. But yours is more melodious. 

I’m not even jealous. I could die for your perfection.

You little piece of flawless imperfections. 

You’re my best. 

My only one. 

How melodious is this.

MY. ONLY. ONE. I love it this way. I should write it everywhere. I’m stupid, I know. But who cares, uh? (ihopeyoucarebecauseicareforyou) 

Yours until the end,

Like children, laying on the cold floor. Or playing with the snow.

That’s one of the things I want to do with you.

Draw an angel in the snow. (drawing you) Being back hugged by you whilst you’d dive your hands in my pockets because you feel cold.

Doing a snowman.

Throwing snowballs at each other.

Playing endlessly. Until you ask me to stop because I won. (let me dream, okay?)

I want all these things to happen. I want it so bad.

 Yours until the end,

I remember old days. When everything was perfect.

I was lacking of something.

You.

I wanted you to hug me. To tell me how much you needed me.

Oh gosh, I’m still here, in love.

I remember that day when you told me you wanted to climb on my shoulders.

If I can be the reason why you stop crying, I would do anything for you.

Don’t feel shy to ask me anything. ‘Cause there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for you.

You’re my only one.

 Yours until the end,

Standing alone in the streets. And then you appeared.

You were there. And you were looking at me.

I thought I would die of happiness when I saw you.

I melted.

I felt my heart shatter. Overwhelmed by the urge of touching you. Were you a dream? A ghost of my past?

How can you be mine? How can you still love me?

If I’m dreaming, I don’t want to ever wake up. This is the best dream of my life. I fell for you the day you looked at me.

Yours until the end,

Crying in pain.

Yelling in vain. 

Overwhelmed.

Flooded. 

Can’t help but to cry. Cry. Cry. Oh cry. Your love is struggling me. 

I want it to stop. To last forever.

Why am I so confused? Why can’t I move on?

Stop it now. Chose for me. Tell me. 

This is too much. Your love is an overdose. Bip. Bip. Bip.  

 Yours until the end,