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Faking it can only get you so far. Hard work and sheer force of will won't magically pay your bills. My husband lost his job, our financial anchor, the same week I left mine to work full time at my business. It's been 3 weeks and I've been calm about it, confident that we'd make it work somehow. We cannot make it work. I don't see how we're going to pay our own bills let alone make the necessary investments to open the dance school by September 12th. I'm embarrassed that we can't seem to get out of financial turmoil despite my best efforts and that I've dug us deeper into this pit with my idealism and ambition. I've been approved for a $10,000 grant but won't see that capital until October or November. I can't get approved for any loan, even one with crazy high interest, to hold me over until then. Borrowing money from family comes with a high emotional price and my pride and independence will do almost anything to avoid that. Meanwhile my husband is acting like nothing's wrong. It's so cliche but I feel desperately alone. I rowed myself to a deserted island without supplies and destroyed my boat and now I'm whining about it. I need to talk to someone but don't want to bug my, like, 3 remaining friends.

It is not enough to find your passion you must fight for it too defend your right to crackle with intensity beware the gusts of distraction and the erosion of your spark that can happen when you’re not looking and when the muse ignores your plea become a warrior that beats the deadness away for this is your real quest anyway to drink in the tiny changes that can take an average life and make it thunder with joy. -Samantha Reynolds

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