Badass Id Trip

Part IV

If the light goes out before I get home, just lay your head down Don’t you cry, this ain’t goodbye We just need a little time right now I never would have thought writin’ part three that I would be here Thirty years old with a beat clear as day in my ear You’ll never hear, and I fear the words won’t leave the page But it’s okay; I just got some things I wanna say A record laced with the venom tears asunder the love It’s better to write a letter and then crumple it up So what the fuck, here we go, lemme tell you a story Ten years later, call the paper, ‘cause it’s J Theory 4, B Now last we spoke, I was smokin’ like a chimney it seems And parts one two and three, they had somethin’ of a theme The BCC, that’s right man, we were livin’ the dream And I never would have dreamed that they would all up and leave New York, Florida, Indiana, or just right down the street Just far enough to give up and cede to Tennessee And look at me, still here in ol’ BCo, MD Reloading these pill bottles so I can go to sleep

And if the light goes out before I get home, just lay your head down Don’t you cry, this ain’t goodbye We just need a little time right now

Man, back in the day, death wasn’t even fuckin’ real to me Had all the time in the world, we had the world at our feet But since, I’ve held how many caskets? Man I don’t even know And the worst was the one I could carry on my own We’ve had so many funerals that I just stopped goin’ Like what I can’t see won’t hurt me, keep the good times rollin’ But this fantasy has shadows and in my heart I know it Time won’t slow, there is no stopping where we are going “How did I get here?” You been here! Remember, ya lout? God I miss Will so bad, wish I could see him right now Head to the house, dap him up, and then sit on the couch Turn one out, get so loud that his mom puts us out Tell him how much I love him over a Milwaulkee’s Best Light But if Maxx had done what he did, I’d be locked up for life Yet not a night goes by that I don’t think of the days  When it was just us five, with just the world in our way Making plans, and a pact to be our kids’ godfathers And savin’ up the scratch for the van with the jolly roger Now as I hear the kids out in the courtyard playin’ I think that maybe my mother isn’t so crazy for prayin’

And if the light goes out before I get home, just lay your head down Don’t you cry, this ain’t goodbye We just need a little time right now

I got such love in my heart for Amanda and Keith And Will and Maxx, Blake Rd, Center and Varnum St Despite the fissures man I wish that I could let ‘em all know I wish they’d get their shit together and just come back home But there are splinters and this winter isn’t holdin’ its breath A cold wind blows and I know that it’s time to head west And invest in the heir who will inherit the throne  I should have known all along where the narrative’s goin’ Sometimes a generation doesn’t make it so far But they give all that they are so the next can evolve I got potential I wasted when I was younger I guess But if it’s what got me here, well then fuck it, I been blessed I was less than a man when I was twenty years old On the seventh of November, addicted, fat, and alone Unemployed, uninspired, unsure if I should go on I sure as fuck didn’t care who was callin’ on the phone It was Maxx- I should have answered but my mom did instead And guess what? That pact? It’s time to enact it, he said A month later I’m in love man, head over heels Makin’ excuses to go over Maxx and Kristin’s. The wheels On the bus went round and round, from the C8 to J Four hours down, and then walk my ass the rest of the way Guess you could say, in a way, I was born on that day My saving grace, S. Grace, write it down on the grave Of every alter ego that I had before Uncle J From DooM and Reaper back to J N/A and Capital K True delinquents, each, in their own schizophrenic way And I get more afraid than when I step with my right leg That every day I’m away is a right waste But life is a tight race; a marathon, I face And I've come too far and done too much to up my pace And finishin’ what I start’s an example that I lace And lock, and intertwine, in with the times That I tirelessly strive to imprint on her mind To remind on the nights when she’s tired and scared, these Six hundred ninety-five miles are temporary And there’ll be a day when goodbye’s just ‘til tomorrow But until the place where my heart is is called home I’ll carry the weight and ride alone on this dark road And if I’m delayed, I will call and let her know That if the sun goes down before I get there don’t lay your head down I’ll be by, I’m sorry I Had a little trouble gettin’ into town I told ‘em

Find me another flight and get my ass up in the air right now I don’t care why The plane that I’m supposed to be on is still on the ground And if they tell me no I’ll get in my car and drive all damn night on 81 South We’re out of time To wait for life to bring us back together so now

I’m taking matters

Because if you don’t learn from it, what’s the point. Let’s do this thing.

1. What did you do in 2014 that you’d never done before? Got my fork minutes.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Yes. This year’s is make $60,000, and have a lower bodyfat% next year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes.

5. What countries did you visit? Honestly, I don’t know why this question is on here. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

6. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014? Decent medical care.

7. What date from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? July 10, when my wife and I decided to separate.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Coming out of my four month long alcohol binge just long enough to win the Ohlympics and VBC on back to back days. 

9. What was your biggest failure? Not knowing. 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Illness in January, injury in December. Bookends lol

11. What was the best thing you bought? A 2014 Camaro. And then I promptly crashed it. So I bought it again. Let me tell you, modern safety features are worth every cent that car depreciates when you drive it off the lot.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Mom and dad. Mike. Kate. Aunt Rose. Mike, Corey, TJ, and Rodney at work. Sakura, who cannot possibly be *** ******* ** **** *** *******. Ann and Joe.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? All of Stephanie’s friends and family. Hooper. 

14. Where did most of your money go? Here and there. Nothing noteworthy. Mostly because of support we got in February- that could have been dicey.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? SURGE.

16. What song will always remind you of 2014? A Day To Remember- End of Me

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. Happier or sadder? Happier, probably. Not that this wasn’t the worst year of my life. There was just a lot coming to a head that got uncorked in February. So compared to this time last year, I have like nothing bottled up. I’ve also learned a lot about myself and taken steps to be more self-sufficient, so my self-image is pretty good right now too.

ii. Thinner or fatter? Fatter. Can’t win ‘em all.

iii. richer or poorer? Financial outlook is less bleak, put it that way.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Working out

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Running red lights.

21. Who is your back up plan if you’re not married by the time you are 30? Nicol Bolas

22. Did you fall in love in 2014? That’s a complicated question.

24. What was your favorite TV program? Game of Thrones. SoA finished a strong second.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Yup, and they all have the same last name.

26. What was the best book you read? Don’t think I read any books this year.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? A Day To Remember

28. What did you want and get? SURGE. A Camaro. 

30. What was your favorite film of this year? Interstellar.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I spent my first annual 29th birthday cleaning the apartment.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Immeasurably? Just the obvious answer.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014? Frugal.

34. What kept you sane? Alcohol. 

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Taylor Swift

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Probably the budding race war.

37. Who did you miss? Stephanie.

38. Who was the best new person you met? Rodney. I’ve worked with the guy for six years, but we were never really friends.

And to the surprise of no one:

100 Taste of My Scythe Children of Bodom

99 Bangarang Skrillex 

98 Earth Stopped Cold at Dawn Hootie And The Blowfish

97 Through Glass Stone Sour

96 Reborn Stone Sour

95 Headstrong Trapt

94 Hate Not Gone Stone Sour

93 Make Me Bad Korn

92 Jesus of Suburbia Green Day

91 Miracle Mile Soul Asylum

90 Ms. Jackson Outkast

89 Cheeseburger In Paradise Jimmy Buffett

88 How's It Going To Be Third Eye Blind

87 No Surrender Bruce Springsteen

86 Innocence Halestorm

85 From Can To Can't The Sound City Players

84 The Last of the Real Stone Sour

83 Iris Goo Goo Dolls

82 Paschendale Iron Maiden

81 Lost My Way Finger Eleven

80 Dani California Red Hot Chili Peppers

79 Shut Down Soul Asylum

78 Crushed Limp Bizkit

77 Disasterpiece Slipknot

76 Crazy Train Ozzy Osbourne

75 Troublesome '96 Tupac Shakur

74 Home Again Stone Sour 73 Rocket Queen Guns N' Roses

72 Left Behind Slipknot

71 The Bleeding Five Finger Death Punch

70 Sing For The Moment Eminem

69 Oxygen Soul Asylum

68 Drift Away Dobie Gray

67 '82 Stone Sour

66 Psychosocial Slipknot

65 Love Isn't Always Fair Black Veil Brides

64 Without A Trace Soul Asylum

63 Zephyr Song Red Hot Chili Peppers

62 Clint Eastwood Gorillaz

61 Free Powerman5000

60 Epic Faith No More

59 For Whom The Bell Tolls Metallica

58 Metro System of a Down

57 Pompeii Bastille

56 Inner Vision System of a Down

55 Stillborn Black Label Society f/ Ozzy Osbourne

54 Breaking The Law Judas Priest

53 69 Tea Seether

52 Bullet In My Hand Redlight King

51 S.I.N. Ozzy Osbourne

50 Omaha Counting Crows

49 Levitate Hollywood Undead

48 Ghosts of Past Failures Shadows Fall

47 The Distance Cake

46 Fire And Rain James Taylor

45 Walking In Memphis Marc Cohn

44 How Can I Live Ill Nino

43 Take A Number Stone Sour

42 With You Linkin Park

41 Drops Of Jupiter Train

40 She's Only 18 Red Hot Chili Peppers

39 30/30-150 Stone Sour

38 Cartoon Soul Asylum

37 It's Not My Time 3 Doors Down

36 House of Doom Black Label Society

35 Hanging By a Moment Lifehouse

34 A Blinding Light Blackguard

33 Bittersweetheart Soul Asylum

32 The Leaving Song Pt.2 AFI

31 Tired Stone Sour

30 At The End of August 36 Crazyfists

29 The Freshmen The Verve Pipe 28 Stupify Disturbed 27 Pills, Demons, & Etc Velvet Revolver

26 Whiskey Lullaby Brad Paisley f/ Alison Krauss

25 When I'm Gone 3 Doors Down 24 Anywhere But Here Five Finger Death Punch & Maria Brink

23 Renegade Jay-Z f/ Eminem

22 Stand R.E.M.

21 Banned From Heaven Children of Bodom

20 Fine Again Seether

19 How Bizarre OMC

18 Always Saliva

17 I Disappear Metallica

16 Runaway Train Soul Asylum 15 Lights Ellie Goulding

14 Say You'll Haunt Me Stone Sour

13 One Step Closer Linkin Park

12 Bottom of a Bottle Smile Empty Soul