…

The annoying fact to me is also that I am very aware that they are gonna be talking about me in some group chat or something and hopefully they STAY tf away from me because they do seem like they care but they wanna care from a distance but try to be there profusely for someone who I told yall hurt me. That goes for Santi and the ravers, like I can respect that yall are friends and everything and I do appreciate the kindness and compliments but those are a dime a dozen when yall don’t even check up on me when I’ve reach out AND have been down as fuck in addition to yall can respect the fact that because of yalls relation to someone who hurt me so bad I don’t respect yall as friends…they will always be his. They care but they want to CARE FROM A FAR. and to pretty much blow smoke up my ass and say “we were asking if anyone heard from you!?” Like when. Looking back on it CAIT was the only one to reach out to me and check in and not only that but talk about OTHER things rather than my ex. And looking back on it now maybe I was rowdy and a bit abrasive but I cannot apologize for having fun and celebrating my victories this week ! Especially when the vibe was clearly I just wanted to be with my other friends since yall don’t seem to care PLUS I know them from elementary school so I just wanna turn up with my boys and did just that! Can’t apologize for celebrating the wins and success to new beginning DURING a retrograde but I did overdo it and I need to remain humble and grateful as just as things fell apart and came back together, they can fall apart again! But they can talk about me and I as much as I mind being the subject of their convos, if that’s what it takes to sever ties with him and be done than I must!

Definitely said some things I regretted tonight but it truly came from a hurt place as I have yet to get an actual apology for the what happened with my ex! I am truly not expecting this to be a big deal but I will say that I said “my ex is locked up how could I not be outside!” To one of our mutual friends And he said that that was his friend so not too much… I think he had a really bad trip though and over did it so maybe that was the least of his worries? I do know that it might be brought up though and we will have to just wait and see to be honest! I feel like although yes I am winning and succeeding there is such a thing as possibly overdoing it…. Tonight I think EVERYONE got the point whether it be friend or foe and I truly am doing better off ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I also said that’s what happens when you leave an unhealthy relationship to two of the close friends and I lowkey do think I may have been rude? That being said and looking back on it now.. I HAVE reached out and I’ve been the one left out to dry so it’s truly like what the fuck!?? Yall said you were friends and “not picking sides” but I’m over here getting ignored for months on end by numerous people..oh ok… so I am apologetic for saying what I said but again it did come from a very hurt place as I was left to hang and dry… regardless I had such a BLAST tonight and was so happy to be surrounded by old and good ass friends! They also told me that I looked amazing and everything which helped the ego a lot ngl so a win is a win

MY EX GOT ARRESTED LMAOOOOOO

My life sucks so bad. I’m fr about to just give up

Idgaf what this retrograde has in store for me or anyone else. I WILL be making a comeback and getting my life together. I currently have an interview at QT and will be getting my ID very very replaced super soon! Finally things are starting to look up and I will continue to lay low until my things are in order and I can fully say that I am on track to where I want to be. Until then I’m going to keep it pushing and do the best I can at being me and obtaining my goals

Set a time limit on social media apps because I truly feel it draining my core. All the fraudulence, the faking, the seeing my ex, the pointless swipe ups, the political state of the world and even pop crave news is just so annoying and overwhelming. Truly taking a break I think until my birthday because I fr just want to be done with all that shit, focus on myself and get signed, get this degree and become successful. I’m done with it all and so over it and honestly NTTV is really showing me that I need to start standing on business and standing up for myself. I’m so over everything and I legit only want to talk to like 3 people these days….

Lowkey about to cry because why has my brother been my rock during this whole thing. Literally checks on me to make sure I’m okay, lets me talk my shit, smokes me out, buys me vapes and literally lets me call him “girl” like he’s one of my friends. It’s so crazy that 3 years ago we were fighting and I straight up got my ass beat by him and here we are today. I love him so much and appreciate him dearly

Genuinely do not think I will make it to age 30 🙏🏽

Like it so intriguing to me that my life is so fucked. Literally everything that has gone wrong in my life these past couple of weeks has absolutely gone wrong. Even when there’s a light of hope for me, my day consistently cannot help but have miserable events throughout it. The only thing that hasn’t occurred is me getting shot or arrested but shit, who fucking knows these days anyways

Even though I a free from the shackles and responsibilities of that relationship it is still running its course. Individuals continue to update me on his life and he already has a tindr again as if he’s been itching to get out anyways. Reviewing everything and truly still processing everything is hard but extremely necessary which I can proudly say I am actively taking the time to do to make sure that I am good for my own sake. He continues to distract himself clearly and all of sudden has money to go on trips every weekend and numerous raves but couldn’t even get us chilis. It’s heartbreaking knowing that he was completely capable of doing everything I wanted him too and more but he willing chose not to. It’s hard admitting he was my first love when his actions after the math is truly making me feel embarrassed for even loving someone like that. Even to the very end I feel like he’s going to fuck me over and play in my face with tickets he pretty much said he felt inclined to give me after everything. I miss his cats most of all but I truly miss the company and feeling like old happy self again. I know nothing will be the same and I’m taking precautions to make sure that I don’t make the same mistakes and become the best me I can be but I am genuinely stuck in limbo right now and still in emotional conflict trying to navigate everything. In addition his traveling and seeing/doing that I’ve expressed I wanted to do are beyond disgusting to me and hurt extensively

One week clean from the mess of a man that cheated on me and I’m honestly feeling a lot better. The pain still lingers but the hurt is less and even with this hole in my chest, rather than pretending it’s not there I am embracing the feelings and letting them pass. Today I am to receive a letter from him along with the things I have left at his place and I am truly scared for how I will react upon reading the mess but I know deep down I am so happy that this is over. TMI but the hardest part is becoming intimate with myself again as I am scared I will be triggered and think of him with my good out and start crying. Other than that I feel like I am on a good path towards becoming the best me I can possibly be!!