get in the bin

These three fucking legends

your heart is a muscle the size of a rat

SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS

This is what I woke up to at 7 am

We’ll never reach this level of comedy again… :(

sometimes i forget i have depression and it’s like why does everyone else seem fine with being alive

the only genuinely funny people on this bitch of an earth are either eldest siblings, people with bastard dads, or gays

if you’re all three, you’re more powerful than any of the rest of us will ever be

there’s something so satisfying about umbrellas that just immediately pop open when you press a button.. so suave.. so sexy.. watch me open my umbrella and shield myself from the rain in one swift movement and tell me that’s not smooth. not hot. you can’t. because it was SO sexy

i’m never hotter than when i just pop open my umbrella and casually swing it to my shoulder. that’s peak me baby. never gonna be any cooler than that

fellas are diss tracks gay

i feel morally&legally obligated to spread the good gospel about billharry but i don’t want anyone to make the false assumption that i give a shit about h*rry p*tter 

i think about this every time i use tinder

this is how my cat lets me know his bowl is empty

hoooOw dare you detective diaz i am your supIORIOR OFFICER! (BONE!!!!)whathappensinmybedroomdetectiveis none of your business (!boOoOoNE?!) dont, ever, speak to me like that again.

I’ve already reblogged this scene but the last comment is a masterclass in punctuation and vocal emphasis.

this is how i want to die