Back Up There

The thing about “living the dream” is that dreams end, right? You wake up. The alarm goes, or your brain just moves on and the dream stops or changes or something.

Charlie’s dream, since he was, like, eight, was to play in goal for the Iron Wolves. Playing for the senior team was obviously a one-day thing, he’d got years of growing to do, he’d have to work his way up through the age groups and the lower leagues, but it was always what he wanted to do. There was a period of a couple of months when it felt like the dream was much closer, watching the starter from the U18s sitting on the bench as the flu ripped through the team. Charlie insisted that his gear had to be in the car when they went to watch Iron Wolves games, just in case things got really bad and they needed the U12 backup to step in, he’d be ready - until Matt managed to give him a reality check from his lofty position as a third line forward on the U14s, in the way only an older brother could do.

The dream did come true, though. Charlie was sixteen when the call came to dress for the seniors, after Jamie Gardner’s girlfriend went into labour on a weekend when the lower league seniors also had games, and Charlie was the best bet to keep the bench warm.

He did it again three weeks later, when Kyle Davenport contracted food poisoning, and on the second game of the weekend Gardner ended up twisted between the post and 220 pounds of opposing player, and Charlie had to play the third period.

They didn’t win, but his save percentage was better than Gardner’s, so. The dream.

And then he went back to the U18s, and six weeks into the next season Gardner had a screaming row with Coach about ice time, and Charlie was suddenly the official back up to Kyle Davenport.

But that was two years ago, and he’s still here.

On the bench.

Backing up Kyle, who almost never missed a game.

*

[February 2018]

“Where’s your mum, Lolly?” Craig’s looking around for Chelsea, and then realises that Dieter’s obviously heading right for them.

Lolly shakes her head, because she knows that Chelsea’s not there, but Craig’s half a step ahead. “Is this your dad?” He crouches down to Lolly’s height and points to Dieter.

Dieter braces himself for the usual round of explanations, but Lolly just nods, diverting the thumb that she was probably about to put in her mouth despite Chelsea’s efforts to get her to break that habit and reaches out for Dieter to pick her up.

“Hi, Mäuschen. Have you had fun?” He settles her on his hip and she grabs hold of the back of his hoodie, pulling the neckline against his throat.

“Ja.” Lolly buried her face against his shoulder, and Dieter tugs his collar back into a position that allows him to breathe, making eye contact with Craig as he does so. Craig looks like he’s been in Dieter’s position many times.

One day Lolly will be too heavy for this. One day she’ll be too grown up to want him to pick her up. She starts school in September.

“Are you going to say bye to George?” Dieter bounces Lolly a little to make her look up. 

“Bye George.”

“Finley!” Craig’s looking past Dieter into the crowd of kids. “Your dad’s here!”

Dieter turns around to find Finley. Finley’s looking confused, probably because he hasn’t seen his dad in over a year so far as Dieter knows, but then he sees Dieter and Lolly and he smiles and comes running over.

“I got one for Lolly too!” 

Dieter doesn’t ask one what? because Finley’s already passing him two plastic bags despite Dieter’s hands being full with Lolly. It’s probably more cake, as if they hadn’t had enough sugar already.

“Thank you for inviting us.” Finley covers being polite for both himself and his sister. Dieter’s proud of him.

“You’re very welcome.” Craig smiles, and then nods to Dieter and turns away to make sure that the rest of the kids are allocated to the correct parents.

“Ready?” Dieter checks with Finley. “Where’s your coat?”

Lolly’s tired enough that she lets Dieter carry her all the way to the car and do her seatbelt for her. Finley’s been chattering about the party all the way across the car park, but as he’s doing up his own seatbelt he suddenly switches topic mid sentence.

“Can we call you Dad?”

Dieter has no idea how to answer that. Chelsea should probably have some input here.

“Because you do all the dad things,” Finley continues, oblivious, “and when Timothy’s dad said my dad was here I’m glad it was you and not my real dad.”

“Uh...” 

“Papa.” Lolly interrupts, sleepily. “Deets ist Papa.”

Finley glances at his sister. “Okay. Then we always know it’s you and not any of our other dads.” He thinks for a moment. “Although I might call you Dad when my friends are there because it’s easier.”

Dieter’s still frozen to the spot.

“Can we go home now? I want to tell Mum about the party. Dad?”

“Papa!” Lolly corrects, on course for the early stages of a meltdown, and Dieter quickly shuts her door and gets into the front of the car. He still feels a tiny bit nervous when he’s driving the kids around, he’s only had his full licence for five weeks and he’s extra careful whenever he’s got Finley or Lolly with him.

The kids know that they have to be really quiet when Dieter’s driving, even if they don’t understand why. Sometimes it’s actually more unnerving, to have them be quiet.

Dieter’s just hoping that Lolly doesn’t fall asleep. If she naps now she won’t go to bed later.

“Bist du noch wach, Mäuschen?” There’s a sleepy ja from the back seat, which doesn't mean anything because she says that in her sleep sometimes anyway. “Mäuschen?”

“Ja, Papa.”

[December 2017]

Dieter has been asleep for a maximum of five minutes when the bedroom door creaks open.

Maybe if he stays very still they’ll go away again.

“Mummy!” Lolly’s still not great at whispering. “Mummy!”

Chelsea tenses next to Dieter. They don’t need to make eye contact or even acknowledge being awake to share the thought pattern. Is it something that will resolve itself if they ignore her, like I-can’t-sleep or is-it-time-to-get-up-yet-?, or is it something that actually needs their input, like I-had-a-bad-dream or I-need-the-toilet?

Dieter still thinks that if Lolly can find the toilet at home, and she can find Dieter and Chelsea’s bedroom at Nan’s house, then she can find the toilet at Nan’s house too, but apparently you’re not allowed to apply logic to children at night.

They weren’t expecting a great night’s sleep, because they had to wait for overexcited children to go to bed and actually stay there before they could do stockings, and it was after midnight by the time they actually got into bed themselves, and it’s Christmas so it’s really understandable that Finley and Lolly won’t sleep in, but Dieter was hoping to last past…

“MUMMY!”

Nobody should be able to whisper that loud. He gives up and checks the time. 

Five thirty.

Ugh.

Dieter moved, though, and that makes him target #1 now.

“Deets? Deets!”

“Was willst du?” Dieter’s not doing English before 7am except in emergencies. This is not an emergency.

“Santa’s been!”

Dieter is well aware that Santa has been, because he helped to make sure the stockings were in the right places before he went to bed, five hours ago.

The stockings will still be there in an hour, or an hour and a half. Some more sleep would be an ideal Christmas gift.

The door creaks again, and Dieter lifts his head enough to see Finley standing in the doorway.

He drops his head back onto the pillow in frustration.

“Deets is awake.” Lolly whispers. “Mummy’s still asleep.”

Mummy is not still asleep, the big faker. Dieter pinches Chelsea, but she’s so good at this that she doesn’t even flinch.

There won’t be the same magic for much longer, she’d said last night, most of the way through her second glass of wine. Finley’s going to figure it out soon, or some kid at school is going to spoil it, and I think he’ll pretend for Lolly but it won’t be the same. This might be the last year that they both really believe.

“Deets! Santa’s been!” As if maybe he didn’t hear her the first time.

[October 2017]

Deets’ phone buzzes in his pocket. It’s Chelsea.

Just finished work. Want me to pick you up on the way home? x

He texts back a thumbs up and the name of the bar.

Be there in ten mins. x

“That the boss?” Mickey takes the opportunity to redirect the chirping towards Deets.

“Yes.” Deets isn’t ashamed of his relationship. All these guys will go home to their house shares or their parents and he’s going home like an adult with his girl to their kids. “I have a lift home.”

“Boo.” Kiaran points at him, more aggressively than he intends to, probably. “Skipping out on us.”

“Yes.” Deets is going to be smug about it, too, because now he’s not going to be responsible for making sure that the drunk rookie gets home to bed safe. That can be Seth and Monty’s problem, they live with Kiaran. “Sorry, boys. Have to get home for the babysitter.”

The babysitter is Chelsea’s mum, and she’s not actually going to leave right away anyway, but if he’s got to play the boring grownup he’s going to milk it.

His phone buzzes again. Here x

Deets finishes his beer - which was pretty good, actually, he took a photo of the label so he can remember it - and stands up. “Later, losers.”

[August 2017]

The point is that Dieter isn’t the rookie any more. He’s practically a veteran.

Addy actually laughs at him for being a grown-up all of a sudden. And okay, maybe it is a big change from who he was when he first moved to England and didn’t understand how to work the washing machine without his Mama to show him, but that’s what happens when you get into a relationship with somebody who’s got kids.

[April 2016]

“I should really go home.” Chelsea makes no effort to move. “It’ll be really late by the time the next game finishes, and I’m not looking forward to carrying the kids upstairs when I get back.”

“Stay.” Dieter looks vaguely surprised, like he hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

Chelsea casts a wary glance at her brothers, who look like they’re trying not to laugh.

“This isn’t going to finish until, like, two, or something. And I have to get the kids back in the car, and drive home, and get them into bed…”

She sounds like she wants to be talked into staying.

“You’re welcome to crash here, if you like.” Seb issues the invitation so that Dieter doesn’t need to. “The kids are already settled.”

“This is a pretty comfortable sofa.” Josh chips in, mostly teasing.

“I will sleep on the sofa.” Dieter’s firm on that point. Seb’s just amused by Josh’s expression, torn between protecting his baby sister from any possible advances, no matter how well meant and regardless of whether or not she wants them, and chirping his rookie teammate for being a gentleman.

[November 2015]

When Seb and Deets turn up, Finley goes up to the counter with Seb to “help”, and Deets drops into the space next to Jamie and smiles at Lolly.

We’re* 4-0 up at the end of the first period so the opposing team have sent out their spare goalie for the second and it’s only GORDIE