From Caroline's Desk

Well, there's a... funny story about that.

As I'm sure you remember, a few years ago Aperture introduced a new line of "scientific culinary supplements," and a series of cookbooks to go with them. Actually it was my suggestion -- introducing practical science to a whole new demographic of housewives and homemakers by relating it to what they already know. After all, these women are already doing high-level chemistry every time they step into the kitchen. It's about time someone told them so. And of course appealing to a new demographic opens a lucrative new market opportunity --

Anyway. We were so excited about this new line of products that we prepared an investors' banquet with them to show them off. However, due to a number of oversights that people were later fired for, not everything was properly tested before it went onto the serving trays, which led to some... unfortunate results. The chicken salad got particularly explosive.

This is an Aperture Science Protocol Announcement:

Look alive, employees! Our annual surprise health inspection is coming up! To make sure we're fully prepared for our government guests, every department will have a mandatory screening of Aperture's instructional video, "OSHA and You." In addition, here are a few important reminders to keep this visit happy and safe for everyone:

Inspection day is nothing to worry about. After all, health inspectors are people, too -- they can get lost or injured like anyone else. For their safety, all inspectors will be escorted by an Aperture Safety Tour Associate. If you see an inspector not accompanied by a Tour Associate, do not speak to them. Instead, take note of their location and alert your supervisor immediately. Supervisors will take appropriate security measures. 

If you do find yourself in a room with an inspector, do not speak unless asked a direct question. You'll find a list of acceptable answers in your "OSHA and You" employee handbook. If a question cannot be answered with any of these, say only, "I have to check with my supervisor."

Should an incident occur, first secure the area, then notify Emergency Services and follow the usual procedure. Should an incident occur that may impact the inspection for any reason, notify Emergency Services to report a top-priority health-related situation. Let me repeat that: a top-priority health-related situation. An emergency team and cleanup crew will be sent immediately.

And of course, on this very special one day a year, we will put a temporary hold on all Class-A and Class-B Human Subject Testing. All other tests, including Class-C Human Subject Testing, should proceed as scheduled. If your lab only performs Class-A or -B Human Testing, congratulations! It's Animal Testing Day! Please send a representative from your lab down to Animal Behavioral Studies to pick up your furry new friends, plus a case of appropriately-sized testing jumpsuits.

Remember, these rules are in place for everyone's safety. By following them, you help ensure that we all have a pleasant inspection. After all, science rhymes with compliance! 

I love science. That's really what it comes down to. I've always loved science. Learning the way the world is put together, using that knowledge to shape the world ourselves -- it's like magic.

Of course as a woman who doesn't come from money I never got the chance to be a real scientist, and I was heartbroken over that, but when I saw Aperture's hiring ad in the paper I about died. I'd been following them in the news for ages -- not much goes on out here in rural Michigan, so when a science facility moved in next door the whole county took notice. Anything at Aperture became the talk of the town. I'd dreamed of going there ever since they opened. And going for a job interview? I almost didn't care if I got it. I felt lucky just to step in the door. 

If you've never been to the facility in person, it's... it's honestly the most incredible place on earth. It's like walking into a palace. Some of the rooms are so big you forget you're underground. We pump in natural light from the surface, so even five kilometers down you can feel the real sun on your face. And so much happens here. You can feel the place bursting with life. People rushing back and forth, discoveries being made, tests being run... 

Greetings, fellow science enthusiasts, and welcome to Aperture Science Innovators! My name is Caroline, and I'll be answering your questions today

(Oh boy, I'm already out of things to say. How does he keep this up?)

I'm the assistant to our CEO here at Aperture -- I'm sure you know all about Mr. Johnson -- and he enjoys his pre-recorded messages so much that he told me to make a few of my own. I don't have much to talk about, myself, but I'd be happy to answer any questions you may have regarding Aperture or anything else that comes to mind. Just leave your inquiries here on my desk and I'll get to them as soon as possible. 

I suppose that's all for now. This is Caroline, signing off.