Chemical Induced Fantasy

And hence, from a young age you have learned the fact that you are introverted - someone who is bad at communicating, making friends, talking about her needs and someone who preferred staying at home instead of mingling with people of her age. It doesn’t need to be said that society has labeled you as an outcast - and you never had a problem with it. 

Being incredibly good at studies has earned you positions made out of pure respect. You have been a favorite of teachers and even students who have received help from you in one way or another. So fortunately, you never got bullied, never in school, never in university and now… never in your workplace. 

With your score and achievements everyone expected you to join medical school - but something about technology has pulled you towards it. When you completed your degree in CSE with the record high score the country has ever seen - you had a swarm of scouting agents waiting for you everyday right outside your home. 

High paying jobs abroad looked tempting but only in theory. You, a person who never even did good with her own people in her own country, can hardly adjust in a different place with people talking in a different language and having different cultural values. So you opted for the best option you could find here - Haechi-Tech, an antivirus and digital security service provider. The best in the market not only in services but also in satisfaction rate among employees. 

It has been more than five years now. After being posted at one of the smaller offices in Daejeon, you were recently transferred to the headquarters in Seoul a year ago. And it is not to be said that you are keeping up with your aesthetics here as well. 

Being incredibly good at your job has made you talk in the company, and has earned you respect not only from your immediate superiors but also from the CEO and Chairman themselves. But then again… people only talk about you, not to you. 

Most of the time you don’t feel bad. But when you find your colleagues’ insta stories full of beer glasses and each others’ face - it hurts you a little. 

After a long day, you too, want to have a nice chat with someone. You, too, want to get drunk until you can’t recall your own name and not having someone to do that with you, pinches your insides a little for sure. 

Now saying that you don’t have a single friend will be wrong - you do have a single friend in this company and that said friend is also the person you have the fattest crush on. 

Although you are aware of all the ethical nuisance that are implemented in the course of office romance - you are also hundred percent sure that what you have for Taehyung will never be reciprocated, so you don’t resist yourself from feeling and falling for him. 

Kim Taehyung is the heartthrob of Haechi. He is the local celebrity of your company and almost everyone here has a crush on him (regardless of age and gender). 

If you call him handsome, it will be an understatement. He is crafted by the Greek gods themselves - he is magnificent by the way he looks, by the way he talks, by the way he walks and by the way he just exists. 

Alongside his face, his personality is just as nice. He talks to everyone as if he has personally known them for years and yet doesn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable. He becomes the center of attention wherever he goes, unlike you who tends to get unnoticed unless her achievements are mentioned. 

So in short, you and Taehyung are poles apart. And when you first saw him, your world tilted sideways just a little just like everyone else. But you never surrounded him like everyone does. You stayed at a distance, minding your own business. 

But both Taehyung and life had different plans as it seems. 

“Hey, you are in the development team, right?” the voice came from somewhere behind you. It was familiar yet unknown. The baritone edge brushed right against the skin of your neck.

The coffee machine suddenly felt like a rocket ship - too out of your reach, you forgot how to operate it. You gulped, staring down at it as if it would be stimulated just by your eyes and started working right away.

“I am talking to you, Y/N.” Suddenly the source of the voice got closer. And even before you knew it, he was right beside you.

“Are you ignoring me?” Taehyung’s head popped up on the empty spot above the machine, startling you out of your wits. With a yelp, you jumped back, knocking your one foot on another. Nothing could save you then from the amount of embarrassment you were about to suffer from. But right when you were about to fall ass-first on the floor, Taehyung grabbed you by both of your arms and pulled you closer to him. You stood straight, but hell, so freaking close to him.

The look in his eyes was menacing. A subtle, playful smirk accompanied the overall pleased look of his face.

“Than-thanks.” your voice came out breathy. There was so much going on inside your head that you didn’t know which one to address first.

“Oh, so you are finally acknowledging my presence then?” he asked, as you started standing on your own.

“I am sorry, uh- I didn’t think you would talk to me.” Going back to your coffee, you looked away. Although you could still feel his touch lingering on your skin.

“And why is that?” Taehyung came to stand right beside you. Your shoulder brushed against his upper arm. 

It was a completely new realm for you - having someone’s entire attention to yourself, especially when it’s not something work related. 

“No.. I mean… I am, what people call, an outcast here. And you are really popular. It’s a shock for me to learn that you know my name.” Shrugging, you took a sip of your coffee.  

“You are not an outcast.” His voice suddenly turned deeper, “if you were I would not be coming here to invite you to my birthday party.” 

What? He was inviting you to his birthday party? An unofficial schedule? 

“Give me your phone.” Taehyung continued, you only stared at his face like a deer caught in headlights, “come on, Y/N.” he nudged you with his elbow, leaving no other choice but to take out your phone from your pocket, unlock it and place it in his hands. 

Taehyung typed something in it and his own phone started vibrating. With a sigh you just accepted the fact that he exchanged his number with you. 

“I will text you the address. See you tomorrow?” He gave you a wild boxy smile, making your heart skip a beat. 

“Taehyung-ssi, I appreciate the invitation but I am not… I don’t feel comfortable amid unknown people. So, I might not attend the party. I hope you don’t mind.” No matter how big of a crush you had on the man, you were not going to come out of your comfort zone so easily. 

Taehyung stopped in his tracks, stared at you for a while and then smiled even bigger, “then… How about you go to that new ice-cream shop with me after work today?” 

“What?” 

“You heard me, Y/N.” 

His warm chocolate brown eyes looked down at you as if he could read your every single fear word by word. 

“Will you have a small ice cream date with me? Just say yes or no.” 

Your heart thumped inside your chest. Date? Why was he calling that a date? Why… 

“Yes.” you replied, taking a leap of fate. 

“Good and call me Tae. My friends don’t call me by my full name.” he smiled, taking your breath away. 

Friend? You were his friend? 

“Okay.” you nodded. 

And that’s how it started. 

The one ice cream date became several, then turned into real dinners over office gossip. His Texts started flooding your phone soon as well, which turned into calls and then weekend grocery shopping. 

After a really long time you were experiencing a new friendship bloom in your territory. It felt nice, it felt good - although your brain sent you red alerts each time your heart expanded twice the size under Taehyung’s gaze. 

It was a crush. It was just a crush, it will go away in time, you told yourself again and again. Even though Taehyung’s place in your life started being way too vast to calibrate. 

Fast forward to now, ten months later - Taehyung and you are good friends. 

While he is friends with every other employee of your workplace, you know you hold a special place amid everyone. The knowledge always warms you up from inside. But you try to keep yourself humble. You try not to think that there’s a chance of your feelings being reciprocated. 

You try not to ponder upon the chances of Taehyung liking you back no matter how much he seems to like teasing you, harmlessly flirting with you. 

“Y/N-ssi?” one of your colleagues knocks down on your cubicle, “are you a bit free right now?” 

You, being mostly done with your work, look up and nod a yes at him. 

“Can you please copy these papers then? I need to sort some documents out and if I leave for copying now, I will be late for the meeting. Please do me this favor.” he pleads. This colleague is one of those very few people who are almost like you - not in anyone’s business. And you are more than happy to help him out. 

“Sure, Jaehyun-ssi. Just give me five minutes.” taking the papers from him, you stand up. 

“Thank you!” he bows at you as you walk towards the copy room lazily. 

The copy room is just beside the breakroom, you will have to walk past the breakroom to reach your destination. Just as you start nearing the breakroom, you hear giggles and laughter coming from it. And if you are not hearing things then one of those voices is Taehyung’s.

“But Taehyung-ssi is really the MVP, he managed to befriend the most antisocial person of the entire floor.” your feet stop as you hear Yuna, one of those who circle around Taehyung’s periphery, speak in a teasing tone. 

They are talking about you, you have no doubt about that. 

“Eh? Who are you talking about?” Taehyung almost whines. 

“The programming genius Y/N, who else!” she replies. 

“Yes, you two have been eating a lot of ice creams these days, huh? Are those dates?” another one from the group butts in with his own curiosity. 

“Dates? Me and Y/N? Are you guys insane?” Taehyung laughs out loud. His voice booms through the open glass door of the breakroom. You watch his translucent reflection on the door, the distortion of his expression is visible. 

Your heart stops beating for a moment, as your brain has to take a bit of time to analyze whatever data it was receiving is real or not. 

This is really happening. Taehyung is actually not interested in you that way - which is fine. You can take the rejection. But why is he talking about you like that? Like seeing you under a romantic light is wrong? Scandalous? 

“Those were not dates? Then what are you two? Best friends?” Yuna teases him again. 

“Nope. Not even close. I only befriended her because I felt pity for her being an outcast. There’s no other special reason. She is a bit awkward, I’d say. Not bad but definitely not someone I would date or be best friends with.” Taehyung shrugs, breaking your heart in pieces. 

All of the time you thought you two were close, was nothing but a pity party for Taehyung? Your and his friendship was a charity case? 

You have been living in a delusion. Thinking that someone as popular as Taehyung would be interested in you was a delusion for sure. You stand there, every other sound ebbs away, only the loud cacophony of Taehyung’s words remain. You forget what you were doing, what you are about to do and how to function all together. 

You really are nothing but an amusement to him? Just someone to make fun of? Ten months of friendship was a lie? A complete lie? 

But not anymore. You have to come out of the temporary comfortable lie you put yourself in. you have to go back to your previous state - an outcast with no friends and honestly that is way better than having fake people around you. 

Walking towards the copy room, you do your job. If a few tears make their way out of your eyes - no one needs to know about that. 

Kim Taehyung (18:13 pm): Hiiiieee, Y/N! I am going out to drink with my teammates. Can’t walk you to the subway station today.  Kim Taehyung (18:13 pm): Sorry, sweetheart! See you tomorrow? At the farmer’s market?  You (18:15 pm): I have some important stuff to take care of tomorrow, can’t go to the market. Kim Taehyung (18:16 pm): Oh? Okay. See you on Monday then? 

You slip your phone in your pocket upon reading the reply. Usually you would send an emoji or a  simple ‘okay’ to finish the conversation, but now that you know the truth, you don’t want to interact anymore with him. 

As you walk yourself towards the station, you wonder where things went wrong with you? Why does everyone misunderstand you so much? Just because you are introverted and generally don’t do good with people, does not mean you are to be pitied. 

Your vision blur yet again. 

You are really a fool. Why did you even entertain the thought of Taehyung wanting to be your friend genuinely? 

Why did you even… 

Sunday  

Kim Taehyung (11:11 am): Y/N!!!! I am bored. Let's have launch together. 

You stare at the screen for a few seconds before a scoff makes its way out of your mouth. Why is he faking so hard? There’s no one from work to see how kind he is being towards a supposedly outcast, then why? Why is he acting like he cares? 

You (11:14 am): I am meeting my parents today.  Kim Taehyung (11:15 am): Really? You seem too busy for me these days.  You (11:16 am): Yes. I gotta go. Bye.

Monday  

“Good morning, beautiful.” Taehyung greets you enthusiastically as you step into the elevator. 

“Morning.” you reply, not quite looking at him. But from the reflection on the door you can see his smile dimming. 

Thankfully the elevator is too crowded for him to start questioning you already. And you purposefully push yourself on the opposite side of him, making sure you are completely out of his sight. 

When your floor arrives and you start walking out alongside others, you see him coming towards you from your peripheral. Increasing your pace, you almost run towards your department even before he has the chance of calling your name. 

Tuesday 

Eating lunch at the office is just another mundane task for you, although for the bigger part of the crowd it’s like a comic relief. Most of the days you eat alone, on the single seats beside the large windows. On days when those seats would be taken, you would find Taehyung and sit with him instead. Even though he mostly eats with his team members, he would never hesitate to change his seat for you. And maybe those kinds of actions were what made you delusional about your place in his life. 

As you fill your plate with food and turn towards the window seats, you see that one empty spot that you eyed upon coming in, is now gone. With a sigh, you turn towards the seating area. There’s hardly any unoccupied space. A few chairs are empty, those are just the spare ones for the big group. Your anxiety reaches through the roof at the thought of having to share a table with those people. 

With a gulp, you start walking towards the end of the room. 

“Y/N! Here!” a boisterous voice echoed through the cacophony. You turn your head to look for the source and obviously, it’s Taehyung, wildly swinging his hands to gain his attention. As you look at him, he gestures to you to come and sit beside him. You only smile and nod your head in negative. And then without wasting any more time, you walk towards the back of the room and sit beside a group of interns. 

You don’t look at the direction of Taehyung’s table for the whole time you eat. If there’s a small bad feeling twitching in your gut, you suppress it by reminding you what kind of stuff he said about you behind your back. 

Wednesday 

“Hey” the knock disrupts the process of your thinking. You look up and Taehyung’s face comes into your view. The pain that you are trying to forgo, starts flooding in your bloodstream right away. He is so beautiful, so handsome - why.. Why does he have to be an asshole to you? If he was unkind to you, it would be better. But why did he have to pretend to like you? 

“Yes?” You keep your voice cold, sweeping emotions under the rug. 

Taehyung’s smile dim, “I- uh- just wanted to ask you if your review is ready. We have a client meeting after lunch.” 

“I have mailed you in the morning itself. If you haven’t received it yet, I can send it to you again. Also, you could have knocked me on the chat, there was no need to come all the way here.” you look down on your screen again, trying not to react to the drop on his expression at your curt reply. 

“I-” he starts to say something, but your phone starts vibrating right then. 

“Sorry, I have to take this.” giving him a tight-lipped smile, you take your phone and walk towards the window to receive the call, which is most definitely a spam. 

When you return to your desk, Taehyung is already gone. Sighing out of relief, you go back to work. 

Thursday

Having very few people in your life, you have never had the trouble of avoiding someone intentionally up until now and hence, you had no idea how exhausting it is. Honestly, you don't know for how long you can keep it going. It's not even your fault and you have no reason to hide away like this. 

Thankfully, Taehyung stays out at a networking event for the better part of Thursday. You see him only at the main lobby of the building. He smiles as soon as your face comes to his view. You return the courtesy by half-bowing to him while walking out of the door. Maybe if he tries to talk to you tomorrow, you will let him know you're aware of his true feelings, so he can stop pretending and you can stop this game of avoiding him. 

With a sigh you shut your eyes and walk towards the subway station under the moonlight. 

Friday

Kim Taehyung (4:37 pm): Y/N, you remember today is our ice cream day, right? Will be waiting for you at the parking! See ya!  You (4:44 pm): Sorry Taehyung, not in the mood today. Kim Taehyung (4:45 pm): What? Why? This is the second time you're cancelling plans with me. Is everything okay? Are we okay? 

You stare at the text for a few minutes before deciding on a reply. 

You (4:47 pm): We need to talk. See you at the parking. 

Inhaling a sharp breath you shut your phone off. Today is the day… Yes, no matter how hard it is for you to confront people, today you will have to do it, for once and for all. 

You knock on the car window. Taehyung rolls down the glass and opens the door with a smile. Even a week ago, this same smile on his face would light up your day but these days you keep wondering if they are really just fake. 

His smile dims once you don't smile back and just choose to sit inside the car without any greetings. 

“You have been ignoring me for this whole week.” He starts, “from cancelling plans to barely looking at me… what is it, Y/N? Did I do something to upset you?” 

Upset? You can't even begin to explain how your trust got damaged because of him. 

“I started liking you at some point, Taehyung. Romantically, I mean.” You sigh, feeling so silly of yourself. 

“Oh” the pitch of his voice changes all of a sudden. 

“And I had the audacity to think you feel something similar towards me.” A scoff comes out of your throat. 

“Y/N…” 

“But I know better now. I know that this friendship - oh, it's not even a friendship for you, right? It's just that you pity me and I'm awkward and you can't even think of dating or being friends with someone like me.” You smile at him, although tears start threatening to spill out of your eyes at any given moment. 

“Y/N…” Taehyung calls your name again but this time you can see the horror in his eyes clearly. “Did you…”

“Yes, I heard your and your real friends’ conversations accidentally. And came to the conclusion of not bothering you with my awkward presence anymore. So yeah, that's it. There's no reason to keep in contact with me unless it's about work. There's no need to pretend or be friends with me out of pity. Let's just be colleagues, I'll appreciate that.” With another tight-lipped smile, you grab the car door and open it, ready to get out of this car, this mess. 

Taehyung holds you by your wrist, “Y/N, listen to me, I- I’m so-” 

“There's no need to apologise, Taehyung. I have nothing to forgive you for. I'm angry with myself actually, not with you. I thought you would be genuinely interested in me all while I should have known better.” You shrug, “as I said earlier, I wouldn't like to have anything personal with you anymore. So please… leave my hand and let me go.” 

Taehyung gulps, but he keeps your request and lets go of your wrist. Once you start walking, you don't look back. 

From this moment, Taehyung is nothing but a good dream in your life. And you will do your best to forget that he was ever close to you. 

Taehyung feels like shit. 

Even calling this self-loathing as shit is not justified. He feels like he should dig his own grave and lie down inside the cold soil and let the earth swallow him as whole. 

He watches you vanishing amid the maze of cars. His heart has started to act abnormal again, it is beating hard, but not in the usual fluttering kind.  

His heart is now beating in panic and he does not know what is the source of this kind of feeling - if he is afraid of you being the bearer of his bad reputation or of losing you as a friend. 

When Taehyung said he befriended you out of pity, he didn’t exaggerate. He and his circle has always been pretty popular - be it school or university or office - he has always been one of the stars of any place he has ever graced with his presence. 

And you, by the first look at you, he could tell, you are the exact opposite. His suspicion was confirmed when he observed how you avoided everyone else in whatever room you were, and how everyone else avoided you just as much. You didn’t look affected at all, you didn’t look like you had the need of attending to anyone’s attention, which amused Taehyung beyond imagination.

He wanted to see if you behaved the same with you, if you could stay reluctant to him and his charms, if you could avoid his advances just like you avoid the rest of the world. 

When he gave himself the challenge, he didn’t actually expect the friendship to bloom and last for as long as it did. 

And he definitely didn’t expect to like your company as much as he does. 

You are awkward, yes, you don’t make eye contact with him, you don’t respond to his flirtatious comments, you don’t know how to take compliments but if anything, all these quirks make you even more endearing. 

So, now as he sits in his car and processes everything that happened one by one, he feels three things - one, he is incredibly angry with himself. He should have been more careful with his words! Especially when he knows you work on the same damn floor. Two, how can he be so insensitive towards someone like an obnoxious piece of shit? Is popularity really getting inside his head? That too during his big adult years? Three, why does he feel this sudden sink in his heart at the thought of losing your friendship? Your presence from his life? 

Shutting his eyes tight, he grips the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles go white. No! He can’t let his immaculate reputation scar like this! He can’t! 

He needs to do something about it. 

He needs to. 

In hindsight making things right with you seemed easier. 

But as soon as Taehyung steps on the ground with determination, he feels lost. Speaking is a far-fetched thought, you don’t even so much so spare a glance at him unless it’s absolutely professionally required. 

And hence, Taehyung, for some very obvious reasons, has not been brave enough to approach you and apologize yet. But he has been trying. He has been preparing a long apology speech that he looks forward to delivering to you during the annual office party next Friday. Till then, he should probably leave you alone. 

He has hurt you enough. It’s better to wait than offering you an premature apology which might end up doing more damage than good. 

It’s that day that you despise with all of your will - the annual party day. 

While everyone else is just on the seventh heaven with the anticipation and the excitement of dressing up and impressing their work crushes - you would be grateful if you did not have to attend the party at all. But not everything is in your hands, you are, after all, just another employee. 

With a sigh you slip into the little black dress that you bought during your cousin’s wedding reception. It has a delicious sweetheart neck and a mid-thigh length that ends in a flair. Keeping your hair loose and make-up minimal, you set out for the evening. 

There’s only one agenda for the night - avoiding Taehyung at any cost. No matter how handsome he looks, how charismatic he becomes, you need to avoid him at all cost. You can not, just can not let your eyes wander towards him. 

How nice it would be if you had at least one friend at your workplace. Avoiding Taehyung wouldn’t be a great deal then.   

But sigh… since you are alone in this, you will have to deal with this mess alone as well. 

It’s the same old ritual all over. 

Office parties mean nothing more than just a couple of overworked people letting it all out for one night. And the best thing about all of it is that - you are not the one to gain much attention. You can attend, show your face and then leave whenever you want. 

Most of the folks are scattered around the place - eating, drinking, mingling. Some are already on the dance floor even though the best dance songs are always kept for the last couple of hours.  

Everyone looks so different in colorful, sexy dresses that are completely disparate from their office outfits. You know you look different as well, especially because you witnessed a few people checking you out already, even though you didn’t pay much mind to any of them. 

Gabbing a glass of champagne, you walk towards the emptiest corner of the hall. The music blasting from the massive speaker, gets you into some kind of feeling. As you bob your head to the beats and watch your colleagues having fun, your eyes meet with Taehyung. 

He is standing at the bar counter wearing a pair of black leather pants, black tight tshirt and a very red bomber jacket. 

He looks like he is ready to grace a fashion photoshoot. Averting your eyes from him, you look down on your drink. There’s no way he would be looking at you tonight. And if he is then maybe that is just to make fun of you with his friends later on. 

“Hey, hi.” the voice comes from beside you. Moving your eyes from the drink you look for the owner of such a sweet, familiar yet hard-to-put-a-name-on voice. And as soon as your eyes fall on the owner, you lose your breath instantly.   

“Mr. Kim.” bowing almost ninety degrees, you greet the managing director and son of the chairman of your company, Kim Seokjin. 

“Please, Y/N-ssi, you don’t have to be so formal with me.” he says sweetly. This man is the kind of beauty poets write sonnets about. From his immaculate face to his wide shoulders and lean waist - he is just breathtaking. If he wasn’t the soon to be chairman himself, so many of your colleagues would try to throw themselves at him. 

He is not someone you people get to see very often but whenever he is visiting, he spoils every single worker with free coffee or snacks. You have met him only a few times during very important meetings, so him knowing your name is a very good surprise for you. 

“Are you enjoying the party?” he asks as you straighten up and offer him a smile with your pursed lips.  

“It’s not really my thing.” Something in Seokjin’s relaxed body language and beautiful smile tells you that you can be honest with him. 

“You know what?” Seokjin’s smile widens as he leans down to come to your ear level and says, “same pinch. I hate parties.” 

Both of you break in a little laughter. And even before you notice, you stop staring at your colleagues having fun with each other. Kim Seokjin knows how to keep a conversation going and soon enough you two are talking about games. 

You didn’t know he loves playing games as much as you do, if not more. The conversation takes a more fun turn and the world around you dissolves into nothing but a ball of white noise.  

“Can I ask you something?” you ask him at some point, too curious all of a sudden. 

“Sure. please ask me anything without any hesitation.” he sips on his drink. 

“How did you know my name?” you look up at him, waiting for him to satiate your curiosity. 

Seokjin looks down at you, a frown sits on his beautiful face, “we attended a couple of meetings together.” 

“Yes, I know but a ton of others did too. I doubt if you recall everyone.” you shrug. 

“Well I don’t and I am actually very bad with names. But you stood out remarkably, I remember you stating the privacy risks clearly and strictly saying you won’t work on the project if we don’t ensure end-to-end encryption.” he informs, with a glint in his eyes, “how can I forget someone like you?” 

The back of your neck warms up with his persistent gaze on you. You nod, looking away from him. 

“And if you don’t mind me crossing the professional threshold then, I would like to know more about you.” Seokjin prompts softly. You almost choke on your drink. 

Taehyung has been looking for you ever since the moment he stepped in the hall. His eyes are always on the look out and he has been monitoring every corner of the room, because that is where you would be found for most of the networking events, he doubts if the annual party is anything different.  

Some of his friends slash colleagues have been distracting him from his search every now and then but he has been alert. Raking his eyes through the crowd for another time, he finds you and as expected, you are standing at a corner. 

Taehyung’s jaw falls a little ajar as he takes a good look at you. You are looking absolutely gorgeous. The baggy clothes and formal office wear that you usually wear hides the tantalizing part of your body. 

The little black dress that you are wearing today hugs all of your curves, enhancing your beauty like never before. The light makeup and loose hair is doing their job just as perfectly. 

Shit - have you always been this good looking? 

Your eyes come to rest at his right when he is in the middle of checking you out. For a moment, you stare back at him but then quickly look away. Inhaling a long strip of oxygen, Taehyung takes a step towards you. 

He will have to talk to you tonight. But just when he is about to take another step, he sees someone else approaching you. And that someone else is the Managing Director of the company, Kim Seokjin. 

Kim Taehyung is usually a patient human being, but tonight it seems like heaven is tasting every bit of his self-control.

What he thought as a small introduction, is now a full blown chitchat session. Seokjin hasn’t moved an inch from your side and it has been what? Three hours already? His blood is boiling with each and every glance he takes at you and Seokjin. What the hell are you two talking about? That too for so long and so much? You never talked to him like that. He was the one to initiate most of the conversation and you would join. Then what is it about Seokjin that is making you talk so much? Making you look at him with big, curious eyes? In a way you hardly ever looked at him? 

He gulps down the rest of the drink that was sitting ideally in his glass. You and your very new friend are currently at the buffet, still talking and giggling about who knows what. He is waiting for you to come back so that he can finally steal you, even if for a few minutes.

A couple of minutes later, he sees you and Seokjin emerging from the buffet room. Without wasting a second, he starts walking towards you. 

“Y/N,” his voice is loud enough for you to hear, you turn your head to look at him and your jolly expressions dull right away.  

“Yes?” you question as if you don’t even know who he is. Seokjin looks at him and bows a little, he bows back out of courtesy. 

“Can I talk to you, please?” Taehyung returns his full attention to you. 

You shut your eyes and think for a moment. “Okay, but make it quick.” your voice tells how uninterested you are in him. 

“I will be back.” These words are directed towards Seokjin accompanied by one of your sweet smiles. Taehyung grits his teeth inside his closed mouth. 

The man smiles back at you, “sure. I will be here.” 

Nodding at him, you start walking towards the stairwell, Taehyung blindly follows you behind. 

“Can’t you please forgive me? I- I am really regretting my choice of words, Y/N. I really am.” Taehyung’s eyes are filled with tears at this point. It’s the alcohol that’s making him uncharacteristically emotional. 

“Who am I to forgive you, Taehyung?” you scoff, “I was never even your friend to begin with. If you are worried about me spilling the tea, then you can be assured. No matter how much of a charity case I was, I am sure you know that spreading gossip is not my thing. So yeah.. You don’t have to worry, neither do you have to ask for my forgiveness.” you try to move away, grab the doorknob to enter the hall again, but Taehyung is quick on his feet. He pushes the door shut and crowds you with his figure. 

“What are you doing?” 

“You said you liked me, if that’s true, how can you be so… so reluctant about me? How can you change like that?” Taehyung places his question. 

“I liked you because I thought you were different from these people. But I was wrong, you are actually worse. Now please let me go. I don’t understand why you are behaving so desperately when you don’t even think of me as a friend!” you try to move away again. 

Taehyung pins you to the door and pushes it close for a second time, “I realized my mistake, Y/N. I have been suffering from that day. I have… I have misjudged my own feelings. Please.. Give me another chance. I will be a better friend… I promise.” 

“Kindly just let me go. I don’t have anything to do with you anymore.” you try to push him away and just then, a knock rings on the door. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” It's Seokjin again. 

You push Taehyung away and open the door, “Mr. Kim, yeah I am okay.” 

Seokjin eyes Taehyung suspiciously, before looking down at you, “do you want to leave? I will drop you home.” 

“Yeah, that will be really cool.” you smile at him and walk out of the stairwell without even glancing back at him for once. Taehyung feels something breaking in his chest. If he is not wrong then it’s his heart.

Why is he aching like this? This was never supposed to end like this? In his heartbreak? 

As the door shuts behind your back, casting you out of his life - he realizes he is the outcast now. He is the outcast in your orbit.

They say it right, you only know what you had once you lose it completely. 

He lost a friend, a true one and maybe something more - something he is not ready to admit just yet. 

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And hence, from a young age you have learned the fact that you are introverted - someone who is bad at communicating, making friends, talking about her needs and someone who preferred staying at home instead of mingling with people of her age. It doesn’t need to be said that society has labeled you as an outcast - and you never had a problem with it. 

Being incredibly good at studies has earned you positions made out of pure respect. You have been a favorite of teachers and even students who have received help from you in one way or another. So fortunately, you never got bullied, never in school, never in university and now… never in your workplace. 

With your score and achievements everyone expected you to join medical school - but something about technology has pulled you towards it. When you completed your degree in CSE with the record high score the country has ever seen - you had a swarm of scouting agents waiting for you everyday right outside your home. 

High paying jobs abroad looked tempting but only in theory. You, a person who never even did good with her own people in her own country, can hardly adjust in a different place with people talking in a different language and having different cultural values. So you opted for the best option you could find here - Haechi-Tech, an antivirus and digital security service provider. The best in the market not only in services but also in satisfaction rate among employees. 

It has been more than five years now. After being posted at one of the smaller offices in Daejeon, you were recently transferred to the headquarters in Seoul a year ago. And it is not to be said that you are keeping up with your aesthetics here as well. 

Being incredibly good at your job has made you talk in the company, and has earned you respect not only from your immediate superiors but also from the CEO and Chairman themselves. But then again… people only talk about you, not to you. 

Most of the time you don’t feel bad. But when you find your colleagues’ insta stories full of beer glasses and each others’ face - it hurts you a little. 

After a long day, you too, want to have a nice chat with someone. You, too, want to get drunk until you can’t recall your own name and not having someone to do that with you, pinches your insides a little for sure. 

Now saying that you don’t have a single friend will be wrong - you do have a single friend in this company and that said friend is also the person you have the fattest crush on. 

Although you are aware of all the ethical nuisance that are implemented in the course of office romance - you are also hundred percent sure that what you have for Taehyung will never be reciprocated, so you don’t resist yourself from feeling and falling for him. 

Kim Taehyung is the heartthrob of Haechi. He is the local celebrity of your company and almost everyone here has a crush on him (regardless of age and gender). 

If you call him handsome, it will be an understatement. He is crafted by the Greek gods themselves - he is magnificent by the way he looks, by the way he talks, by the way he walks and by the way he just exists. 

Alongside his face, his personality is just as nice. He talks to everyone as if he has personally known them for years and yet doesn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable. He becomes the center of attention wherever he goes, unlike you who tends to get unnoticed unless her achievements are mentioned. 

So in short, you and Taehyung are poles apart. And when you first saw him, your world tilted sideways just a little just like everyone else. But you never surrounded him like everyone does. You stayed at a distance, minding your own business. 

But both Taehyung and life had different plans as it seems. 

“Hey, you are in the development team, right?” the voice came from somewhere behind you. It was familiar yet unknown. The baritone edge brushed right against the skin of your neck.

The coffee machine suddenly felt like a rocket ship - too out of your reach, you forgot how to operate it. You gulped, staring down at it as if it would be stimulated just by your eyes and started working right away.

“I am talking to you, Y/N.” Suddenly the source of the voice got closer. And even before you knew it, he was right beside you.

“Are you ignoring me?” Taehyung’s head popped up on the empty spot above the machine, startling you out of your wits. With a yelp, you jumped back, knocking your one foot on another. Nothing could save you then from the amount of embarrassment you were about to suffer from. But right when you were about to fall ass-first on the floor, Taehyung grabbed you by both of your arms and pulled you closer to him. You stood straight, but hell, so freaking close to him.

The look in his eyes was menacing. A subtle, playful smirk accompanied the overall pleased look of his face.

“Than-thanks.” your voice came out breathy. There was so much going on inside your head that you didn’t know which one to address first.

“Oh, so you are finally acknowledging my presence then?” he asked, as you started standing on your own.

“I am sorry, uh- I didn’t think you would talk to me.” Going back to your coffee, you looked away. Although you could still feel his touch lingering on your skin.

“And why is that?” Taehyung came to stand right beside you. Your shoulder brushed against his upper arm. 

It was a completely new realm for you - having someone’s entire attention to yourself, especially when it’s not something work related. 

“No.. I mean… I am, what people call, an outcast here. And you are really popular. It’s a shock for me to learn that you know my name.” Shrugging, you took a sip of your coffee.  

“You are not an outcast.” His voice suddenly turned deeper, “if you were I would not be coming here to invite you to my birthday party.” 

What? He was inviting you to his birthday party? An unofficial schedule? 

“Give me your phone.” Taehyung continued, you only stared at his face like a deer caught in headlights, “come on, Y/N.” he nudged you with his elbow, leaving no other choice but to take out your phone from your pocket, unlock it and place it in his hands. 

Taehyung typed something in it and his own phone started vibrating. With a sigh you just accepted the fact that he exchanged his number with you. 

“I will text you the address. See you tomorrow?” He gave you a wild boxy smile, making your heart skip a beat. 

“Taehyung-ssi, I appreciate the invitation but I am not… I don’t feel comfortable amid unknown people. So, I might not attend the party. I hope you don’t mind.” No matter how big of a crush you had on the man, you were not going to come out of your comfort zone so easily. 

Taehyung stopped in his tracks, stared at you for a while and then smiled even bigger, “then… How about you go to that new ice-cream shop with me after work today?” 

“What?” 

“You heard me, Y/N.” 

His warm chocolate brown eyes looked down at you as if he could read your every single fear word by word. 

“Will you have a small ice cream date with me? Just say yes or no.” 

Your heart thumped inside your chest. Date? Why was he calling that a date? Why… 

“Yes.” you replied, taking a leap of fate. 

“Good and call me Tae. My friends don’t call me by my full name.” he smiled, taking your breath away. 

Friend? You were his friend? 

“Okay.” you nodded. 

And that’s how it started. 

The one ice cream date became several, then turned into real dinners over office gossip. His Texts started flooding your phone soon as well, which turned into calls and then weekend grocery shopping. 

After a really long time you were experiencing a new friendship bloom in your territory. It felt nice, it felt good - although your brain sent you red alerts each time your heart expanded twice the size under Taehyung’s gaze. 

It was a crush. It was just a crush, it will go away in time, you told yourself again and again. Even though Taehyung’s place in your life started being way too vast to calibrate. 

Fast forward to now, ten months later - Taehyung and you are good friends. 

While he is friends with every other employee of your workplace, you know you hold a special place amid everyone. The knowledge always warms you up from inside. But you try to keep yourself humble. You try not to think that there’s a chance of your feelings being reciprocated. 

You try not to ponder upon the chances of Taehyung liking you back no matter how much he seems to like teasing you, harmlessly flirting with you. 

“Y/N-ssi?” one of your colleagues knocks down on your cubicle, “are you a bit free right now?” 

You, being mostly done with your work, look up and nod a yes at him. 

“Can you please copy these papers then? I need to sort some documents out and if I leave for copying now, I will be late for the meeting. Please do me this favor.” he pleads. This colleague is one of those very few people who are almost like you - not in anyone’s business. And you are more than happy to help him out. 

“Sure, Jaehyun-ssi. Just give me five minutes.” taking the papers from him, you stand up. 

“Thank you!” he bows at you as you walk towards the copy room lazily. 

The copy room is just beside the breakroom, you will have to walk past the breakroom to reach your destination. Just as you start nearing the breakroom, you hear giggles and laughter coming from it. And if you are not hearing things then one of those voices is Taehyung’s.

“But Taehyung-ssi is really the MVP, he managed to befriend the most antisocial person of the entire floor.” your feet stop as you hear Yuna, one of those who circle around Taehyung’s periphery, speak in a teasing tone. 

They are talking about you, you have no doubt about that. 

“Eh? Who are you talking about?” Taehyung almost whines. 

“The programming genius Y/N, who else!” she replies. 

“Yes, you two have been eating a lot of ice creams these days, huh? Are those dates?” another one from the group butts in with his own curiosity. 

“Dates? Me and Y/N? Are you guys insane?” Taehyung laughs out loud. His voice booms through the open glass door of the breakroom. You watch his translucent reflection on the door, the distortion of his expression is visible. 

Your heart stops beating for a moment, as your brain has to take a bit of time to analyze whatever data it was receiving is real or not. 

This is really happening. Taehyung is actually not interested in you that way - which is fine. You can take the rejection. But why is he talking about you like that? Like seeing you under a romantic light is wrong? Scandalous? 

“Those were not dates? Then what are you two? Best friends?” Yuna teases him again. 

“Nope. Not even close. I only befriended her because I felt pity for her being an outcast. There’s no other special reason. She is a bit awkward, I’d say. Not bad but definitely not someone I would date or be best friends with.” Taehyung shrugs, breaking your heart in pieces. 

All of the time you thought you two were close, was nothing but a pity party for Taehyung? Your and his friendship was a charity case? 

You have been living in a delusion. Thinking that someone as popular as Taehyung would be interested in you was a delusion for sure. You stand there, every other sound ebbs away, only the loud cacophony of Taehyung’s words remain. You forget what you were doing, what you are about to do and how to function all together. 

You really are nothing but an amusement to him? Just someone to make fun of? Ten months of friendship was a lie? A complete lie? 

But not anymore. You have to come out of the temporary comfortable lie you put yourself in. you have to go back to your previous state - an outcast with no friends and honestly that is way better than having fake people around you. 

Walking towards the copy room, you do your job. If a few tears make their way out of your eyes - no one needs to know about that. 

Kim Taehyung (18:13 pm): Hiiiieee, Y/N! I am going out to drink with my teammates. Can’t walk you to the subway station today.  Kim Taehyung (18:13 pm): Sorry, sweetheart! See you tomorrow? At the farmer’s market?  You (18:15 pm): I have some important stuff to take care of tomorrow, can’t go to the market. Kim Taehyung (18:16 pm): Oh? Okay. See you on Monday then? 

You slip your phone in your pocket upon reading the reply. Usually you would send an emoji or a  simple ‘okay’ to finish the conversation, but now that you know the truth, you don’t want to interact anymore with him. 

As you walk yourself towards the station, you wonder where things went wrong with you? Why does everyone misunderstand you so much? Just because you are introverted and generally don’t do good with people, does not mean you are to be pitied. 

Your vision blur yet again. 

You are really a fool. Why did you even entertain the thought of Taehyung wanting to be your friend genuinely? 

Why did you even… 

Sunday  

Kim Taehyung (11:11 am): Y/N!!!! I am bored. Let's have launch together. 

You stare at the screen for a few seconds before a scoff makes its way out of your mouth. Why is he faking so hard? There’s no one from work to see how kind he is being towards a supposedly outcast, then why? Why is he acting like he cares? 

You (11:14 am): I am meeting my parents today.  Kim Taehyung (11:15 am): Really? You seem too busy for me these days.  You (11:16 am): Yes. I gotta go. Bye.

Monday  

“Good morning, beautiful.” Taehyung greets you enthusiastically as you step into the elevator. 

“Morning.” you reply, not quite looking at him. But from the reflection on the door you can see his smile dimming. 

Thankfully the elevator is too crowded for him to start questioning you already. And you purposefully push yourself on the opposite side of him, making sure you are completely out of his sight. 

When your floor arrives and you start walking out alongside others, you see him coming towards you from your peripheral. Increasing your pace, you almost run towards your department even before he has the chance of calling your name. 

Tuesday 

Eating lunch at the office is just another mundane task for you, although for the bigger part of the crowd it’s like a comic relief. Most of the days you eat alone, on the single seats beside the large windows. On days when those seats would be taken, you would find Taehyung and sit with him instead. Even though he mostly eats with his team members, he would never hesitate to change his seat for you. And maybe those kinds of actions were what made you delusional about your place in his life. 

As you fill your plate with food and turn towards the window seats, you see that one empty spot that you eyed upon coming in, is now gone. With a sigh, you turn towards the seating area. There’s hardly any unoccupied space. A few chairs are empty, those are just the spare ones for the big group. Your anxiety reaches through the roof at the thought of having to share a table with those people. 

With a gulp, you start walking towards the end of the room. 

“Y/N! Here!” a boisterous voice echoed through the cacophony. You turn your head to look for the source and obviously, it’s Taehyung, wildly swinging his hands to gain his attention. As you look at him, he gestures to you to come and sit beside him. You only smile and nod your head in negative. And then without wasting any more time, you walk towards the back of the room and sit beside a group of interns. 

You don’t look at the direction of Taehyung’s table for the whole time you eat. If there’s a small bad feeling twitching in your gut, you suppress it by reminding you what kind of stuff he said about you behind your back. 

Wednesday 

“Hey” the knock disrupts the process of your thinking. You look up and Taehyung’s face comes into your view. The pain that you are trying to forgo, starts flooding in your bloodstream right away. He is so beautiful, so handsome - why.. Why does he have to be an asshole to you? If he was unkind to you, it would be better. But why did he have to pretend to like you? 

“Yes?” You keep your voice cold, sweeping emotions under the rug. 

Taehyung’s smile dim, “I- uh- just wanted to ask you if your review is ready. We have a client meeting after lunch.” 

“I have mailed you in the morning itself. If you haven’t received it yet, I can send it to you again. Also, you could have knocked me on the chat, there was no need to come all the way here.” you look down on your screen again, trying not to react to the drop on his expression at your curt reply. 

“I-” he starts to say something, but your phone starts vibrating right then. 

“Sorry, I have to take this.” giving him a tight-lipped smile, you take your phone and walk towards the window to receive the call, which is most definitely a spam. 

When you return to your desk, Taehyung is already gone. Sighing out of relief, you go back to work. 

Thursday

Having very few people in your life, you have never had the trouble of avoiding someone intentionally up until now and hence, you had no idea how exhausting it is. Honestly, you don't know for how long you can keep it going. It's not even your fault and you have no reason to hide away like this. 

Thankfully, Taehyung stays out at a networking event for the better part of Thursday. You see him only at the main lobby of the building. He smiles as soon as your face comes to his view. You return the courtesy by half-bowing to him while walking out of the door. Maybe if he tries to talk to you tomorrow, you will let him know you're aware of his true feelings, so he can stop pretending and you can stop this game of avoiding him. 

With a sigh you shut your eyes and walk towards the subway station under the moonlight. 

Friday

Kim Taehyung (4:37 pm): Y/N, you remember today is our ice cream day, right? Will be waiting for you at the parking! See ya!  You (4:44 pm): Sorry Taehyung, not in the mood today. Kim Taehyung (4:45 pm): What? Why? This is the second time you're cancelling plans with me. Is everything okay? Are we okay? 

You stare at the text for a few minutes before deciding on a reply. 

You (4:47 pm): We need to talk. See you at the parking. 

Inhaling a sharp breath you shut your phone off. Today is the day… Yes, no matter how hard it is for you to confront people, today you will have to do it, for once and for all. 

You knock on the car window. Taehyung rolls down the glass and opens the door with a smile. Even a week ago, this same smile on his face would light up your day but these days you keep wondering if they are really just fake. 

His smile dims once you don't smile back and just choose to sit inside the car without any greetings. 

“You have been ignoring me for this whole week.” He starts, “from cancelling plans to barely looking at me… what is it, Y/N? Did I do something to upset you?” 

Upset? You can't even begin to explain how your trust got damaged because of him. 

“I started liking you at some point, Taehyung. Romantically, I mean.” You sigh, feeling so silly of yourself. 

“Oh” the pitch of his voice changes all of a sudden. 

“And I had the audacity to think you feel something similar towards me.” A scoff comes out of your throat. 

“Y/N…” 

“But I know better now. I know that this friendship - oh, it's not even a friendship for you, right? It's just that you pity me and I'm awkward and you can't even think of dating or being friends with someone like me.” You smile at him, although tears start threatening to spill out of your eyes at any given moment. 

“Y/N…” Taehyung calls your name again but this time you can see the horror in his eyes clearly. “Did you…”

“Yes, I heard your and your real friends’ conversations accidentally. And came to the conclusion of not bothering you with my awkward presence anymore. So yeah, that's it. There's no reason to keep in contact with me unless it's about work. There's no need to pretend or be friends with me out of pity. Let's just be colleagues, I'll appreciate that.” With another tight-lipped smile, you grab the car door and open it, ready to get out of this car, this mess. 

Taehyung holds you by your wrist, “Y/N, listen to me, I- I’m so-” 

“There's no need to apologise, Taehyung. I have nothing to forgive you for. I'm angry with myself actually, not with you. I thought you would be genuinely interested in me all while I should have known better.” You shrug, “as I said earlier, I wouldn't like to have anything personal with you anymore. So please… leave my hand and let me go.” 

Taehyung gulps, but he keeps your request and lets go of your wrist. Once you start walking, you don't look back. 

From this moment, Taehyung is nothing but a good dream in your life. And you will do your best to forget that he was ever close to you. 

Taehyung feels like shit. 

Even calling this self-loathing as shit is not justified. He feels like he should dig his own grave and lie down inside the cold soil and let the earth swallow him as whole. 

He watches you vanishing amid the maze of cars. His heart has started to act abnormal again, it is beating hard, but not in the usual fluttering kind.  

His heart is now beating in panic and he does not know what is the source of this kind of feeling - if he is afraid of you being the bearer of his bad reputation or of losing you as a friend. 

When Taehyung said he befriended you out of pity, he didn’t exaggerate. He and his circle has always been pretty popular - be it school or university or office - he has always been one of the stars of any place he has ever graced with his presence. 

And you, by the first look at you, he could tell, you are the exact opposite. His suspicion was confirmed when he observed how you avoided everyone else in whatever room you were, and how everyone else avoided you just as much. You didn’t look affected at all, you didn’t look like you had the need of attending to anyone’s attention, which amused Taehyung beyond imagination.

He wanted to see if you behaved the same with you, if you could stay reluctant to him and his charms, if you could avoid his advances just like you avoid the rest of the world. 

When he gave himself the challenge, he didn’t actually expect the friendship to bloom and last for as long as it did. 

And he definitely didn’t expect to like your company as much as he does. 

You are awkward, yes, you don’t make eye contact with him, you don’t respond to his flirtatious comments, you don’t know how to take compliments but if anything, all these quirks make you even more endearing. 

So, now as he sits in his car and processes everything that happened one by one, he feels three things - one, he is incredibly angry with himself. He should have been more careful with his words! Especially when he knows you work on the same damn floor. Two, how can he be so insensitive towards someone like an obnoxious piece of shit? Is popularity really getting inside his head? That too during his big adult years? Three, why does he feel this sudden sink in his heart at the thought of losing your friendship? Your presence from his life? 

Shutting his eyes tight, he grips the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles go white. No! He can’t let his immaculate reputation scar like this! He can’t! 

He needs to do something about it. 

He needs to. 

In hindsight making things right with you seemed easier. 

But as soon as Taehyung steps on the ground with determination, he feels lost. Speaking is a far-fetched thought, you don’t even so much so spare a glance at him unless it’s absolutely professionally required. 

And hence, Taehyung, for some very obvious reasons, has not been brave enough to approach you and apologize yet. But he has been trying. He has been preparing a long apology speech that he looks forward to delivering to you during the annual office party next Friday. Till then, he should probably leave you alone. 

He has hurt you enough. It’s better to wait than offering you an premature apology which might end up doing more damage than good. 

It’s that day that you despise with all of your will - the annual party day. 

While everyone else is just on the seventh heaven with the anticipation and the excitement of dressing up and impressing their work crushes - you would be grateful if you did not have to attend the party at all. But not everything is in your hands, you are, after all, just another employee. 

With a sigh you slip into the little black dress that you bought during your cousin’s wedding reception. It has a delicious sweetheart neck and a mid-thigh length that ends in a flair. Keeping your hair loose and make-up minimal, you set out for the evening. 

There’s only one agenda for the night - avoiding Taehyung at any cost. No matter how handsome he looks, how charismatic he becomes, you need to avoid him at all cost. You can not, just can not let your eyes wander towards him. 

How nice it would be if you had at least one friend at your workplace. Avoiding Taehyung wouldn’t be a great deal then.   

But sigh… since you are alone in this, you will have to deal with this mess alone as well. 

It’s the same old ritual all over. 

Office parties mean nothing more than just a couple of overworked people letting it all out for one night. And the best thing about all of it is that - you are not the one to gain much attention. You can attend, show your face and then leave whenever you want. 

Most of the folks are scattered around the place - eating, drinking, mingling. Some are already on the dance floor even though the best dance songs are always kept for the last couple of hours.  

Everyone looks so different in colorful, sexy dresses that are completely disparate from their office outfits. You know you look different as well, especially because you witnessed a few people checking you out already, even though you didn’t pay much mind to any of them. 

Gabbing a glass of champagne, you walk towards the emptiest corner of the hall. The music blasting from the massive speaker, gets you into some kind of feeling. As you bob your head to the beats and watch your colleagues having fun, your eyes meet with Taehyung. 

He is standing at the bar counter wearing a pair of black leather pants, black tight tshirt and a very red bomber jacket. 

He looks like he is ready to grace a fashion photoshoot. Averting your eyes from him, you look down on your drink. There’s no way he would be looking at you tonight. And if he is then maybe that is just to make fun of you with his friends later on. 

“Hey, hi.” the voice comes from beside you. Moving your eyes from the drink you look for the owner of such a sweet, familiar yet hard-to-put-a-name-on voice. And as soon as your eyes fall on the owner, you lose your breath instantly.   

“Mr. Kim.” bowing almost ninety degrees, you greet the managing director and son of the chairman of your company, Kim Seokjin. 

“Please, Y/N-ssi, you don’t have to be so formal with me.” he says sweetly. This man is the kind of beauty poets write sonnets about. From his immaculate face to his wide shoulders and lean waist - he is just breathtaking. If he wasn’t the soon to be chairman himself, so many of your colleagues would try to throw themselves at him. 

He is not someone you people get to see very often but whenever he is visiting, he spoils every single worker with free coffee or snacks. You have met him only a few times during very important meetings, so him knowing your name is a very good surprise for you. 

“Are you enjoying the party?” he asks as you straighten up and offer him a smile with your pursed lips.  

“It’s not really my thing.” Something in Seokjin’s relaxed body language and beautiful smile tells you that you can be honest with him. 

“You know what?” Seokjin’s smile widens as he leans down to come to your ear level and says, “same pinch. I hate parties.” 

Both of you break in a little laughter. And even before you notice, you stop staring at your colleagues having fun with each other. Kim Seokjin knows how to keep a conversation going and soon enough you two are talking about games. 

You didn’t know he loves playing games as much as you do, if not more. The conversation takes a more fun turn and the world around you dissolves into nothing but a ball of white noise.  

“Can I ask you something?” you ask him at some point, too curious all of a sudden. 

“Sure. please ask me anything without any hesitation.” he sips on his drink. 

“How did you know my name?” you look up at him, waiting for him to satiate your curiosity. 

Seokjin looks down at you, a frown sits on his beautiful face, “we attended a couple of meetings together.” 

“Yes, I know but a ton of others did too. I doubt if you recall everyone.” you shrug. 

“Well I don’t and I am actually very bad with names. But you stood out remarkably, I remember you stating the privacy risks clearly and strictly saying you won’t work on the project if we don’t ensure end-to-end encryption.” he informs, with a glint in his eyes, “how can I forget someone like you?” 

The back of your neck warms up with his persistent gaze on you. You nod, looking away from him. 

“And if you don’t mind me crossing the professional threshold then, I would like to know more about you.” Seokjin prompts softly. You almost choke on your drink. 

Taehyung has been looking for you ever since the moment he stepped in the hall. His eyes are always on the look out and he has been monitoring every corner of the room, because that is where you would be found for most of the networking events, he doubts if the annual party is anything different.  

Some of his friends slash colleagues have been distracting him from his search every now and then but he has been alert. Raking his eyes through the crowd for another time, he finds you and as expected, you are standing at a corner. 

Taehyung’s jaw falls a little ajar as he takes a good look at you. You are looking absolutely gorgeous. The baggy clothes and formal office wear that you usually wear hides the tantalizing part of your body. 

The little black dress that you are wearing today hugs all of your curves, enhancing your beauty like never before. The light makeup and loose hair is doing their job just as perfectly. 

Shit - have you always been this good looking? 

Your eyes come to rest at his right when he is in the middle of checking you out. For a moment, you stare back at him but then quickly look away. Inhaling a long strip of oxygen, Taehyung takes a step towards you. 

He will have to talk to you tonight. But just when he is about to take another step, he sees someone else approaching you. And that someone else is the Managing Director of the company, Kim Seokjin. 

Kim Taehyung is usually a patient human being, but tonight it seems like heaven is tasting every bit of his self-control.

What he thought as a small introduction, is now a full blown chitchat session. Seokjin hasn’t moved an inch from your side and it has been what? Three hours already? His blood is boiling with each and every glance he takes at you and Seokjin. What the hell are you two talking about? That too for so long and so much? You never talked to him like that. He was the one to initiate most of the conversation and you would join. Then what is it about Seokjin that is making you talk so much? Making you look at him with big, curious eyes? In a way you hardly ever looked at him? 

He gulps down the rest of the drink that was sitting ideally in his glass. You and your very new friend are currently at the buffet, still talking and giggling about who knows what. He is waiting for you to come back so that he can finally steal you, even if for a few minutes.

A couple of minutes later, he sees you and Seokjin emerging from the buffet room. Without wasting a second, he starts walking towards you. 

“Y/N,” his voice is loud enough for you to hear, you turn your head to look at him and your jolly expressions dull right away.  

“Yes?” you question as if you don’t even know who he is. Seokjin looks at him and bows a little, he bows back out of courtesy. 

“Can I talk to you, please?” Taehyung returns his full attention to you. 

You shut your eyes and think for a moment. “Okay, but make it quick.” your voice tells how uninterested you are in him. 

“I will be back.” These words are directed towards Seokjin accompanied by one of your sweet smiles. Taehyung grits his teeth inside his closed mouth. 

The man smiles back at you, “sure. I will be here.” 

Nodding at him, you start walking towards the stairwell, Taehyung blindly follows you behind. 

“Can’t you please forgive me? I- I am really regretting my choice of words, Y/N. I really am.” Taehyung’s eyes are filled with tears at this point. It’s the alcohol that’s making him uncharacteristically emotional. 

“Who am I to forgive you, Taehyung?” you scoff, “I was never even your friend to begin with. If you are worried about me spilling the tea, then you can be assured. No matter how much of a charity case I was, I am sure you know that spreading gossip is not my thing. So yeah.. You don’t have to worry, neither do you have to ask for my forgiveness.” you try to move away, grab the doorknob to enter the hall again, but Taehyung is quick on his feet. He pushes the door shut and crowds you with his figure. 

“What are you doing?” 

“You said you liked me, if that’s true, how can you be so… so reluctant about me? How can you change like that?” Taehyung places his question. 

“I liked you because I thought you were different from these people. But I was wrong, you are actually worse. Now please let me go. I don’t understand why you are behaving so desperately when you don’t even think of me as a friend!” you try to move away again. 

Taehyung pins you to the door and pushes it close for a second time, “I realized my mistake, Y/N. I have been suffering from that day. I have… I have misjudged my own feelings. Please.. Give me another chance. I will be a better friend… I promise.” 

“Kindly just let me go. I don’t have anything to do with you anymore.” you try to push him away and just then, a knock rings on the door. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” It's Seokjin again. 

You push Taehyung away and open the door, “Mr. Kim, yeah I am okay.” 

Seokjin eyes Taehyung suspiciously, before looking down at you, “do you want to leave? I will drop you home.” 

“Yeah, that will be really cool.” you smile at him and walk out of the stairwell without even glancing back at him for once. Taehyung feels something breaking in his chest. If he is not wrong then it’s his heart.

Why is he aching like this? This was never supposed to end like this? In his heartbreak? 

As the door shuts behind your back, casting you out of his life - he realizes he is the outcast now. He is the outcast in your orbit.

They say it right, you only know what you had once you lose it completely. 

He lost a friend, a true one and maybe something more - something he is not ready to admit just yet. 

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And hence, from a young age you have learned the fact that you are introverted - someone who is bad at communicating, making friends, talking about her needs and someone who preferred staying at home instead of mingling with people of her age. It doesn’t need to be said that society has labeled you as an outcast - and you never had a problem with it. 

Being incredibly good at studies has earned you positions made out of pure respect. You have been a favorite of teachers and even students who have received help from you in one way or another. So fortunately, you never got bullied, never in school, never in university and now… never in your workplace. 

With your score and achievements everyone expected you to join medical school - but something about technology has pulled you towards it. When you completed your degree in CSE with the record high score the country has ever seen - you had a swarm of scouting agents waiting for you everyday right outside your home. 

High paying jobs abroad looked tempting but only in theory. You, a person who never even did good with her own people in her own country, can hardly adjust in a different place with people talking in a different language and having different cultural values. So you opted for the best option you could find here - Haechi-Tech, an antivirus and digital security service provider. The best in the market not only in services but also in satisfaction rate among employees. 

It has been more than five years now. After being posted at one of the smaller offices in Daejeon, you were recently transferred to the headquarters in Seoul a year ago. And it is not to be said that you are keeping up with your aesthetics here as well. 

Being incredibly good at your job has made you talk in the company, and has earned you respect not only from your immediate superiors but also from the CEO and Chairman themselves. But then again… people only talk about you, not to you. 

Most of the time you don’t feel bad. But when you find your colleagues’ insta stories full of beer glasses and each others’ face - it hurts you a little. 

After a long day, you too, want to have a nice chat with someone. You, too, want to get drunk until you can’t recall your own name and not having someone to do that with you, pinches your insides a little for sure. 

Now saying that you don’t have a single friend will be wrong - you do have a single friend in this company and that said friend is also the person you have the fattest crush on. 

Although you are aware of all the ethical nuisance that are implemented in the course of office romance - you are also hundred percent sure that what you have for Taehyung will never be reciprocated, so you don’t resist yourself from feeling and falling for him. 

Kim Taehyung is the heartthrob of Haechi. He is the local celebrity of your company and almost everyone here has a crush on him (regardless of age and gender). 

If you call him handsome, it will be an understatement. He is crafted by the Greek gods themselves - he is magnificent by the way he looks, by the way he talks, by the way he walks and by the way he just exists. 

Alongside his face, his personality is just as nice. He talks to everyone as if he has personally known them for years and yet doesn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable. He becomes the center of attention wherever he goes, unlike you who tends to get unnoticed unless her achievements are mentioned. 

So in short, you and Taehyung are poles apart. And when you first saw him, your world tilted sideways just a little just like everyone else. But you never surrounded him like everyone does. You stayed at a distance, minding your own business. 

But both Taehyung and life had different plans as it seems. 

“Hey, you are in the development team, right?” the voice came from somewhere behind you. It was familiar yet unknown. The baritone edge brushed right against the skin of your neck.

The coffee machine suddenly felt like a rocket ship - too out of your reach, you forgot how to operate it. You gulped, staring down at it as if it would be stimulated just by your eyes and started working right away.

“I am talking to you, Y/N.” Suddenly the source of the voice got closer. And even before you knew it, he was right beside you.

“Are you ignoring me?” Taehyung’s head popped up on the empty spot above the machine, startling you out of your wits. With a yelp, you jumped back, knocking your one foot on another. Nothing could save you then from the amount of embarrassment you were about to suffer from. But right when you were about to fall ass-first on the floor, Taehyung grabbed you by both of your arms and pulled you closer to him. You stood straight, but hell, so freaking close to him.

The look in his eyes was menacing. A subtle, playful smirk accompanied the overall pleased look of his face.

“Than-thanks.” your voice came out breathy. There was so much going on inside your head that you didn’t know which one to address first.

“Oh, so you are finally acknowledging my presence then?” he asked, as you started standing on your own.

“I am sorry, uh- I didn’t think you would talk to me.” Going back to your coffee, you looked away. Although you could still feel his touch lingering on your skin.

“And why is that?” Taehyung came to stand right beside you. Your shoulder brushed against his upper arm. 

It was a completely new realm for you - having someone’s entire attention to yourself, especially when it’s not something work related. 

“No.. I mean… I am, what people call, an outcast here. And you are really popular. It’s a shock for me to learn that you know my name.” Shrugging, you took a sip of your coffee.  

“You are not an outcast.” His voice suddenly turned deeper, “if you were I would not be coming here to invite you to my birthday party.” 

What? He was inviting you to his birthday party? An unofficial schedule? 

“Give me your phone.” Taehyung continued, you only stared at his face like a deer caught in headlights, “come on, Y/N.” he nudged you with his elbow, leaving no other choice but to take out your phone from your pocket, unlock it and place it in his hands. 

Taehyung typed something in it and his own phone started vibrating. With a sigh you just accepted the fact that he exchanged his number with you. 

“I will text you the address. See you tomorrow?” He gave you a wild boxy smile, making your heart skip a beat. 

“Taehyung-ssi, I appreciate the invitation but I am not… I don’t feel comfortable amid unknown people. So, I might not attend the party. I hope you don’t mind.” No matter how big of a crush you had on the man, you were not going to come out of your comfort zone so easily. 

Taehyung stopped in his tracks, stared at you for a while and then smiled even bigger, “then… How about you go to that new ice-cream shop with me after work today?” 

“What?” 

“You heard me, Y/N.” 

His warm chocolate brown eyes looked down at you as if he could read your every single fear word by word. 

“Will you have a small ice cream date with me? Just say yes or no.” 

Your heart thumped inside your chest. Date? Why was he calling that a date? Why… 

“Yes.” you replied, taking a leap of fate. 

“Good and call me Tae. My friends don’t call me by my full name.” he smiled, taking your breath away. 

Friend? You were his friend? 

“Okay.” you nodded. 

And that’s how it started. 

The one ice cream date became several, then turned into real dinners over office gossip. His Texts started flooding your phone soon as well, which turned into calls and then weekend grocery shopping. 

After a really long time you were experiencing a new friendship bloom in your territory. It felt nice, it felt good - although your brain sent you red alerts each time your heart expanded twice the size under Taehyung’s gaze. 

It was a crush. It was just a crush, it will go away in time, you told yourself again and again. Even though Taehyung’s place in your life started being way too vast to calibrate. 

Fast forward to now, ten months later - Taehyung and you are good friends. 

While he is friends with every other employee of your workplace, you know you hold a special place amid everyone. The knowledge always warms you up from inside. But you try to keep yourself humble. You try not to think that there’s a chance of your feelings being reciprocated. 

You try not to ponder upon the chances of Taehyung liking you back no matter how much he seems to like teasing you, harmlessly flirting with you. 

“Y/N-ssi?” one of your colleagues knocks down on your cubicle, “are you a bit free right now?” 

You, being mostly done with your work, look up and nod a yes at him. 

“Can you please copy these papers then? I need to sort some documents out and if I leave for copying now, I will be late for the meeting. Please do me this favor.” he pleads. This colleague is one of those very few people who are almost like you - not in anyone’s business. And you are more than happy to help him out. 

“Sure, Jaehyun-ssi. Just give me five minutes.” taking the papers from him, you stand up. 

“Thank you!” he bows at you as you walk towards the copy room lazily. 

The copy room is just beside the breakroom, you will have to walk past the breakroom to reach your destination. Just as you start nearing the breakroom, you hear giggles and laughter coming from it. And if you are not hearing things then one of those voices is Taehyung’s.

“But Taehyung-ssi is really the MVP, he managed to befriend the most antisocial person of the entire floor.” your feet stop as you hear Yuna, one of those who circle around Taehyung’s periphery, speak in a teasing tone. 

They are talking about you, you have no doubt about that. 

“Eh? Who are you talking about?” Taehyung almost whines. 

“The programming genius Y/N, who else!” she replies. 

“Yes, you two have been eating a lot of ice creams these days, huh? Are those dates?” another one from the group butts in with his own curiosity. 

“Dates? Me and Y/N? Are you guys insane?” Taehyung laughs out loud. His voice booms through the open glass door of the breakroom. You watch his translucent reflection on the door, the distortion of his expression is visible. 

Your heart stops beating for a moment, as your brain has to take a bit of time to analyze whatever data it was receiving is real or not. 

This is really happening. Taehyung is actually not interested in you that way - which is fine. You can take the rejection. But why is he talking about you like that? Like seeing you under a romantic light is wrong? Scandalous? 

“Those were not dates? Then what are you two? Best friends?” Yuna teases him again. 

“Nope. Not even close. I only befriended her because I felt pity for her being an outcast. There’s no other special reason. She is a bit awkward, I’d say. Not bad but definitely not someone I would date or be best friends with.” Taehyung shrugs, breaking your heart in pieces. 

All of the time you thought you two were close, was nothing but a pity party for Taehyung? Your and his friendship was a charity case? 

You have been living in a delusion. Thinking that someone as popular as Taehyung would be interested in you was a delusion for sure. You stand there, every other sound ebbs away, only the loud cacophony of Taehyung’s words remain. You forget what you were doing, what you are about to do and how to function all together. 

You really are nothing but an amusement to him? Just someone to make fun of? Ten months of friendship was a lie? A complete lie? 

But not anymore. You have to come out of the temporary comfortable lie you put yourself in. you have to go back to your previous state - an outcast with no friends and honestly that is way better than having fake people around you. 

Walking towards the copy room, you do your job. If a few tears make their way out of your eyes - no one needs to know about that. 

Kim Taehyung (18:13 pm): Hiiiieee, Y/N! I am going out to drink with my teammates. Can’t walk you to the subway station today.  Kim Taehyung (18:13 pm): Sorry, sweetheart! See you tomorrow? At the farmer’s market?  You (18:15 pm): I have some important stuff to take care of tomorrow, can’t go to the market. Kim Taehyung (18:16 pm): Oh? Okay. See you on Monday then? 

You slip your phone in your pocket upon reading the reply. Usually you would send an emoji or a  simple ‘okay’ to finish the conversation, but now that you know the truth, you don’t want to interact anymore with him. 

As you walk yourself towards the station, you wonder where things went wrong with you? Why does everyone misunderstand you so much? Just because you are introverted and generally don’t do good with people, does not mean you are to be pitied. 

Your vision blur yet again. 

You are really a fool. Why did you even entertain the thought of Taehyung wanting to be your friend genuinely? 

Why did you even… 

Sunday  

Kim Taehyung (11:11 am): Y/N!!!! I am bored. Let's have launch together. 

You stare at the screen for a few seconds before a scoff makes its way out of your mouth. Why is he faking so hard? There’s no one from work to see how kind he is being towards a supposedly outcast, then why? Why is he acting like he cares? 

You (11:14 am): I am meeting my parents today.  Kim Taehyung (11:15 am): Really? You seem too busy for me these days.  You (11:16 am): Yes. I gotta go. Bye.

Monday  

“Good morning, beautiful.” Taehyung greets you enthusiastically as you step into the elevator. 

“Morning.” you reply, not quite looking at him. But from the reflection on the door you can see his smile dimming. 

Thankfully the elevator is too crowded for him to start questioning you already. And you purposefully push yourself on the opposite side of him, making sure you are completely out of his sight. 

When your floor arrives and you start walking out alongside others, you see him coming towards you from your peripheral. Increasing your pace, you almost run towards your department even before he has the chance of calling your name. 

Tuesday 

Eating lunch at the office is just another mundane task for you, although for the bigger part of the crowd it’s like a comic relief. Most of the days you eat alone, on the single seats beside the large windows. On days when those seats would be taken, you would find Taehyung and sit with him instead. Even though he mostly eats with his team members, he would never hesitate to change his seat for you. And maybe those kinds of actions were what made you delusional about your place in his life. 

As you fill your plate with food and turn towards the window seats, you see that one empty spot that you eyed upon coming in, is now gone. With a sigh, you turn towards the seating area. There’s hardly any unoccupied space. A few chairs are empty, those are just the spare ones for the big group. Your anxiety reaches through the roof at the thought of having to share a table with those people. 

With a gulp, you start walking towards the end of the room. 

“Y/N! Here!” a boisterous voice echoed through the cacophony. You turn your head to look for the source and obviously, it’s Taehyung, wildly swinging his hands to gain his attention. As you look at him, he gestures to you to come and sit beside him. You only smile and nod your head in negative. And then without wasting any more time, you walk towards the back of the room and sit beside a group of interns. 

You don’t look at the direction of Taehyung’s table for the whole time you eat. If there’s a small bad feeling twitching in your gut, you suppress it by reminding you what kind of stuff he said about you behind your back. 

Wednesday 

“Hey” the knock disrupts the process of your thinking. You look up and Taehyung’s face comes into your view. The pain that you are trying to forgo, starts flooding in your bloodstream right away. He is so beautiful, so handsome - why.. Why does he have to be an asshole to you? If he was unkind to you, it would be better. But why did he have to pretend to like you? 

“Yes?” You keep your voice cold, sweeping emotions under the rug. 

Taehyung’s smile dim, “I- uh- just wanted to ask you if your review is ready. We have a client meeting after lunch.” 

“I have mailed you in the morning itself. If you haven’t received it yet, I can send it to you again. Also, you could have knocked me on the chat, there was no need to come all the way here.” you look down on your screen again, trying not to react to the drop on his expression at your curt reply. 

“I-” he starts to say something, but your phone starts vibrating right then. 

“Sorry, I have to take this.” giving him a tight-lipped smile, you take your phone and walk towards the window to receive the call, which is most definitely a spam. 

When you return to your desk, Taehyung is already gone. Sighing out of relief, you go back to work. 

Thursday

Having very few people in your life, you have never had the trouble of avoiding someone intentionally up until now and hence, you had no idea how exhausting it is. Honestly, you don't know for how long you can keep it going. It's not even your fault and you have no reason to hide away like this. 

Thankfully, Taehyung stays out at a networking event for the better part of Thursday. You see him only at the main lobby of the building. He smiles as soon as your face comes to his view. You return the courtesy by half-bowing to him while walking out of the door. Maybe if he tries to talk to you tomorrow, you will let him know you're aware of his true feelings, so he can stop pretending and you can stop this game of avoiding him. 

With a sigh you shut your eyes and walk towards the subway station under the moonlight. 

Friday

Kim Taehyung (4:37 pm): Y/N, you remember today is our ice cream day, right? Will be waiting for you at the parking! See ya!  You (4:44 pm): Sorry Taehyung, not in the mood today. Kim Taehyung (4:45 pm): What? Why? This is the second time you're cancelling plans with me. Is everything okay? Are we okay? 

You stare at the text for a few minutes before deciding on a reply. 

You (4:47 pm): We need to talk. See you at the parking. 

Inhaling a sharp breath you shut your phone off. Today is the day… Yes, no matter how hard it is for you to confront people, today you will have to do it, for once and for all. 

You knock on the car window. Taehyung rolls down the glass and opens the door with a smile. Even a week ago, this same smile on his face would light up your day but these days you keep wondering if they are really just fake. 

His smile dims once you don't smile back and just choose to sit inside the car without any greetings. 

“You have been ignoring me for this whole week.” He starts, “from cancelling plans to barely looking at me… what is it, Y/N? Did I do something to upset you?” 

Upset? You can't even begin to explain how your trust got damaged because of him. 

“I started liking you at some point, Taehyung. Romantically, I mean.” You sigh, feeling so silly of yourself. 

“Oh” the pitch of his voice changes all of a sudden. 

“And I had the audacity to think you feel something similar towards me.” A scoff comes out of your throat. 

“Y/N…” 

“But I know better now. I know that this friendship - oh, it's not even a friendship for you, right? It's just that you pity me and I'm awkward and you can't even think of dating or being friends with someone like me.” You smile at him, although tears start threatening to spill out of your eyes at any given moment. 

“Y/N…” Taehyung calls your name again but this time you can see the horror in his eyes clearly. “Did you…”

“Yes, I heard your and your real friends’ conversations accidentally. And came to the conclusion of not bothering you with my awkward presence anymore. So yeah, that's it. There's no reason to keep in contact with me unless it's about work. There's no need to pretend or be friends with me out of pity. Let's just be colleagues, I'll appreciate that.” With another tight-lipped smile, you grab the car door and open it, ready to get out of this car, this mess. 

Taehyung holds you by your wrist, “Y/N, listen to me, I- I’m so-” 

“There's no need to apologise, Taehyung. I have nothing to forgive you for. I'm angry with myself actually, not with you. I thought you would be genuinely interested in me all while I should have known better.” You shrug, “as I said earlier, I wouldn't like to have anything personal with you anymore. So please… leave my hand and let me go.” 

Taehyung gulps, but he keeps your request and lets go of your wrist. Once you start walking, you don't look back. 

From this moment, Taehyung is nothing but a good dream in your life. And you will do your best to forget that he was ever close to you. 

Taehyung feels like shit. 

Even calling this self-loathing as shit is not justified. He feels like he should dig his own grave and lie down inside the cold soil and let the earth swallow him as whole. 

He watches you vanishing amid the maze of cars. His heart has started to act abnormal again, it is beating hard, but not in the usual fluttering kind.  

His heart is now beating in panic and he does not know what is the source of this kind of feeling - if he is afraid of you being the bearer of his bad reputation or of losing you as a friend. 

When Taehyung said he befriended you out of pity, he didn’t exaggerate. He and his circle has always been pretty popular - be it school or university or office - he has always been one of the stars of any place he has ever graced with his presence. 

And you, by the first look at you, he could tell, you are the exact opposite. His suspicion was confirmed when he observed how you avoided everyone else in whatever room you were, and how everyone else avoided you just as much. You didn’t look affected at all, you didn’t look like you had the need of attending to anyone’s attention, which amused Taehyung beyond imagination.

He wanted to see if you behaved the same with you, if you could stay reluctant to him and his charms, if you could avoid his advances just like you avoid the rest of the world. 

When he gave himself the challenge, he didn’t actually expect the friendship to bloom and last for as long as it did. 

And he definitely didn’t expect to like your company as much as he does. 

You are awkward, yes, you don’t make eye contact with him, you don’t respond to his flirtatious comments, you don’t know how to take compliments but if anything, all these quirks make you even more endearing. 

So, now as he sits in his car and processes everything that happened one by one, he feels three things - one, he is incredibly angry with himself. He should have been more careful with his words! Especially when he knows you work on the same damn floor. Two, how can he be so insensitive towards someone like an obnoxious piece of shit? Is popularity really getting inside his head? That too during his big adult years? Three, why does he feel this sudden sink in his heart at the thought of losing your friendship? Your presence from his life? 

Shutting his eyes tight, he grips the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles go white. No! He can’t let his immaculate reputation scar like this! He can’t! 

He needs to do something about it. 

He needs to. 

In hindsight making things right with you seemed easier. 

But as soon as Taehyung steps on the ground with determination, he feels lost. Speaking is a far-fetched thought, you don’t even so much so spare a glance at him unless it’s absolutely professionally required. 

And hence, Taehyung, for some very obvious reasons, has not been brave enough to approach you and apologize yet. But he has been trying. He has been preparing a long apology speech that he looks forward to delivering to you during the annual office party next Friday. Till then, he should probably leave you alone. 

He has hurt you enough. It’s better to wait than offering you an premature apology which might end up doing more damage than good. 

It’s that day that you despise with all of your will - the annual party day. 

While everyone else is just on the seventh heaven with the anticipation and the excitement of dressing up and impressing their work crushes - you would be grateful if you did not have to attend the party at all. But not everything is in your hands, you are, after all, just another employee. 

With a sigh you slip into the little black dress that you bought during your cousin’s wedding reception. It has a delicious sweetheart neck and a mid-thigh length that ends in a flair. Keeping your hair loose and make-up minimal, you set out for the evening. 

There’s only one agenda for the night - avoiding Taehyung at any cost. No matter how handsome he looks, how charismatic he becomes, you need to avoid him at all cost. You can not, just can not let your eyes wander towards him. 

How nice it would be if you had at least one friend at your workplace. Avoiding Taehyung wouldn’t be a great deal then.   

But sigh… since you are alone in this, you will have to deal with this mess alone as well. 

It’s the same old ritual all over. 

Office parties mean nothing more than just a couple of overworked people letting it all out for one night. And the best thing about all of it is that - you are not the one to gain much attention. You can attend, show your face and then leave whenever you want. 

Most of the folks are scattered around the place - eating, drinking, mingling. Some are already on the dance floor even though the best dance songs are always kept for the last couple of hours.  

Everyone looks so different in colorful, sexy dresses that are completely disparate from their office outfits. You know you look different as well, especially because you witnessed a few people checking you out already, even though you didn’t pay much mind to any of them. 

Gabbing a glass of champagne, you walk towards the emptiest corner of the hall. The music blasting from the massive speaker, gets you into some kind of feeling. As you bob your head to the beats and watch your colleagues having fun, your eyes meet with Taehyung. 

He is standing at the bar counter wearing a pair of black leather pants, black tight tshirt and a very red bomber jacket. 

He looks like he is ready to grace a fashion photoshoot. Averting your eyes from him, you look down on your drink. There’s no way he would be looking at you tonight. And if he is then maybe that is just to make fun of you with his friends later on. 

“Hey, hi.” the voice comes from beside you. Moving your eyes from the drink you look for the owner of such a sweet, familiar yet hard-to-put-a-name-on voice. And as soon as your eyes fall on the owner, you lose your breath instantly.   

“Mr. Kim.” bowing almost ninety degrees, you greet the managing director and son of the chairman of your company, Kim Seokjin. 

“Please, Y/N-ssi, you don’t have to be so formal with me.” he says sweetly. This man is the kind of beauty poets write sonnets about. From his immaculate face to his wide shoulders and lean waist - he is just breathtaking. If he wasn’t the soon to be chairman himself, so many of your colleagues would try to throw themselves at him. 

He is not someone you people get to see very often but whenever he is visiting, he spoils every single worker with free coffee or snacks. You have met him only a few times during very important meetings, so him knowing your name is a very good surprise for you. 

“Are you enjoying the party?” he asks as you straighten up and offer him a smile with your pursed lips.  

“It’s not really my thing.” Something in Seokjin’s relaxed body language and beautiful smile tells you that you can be honest with him. 

“You know what?” Seokjin’s smile widens as he leans down to come to your ear level and says, “same pinch. I hate parties.” 

Both of you break in a little laughter. And even before you notice, you stop staring at your colleagues having fun with each other. Kim Seokjin knows how to keep a conversation going and soon enough you two are talking about games. 

You didn’t know he loves playing games as much as you do, if not more. The conversation takes a more fun turn and the world around you dissolves into nothing but a ball of white noise.  

“Can I ask you something?” you ask him at some point, too curious all of a sudden. 

“Sure. please ask me anything without any hesitation.” he sips on his drink. 

“How did you know my name?” you look up at him, waiting for him to satiate your curiosity. 

Seokjin looks down at you, a frown sits on his beautiful face, “we attended a couple of meetings together.” 

“Yes, I know but a ton of others did too. I doubt if you recall everyone.” you shrug. 

“Well I don’t and I am actually very bad with names. But you stood out remarkably, I remember you stating the privacy risks clearly and strictly saying you won’t work on the project if we don’t ensure end-to-end encryption.” he informs, with a glint in his eyes, “how can I forget someone like you?” 

The back of your neck warms up with his persistent gaze on you. You nod, looking away from him. 

“And if you don’t mind me crossing the professional threshold then, I would like to know more about you.” Seokjin prompts softly. You almost choke on your drink. 

Taehyung has been looking for you ever since the moment he stepped in the hall. His eyes are always on the look out and he has been monitoring every corner of the room, because that is where you would be found for most of the networking events, he doubts if the annual party is anything different.  

Some of his friends slash colleagues have been distracting him from his search every now and then but he has been alert. Raking his eyes through the crowd for another time, he finds you and as expected, you are standing at a corner. 

Taehyung’s jaw falls a little ajar as he takes a good look at you. You are looking absolutely gorgeous. The baggy clothes and formal office wear that you usually wear hides the tantalizing part of your body. 

The little black dress that you are wearing today hugs all of your curves, enhancing your beauty like never before. The light makeup and loose hair is doing their job just as perfectly. 

Shit - have you always been this good looking? 

Your eyes come to rest at his right when he is in the middle of checking you out. For a moment, you stare back at him but then quickly look away. Inhaling a long strip of oxygen, Taehyung takes a step towards you. 

He will have to talk to you tonight. But just when he is about to take another step, he sees someone else approaching you. And that someone else is the Managing Director of the company, Kim Seokjin. 

Kim Taehyung is usually a patient human being, but tonight it seems like heaven is tasting every bit of his self-control.

What he thought as a small introduction, is now a full blown chitchat session. Seokjin hasn’t moved an inch from your side and it has been what? Three hours already? His blood is boiling with each and every glance he takes at you and Seokjin. What the hell are you two talking about? That too for so long and so much? You never talked to him like that. He was the one to initiate most of the conversation and you would join. Then what is it about Seokjin that is making you talk so much? Making you look at him with big, curious eyes? In a way you hardly ever looked at him? 

He gulps down the rest of the drink that was sitting ideally in his glass. You and your very new friend are currently at the buffet, still talking and giggling about who knows what. He is waiting for you to come back so that he can finally steal you, even if for a few minutes.

A couple of minutes later, he sees you and Seokjin emerging from the buffet room. Without wasting a second, he starts walking towards you. 

“Y/N,” his voice is loud enough for you to hear, you turn your head to look at him and your jolly expressions dull right away.  

“Yes?” you question as if you don’t even know who he is. Seokjin looks at him and bows a little, he bows back out of courtesy. 

“Can I talk to you, please?” Taehyung returns his full attention to you. 

You shut your eyes and think for a moment. “Okay, but make it quick.” your voice tells how uninterested you are in him. 

“I will be back.” These words are directed towards Seokjin accompanied by one of your sweet smiles. Taehyung grits his teeth inside his closed mouth. 

The man smiles back at you, “sure. I will be here.” 

Nodding at him, you start walking towards the stairwell, Taehyung blindly follows you behind. 

“Can’t you please forgive me? I- I am really regretting my choice of words, Y/N. I really am.” Taehyung’s eyes are filled with tears at this point. It’s the alcohol that’s making him uncharacteristically emotional. 

“Who am I to forgive you, Taehyung?” you scoff, “I was never even your friend to begin with. If you are worried about me spilling the tea, then you can be assured. No matter how much of a charity case I was, I am sure you know that spreading gossip is not my thing. So yeah.. You don’t have to worry, neither do you have to ask for my forgiveness.” you try to move away, grab the doorknob to enter the hall again, but Taehyung is quick on his feet. He pushes the door shut and crowds you with his figure. 

“What are you doing?” 

“You said you liked me, if that’s true, how can you be so… so reluctant about me? How can you change like that?” Taehyung places his question. 

“I liked you because I thought you were different from these people. But I was wrong, you are actually worse. Now please let me go. I don’t understand why you are behaving so desperately when you don’t even think of me as a friend!” you try to move away again. 

Taehyung pins you to the door and pushes it close for a second time, “I realized my mistake, Y/N. I have been suffering from that day. I have… I have misjudged my own feelings. Please.. Give me another chance. I will be a better friend… I promise.” 

“Kindly just let me go. I don’t have anything to do with you anymore.” you try to push him away and just then, a knock rings on the door. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” It's Seokjin again. 

You push Taehyung away and open the door, “Mr. Kim, yeah I am okay.” 

Seokjin eyes Taehyung suspiciously, before looking down at you, “do you want to leave? I will drop you home.” 

“Yeah, that will be really cool.” you smile at him and walk out of the stairwell without even glancing back at him for once. Taehyung feels something breaking in his chest. If he is not wrong then it’s his heart.

Why is he aching like this? This was never supposed to end like this? In his heartbreak? 

As the door shuts behind your back, casting you out of his life - he realizes he is the outcast now. He is the outcast in your orbit.

They say it right, you only know what you had once you lose it completely. 

He lost a friend, a true one and maybe something more - something he is not ready to admit just yet. 

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And hence, from a young age you have learned the fact that you are introverted - someone who is bad at communicating, making friends, talking about her needs and someone who preferred staying at home instead of mingling with people of her age. It doesn’t need to be said that society has labeled you as an outcast - and you never had a problem with it. 

Being incredibly good at studies has earned you positions made out of pure respect. You have been a favorite of teachers and even students who have received help from you in one way or another. So fortunately, you never got bullied, never in school, never in university and now… never in your workplace. 

With your score and achievements everyone expected you to join medical school - but something about technology has pulled you towards it. When you completed your degree in CSE with the record high score the country has ever seen - you had a swarm of scouting agents waiting for you everyday right outside your home. 

High paying jobs abroad looked tempting but only in theory. You, a person who never even did good with her own people in her own country, can hardly adjust in a different place with people talking in a different language and having different cultural values. So you opted for the best option you could find here - Haechi-Tech, an antivirus and digital security service provider. The best in the market not only in services but also in satisfaction rate among employees. 

It has been more than five years now. After being posted at one of the smaller offices in Daejeon, you were recently transferred to the headquarters in Seoul a year ago. And it is not to be said that you are keeping up with your aesthetics here as well. 

Being incredibly good at your job has made you talk in the company, and has earned you respect not only from your immediate superiors but also from the CEO and Chairman themselves. But then again… people only talk about you, not to you. 

Most of the time you don’t feel bad. But when you find your colleagues’ insta stories full of beer glasses and each others’ face - it hurts you a little. 

After a long day, you too, want to have a nice chat with someone. You, too, want to get drunk until you can’t recall your own name and not having someone to do that with you, pinches your insides a little for sure. 

Now saying that you don’t have a single friend will be wrong - you do have a single friend in this company and that said friend is also the person you have the fattest crush on. 

Although you are aware of all the ethical nuisance that are implemented in the course of office romance - you are also hundred percent sure that what you have for Taehyung will never be reciprocated, so you don’t resist yourself from feeling and falling for him. 

Kim Taehyung is the heartthrob of Haechi. He is the local celebrity of your company and almost everyone here has a crush on him (regardless of age and gender). 

If you call him handsome, it will be an understatement. He is crafted by the Greek gods themselves - he is magnificent by the way he looks, by the way he talks, by the way he walks and by the way he just exists. 

Alongside his face, his personality is just as nice. He talks to everyone as if he has personally known them for years and yet doesn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable. He becomes the center of attention wherever he goes, unlike you who tends to get unnoticed unless her achievements are mentioned. 

So in short, you and Taehyung are poles apart. And when you first saw him, your world tilted sideways just a little just like everyone else. But you never surrounded him like everyone does. You stayed at a distance, minding your own business. 

But both Taehyung and life had different plans as it seems. 

“Hey, you are in the development team, right?” the voice came from somewhere behind you. It was familiar yet unknown. The baritone edge brushed right against the skin of your neck.

The coffee machine suddenly felt like a rocket ship - too out of your reach, you forgot how to operate it. You gulped, staring down at it as if it would be stimulated just by your eyes and started working right away.

“I am talking to you, Y/N.” Suddenly the source of the voice got closer. And even before you knew it, he was right beside you.

“Are you ignoring me?” Taehyung’s head popped up on the empty spot above the machine, startling you out of your wits. With a yelp, you jumped back, knocking your one foot on another. Nothing could save you then from the amount of embarrassment you were about to suffer from. But right when you were about to fall ass-first on the floor, Taehyung grabbed you by both of your arms and pulled you closer to him. You stood straight, but hell, so freaking close to him.

The look in his eyes was menacing. A subtle, playful smirk accompanied the overall pleased look of his face.

“Than-thanks.” your voice came out breathy. There was so much going on inside your head that you didn’t know which one to address first.

“Oh, so you are finally acknowledging my presence then?” he asked, as you started standing on your own.

“I am sorry, uh- I didn’t think you would talk to me.” Going back to your coffee, you looked away. Although you could still feel his touch lingering on your skin.

“And why is that?” Taehyung came to stand right beside you. Your shoulder brushed against his upper arm. 

It was a completely new realm for you - having someone’s entire attention to yourself, especially when it’s not something work related. 

“No.. I mean… I am, what people call, an outcast here. And you are really popular. It’s a shock for me to learn that you know my name.” Shrugging, you took a sip of your coffee.  

“You are not an outcast.” His voice suddenly turned deeper, “if you were I would not be coming here to invite you to my birthday party.” 

What? He was inviting you to his birthday party? An unofficial schedule? 

“Give me your phone.” Taehyung continued, you only stared at his face like a deer caught in headlights, “come on, Y/N.” he nudged you with his elbow, leaving no other choice but to take out your phone from your pocket, unlock it and place it in his hands. 

Taehyung typed something in it and his own phone started vibrating. With a sigh you just accepted the fact that he exchanged his number with you. 

“I will text you the address. See you tomorrow?” He gave you a wild boxy smile, making your heart skip a beat. 

“Taehyung-ssi, I appreciate the invitation but I am not… I don’t feel comfortable amid unknown people. So, I might not attend the party. I hope you don’t mind.” No matter how big of a crush you had on the man, you were not going to come out of your comfort zone so easily. 

Taehyung stopped in his tracks, stared at you for a while and then smiled even bigger, “then… How about you go to that new ice-cream shop with me after work today?” 

“What?” 

“You heard me, Y/N.” 

His warm chocolate brown eyes looked down at you as if he could read your every single fear word by word. 

“Will you have a small ice cream date with me? Just say yes or no.” 

Your heart thumped inside your chest. Date? Why was he calling that a date? Why… 

“Yes.” you replied, taking a leap of fate. 

“Good and call me Tae. My friends don’t call me by my full name.” he smiled, taking your breath away. 

Friend? You were his friend? 

“Okay.” you nodded. 

And that’s how it started. 

The one ice cream date became several, then turned into real dinners over office gossip. His Texts started flooding your phone soon as well, which turned into calls and then weekend grocery shopping. 

After a really long time you were experiencing a new friendship bloom in your territory. It felt nice, it felt good - although your brain sent you red alerts each time your heart expanded twice the size under Taehyung’s gaze. 

It was a crush. It was just a crush, it will go away in time, you told yourself again and again. Even though Taehyung’s place in your life started being way too vast to calibrate. 

Fast forward to now, ten months later - Taehyung and you are good friends. 

While he is friends with every other employee of your workplace, you know you hold a special place amid everyone. The knowledge always warms you up from inside. But you try to keep yourself humble. You try not to think that there’s a chance of your feelings being reciprocated. 

You try not to ponder upon the chances of Taehyung liking you back no matter how much he seems to like teasing you, harmlessly flirting with you. 

“Y/N-ssi?” one of your colleagues knocks down on your cubicle, “are you a bit free right now?” 

You, being mostly done with your work, look up and nod a yes at him. 

“Can you please copy these papers then? I need to sort some documents out and if I leave for copying now, I will be late for the meeting. Please do me this favor.” he pleads. This colleague is one of those very few people who are almost like you - not in anyone’s business. And you are more than happy to help him out. 

“Sure, Jaehyun-ssi. Just give me five minutes.” taking the papers from him, you stand up. 

“Thank you!” he bows at you as you walk towards the copy room lazily. 

The copy room is just beside the breakroom, you will have to walk past the breakroom to reach your destination. Just as you start nearing the breakroom, you hear giggles and laughter coming from it. And if you are not hearing things then one of those voices is Taehyung’s.

“But Taehyung-ssi is really the MVP, he managed to befriend the most antisocial person of the entire floor.” your feet stop as you hear Yuna, one of those who circle around Taehyung’s periphery, speak in a teasing tone. 

They are talking about you, you have no doubt about that. 

“Eh? Who are you talking about?” Taehyung almost whines. 

“The programming genius Y/N, who else!” she replies. 

“Yes, you two have been eating a lot of ice creams these days, huh? Are those dates?” another one from the group butts in with his own curiosity. 

“Dates? Me and Y/N? Are you guys insane?” Taehyung laughs out loud. His voice booms through the open glass door of the breakroom. You watch his translucent reflection on the door, the distortion of his expression is visible. 

Your heart stops beating for a moment, as your brain has to take a bit of time to analyze whatever data it was receiving is real or not. 

This is really happening. Taehyung is actually not interested in you that way - which is fine. You can take the rejection. But why is he talking about you like that? Like seeing you under a romantic light is wrong? Scandalous? 

“Those were not dates? Then what are you two? Best friends?” Yuna teases him again. 

“Nope. Not even close. I only befriended her because I felt pity for her being an outcast. There’s no other special reason. She is a bit awkward, I’d say. Not bad but definitely not someone I would date or be best friends with.” Taehyung shrugs, breaking your heart in pieces. 

All of the time you thought you two were close, was nothing but a pity party for Taehyung? Your and his friendship was a charity case? 

You have been living in a delusion. Thinking that someone as popular as Taehyung would be interested in you was a delusion for sure. You stand there, every other sound ebbs away, only the loud cacophony of Taehyung’s words remain. You forget what you were doing, what you are about to do and how to function all together. 

You really are nothing but an amusement to him? Just someone to make fun of? Ten months of friendship was a lie? A complete lie? 

But not anymore. You have to come out of the temporary comfortable lie you put yourself in. you have to go back to your previous state - an outcast with no friends and honestly that is way better than having fake people around you. 

Walking towards the copy room, you do your job. If a few tears make their way out of your eyes - no one needs to know about that. 

Kim Taehyung (18:13 pm): Hiiiieee, Y/N! I am going out to drink with my teammates. Can’t walk you to the subway station today.  Kim Taehyung (18:13 pm): Sorry, sweetheart! See you tomorrow? At the farmer’s market?  You (18:15 pm): I have some important stuff to take care of tomorrow, can’t go to the market. Kim Taehyung (18:16 pm): Oh? Okay. See you on Monday then? 

You slip your phone in your pocket upon reading the reply. Usually you would send an emoji or a  simple ‘okay’ to finish the conversation, but now that you know the truth, you don’t want to interact anymore with him. 

As you walk yourself towards the station, you wonder where things went wrong with you? Why does everyone misunderstand you so much? Just because you are introverted and generally don’t do good with people, does not mean you are to be pitied. 

Your vision blur yet again. 

You are really a fool. Why did you even entertain the thought of Taehyung wanting to be your friend genuinely? 

Why did you even… 

Sunday  

Kim Taehyung (11:11 am): Y/N!!!! I am bored. Let's have launch together. 

You stare at the screen for a few seconds before a scoff makes its way out of your mouth. Why is he faking so hard? There’s no one from work to see how kind he is being towards a supposedly outcast, then why? Why is he acting like he cares? 

You (11:14 am): I am meeting my parents today.  Kim Taehyung (11:15 am): Really? You seem too busy for me these days.  You (11:16 am): Yes. I gotta go. Bye.

Monday  

“Good morning, beautiful.” Taehyung greets you enthusiastically as you step into the elevator. 

“Morning.” you reply, not quite looking at him. But from the reflection on the door you can see his smile dimming. 

Thankfully the elevator is too crowded for him to start questioning you already. And you purposefully push yourself on the opposite side of him, making sure you are completely out of his sight. 

When your floor arrives and you start walking out alongside others, you see him coming towards you from your peripheral. Increasing your pace, you almost run towards your department even before he has the chance of calling your name. 

Tuesday 

Eating lunch at the office is just another mundane task for you, although for the bigger part of the crowd it’s like a comic relief. Most of the days you eat alone, on the single seats beside the large windows. On days when those seats would be taken, you would find Taehyung and sit with him instead. Even though he mostly eats with his team members, he would never hesitate to change his seat for you. And maybe those kinds of actions were what made you delusional about your place in his life. 

As you fill your plate with food and turn towards the window seats, you see that one empty spot that you eyed upon coming in, is now gone. With a sigh, you turn towards the seating area. There’s hardly any unoccupied space. A few chairs are empty, those are just the spare ones for the big group. Your anxiety reaches through the roof at the thought of having to share a table with those people. 

With a gulp, you start walking towards the end of the room. 

“Y/N! Here!” a boisterous voice echoed through the cacophony. You turn your head to look for the source and obviously, it’s Taehyung, wildly swinging his hands to gain his attention. As you look at him, he gestures to you to come and sit beside him. You only smile and nod your head in negative. And then without wasting any more time, you walk towards the back of the room and sit beside a group of interns. 

You don’t look at the direction of Taehyung’s table for the whole time you eat. If there’s a small bad feeling twitching in your gut, you suppress it by reminding you what kind of stuff he said about you behind your back. 

Wednesday 

“Hey” the knock disrupts the process of your thinking. You look up and Taehyung’s face comes into your view. The pain that you are trying to forgo, starts flooding in your bloodstream right away. He is so beautiful, so handsome - why.. Why does he have to be an asshole to you? If he was unkind to you, it would be better. But why did he have to pretend to like you? 

“Yes?” You keep your voice cold, sweeping emotions under the rug. 

Taehyung’s smile dim, “I- uh- just wanted to ask you if your review is ready. We have a client meeting after lunch.” 

“I have mailed you in the morning itself. If you haven’t received it yet, I can send it to you again. Also, you could have knocked me on the chat, there was no need to come all the way here.” you look down on your screen again, trying not to react to the drop on his expression at your curt reply. 

“I-” he starts to say something, but your phone starts vibrating right then. 

“Sorry, I have to take this.” giving him a tight-lipped smile, you take your phone and walk towards the window to receive the call, which is most definitely a spam. 

When you return to your desk, Taehyung is already gone. Sighing out of relief, you go back to work. 

Thursday

Having very few people in your life, you have never had the trouble of avoiding someone intentionally up until now and hence, you had no idea how exhausting it is. Honestly, you don't know for how long you can keep it going. It's not even your fault and you have no reason to hide away like this. 

Thankfully, Taehyung stays out at a networking event for the better part of Thursday. You see him only at the main lobby of the building. He smiles as soon as your face comes to his view. You return the courtesy by half-bowing to him while walking out of the door. Maybe if he tries to talk to you tomorrow, you will let him know you're aware of his true feelings, so he can stop pretending and you can stop this game of avoiding him. 

With a sigh you shut your eyes and walk towards the subway station under the moonlight. 

Friday

Kim Taehyung (4:37 pm): Y/N, you remember today is our ice cream day, right? Will be waiting for you at the parking! See ya!  You (4:44 pm): Sorry Taehyung, not in the mood today. Kim Taehyung (4:45 pm): What? Why? This is the second time you're cancelling plans with me. Is everything okay? Are we okay? 

You stare at the text for a few minutes before deciding on a reply. 

You (4:47 pm): We need to talk. See you at the parking. 

Inhaling a sharp breath you shut your phone off. Today is the day… Yes, no matter how hard it is for you to confront people, today you will have to do it, for once and for all. 

You knock on the car window. Taehyung rolls down the glass and opens the door with a smile. Even a week ago, this same smile on his face would light up your day but these days you keep wondering if they are really just fake. 

His smile dims once you don't smile back and just choose to sit inside the car without any greetings. 

“You have been ignoring me for this whole week.” He starts, “from cancelling plans to barely looking at me… what is it, Y/N? Did I do something to upset you?” 

Upset? You can't even begin to explain how your trust got damaged because of him. 

“I started liking you at some point, Taehyung. Romantically, I mean.” You sigh, feeling so silly of yourself. 

“Oh” the pitch of his voice changes all of a sudden. 

“And I had the audacity to think you feel something similar towards me.” A scoff comes out of your throat. 

“Y/N…” 

“But I know better now. I know that this friendship - oh, it's not even a friendship for you, right? It's just that you pity me and I'm awkward and you can't even think of dating or being friends with someone like me.” You smile at him, although tears start threatening to spill out of your eyes at any given moment. 

“Y/N…” Taehyung calls your name again but this time you can see the horror in his eyes clearly. “Did you…”

“Yes, I heard your and your real friends’ conversations accidentally. And came to the conclusion of not bothering you with my awkward presence anymore. So yeah, that's it. There's no reason to keep in contact with me unless it's about work. There's no need to pretend or be friends with me out of pity. Let's just be colleagues, I'll appreciate that.” With another tight-lipped smile, you grab the car door and open it, ready to get out of this car, this mess. 

Taehyung holds you by your wrist, “Y/N, listen to me, I- I’m so-” 

“There's no need to apologise, Taehyung. I have nothing to forgive you for. I'm angry with myself actually, not with you. I thought you would be genuinely interested in me all while I should have known better.” You shrug, “as I said earlier, I wouldn't like to have anything personal with you anymore. So please… leave my hand and let me go.” 

Taehyung gulps, but he keeps your request and lets go of your wrist. Once you start walking, you don't look back. 

From this moment, Taehyung is nothing but a good dream in your life. And you will do your best to forget that he was ever close to you. 

Taehyung feels like shit. 

Even calling this self-loathing as shit is not justified. He feels like he should dig his own grave and lie down inside the cold soil and let the earth swallow him as whole. 

He watches you vanishing amid the maze of cars. His heart has started to act abnormal again, it is beating hard, but not in the usual fluttering kind.  

His heart is now beating in panic and he does not know what is the source of this kind of feeling - if he is afraid of you being the bearer of his bad reputation or of losing you as a friend. 

When Taehyung said he befriended you out of pity, he didn’t exaggerate. He and his circle has always been pretty popular - be it school or university or office - he has always been one of the stars of any place he has ever graced with his presence. 

And you, by the first look at you, he could tell, you are the exact opposite. His suspicion was confirmed when he observed how you avoided everyone else in whatever room you were, and how everyone else avoided you just as much. You didn’t look affected at all, you didn’t look like you had the need of attending to anyone’s attention, which amused Taehyung beyond imagination.

He wanted to see if you behaved the same with you, if you could stay reluctant to him and his charms, if you could avoid his advances just like you avoid the rest of the world. 

When he gave himself the challenge, he didn’t actually expect the friendship to bloom and last for as long as it did. 

And he definitely didn’t expect to like your company as much as he does. 

You are awkward, yes, you don’t make eye contact with him, you don’t respond to his flirtatious comments, you don’t know how to take compliments but if anything, all these quirks make you even more endearing. 

So, now as he sits in his car and processes everything that happened one by one, he feels three things - one, he is incredibly angry with himself. He should have been more careful with his words! Especially when he knows you work on the same damn floor. Two, how can he be so insensitive towards someone like an obnoxious piece of shit? Is popularity really getting inside his head? That too during his big adult years? Three, why does he feel this sudden sink in his heart at the thought of losing your friendship? Your presence from his life? 

Shutting his eyes tight, he grips the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles go white. No! He can’t let his immaculate reputation scar like this! He can’t! 

He needs to do something about it. 

He needs to. 

In hindsight making things right with you seemed easier. 

But as soon as Taehyung steps on the ground with determination, he feels lost. Speaking is a far-fetched thought, you don’t even so much so spare a glance at him unless it’s absolutely professionally required. 

And hence, Taehyung, for some very obvious reasons, has not been brave enough to approach you and apologize yet. But he has been trying. He has been preparing a long apology speech that he looks forward to delivering to you during the annual office party next Friday. Till then, he should probably leave you alone. 

He has hurt you enough. It’s better to wait than offering you an premature apology which might end up doing more damage than good. 

It’s that day that you despise with all of your will - the annual party day. 

While everyone else is just on the seventh heaven with the anticipation and the excitement of dressing up and impressing their work crushes - you would be grateful if you did not have to attend the party at all. But not everything is in your hands, you are, after all, just another employee. 

With a sigh you slip into the little black dress that you bought during your cousin’s wedding reception. It has a delicious sweetheart neck and a mid-thigh length that ends in a flair. Keeping your hair loose and make-up minimal, you set out for the evening. 

There’s only one agenda for the night - avoiding Taehyung at any cost. No matter how handsome he looks, how charismatic he becomes, you need to avoid him at all cost. You can not, just can not let your eyes wander towards him. 

How nice it would be if you had at least one friend at your workplace. Avoiding Taehyung wouldn’t be a great deal then.   

But sigh… since you are alone in this, you will have to deal with this mess alone as well. 

It’s the same old ritual all over. 

Office parties mean nothing more than just a couple of overworked people letting it all out for one night. And the best thing about all of it is that - you are not the one to gain much attention. You can attend, show your face and then leave whenever you want. 

Most of the folks are scattered around the place - eating, drinking, mingling. Some are already on the dance floor even though the best dance songs are always kept for the last couple of hours.  

Everyone looks so different in colorful, sexy dresses that are completely disparate from their office outfits. You know you look different as well, especially because you witnessed a few people checking you out already, even though you didn’t pay much mind to any of them. 

Gabbing a glass of champagne, you walk towards the emptiest corner of the hall. The music blasting from the massive speaker, gets you into some kind of feeling. As you bob your head to the beats and watch your colleagues having fun, your eyes meet with Taehyung. 

He is standing at the bar counter wearing a pair of black leather pants, black tight tshirt and a very red bomber jacket. 

He looks like he is ready to grace a fashion photoshoot. Averting your eyes from him, you look down on your drink. There’s no way he would be looking at you tonight. And if he is then maybe that is just to make fun of you with his friends later on. 

“Hey, hi.” the voice comes from beside you. Moving your eyes from the drink you look for the owner of such a sweet, familiar yet hard-to-put-a-name-on voice. And as soon as your eyes fall on the owner, you lose your breath instantly.   

“Mr. Kim.” bowing almost ninety degrees, you greet the managing director and son of the chairman of your company, Kim Seokjin. 

“Please, Y/N-ssi, you don’t have to be so formal with me.” he says sweetly. This man is the kind of beauty poets write sonnets about. From his immaculate face to his wide shoulders and lean waist - he is just breathtaking. If he wasn’t the soon to be chairman himself, so many of your colleagues would try to throw themselves at him. 

He is not someone you people get to see very often but whenever he is visiting, he spoils every single worker with free coffee or snacks. You have met him only a few times during very important meetings, so him knowing your name is a very good surprise for you. 

“Are you enjoying the party?” he asks as you straighten up and offer him a smile with your pursed lips.  

“It’s not really my thing.” Something in Seokjin’s relaxed body language and beautiful smile tells you that you can be honest with him. 

“You know what?” Seokjin’s smile widens as he leans down to come to your ear level and says, “same pinch. I hate parties.” 

Both of you break in a little laughter. And even before you notice, you stop staring at your colleagues having fun with each other. Kim Seokjin knows how to keep a conversation going and soon enough you two are talking about games. 

You didn’t know he loves playing games as much as you do, if not more. The conversation takes a more fun turn and the world around you dissolves into nothing but a ball of white noise.  

“Can I ask you something?” you ask him at some point, too curious all of a sudden. 

“Sure. please ask me anything without any hesitation.” he sips on his drink. 

“How did you know my name?” you look up at him, waiting for him to satiate your curiosity. 

Seokjin looks down at you, a frown sits on his beautiful face, “we attended a couple of meetings together.” 

“Yes, I know but a ton of others did too. I doubt if you recall everyone.” you shrug. 

“Well I don’t and I am actually very bad with names. But you stood out remarkably, I remember you stating the privacy risks clearly and strictly saying you won’t work on the project if we don’t ensure end-to-end encryption.” he informs, with a glint in his eyes, “how can I forget someone like you?” 

The back of your neck warms up with his persistent gaze on you. You nod, looking away from him. 

“And if you don’t mind me crossing the professional threshold then, I would like to know more about you.” Seokjin prompts softly. You almost choke on your drink. 

Taehyung has been looking for you ever since the moment he stepped in the hall. His eyes are always on the look out and he has been monitoring every corner of the room, because that is where you would be found for most of the networking events, he doubts if the annual party is anything different.  

Some of his friends slash colleagues have been distracting him from his search every now and then but he has been alert. Raking his eyes through the crowd for another time, he finds you and as expected, you are standing at a corner. 

Taehyung’s jaw falls a little ajar as he takes a good look at you. You are looking absolutely gorgeous. The baggy clothes and formal office wear that you usually wear hides the tantalizing part of your body. 

The little black dress that you are wearing today hugs all of your curves, enhancing your beauty like never before. The light makeup and loose hair is doing their job just as perfectly. 

Shit - have you always been this good looking? 

Your eyes come to rest at his right when he is in the middle of checking you out. For a moment, you stare back at him but then quickly look away. Inhaling a long strip of oxygen, Taehyung takes a step towards you. 

He will have to talk to you tonight. But just when he is about to take another step, he sees someone else approaching you. And that someone else is the Managing Director of the company, Kim Seokjin. 

Kim Taehyung is usually a patient human being, but tonight it seems like heaven is tasting every bit of his self-control.

What he thought as a small introduction, is now a full blown chitchat session. Seokjin hasn’t moved an inch from your side and it has been what? Three hours already? His blood is boiling with each and every glance he takes at you and Seokjin. What the hell are you two talking about? That too for so long and so much? You never talked to him like that. He was the one to initiate most of the conversation and you would join. Then what is it about Seokjin that is making you talk so much? Making you look at him with big, curious eyes? In a way you hardly ever looked at him? 

He gulps down the rest of the drink that was sitting ideally in his glass. You and your very new friend are currently at the buffet, still talking and giggling about who knows what. He is waiting for you to come back so that he can finally steal you, even if for a few minutes.

A couple of minutes later, he sees you and Seokjin emerging from the buffet room. Without wasting a second, he starts walking towards you. 

“Y/N,” his voice is loud enough for you to hear, you turn your head to look at him and your jolly expressions dull right away.  

“Yes?” you question as if you don’t even know who he is. Seokjin looks at him and bows a little, he bows back out of courtesy. 

“Can I talk to you, please?” Taehyung returns his full attention to you. 

You shut your eyes and think for a moment. “Okay, but make it quick.” your voice tells how uninterested you are in him. 

“I will be back.” These words are directed towards Seokjin accompanied by one of your sweet smiles. Taehyung grits his teeth inside his closed mouth. 

The man smiles back at you, “sure. I will be here.” 

Nodding at him, you start walking towards the stairwell, Taehyung blindly follows you behind. 

“Can’t you please forgive me? I- I am really regretting my choice of words, Y/N. I really am.” Taehyung’s eyes are filled with tears at this point. It’s the alcohol that’s making him uncharacteristically emotional. 

“Who am I to forgive you, Taehyung?” you scoff, “I was never even your friend to begin with. If you are worried about me spilling the tea, then you can be assured. No matter how much of a charity case I was, I am sure you know that spreading gossip is not my thing. So yeah.. You don’t have to worry, neither do you have to ask for my forgiveness.” you try to move away, grab the doorknob to enter the hall again, but Taehyung is quick on his feet. He pushes the door shut and crowds you with his figure. 

“What are you doing?” 

“You said you liked me, if that’s true, how can you be so… so reluctant about me? How can you change like that?” Taehyung places his question. 

“I liked you because I thought you were different from these people. But I was wrong, you are actually worse. Now please let me go. I don’t understand why you are behaving so desperately when you don’t even think of me as a friend!” you try to move away again. 

Taehyung pins you to the door and pushes it close for a second time, “I realized my mistake, Y/N. I have been suffering from that day. I have… I have misjudged my own feelings. Please.. Give me another chance. I will be a better friend… I promise.” 

“Kindly just let me go. I don’t have anything to do with you anymore.” you try to push him away and just then, a knock rings on the door. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” It's Seokjin again. 

You push Taehyung away and open the door, “Mr. Kim, yeah I am okay.” 

Seokjin eyes Taehyung suspiciously, before looking down at you, “do you want to leave? I will drop you home.” 

“Yeah, that will be really cool.” you smile at him and walk out of the stairwell without even glancing back at him for once. Taehyung feels something breaking in his chest. If he is not wrong then it’s his heart.

Why is he aching like this? This was never supposed to end like this? In his heartbreak? 

As the door shuts behind your back, casting you out of his life - he realizes he is the outcast now. He is the outcast in your orbit.

They say it right, you only know what you had once you lose it completely. 

He lost a friend, a true one and maybe something more - something he is not ready to admit just yet. 

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And hence, from a young age you have learned the fact that you are introverted - someone who is bad at communicating, making friends, talking about her needs and someone who preferred staying at home instead of mingling with people of her age. It doesn’t need to be said that society has labeled you as an outcast - and you never had a problem with it. 

Being incredibly good at studies has earned you positions made out of pure respect. You have been a favorite of teachers and even students who have received help from you in one way or another. So fortunately, you never got bullied, never in school, never in university and now… never in your workplace. 

With your score and achievements everyone expected you to join medical school - but something about technology has pulled you towards it. When you completed your degree in CSE with the record high score the country has ever seen - you had a swarm of scouting agents waiting for you everyday right outside your home. 

High paying jobs abroad looked tempting but only in theory. You, a person who never even did good with her own people in her own country, can hardly adjust in a different place with people talking in a different language and having different cultural values. So you opted for the best option you could find here - Haechi-Tech, an antivirus and digital security service provider. The best in the market not only in services but also in satisfaction rate among employees. 

It has been more than five years now. After being posted at one of the smaller offices in Daejeon, you were recently transferred to the headquarters in Seoul a year ago. And it is not to be said that you are keeping up with your aesthetics here as well. 

Being incredibly good at your job has made you talk in the company, and has earned you respect not only from your immediate superiors but also from the CEO and Chairman themselves. But then again… people only talk about you, not to you. 

Most of the time you don’t feel bad. But when you find your colleagues’ insta stories full of beer glasses and each others’ face - it hurts you a little. 

After a long day, you too, want to have a nice chat with someone. You, too, want to get drunk until you can’t recall your own name and not having someone to do that with you, pinches your insides a little for sure. 

Now saying that you don’t have a single friend will be wrong - you do have a single friend in this company and that said friend is also the person you have the fattest crush on. 

Although you are aware of all the ethical nuisance that are implemented in the course of office romance - you are also hundred percent sure that what you have for Taehyung will never be reciprocated, so you don’t resist yourself from feeling and falling for him. 

Kim Taehyung is the heartthrob of Haechi. He is the local celebrity of your company and almost everyone here has a crush on him (regardless of age and gender). 

If you call him handsome, it will be an understatement. He is crafted by the Greek gods themselves - he is magnificent by the way he looks, by the way he talks, by the way he walks and by the way he just exists. 

Alongside his face, his personality is just as nice. He talks to everyone as if he has personally known them for years and yet doesn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable. He becomes the center of attention wherever he goes, unlike you who tends to get unnoticed unless her achievements are mentioned. 

So in short, you and Taehyung are poles apart. And when you first saw him, your world tilted sideways just a little just like everyone else. But you never surrounded him like everyone does. You stayed at a distance, minding your own business. 

But both Taehyung and life had different plans as it seems. 

“Hey, you are in the development team, right?” the voice came from somewhere behind you. It was familiar yet unknown. The baritone edge brushed right against the skin of your neck.

The coffee machine suddenly felt like a rocket ship - too out of your reach, you forgot how to operate it. You gulped, staring down at it as if it would be stimulated just by your eyes and started working right away.

“I am talking to you, Y/N.” Suddenly the source of the voice got closer. And even before you knew it, he was right beside you.

“Are you ignoring me?” Taehyung’s head popped up on the empty spot above the machine, startling you out of your wits. With a yelp, you jumped back, knocking your one foot on another. Nothing could save you then from the amount of embarrassment you were about to suffer from. But right when you were about to fall ass-first on the floor, Taehyung grabbed you by both of your arms and pulled you closer to him. You stood straight, but hell, so freaking close to him.

The look in his eyes was menacing. A subtle, playful smirk accompanied the overall pleased look of his face.

“Than-thanks.” your voice came out breathy. There was so much going on inside your head that you didn’t know which one to address first.

“Oh, so you are finally acknowledging my presence then?” he asked, as you started standing on your own.

“I am sorry, uh- I didn’t think you would talk to me.” Going back to your coffee, you looked away. Although you could still feel his touch lingering on your skin.

“And why is that?” Taehyung came to stand right beside you. Your shoulder brushed against his upper arm. 

It was a completely new realm for you - having someone’s entire attention to yourself, especially when it’s not something work related. 

“No.. I mean… I am, what people call, an outcast here. And you are really popular. It’s a shock for me to learn that you know my name.” Shrugging, you took a sip of your coffee.  

“You are not an outcast.” His voice suddenly turned deeper, “if you were I would not be coming here to invite you to my birthday party.” 

What? He was inviting you to his birthday party? An unofficial schedule? 

“Give me your phone.” Taehyung continued, you only stared at his face like a deer caught in headlights, “come on, Y/N.” he nudged you with his elbow, leaving no other choice but to take out your phone from your pocket, unlock it and place it in his hands. 

Taehyung typed something in it and his own phone started vibrating. With a sigh you just accepted the fact that he exchanged his number with you. 

“I will text you the address. See you tomorrow?” He gave you a wild boxy smile, making your heart skip a beat. 

“Taehyung-ssi, I appreciate the invitation but I am not… I don’t feel comfortable amid unknown people. So, I might not attend the party. I hope you don’t mind.” No matter how big of a crush you had on the man, you were not going to come out of your comfort zone so easily. 

Taehyung stopped in his tracks, stared at you for a while and then smiled even bigger, “then… How about you go to that new ice-cream shop with me after work today?” 

“What?” 

“You heard me, Y/N.” 

His warm chocolate brown eyes looked down at you as if he could read your every single fear word by word. 

“Will you have a small ice cream date with me? Just say yes or no.” 

Your heart thumped inside your chest. Date? Why was he calling that a date? Why… 

“Yes.” you replied, taking a leap of fate. 

“Good and call me Tae. My friends don’t call me by my full name.” he smiled, taking your breath away. 

Friend? You were his friend? 

“Okay.” you nodded. 

And that’s how it started. 

The one ice cream date became several, then turned into real dinners over office gossip. His Texts started flooding your phone soon as well, which turned into calls and then weekend grocery shopping. 

After a really long time you were experiencing a new friendship bloom in your territory. It felt nice, it felt good - although your brain sent you red alerts each time your heart expanded twice the size under Taehyung’s gaze. 

It was a crush. It was just a crush, it will go away in time, you told yourself again and again. Even though Taehyung’s place in your life started being way too vast to calibrate. 

Fast forward to now, ten months later - Taehyung and you are good friends. 

While he is friends with every other employee of your workplace, you know you hold a special place amid everyone. The knowledge always warms you up from inside. But you try to keep yourself humble. You try not to think that there’s a chance of your feelings being reciprocated. 

You try not to ponder upon the chances of Taehyung liking you back no matter how much he seems to like teasing you, harmlessly flirting with you. 

“Y/N-ssi?” one of your colleagues knocks down on your cubicle, “are you a bit free right now?” 

You, being mostly done with your work, look up and nod a yes at him. 

“Can you please copy these papers then? I need to sort some documents out and if I leave for copying now, I will be late for the meeting. Please do me this favor.” he pleads. This colleague is one of those very few people who are almost like you - not in anyone’s business. And you are more than happy to help him out. 

“Sure, Jaehyun-ssi. Just give me five minutes.” taking the papers from him, you stand up. 

“Thank you!” he bows at you as you walk towards the copy room lazily. 

The copy room is just beside the breakroom, you will have to walk past the breakroom to reach your destination. Just as you start nearing the breakroom, you hear giggles and laughter coming from it. And if you are not hearing things then one of those voices is Taehyung’s.

“But Taehyung-ssi is really the MVP, he managed to befriend the most antisocial person of the entire floor.” your feet stop as you hear Yuna, one of those who circle around Taehyung’s periphery, speak in a teasing tone. 

They are talking about you, you have no doubt about that. 

“Eh? Who are you talking about?” Taehyung almost whines. 

“The programming genius Y/N, who else!” she replies. 

“Yes, you two have been eating a lot of ice creams these days, huh? Are those dates?” another one from the group butts in with his own curiosity. 

“Dates? Me and Y/N? Are you guys insane?” Taehyung laughs out loud. His voice booms through the open glass door of the breakroom. You watch his translucent reflection on the door, the distortion of his expression is visible. 

Your heart stops beating for a moment, as your brain has to take a bit of time to analyze whatever data it was receiving is real or not. 

This is really happening. Taehyung is actually not interested in you that way - which is fine. You can take the rejection. But why is he talking about you like that? Like seeing you under a romantic light is wrong? Scandalous? 

“Those were not dates? Then what are you two? Best friends?” Yuna teases him again. 

“Nope. Not even close. I only befriended her because I felt pity for her being an outcast. There’s no other special reason. She is a bit awkward, I’d say. Not bad but definitely not someone I would date or be best friends with.” Taehyung shrugs, breaking your heart in pieces. 

All of the time you thought you two were close, was nothing but a pity party for Taehyung? Your and his friendship was a charity case? 

You have been living in a delusion. Thinking that someone as popular as Taehyung would be interested in you was a delusion for sure. You stand there, every other sound ebbs away, only the loud cacophony of Taehyung’s words remain. You forget what you were doing, what you are about to do and how to function all together. 

You really are nothing but an amusement to him? Just someone to make fun of? Ten months of friendship was a lie? A complete lie? 

But not anymore. You have to come out of the temporary comfortable lie you put yourself in. you have to go back to your previous state - an outcast with no friends and honestly that is way better than having fake people around you. 

Walking towards the copy room, you do your job. If a few tears make their way out of your eyes - no one needs to know about that. 

Kim Taehyung (18:13 pm): Hiiiieee, Y/N! I am going out to drink with my teammates. Can’t walk you to the subway station today.  Kim Taehyung (18:13 pm): Sorry, sweetheart! See you tomorrow? At the farmer’s market?  You (18:15 pm): I have some important stuff to take care of tomorrow, can’t go to the market. Kim Taehyung (18:16 pm): Oh? Okay. See you on Monday then? 

You slip your phone in your pocket upon reading the reply. Usually you would send an emoji or a  simple ‘okay’ to finish the conversation, but now that you know the truth, you don’t want to interact anymore with him. 

As you walk yourself towards the station, you wonder where things went wrong with you? Why does everyone misunderstand you so much? Just because you are introverted and generally don’t do good with people, does not mean you are to be pitied. 

Your vision blur yet again. 

You are really a fool. Why did you even entertain the thought of Taehyung wanting to be your friend genuinely? 

Why did you even… 

Sunday  

Kim Taehyung (11:11 am): Y/N!!!! I am bored. Let's have launch together. 

You stare at the screen for a few seconds before a scoff makes its way out of your mouth. Why is he faking so hard? There’s no one from work to see how kind he is being towards a supposedly outcast, then why? Why is he acting like he cares? 

You (11:14 am): I am meeting my parents today.  Kim Taehyung (11:15 am): Really? You seem too busy for me these days.  You (11:16 am): Yes. I gotta go. Bye.

Monday  

“Good morning, beautiful.” Taehyung greets you enthusiastically as you step into the elevator. 

“Morning.” you reply, not quite looking at him. But from the reflection on the door you can see his smile dimming. 

Thankfully the elevator is too crowded for him to start questioning you already. And you purposefully push yourself on the opposite side of him, making sure you are completely out of his sight. 

When your floor arrives and you start walking out alongside others, you see him coming towards you from your peripheral. Increasing your pace, you almost run towards your department even before he has the chance of calling your name. 

Tuesday 

Eating lunch at the office is just another mundane task for you, although for the bigger part of the crowd it’s like a comic relief. Most of the days you eat alone, on the single seats beside the large windows. On days when those seats would be taken, you would find Taehyung and sit with him instead. Even though he mostly eats with his team members, he would never hesitate to change his seat for you. And maybe those kinds of actions were what made you delusional about your place in his life. 

As you fill your plate with food and turn towards the window seats, you see that one empty spot that you eyed upon coming in, is now gone. With a sigh, you turn towards the seating area. There’s hardly any unoccupied space. A few chairs are empty, those are just the spare ones for the big group. Your anxiety reaches through the roof at the thought of having to share a table with those people. 

With a gulp, you start walking towards the end of the room. 

“Y/N! Here!” a boisterous voice echoed through the cacophony. You turn your head to look for the source and obviously, it’s Taehyung, wildly swinging his hands to gain his attention. As you look at him, he gestures to you to come and sit beside him. You only smile and nod your head in negative. And then without wasting any more time, you walk towards the back of the room and sit beside a group of interns. 

You don’t look at the direction of Taehyung’s table for the whole time you eat. If there’s a small bad feeling twitching in your gut, you suppress it by reminding you what kind of stuff he said about you behind your back. 

Wednesday 

“Hey” the knock disrupts the process of your thinking. You look up and Taehyung’s face comes into your view. The pain that you are trying to forgo, starts flooding in your bloodstream right away. He is so beautiful, so handsome - why.. Why does he have to be an asshole to you? If he was unkind to you, it would be better. But why did he have to pretend to like you? 

“Yes?” You keep your voice cold, sweeping emotions under the rug. 

Taehyung’s smile dim, “I- uh- just wanted to ask you if your review is ready. We have a client meeting after lunch.” 

“I have mailed you in the morning itself. If you haven’t received it yet, I can send it to you again. Also, you could have knocked me on the chat, there was no need to come all the way here.” you look down on your screen again, trying not to react to the drop on his expression at your curt reply. 

“I-” he starts to say something, but your phone starts vibrating right then. 

“Sorry, I have to take this.” giving him a tight-lipped smile, you take your phone and walk towards the window to receive the call, which is most definitely a spam. 

When you return to your desk, Taehyung is already gone. Sighing out of relief, you go back to work. 

Thursday

Having very few people in your life, you have never had the trouble of avoiding someone intentionally up until now and hence, you had no idea how exhausting it is. Honestly, you don't know for how long you can keep it going. It's not even your fault and you have no reason to hide away like this. 

Thankfully, Taehyung stays out at a networking event for the better part of Thursday. You see him only at the main lobby of the building. He smiles as soon as your face comes to his view. You return the courtesy by half-bowing to him while walking out of the door. Maybe if he tries to talk to you tomorrow, you will let him know you're aware of his true feelings, so he can stop pretending and you can stop this game of avoiding him. 

With a sigh you shut your eyes and walk towards the subway station under the moonlight. 

Friday

Kim Taehyung (4:37 pm): Y/N, you remember today is our ice cream day, right? Will be waiting for you at the parking! See ya!  You (4:44 pm): Sorry Taehyung, not in the mood today. Kim Taehyung (4:45 pm): What? Why? This is the second time you're cancelling plans with me. Is everything okay? Are we okay? 

You stare at the text for a few minutes before deciding on a reply. 

You (4:47 pm): We need to talk. See you at the parking. 

Inhaling a sharp breath you shut your phone off. Today is the day… Yes, no matter how hard it is for you to confront people, today you will have to do it, for once and for all. 

You knock on the car window. Taehyung rolls down the glass and opens the door with a smile. Even a week ago, this same smile on his face would light up your day but these days you keep wondering if they are really just fake. 

His smile dims once you don't smile back and just choose to sit inside the car without any greetings. 

“You have been ignoring me for this whole week.” He starts, “from cancelling plans to barely looking at me… what is it, Y/N? Did I do something to upset you?” 

Upset? You can't even begin to explain how your trust got damaged because of him. 

“I started liking you at some point, Taehyung. Romantically, I mean.” You sigh, feeling so silly of yourself. 

“Oh” the pitch of his voice changes all of a sudden. 

“And I had the audacity to think you feel something similar towards me.” A scoff comes out of your throat. 

“Y/N…” 

“But I know better now. I know that this friendship - oh, it's not even a friendship for you, right? It's just that you pity me and I'm awkward and you can't even think of dating or being friends with someone like me.” You smile at him, although tears start threatening to spill out of your eyes at any given moment. 

“Y/N…” Taehyung calls your name again but this time you can see the horror in his eyes clearly. “Did you…”

“Yes, I heard your and your real friends’ conversations accidentally. And came to the conclusion of not bothering you with my awkward presence anymore. So yeah, that's it. There's no reason to keep in contact with me unless it's about work. There's no need to pretend or be friends with me out of pity. Let's just be colleagues, I'll appreciate that.” With another tight-lipped smile, you grab the car door and open it, ready to get out of this car, this mess. 

Taehyung holds you by your wrist, “Y/N, listen to me, I- I’m so-” 

“There's no need to apologise, Taehyung. I have nothing to forgive you for. I'm angry with myself actually, not with you. I thought you would be genuinely interested in me all while I should have known better.” You shrug, “as I said earlier, I wouldn't like to have anything personal with you anymore. So please… leave my hand and let me go.” 

Taehyung gulps, but he keeps your request and lets go of your wrist. Once you start walking, you don't look back. 

From this moment, Taehyung is nothing but a good dream in your life. And you will do your best to forget that he was ever close to you. 

Taehyung feels like shit. 

Even calling this self-loathing as shit is not justified. He feels like he should dig his own grave and lie down inside the cold soil and let the earth swallow him as whole. 

He watches you vanishing amid the maze of cars. His heart has started to act abnormal again, it is beating hard, but not in the usual fluttering kind.  

His heart is now beating in panic and he does not know what is the source of this kind of feeling - if he is afraid of you being the bearer of his bad reputation or of losing you as a friend. 

When Taehyung said he befriended you out of pity, he didn’t exaggerate. He and his circle has always been pretty popular - be it school or university or office - he has always been one of the stars of any place he has ever graced with his presence. 

And you, by the first look at you, he could tell, you are the exact opposite. His suspicion was confirmed when he observed how you avoided everyone else in whatever room you were, and how everyone else avoided you just as much. You didn’t look affected at all, you didn’t look like you had the need of attending to anyone’s attention, which amused Taehyung beyond imagination.

He wanted to see if you behaved the same with you, if you could stay reluctant to him and his charms, if you could avoid his advances just like you avoid the rest of the world. 

When he gave himself the challenge, he didn’t actually expect the friendship to bloom and last for as long as it did. 

And he definitely didn’t expect to like your company as much as he does. 

You are awkward, yes, you don’t make eye contact with him, you don’t respond to his flirtatious comments, you don’t know how to take compliments but if anything, all these quirks make you even more endearing. 

So, now as he sits in his car and processes everything that happened one by one, he feels three things - one, he is incredibly angry with himself. He should have been more careful with his words! Especially when he knows you work on the same damn floor. Two, how can he be so insensitive towards someone like an obnoxious piece of shit? Is popularity really getting inside his head? That too during his big adult years? Three, why does he feel this sudden sink in his heart at the thought of losing your friendship? Your presence from his life? 

Shutting his eyes tight, he grips the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles go white. No! He can’t let his immaculate reputation scar like this! He can’t! 

He needs to do something about it. 

He needs to. 

In hindsight making things right with you seemed easier. 

But as soon as Taehyung steps on the ground with determination, he feels lost. Speaking is a far-fetched thought, you don’t even so much so spare a glance at him unless it’s absolutely professionally required. 

And hence, Taehyung, for some very obvious reasons, has not been brave enough to approach you and apologize yet. But he has been trying. He has been preparing a long apology speech that he looks forward to delivering to you during the annual office party next Friday. Till then, he should probably leave you alone. 

He has hurt you enough. It’s better to wait than offering you an premature apology which might end up doing more damage than good. 

It’s that day that you despise with all of your will - the annual party day. 

While everyone else is just on the seventh heaven with the anticipation and the excitement of dressing up and impressing their work crushes - you would be grateful if you did not have to attend the party at all. But not everything is in your hands, you are, after all, just another employee. 

With a sigh you slip into the little black dress that you bought during your cousin’s wedding reception. It has a delicious sweetheart neck and a mid-thigh length that ends in a flair. Keeping your hair loose and make-up minimal, you set out for the evening. 

There’s only one agenda for the night - avoiding Taehyung at any cost. No matter how handsome he looks, how charismatic he becomes, you need to avoid him at all cost. You can not, just can not let your eyes wander towards him. 

How nice it would be if you had at least one friend at your workplace. Avoiding Taehyung wouldn’t be a great deal then.   

But sigh… since you are alone in this, you will have to deal with this mess alone as well. 

It’s the same old ritual all over. 

Office parties mean nothing more than just a couple of overworked people letting it all out for one night. And the best thing about all of it is that - you are not the one to gain much attention. You can attend, show your face and then leave whenever you want. 

Most of the folks are scattered around the place - eating, drinking, mingling. Some are already on the dance floor even though the best dance songs are always kept for the last couple of hours.  

Everyone looks so different in colorful, sexy dresses that are completely disparate from their office outfits. You know you look different as well, especially because you witnessed a few people checking you out already, even though you didn’t pay much mind to any of them. 

Gabbing a glass of champagne, you walk towards the emptiest corner of the hall. The music blasting from the massive speaker, gets you into some kind of feeling. As you bob your head to the beats and watch your colleagues having fun, your eyes meet with Taehyung. 

He is standing at the bar counter wearing a pair of black leather pants, black tight tshirt and a very red bomber jacket. 

He looks like he is ready to grace a fashion photoshoot. Averting your eyes from him, you look down on your drink. There’s no way he would be looking at you tonight. And if he is then maybe that is just to make fun of you with his friends later on. 

“Hey, hi.” the voice comes from beside you. Moving your eyes from the drink you look for the owner of such a sweet, familiar yet hard-to-put-a-name-on voice. And as soon as your eyes fall on the owner, you lose your breath instantly.   

“Mr. Kim.” bowing almost ninety degrees, you greet the managing director and son of the chairman of your company, Kim Seokjin. 

“Please, Y/N-ssi, you don’t have to be so formal with me.” he says sweetly. This man is the kind of beauty poets write sonnets about. From his immaculate face to his wide shoulders and lean waist - he is just breathtaking. If he wasn’t the soon to be chairman himself, so many of your colleagues would try to throw themselves at him. 

He is not someone you people get to see very often but whenever he is visiting, he spoils every single worker with free coffee or snacks. You have met him only a few times during very important meetings, so him knowing your name is a very good surprise for you. 

“Are you enjoying the party?” he asks as you straighten up and offer him a smile with your pursed lips.  

“It’s not really my thing.” Something in Seokjin’s relaxed body language and beautiful smile tells you that you can be honest with him. 

“You know what?” Seokjin’s smile widens as he leans down to come to your ear level and says, “same pinch. I hate parties.” 

Both of you break in a little laughter. And even before you notice, you stop staring at your colleagues having fun with each other. Kim Seokjin knows how to keep a conversation going and soon enough you two are talking about games. 

You didn’t know he loves playing games as much as you do, if not more. The conversation takes a more fun turn and the world around you dissolves into nothing but a ball of white noise.  

“Can I ask you something?” you ask him at some point, too curious all of a sudden. 

“Sure. please ask me anything without any hesitation.” he sips on his drink. 

“How did you know my name?” you look up at him, waiting for him to satiate your curiosity. 

Seokjin looks down at you, a frown sits on his beautiful face, “we attended a couple of meetings together.” 

“Yes, I know but a ton of others did too. I doubt if you recall everyone.” you shrug. 

“Well I don’t and I am actually very bad with names. But you stood out remarkably, I remember you stating the privacy risks clearly and strictly saying you won’t work on the project if we don’t ensure end-to-end encryption.” he informs, with a glint in his eyes, “how can I forget someone like you?” 

The back of your neck warms up with his persistent gaze on you. You nod, looking away from him. 

“And if you don’t mind me crossing the professional threshold then, I would like to know more about you.” Seokjin prompts softly. You almost choke on your drink. 

Taehyung has been looking for you ever since the moment he stepped in the hall. His eyes are always on the look out and he has been monitoring every corner of the room, because that is where you would be found for most of the networking events, he doubts if the annual party is anything different.  

Some of his friends slash colleagues have been distracting him from his search every now and then but he has been alert. Raking his eyes through the crowd for another time, he finds you and as expected, you are standing at a corner. 

Taehyung’s jaw falls a little ajar as he takes a good look at you. You are looking absolutely gorgeous. The baggy clothes and formal office wear that you usually wear hides the tantalizing part of your body. 

The little black dress that you are wearing today hugs all of your curves, enhancing your beauty like never before. The light makeup and loose hair is doing their job just as perfectly. 

Shit - have you always been this good looking? 

Your eyes come to rest at his right when he is in the middle of checking you out. For a moment, you stare back at him but then quickly look away. Inhaling a long strip of oxygen, Taehyung takes a step towards you. 

He will have to talk to you tonight. But just when he is about to take another step, he sees someone else approaching you. And that someone else is the Managing Director of the company, Kim Seokjin. 

Kim Taehyung is usually a patient human being, but tonight it seems like heaven is tasting every bit of his self-control.

What he thought as a small introduction, is now a full blown chitchat session. Seokjin hasn’t moved an inch from your side and it has been what? Three hours already? His blood is boiling with each and every glance he takes at you and Seokjin. What the hell are you two talking about? That too for so long and so much? You never talked to him like that. He was the one to initiate most of the conversation and you would join. Then what is it about Seokjin that is making you talk so much? Making you look at him with big, curious eyes? In a way you hardly ever looked at him? 

He gulps down the rest of the drink that was sitting ideally in his glass. You and your very new friend are currently at the buffet, still talking and giggling about who knows what. He is waiting for you to come back so that he can finally steal you, even if for a few minutes.

A couple of minutes later, he sees you and Seokjin emerging from the buffet room. Without wasting a second, he starts walking towards you. 

“Y/N,” his voice is loud enough for you to hear, you turn your head to look at him and your jolly expressions dull right away.  

“Yes?” you question as if you don’t even know who he is. Seokjin looks at him and bows a little, he bows back out of courtesy. 

“Can I talk to you, please?” Taehyung returns his full attention to you. 

You shut your eyes and think for a moment. “Okay, but make it quick.” your voice tells how uninterested you are in him. 

“I will be back.” These words are directed towards Seokjin accompanied by one of your sweet smiles. Taehyung grits his teeth inside his closed mouth. 

The man smiles back at you, “sure. I will be here.” 

Nodding at him, you start walking towards the stairwell, Taehyung blindly follows you behind. 

“Can’t you please forgive me? I- I am really regretting my choice of words, Y/N. I really am.” Taehyung’s eyes are filled with tears at this point. It’s the alcohol that’s making him uncharacteristically emotional. 

“Who am I to forgive you, Taehyung?” you scoff, “I was never even your friend to begin with. If you are worried about me spilling the tea, then you can be assured. No matter how much of a charity case I was, I am sure you know that spreading gossip is not my thing. So yeah.. You don’t have to worry, neither do you have to ask for my forgiveness.” you try to move away, grab the doorknob to enter the hall again, but Taehyung is quick on his feet. He pushes the door shut and crowds you with his figure. 

“What are you doing?” 

“You said you liked me, if that’s true, how can you be so… so reluctant about me? How can you change like that?” Taehyung places his question. 

“I liked you because I thought you were different from these people. But I was wrong, you are actually worse. Now please let me go. I don’t understand why you are behaving so desperately when you don’t even think of me as a friend!” you try to move away again. 

Taehyung pins you to the door and pushes it close for a second time, “I realized my mistake, Y/N. I have been suffering from that day. I have… I have misjudged my own feelings. Please.. Give me another chance. I will be a better friend… I promise.” 

“Kindly just let me go. I don’t have anything to do with you anymore.” you try to push him away and just then, a knock rings on the door. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” It's Seokjin again. 

You push Taehyung away and open the door, “Mr. Kim, yeah I am okay.” 

Seokjin eyes Taehyung suspiciously, before looking down at you, “do you want to leave? I will drop you home.” 

“Yeah, that will be really cool.” you smile at him and walk out of the stairwell without even glancing back at him for once. Taehyung feels something breaking in his chest. If he is not wrong then it’s his heart.

Why is he aching like this? This was never supposed to end like this? In his heartbreak? 

As the door shuts behind your back, casting you out of his life - he realizes he is the outcast now. He is the outcast in your orbit.

They say it right, you only know what you had once you lose it completely. 

He lost a friend, a true one and maybe something more - something he is not ready to admit just yet. 

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“Sure, Jaehyun-ssi. Just give me five minutes.” taking the papers from him, you stand up. 

“Thank you!” he bows at you as you walk towards the copy room lazily. 

The copy room is just beside the breakroom, you will have to walk past the breakroom to reach your destination. Just as you start nearing the breakroom, you hear giggles and laughter coming from it. And if you are not hearing things then one of those voices is Taehyung’s.

“But Taehyung-ssi is really the MVP, he managed to befriend the most antisocial person of the entire floor.” your feet stop as you hear Yuna, one of those who circle around Taehyung’s periphery, speak in a teasing tone. 

They are talking about you, you have no doubt about that. 

“Eh? Who are you talking about?” Taehyung almost whines. 

“The programming genius Y/N, who else!” she replies. 

“Yes, you two have been eating a lot of ice creams these days, huh? Are those dates?” another one from the group butts in with his own curiosity. 

“Dates? Me and Y/N? Are you guys insane?” Taehyung laughs out loud. His voice booms through the open glass door of the breakroom. You watch his translucent reflection on the door, the distortion of his expression is visible. 

Your heart stops beating for a moment, as your brain has to take a bit of time to analyze whatever data it was receiving is real or not. 

This is really happening. Taehyung is actually not interested in you that way - which is fine. You can take the rejection. But why is he talking about you like that? Like seeing you under a romantic light is wrong? Scandalous? 

“Those were not dates? Then what are you two? Best friends?” Yuna teases him again. 

“Nope. Not even close. I only befriended her because I felt pity for her being an outcast. There’s no other special reason. She is a bit awkward, I’d say. Not bad but definitely not someone I would date or be best friends with.” Taehyung shrugs, breaking your heart in pieces. 

All of the time you thought you two were close, was nothing but a pity party for Taehyung? Your and his friendship was a charity case? 

You have been living in a delusion. Thinking that someone as popular as Taehyung would be interested in you was a delusion for sure. You stand there, every other sound ebbs away, only the loud cacophony of Taehyung’s words remain. You forget what you were doing, what you are about to do and how to function all together. 

You really are nothing but an amusement to him? Just someone to make fun of? Ten months of friendship was a lie? A complete lie? 

But not anymore. You have to come out of the temporary comfortable lie you put yourself in. you have to go back to your previous state - an outcast with no friends and honestly that is way better than having fake people around you. 

Walking towards the copy room, you do your job. If a few tears make their way out of your eyes - no one needs to know about that.

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