Honestly the best part of being a barista was charging cops for their drinks. They're so used to getting free shit so it was SOOOOO good for them to pull up to the window and for me to be like "$6.47 :)" and them to make this whole elaborate display of slowly pulling their wallet out and handing their card over bc they weren't expecting to pay. I'd charge you double if I could, oink oink bitch

"not all men" you're right Rahul from bake off 2018 would never

'I haven't eaten babies', that's exactly what someone who has eaten babies would say

no little german boy don’t go into that amateur beatboxing competition!

oh mein gott this room is full of bootzenkatzen

if u think im annoying now wait until i get over my fear of being perceived as annoying

IT’S HALLOWEEN TIME TO GET SPOOKY

I T S T H E M I D D L E O F J U N E

I T I S H A L L O W E E N T I M E T O G E T S P O O K Y

ok who the fuck got this on my dash it’s still june

get spooky

how does this appear every june

T I M E T O G E T S P O O K Y

it’s june

T I M E T O G E T S P O O K I N G Y’ A L L

LEE IT’S JUNE

GAY HALLOWEEN TIME

y’all know what fuckin month it is 😎

shoveling handfuls of baby carrots into my mouth after jerking off to create a pavlovian response that allows me to see fine details at 2 miles whenever I get an erection

of course i know what mormons are they’re the stuff i take to grow titties

I am sorry to inform you that Utah is pronounced “yoo-taw” so this pun doesn’t really work

why dont U go work some tah tahs