Who we are (Silco/fem!reader 3)
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For whatever reason, I really enjoy writing this story, so here is part 3. It finally becomes a little more romantic, if you want to call it that.
Have fun and thanks again for reading :)
With a hammering heart, you went straight for the door, Silco had described. Had you been a little too big mouthed back in there? Mist likely, but you couldn't concentrate with the way he had looked so tired, so done with the day. Your head had made you imagine, how you could hold him to make him feel better, and that was so inappropriate that you were shocked by yourself.
He was a men so distant and cold that it was hard to imagine him falling apart in someones arms, showing weakness of any kind. Frustrated with yourself, you entered the space you were going to life in from now on. There was hardly any interior, only one big wooden table in the center of the room. A door on the left wall lead you to the bedroom and the bed you were faced with was way superior to the one you had spent the last nights in. With a heay sigh, you let yourself sink into the soft cushions. Almost immediately falling asleep.
The following weeks were busy ones and you didn't get to see anything of your new employer, though you were assured by a more and more annoyed Sevika, that he did stay in bed and got the promised rest you had prescribed. The first day after your agreement to stay, was spend by attempts to carry all your belongings over to the last drop, a task bigger than you had predicted. On the second day, you asked Sevika for some men to help you but when you met the ones she had assigned to you, you paddled back on the request. This two bulky men would not care for your fragile possessions, which you needed for your laboratory, so you refused to let them help. On the third day, Sevika had enough of your complaints, taking time of her own duty to tend to your quest herself, not without scolding you for stupid antics, a constant look of irritation on her face. Despite that, you were happy, when you had everything you needed by your side at the end of the day, offering her some coins for her troubles. She only scoffed, took them and left you to your duties. The following days were a mixture of tending to your first patients, mostly victims of street or gang fights, more often of some enforcers, whose behaviour seemed to get more violent by day. When no one was in need of medical care, you would turn your attention on setting up a corner for magical procedures, a luxury you had refused for the last few years, now a dream come true. Silco refused to let you in to check on him, he never even spoke to you directly anymore which had you questioning your behaviour, though you were happy about the distance as well, hoping it would help you forget about your stupid feelings for him. It was mistly quiet and enjoyable work, nothing out of your comfort zone. As promised, you were allowed to go back to your old place once a week. Today was such a day.
You had packed the usual tools into the bag you shouldered and made your way down the foggy streets, a happy tune on your lips. You hadn't imagined it to feel this good to be free to do as you desired, especially regarding your magic. It was an early evening and you expected it to rain in the night. Rain was good. It cleansed the blood of the streets, gave dry corners a good wash and filled the air with an earthy scent, which almost overruled the heavy smell of the undercity. When you crossed the corner to your old shack, you spotted one of your regulars sitting on the porch. It was a small boy with only one arm, the other had to be amputated by you a few years ago. Blue eyes widened when he saw you, a smile forming on his lips. "Hey Bry!" You greeted him, already sliding the bag from your shoulder. "How are you doing?" "Better. Mom is back at her job and Lola has started working in one of the factories." Great, you thought. Your sister is doing child labor. You sighed, standing next to him. "Well, that doesn't sound too bad. Your arm?" "You mean the stump? As good as always." He grinned and your heart clenched. It was good that the kids in town had someone to turn to for attention but it always left you a little hollow on the inside. Many of them had wounds caused by parents or their employees. Brys arm was mewled in one of the aforementioned factories and the workers there had just send him to the streets to die. "Then let's have a look, shall we?"
The group of patients was small, seven to eight kids and two or three elderly people. You took care of them free of charge, the only free labor you were willing to do. It was more for the wellbeing of your own soul than anything else, wanting to provide some kind of relief for the city, even if it was a small contribution.
When the last kid entered, you were already feeling the dread set into your bones, the desire to return to the silence of your lab growing steadily. It was a girl with copper hair, locks wild and untamed, framing her face. "Hello there." You were pretty sure that this girl was new here. She didn't reply but you were used to shy ones, especially at their first meeting with you. "Don't worry, you don't have to tell me anything. Just point at where it hurts." Your voice was as gentle as possible and the little thing pointed at her stomach. She had a stern look on her face for someone seemingly shy, but in a city like this it was what kids had to be. Hard and quiet. You bend your knees, going down to her level, reaching a hand for the top of her belly. The movement was unexpected, even more so the wave of pain when the blade made contact with the side of your waist. Crying out you stumbled back from her, like she had burned you, the little face contorted to anger as she followed and tried to land a second hit, but she was just a child after all. Your reflex saved you from a strike to your face, easily catching the small arm as she started screaming: "TRAITOR! LIAR!" Big fat tears poured down her fragile little face and through the adrenaline you had enough energy left to push her back, keeping the small knife she had hidden in your hand. She fell onto her bottom, stumbling to her feet. She strared you down, poison in her eyes. "You work for HIM, you MONSTER!!" Your brain had trouble making sense of her words, the pain and shock still evident on your face. Your free and clang to the wound, luckily she had missed your belly and only grazed the bone of your hip, but if you had bad luck, she had also damaged your muscle. The kid was now full heartily sobbing, hands balled to fiats at her side. "HE KILLED MY MOM!" She screamed but to you it was only white noise. You struggled to get to your feet, your right side throbbing violently, your vision a little blurry. You heard the front door crash into it's frame, you were alone now. With shaking breath, you managed to stand up, using the window frame as support, the bag forgotten somewhere in the corner of the room. You needed to get out of here. Hot, burning fear crawled under your skin, thoughts of what people would do to you if someone would find you. Never had you felt so helpless, so vulnerable. You forced a cry back into your throat, when the tortured skin hit the corner of the small cupboard next to you. Tears of agony slipped past you eyelids and for a second you thought you would faint. What the fuck had you done to deserve this? Silco, it shot through your brain like lightning and a heavy growl formed in the back of your throat. You could waste your thoughts some other time, not here, not now. Painfully slow, you made your way to the front door, breathing in heavily, trying to look as unbothered as possible as you went out on the street. Oh, how familiar this walk felt to you. A shadow of the past, you thought. It had gotton dark already and you could only hope, that your insincts made you follow the right path. A sudden, bright light made you jump, forcing another wave of pain through you, as you collapsed. "It's her!" Someone bellowed and you had an idea whom you were going to face next. A dark, broad silhouette approached in the shine of the flashlight and relief flodded your system, as Sevika crouched down before you. "You look like shit." She commented and you smiled weakly, your gratitude too big for any witty remark. "What happened?" She asked, while offering her hand to help you up. You took it without a second thought. "Some kid.. It was an accident." The lie passed your lips naturally and she didn't question it for now. With one move, she swept you up in her arms and again, you could only feel impressed by her strength.
The way back wasn't far from where you had been found and when you entered the club, another wave of relief came over you. You were still here. Everything was fine. Sevika went to enter your bedroom but you stopped her. "I will take care of the inflicted damage first, don't want to bleed all over the bed." A scoff, but you were surprisingly gently placed on the ground. "Thanks." You muttered, limping over to your desk. "I will inform Silco." Shit. "Do you have to?" She raised a brow, knowing that you knew the answer. Sighing, you set on the chair, nodding reluctantly. "Do what you have to do.." The door fell shut and your head onto the surface of the desk. Of course. Of fucking course. "Get yourself together, Y/N, fix what you can and worry about the rest later." The self motivaition was not as efficient as you had hoped it to be, but you followed your advice anyways. Inspecting the wound, you came to the conclusion that the muscle wasn't cut, only damaged on the surface. It wouldn't need too much attention to heal. You stitched it up, following the motion automatically, and just as you finished, it knocked harshly at your door. You moved your pants back up, sighing in expectation of a lecture. "Come in, Sevika. Tell me what the big, bad wolf said." You didn't bother to look up when the door opened, still in thoughts about what had happened, writing what medication you had used today so that you could keep an oversight of your resources. When you realised the odd sound of the steps, not as heavy as expected and with an additional third step, he already towered over you, sending a shiver over your back as your eyes met. Silcos mouth was a frown, his eyes glistening with anger. "The wolf is going to eat you alive, if you don't tell me the truth about what happened."
Silco was back in his usual attire, red dress shirt, black vest and tight dress pants, though the cane he carried around was new. Still handicapped from dying, you thought, trying to think of anything else than how intimidating he was right now, glaring, calculating, ready to snap. You swallowed the lump inside your throat, avoiding his eyes, accidentally looking at his crotch, turning bright red and staring at the ground instead. "There was this girl-" A sarcastic huff of air. "You got injured by a child?" A little offended, you shook your head. "It was an accident-" he moved fast, slender fingers gripping your chin, forcing you to meet his intense glare. "Don't. Lie. To me." He hissed and you realised that it was to no use. The feeling of his hand on your skin made you whimper, your heart blaring in your ears. "She-" you swallowed again, trying to regain composure. "She said I was a traitor for working with you." He let go of you and you shook your head as if repulsed when you just wanted to stop your chest from tightening. A moment of silence followed in which you tried to think of something to say, but in the end it was on him to break the tension. "This was your last return there." It was a finalist decision but you were not willing to give in without a fight. "That's not what we agreed on!" "The agreement is changed, then!" He barked back and if it weren't for your damaged hip, you would've jumped to your feet. Instead, you focused on keeping eyecontact to prove your strength. "Fine, then I will leave!" A sinister smile crept onto his thin lips and another shiver covered your skin with goosebumps. "I know where you would go. And noone would want your help now anyways, thinking that you work under the merciless leader of Zaun." His word stung and scared you, but it wasn't enough to make you back down. "You need me! I can always leave Zaun, leave this entire damn part of the city and-" "And what?" His voice was low now. He knew he was right. "You could've left every day. Could've gone up there, try to impress someone with your skills. But you hate them. Hate them just as much as we do. As I do. You belong here." A sudden softness entered his face and it had you frozen in place. "They despise you, maybe even more then us. They would do anything to get rid if you." His hand returned, now gentle, following the form of your cheekbone. It was intimate, it was unexpected, it made your stomach flutter. "They took so much from you." You had to lower your gaze, not able to wistand his look any longer without drowning in his words. He was a manipulator. "You will stay here. For your own safety." With that, he let his hand fall to his side, ready to leave, but your words stopped him. "Am I foolish for trying to help? For believing, that things could change?" Your voice was soft, mire of a whisper. You weren't strong enough to meet his eyes again, so instead he briefly laid a hand on your shoulder in order to have your attention. "No. You are strong for holding onto your beliefs. But now it's time to take care of yourself, instead of others. We will be the ones to change things. Together." There was weight in his words and you weren't sure, wether he was talking to you or himself, but they were comforting none the less. He left the room without another word to be spoken, shutting the door almost soundlessly. You stayed in your position for another one or two hours, thinking about what he had said, about what the girl had thrown at you, the choices you had made.
No. You were no monster and neither was Silco. Which didn't mean that you shared his opinion or his view on the world. You decided for yourself, that despite it all, you were a healer and you would continue to act as one. Eventually, you would have to face your disapproval of his actions, but not today. A sudden numbness layed itself over your mind, as the realisation settled in. You had fallen in love with the most feared men of the entire city.
**
When Silco returned to his desk, he felt a known sensation in his body. The leather of his chair felt welcoming to him, spinning it to face the big window, he took a whip of his cigar. You were a stubborn specimen. He had felt the pride behind your words, you believed in what you did. And the way your eyes had shone with confidence.. it was impossible to deny how it fueled something within him that he couldn't quite point out. Leaning back, he exhaled the smoke, his free hand tapping the desks surface in thought. He wanted to keep you close. You were too precious to be lost in a meaningless event such as today. To valuable. An advantage, he reminded himself. You were an advantage. Oh no. He couldn't let you leave now.
**
You awoke in the middle of the night, a scream suppressed in your throat. Sweat covered your skin and you were heaving, sitting up. You had dreamed of her, of the girl. She had returned to finish her work and in the moment the knife had entered your skin, her eyes had turned black and lidless, orange orbs in their center, a gruesome laughter in your ears. The wound was pounding and your mouth dry. A nightmare. It had been a long time since your last. Giving into the need for a drink, you made you way into the bathroom, drinking some of the surprisingly clean water from the sink, and splashing some on your heated skin. A short look into the mirror, where your reflection stared back at you, unwavering and cold. Sighing, you dried your face, returned to your room and picked up your cloak from the chair. You didn't bother to change, the jacket being enough to cover your entire form and with the hood up, you were unrecognizable.
The air outside was refreshingly cold, a welcomed distraction from your thoughts. You limped down the street slowly, not intending to stray too far this late at night. Memories flooded your head, old ones, those you had thought forgotten. The warm, soft hand of your mother, leading you through the dark alleys. The soft chuckle of your father, when you asked him to duel you. You stopped, when the image of your father's corpse appeared, mangled and pale. The scream that had left your mother's throat, sending you away, the sound of gunshots following you through the night.
You stumbled over to the next wall, clinging to it as the pain echoed through your body. A shuddery breath exited you mouth, as you waited for the memories to subside. Instead, they continued to play, sending your child self down the drains, through smelly waters and dangerous streets, until your feet were leaving bloody imprints and you had lost all orientation. There was grass underneath your fingers, when you fell, the center of abandoned ruins laying before you, walls as tall as the sky it seemed. Grief and agony had filled your beeing and a scream of a lifetime had passed your lips, anger fuelling the energy inside you, pressing into the ground, magic sprouting through the cracks until your body gave into the exhaustion, mirrored by your current situation, as you leaned against the wall, sharp stone cutting into you skin.
Subtle sobs clawed at your heart, when the tears finally started to fall and you felt all the pain return. The loss, the grief, the fury. The loneliness. You were a master at suppressing all of it in day to day life, in a place like this you had no time for trauma. An yet, it wouldn't stop hurting and you ended up crouching next to a strangers home, silently crying your heart out, oblivious to your surroundings. Once more, you asked yourself of you had lost your way, abandoned your beliefs to feel safer, banished the hope for justice to win the fight over this city. You cowered there, until your eyes were red and puffy, throat hurting from the sobs. A headache was forming but you felt a relief, as well. It felt like a cork had been popped and all the emotions hidden away had been allowed to be progressed. You felt lighter. One hand searched your chest and when you felt the heartbeat underneath your skin, you knew you would be okay. You stayed a little longer, listening to the distant sounds of the night, until you headed back, tired but a little happier.
The bar was as busy as it had been when you left, which meant there were only a few people, some asleep at their tables, probably drunk out of their head. You climbed the stairs without hurry, watching your step in the dimly lit room, which was why you only saw the silhouette when you had come close enough for it to enter your vision. "Where have you been?" Silcos voice was smooth, no anger, though you could see his bad eye twitch slightly. "I needed some air." You replied calmly. He turned without reacting, motioning for you to follow him. Sighing, you did as you were asked and entered his big, fancy looking office for the first time. The big window framed his desk and chair, though he had taken the path to a small bar standing on one side of the room.
"What has you restless at this time of day?" He asked, his back to you, handling two glasses and a bottle of some unknown liquor. You settled in the chair opposite his desk. It was feeling like a job interview all over again. "The events of the day. Some of the past." He hummed, acknowledging what you had said. With a few limping strikes (funny, you had that in common), he stood behind his desk, setting one glass down, sliding it over to you as he sat. He crossed his legs, swirling the drink in its crystal prison. Here, in the light of the small lamp on his desk, you could see the scarred side of his face more prominent, noticed how it went all the way down to his lips- Maybe staring at the lips of your boss in amazement was not a good idea, so you forced yourself to meet his eyes. "Don't waste your time with the past. Concentrate on the future." He advised you, taking a sip from his drink, nodding to yours afterwards. Why not. More tired than anything else, you took the glass, following its form with your thumb, before throwing caution in the wind and downing a few drops. It was heavy in taste, the alcohol making your eyes water. "We should learn from our past, ignoring it would be foolish." You replied, coughing slightly. He scoffed, but his eyes glistened in interest. "To an extent." You emptied your glass, desiring something to distract you from the upcoming feeling in your chest. Shut up, in there. Noone needs your stupid antics right now! You scolded your heart in thoughts. When you placed the glass back on his table, Silcos eyes followed your movement and when you looked up, there was an intensity there, that had your mind go fuzzy. You needed to leave. "This was great, always fun talking to you-" you rushed to get up from your seat, while he watched you calmly, not bothered at all by your sudden nervousness, it seemed. "-but I think I should go back to bed now-" you were already at the door, the words falling out of your mouth, grasping the door handle. "Thanks for the drink and-" the words died on your tongue, when the door didn't budge. The fuck? You tried again, panic setting in. "It can be dangerous, out there, at night." Your eyes went wide, when you heard him move. Heard him stand up. "All alone, a young, pretty women like you." His voice got closer and you tensed, couldn't bring yourself to tear your eyes from the handle of the door. Had he just called you pretty? Heat shot into your belly, a mixture of the alcohol and.. something else. "You will not leave the building again, without informing someone of where you are going. If I am not available-" his voice came from right behind you this time, "then you will tell Sevika. Understood?" His breath hit your neck and the little hairs sprung to life, sending a shiver through your body. You could feel the heat of his body behind you, he was close. A slender arm reached around you, moving against your side as it did. A small silver key was placed in the lock of the door by long fingers. In a flood of bravery, you turned around to face him, only to realise that Silco was closer than you had anticipated. Your noses nearly touched and even he seemed a little suprised by your reaction, the stoic expression being broken by the miniatur raise of his brows. His breath floated over your face, smelling like the drunken liquor and cigar smoke and- What followed, was utter and unmentionable stupidity and you could only blame the few gulps of alcohol you had just consumed. In an idiotic, instinctive moment, your heart was stronger than your mind and as a result you leaned towards him and his beautiful, scarred lips, until the space was closed and your mouth was on his. It only lasted a heartbeat, an alarm going off in your head immediately, bringing you back to your senses, tearing yourself off him and back against the door. A deafening silence was what followed.
"What did you just do..?" His voice was low and dangerous, though his face an expression of shock. With a burning face, you grabbed the key, turned it around and slipped through the door, faster than you had ever done before in your life. You were certain, you wouldn't need lights for the next hour with how much your face was glowing from embarrassment.
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