Hi I am cgull/b.e.n.s_biggest_fangirl i would like to make another apology on here like the one i made on tiktok but I have to redo it completely here because I donโt wanna seem lazy for reusing pictures so.
I was 12 in 2024, I made a lot of mistakes, I was very misinformed and wannabe edgy. I had no ability to separate fiction from reality, and I had NO idea what cults were. I only learned after my mom told me that we were in a cult when I was a toddler and it ruined a lot of friendships she was in because she was the only one who noticed the cultish behavior of forcing you to cut ties with every friend or family member that wouldnโt join the cult and having cultish views about god and so on. I then realized it was really fucking weird for me to be romanticizing that shit, so I remade my discord server to erase all of the bad stuff and start a new one that ISNT cultish or condoning other horrid behavior and deleted my tiktok videos condoning it as well. I realize I was very wrong, and to people who have been in cults or know people who have, Iโm extremely sorry to you because I know that affects you more than it could ever affect anybody else.
Iโm 13 now, I turned 13 mid 2025, and around that time I started noticing how wrong I was. About everything. I realized Spanish is a beautiful language (I made a confession in my discord server saying I didnโt like the way it sounds, didnโt think it was racist, I recently (mid 2025) realized it was) and I started trying to learn it again. I love Spanish now, and I am SO sorry to people who speak it. It was definitely rooted in racism, absolutely disgusting, and I will never say anything like that again. I realized harassing people for liking Matt Hubris was fucking STUPID, especially because I liked him, and I always have. My friend (who I am not going to name for respectful purposes, if youโre seeing this itโs okay donโt take offense I have nothing wrong with it) really hates him so I was really scared to like him just because I didnโt want them to hate me, I now realize that was dumb. To any Matt lover who I have literally BULLIED in the past, I am so sorry, I understand, and I will NEVER do that again in the future to anybody.
In December of 2025, I realized I never got any full story on a popular creator in this fandomโs (Iโm not sure if Iโm allowed to name them or not so Iโm doing it to be respectful, if you see this and wanna comment to clarify you of course can but no pressure) OC so I decided to look at their tiktok account to see if I could learn more and I did. I realized the stuff the aforementioned friend told me was just a very big misunderstanding, so I followed them and apologized and told that friend it was not actually how they perceived it. I am so sorry once again to that creator for harassing you and spreading lies about you, I truly didnโt mean to.
I am also extremely sorry for condoning and participating in the encouragement of $u!c1d3. Frequently after people would leave the server, me and my friends would tell them to do that. It was extremely disgusting and I am sorry to everybody who we said that to who knows it happened and whoever doesnโt. I am also extremely sorry to one of my friends for excusing my other friend saying โokayโ to a vent confession they made saying they wanted to do it and probably werenโt gonna change their mind. That friend matters so much to me I just decided to condone everything they did (and once again I am NOT sending hate, they are still a good friend of mine), including encouraging people to do that WHILE in the server. Itโs absolutely disgusting and if that friend who posted that confession sees this I am once again so sorry for ever letting that happen you are so loved and I would be devastated if I lost you or ANYONE else I said that to. Everyone matters, please never throw your life away.
I am also really sorry to anybody that I threatened over B.E.N. for liking them. I was extremely obsessive and unrealistic and for some reason got really offended any time anyone ever said they love them the way I do. I am not that way anymore, I am now able to separate fiction from reality.
I cannot think of anything else, but I do need to say. None of this is supposed to gain pity or blame anybody else. It is to explain why my actions happened, where I was coming from, and how I have bettered myself from it. Please do NOT ever blame those people for MY actions, only their own, and do not pity me either. What I did was not okay, and I am actively trying to fix it.
If anybody wants a personal apology for something (especially anything I didnโt include here), feel free to ask me for one. Even if I donโt feel like what I have done to you is wrong on my end or I donโt remember doing it, I WILL apologize. Anybody I have blocked over beef in this fandom except for people who are ACTUALLY bad will be unblocked (unless I forget but if anyone knows who else Iโve blocked please remind me I will). I also hope for old friends who I pushed away for dumb reasons can forgive me and possibly re-establish that friendship. I am sorry once again. If anyone remembers anything I forgot I will make another one for everything else I forgot. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
